it's panfandomgoblin and I'm back baby

Royalberry stood there in front of the mirror his chest bounded with bandages, and his hair was tied up in a bun so it would look shorter. He just looked into that mirror and he felt a strange feeling well up in his chest it was strange mix of joy and relief. He finally saw himself in the mirror not the stranger that always just stared back at him........but he knew he could never tell anyone that not a soul. Because if they knew if she knew.......his life would be over, but for now he just looked at the mirror and hoped one day maybe just maybe he could live has a man and for her to finally call him her son.

Royalberry:.......maybe one day I can tell her and she'll accept me......

He started to walk around trying to trying to make his posture more masculine. He had been doing this every night trying to walk and talk more like a boy. After a couple hours later he got tired and decided to try to go to bed

Royalberry: ok I need some sleep time for bed

He unbounded his chest, and he grabbed a baggie hoodie to put on. He flopped into his bed, and he noticed the voice recorder he had on his bed.

Royalberry: one listen won't hurt

He clicked the button on the voice recorder and it said in hollyberry's voice "royalberry my son" it was choppy because he recorded it in two parts one when she said his name, and the other when she called wildberry her son.....he just replayed it again and again until he started crying. He knew she would never call him that, but with this he could at least pretend that she did. After awhile of crying he calmed down and when to sleep. The next day he woke up and with very little enthusiasm got ready for the day

Royalberry: *sign* good morning world.......

Later he had gotten ready for the day he put on some pretty pink dress he hated, and did his hair

Royalberry: ok you've made it through every other day you can get through this one

Later that day he was at a pure vanilla's place today all the ancients had a meeting, and he had promptly hid in the garden. She didn't want anyone to see him like this if he could help it.

(cut to the ancients)

Pure vanilla: hey hollyberry may I ask where is Royalberry I haven't seen her all day

Hollyberry: oh she just went to the garden

Pure vanilla: ok just she didn't say hello before she went there like the other kids

Hollyberry: I'm sorry she has been going through something I think

(cut back to the kids)

Rich cheese: hey royalberry you have been quiet today is something wrong

Royalberry: uhhh no maybe.......

Rich cheese: uh

Dark choco: oh just he doesn't like being seen like that

Rich cheese: oh ok I'm sorry about that do you want me to go or something

Royalberry: no you can stay just let's not talk about this right now

Rich cheese: ok also dark choco is going to grab something she'll be right back

*later after dark choco returned*

Dark choco: ok I grabbed you a hair tie

Royalberry: thanks

He quickly tied up his hair

Rich cheese: hey you guys want to talk or something

Royalberry: sure but let's wait for vanilla fudge to get here

Vanilla fudge: don't worry I'm already here I just needed to adjust my binder

Royalberry: oh what is a binder

Vanilla fudge: oh it's something I wear to make my chest look flat

Royalberry: oh I didn't know something like that existed I just used bandages for that

Vanilla fudge: yeah I used to use bandages to but after my dad got me this I've used it

Royalberry: you're lucky that you got a parent that accepts you

Vanilla fudge: yeah actually may I ask have you ever told your mother

Royalberry:....no I've been too afraid to tell her....

Vanilla fudge: well maybe if you tell her she'll accept you she didn't care when she found out I was trans

Royalberry: I know but it's still terrifying

Dark choco: yeah I get you bro I'm Terrified to tell my father

Rich cheese: well if they don't accept you guys you could live in my tree house and I'll bring you guys food and water

All of them burst it out giggling at that sentence

Royalberry: yeah we could do that we could be the little transes that could

They again giggled at that

Dark choco: *sign* you guys crack me up

Rich cheese: yeah but I think our parents are calling us

Vanilla fudge: oh yeah they are

Royalberry: well then I got to get going

Dark choco: yeah I have training after this

Later after royalberry had gotten home.....she had started to think about what vanilla fudge said maybe his mother would accept him......well he wouldn't know unless he told her.

Hollyberry: ok royalberry why have you called this family meeting today

Wildberry: yeah why is something wrong

Royalberry: w-well *sign* I have needed to tell you guys something for a long time......deep breaths ok I have been unhappy with my body since forever mostly about being a girl....and the short of it I'm trans and I didn't know how to tell you

Hollyberry:.......now I'm thinking about it yeah that makes a lot sense now

Royalberry: what

Hollyberry: well you did wear sports bras when you first started puberty and you always did get happy when people couldn't tell if you were a boy or a girl when you were little and I have a lot more examples if you want

Royalberry: if guessed that then why didn't you tell me about ANYTHING

Hollyberry: well this stuff is something you have to discover on your own

Royalberry: dear queen mother you know I'm terrible with knowing boys

Hollyberry: hey you found out eventually

Royalberry: *sign* that's not the point but you're really ok with it.......

Hollyberry: yeah I had to carry you for 9 months and then push you out of my body I ain't going to just disown you for being trans and it's your life and it ain't hurting anyone

Royalberry: ok just I was afraid you would stop loving me......

Hollyberry: why would I stop loving my own son......

Royalberry: did you just call me son.......

Hollyberry: yeah I thought you would want that royalberry why are crying......

Royalberry had just broken into sobs

Royalberry: it's ok just *hic* I never thought you would *sniffle* call me that

Hollyberry: would like a hug......

Royalberry: yes queen mother.......

Later royalberry had gone to sleep happy knowing his mother accepted him

Op: I'm proud of this one I just hope I got the feeling right

I have made the dark choco designer for the au where royalberry gets adopted by burning spice (he got adopted by silent salt in this au I have him with the armor and without it and he has little self regard or self preservation that's why he has all the scars and he has both eyes)

Hey @lizzy-eternal-star I made a design for royalberry in the au where he got adopted by burning spice I didn't know what to make his clothes look like

And some ideas for him like what weapon he uses and other fun facts

His weapons are a staff and a spear

He trains with his siblings capsaicin and nutmeg tiger and his father burning spice

Royalberry sat on his bed just staring at his arms. He hated every moment of it they just looked wrong........like they weren't his, like they were someone else's entirely. He wanted them gone, he wanted to claw out of this horrible prison of a body.

Royalberry: why must I be trapped in this-this thing why do I have to be a clone of her.........

He started claw at his skin leaving angry red marks on his skin. No jam was drawn until in he bit down hard on his skin drawing jam to the surface of the skin. Then he pulled back and realized what he just did, and he just started to sob. He didn't know if it was from frustration, or shame and he didn't care he just needed to cry to cry until he had no more tears to cry. Later after his tears stopped he looked down at his arms the angry red marks and the now bruising bite still there........and for some reason they looked comforting like even when he had so little control over his life and body he could at least control this. Then he got up and went to the bathroom and started to clean the bite. The red jam being washed down the sink, then he disinfected and wrapped his wound. In the morning after all of that he got up and got dressed in a baggie pants and hoodie, and as he grabbed a hair tie to tie up his hair he remembered that he had cut off his hair days ago.

Royalberry: hmmm I guess old habits die hard

He soon walked out his room and down the hallway. No one noticed, no one knew, and that's how it will stay it'll be his little secret. He soon got to the door and opened it. The fresh air hit him like a freight train yikes he forgot that he had locked himself in his room after his mother's anger.....was it for for days maybe a week.....wait had he eaten during that......no matter he'll eat something later. After walking for a while he got to the same clearing he went to last time. He decided to sit down in the clearing and he starts the embroidery project he was doing the white lily pin he was making. He just needed to finish up some details and finishing touches. A couple hours later he had finally finished the pin and it was getting late......but he didn't want to go home yet....what if his mother was drunk and angry again....he should just wait a little longer just so she'll be asleep when he would be back. One or two hours later of walking around looking at some of the native flowers of this forest he guessed that his mother was asleep by now. So he started to walk home that long and rocky path. He didn't look at the surroundings he just looked down at the ground or his feet. Soon he got home, and he slowly opened the door and very quietly walked by his passed out mother. He decided to quickly grab some to eat. He grab enough food to last him a week or two in his room.he walked to his room and he opened the door, and he saw wildberry sitting on his bed....he looked like he had been wanting for him to get home.

Royalberry: wildberry....what are you doing here......

Wildberry: I was just worried about you....you didn't come out of your room for almost a week and when he came out of your room you were late coming back home and I got worried you were hurt.....

Royalberry: oh wildberry I'm sorry for worrying you just something happened with me and mother......she said something I don't want to talk about and I just shut down for awhile.......and I just didn't want to come home when she was awake........

Wildberry: ok just don't do that again

He hugged his side and his heart broke. That tiny face squished up and almost crying......it broke him he knew he just couldn't leave that little defenseless kid alone in this cruel place. So he hugged him back, and he noticed something.....wildberry smelled like he hadn't washed in days......did mother forget to clean him

Royalberry: oh buddy looks like it's time for a bath kiddo

Wildberry: ok

He quickly scooped him up and carried him to the bathroom. Soon he got wildberry into the bathtub and he got the water running. Soon he was gently scrubbing wildberry's hair with soap, and he started to think about the absurdity of it all he was ten years old and he was basically the only one making sure that his five year old little brother was be wash and that he was eating something..........and he knew that he was barely able to do that, but he knew as long as he was alive he would do the best he can do for wildberry. Because if he didn't no one else would.......then he snapped out of his thoughts by wildberry giggling while playing with a bath toy that he put in the bath. It melted his heart he just couldn't he just knew that he had to get the both of them out of there.

Royalberry: ok kiddo time to finish up this bath and get out

Wildberry: ok

He gently washed the soap out his hair making sure none of it got in his eyes, and he gently picked him up out of the tub and dried him off with a towel, and he got him into some comfy pajamas and put him to bed

Royalberry: ok time to go to bed

Wildberry: ok but can I have a bedtime story first

Royalberry: ok how about the one with the star king

Wildberry: yay I love that one

Royalberry: ok I'll go get the book

He walked over to the bookshelf and picked up the star king.

Royalberry: ok once upon a time there was a prince with a cruel mother that said the cruelest of things and one night she said that made her son go under a tree and cry and cry until his body gave out and he died of sadness and exhaustion

Wildberry: oh no

Royalberry: but after he died his soul floated up into the sky and he became a star and he became the king of a great kingdom in the sky with other kids that suffered the same faith as him but even though he had a wonderful kingdom and many honorable subjects he still felt alone because when he died he had left his greatest friend on earthbread so every night he would go to where the line between the sky and earthbread are thinnest and he sings a the song that they used to sing together and one night someone sang back

Wildberry: who was it

Royalberry: it was the star king's old friend and he said he had never stopped looking for him even when everyone thought he was dead he could feel that he was out there some where

Wildberry: yipe

Royalberry: and after he said that the star king told his friend everything that happened to him and after his heard what happened to his friend he asked to visit him in the sky and the king happily agreed to it and he reached out to him and his friend did the same and with all his might he pulled his friend up into the sky and after years of him visiting him in the sky his friend asked him if he could join him in the sky forever so they didn't have to be apart anymore and the king happily agreed to it and soon the star king was planning his friend's knighting ceremony everything was beautiful the garden was perfectly maintain by himself and everyone was there to see the ceremony and finally he saw his friend walk down the path in the golden armor that was made just for him......he looked beautiful in that armor and after all of the celebrations they walked to the ballroom and now knight asked the star king for a dance and the king took his hand and they danced a beautiful dance and as it was finishing up the knight was and enveloped in light and as it dissipated the knight had been changed his dark black hair had been sprinkled with a beautiful golden sparkles and they both knew that the knight had finally became one of the stars in the sky and it meant that there was no going back but why would he ever want to leave when his king was here and some people say if you look closely at the sky you can still see them in their performing their dance in the sky forevermore

Wildberry: wow you think we could ever see them

Royalberry: maybe but now you should go to sleep soon

Wildberry: ok

Wildberry let out a cute little yawn, and it melted his heart all over again. As wildberry shut his eyes he gave him a little kiss on the four head, and he walked out of the room and to the bathroom he needed to take a shower especially with the bite in his arm. He got to the bathroom and started the shower and as he was cleaning himself off he looked at his arm. Yep that was going to scar......but it was oddly comforting it meant that he could actually take control of his body and that maybe just maybe he wasn't doomed to be a clone of her.......after he finished his shower h rewrapped his wound and got into some pajamas. He got out of the bathroom and went to his room and fell asleep, and he had a lovely dream. It was of him in a new body his hair was this beautiful pastel blue speckled with white sparkles that were like stars and he was in a suit like the star king's it was a beautiful blue and white. He was dancing with his closest friend dark choco.....he was breathtaking. He was in a golden suit of armor and his hair was sprinkled with golden sparkles that shined like stars.....it was a little escape from the cruel world but it still was something that was his. Not anyone else's just his.

Royalberry was wandering around some strange land. He was on his usual exploration walk he usually went on when his mother was asleep or blacked out from berry juice. But this time he thought he walked too far because this place looked weird.....it was desert like place and it had a lot of reds, yellows, and oranges not like the greens and brown s of the forest he usually walked through.

Royalberry: maybe this was a bad idea.........

*RUMBLE*

Then he heard a distant rumble and he immediately ducks behind a convenient placed rock. As he hid behind the rock he heard the tumbling get closer. Then it changed into heavy footsteps, and out of curiosity he peeked out a bit from behind the rock and saw a big and tall man with reddish? ish? Skin and his hair was a dark black. But in that moment royalberry did not care about that because he looked terrifying, and then he noticed him peeking out from behind the rock. Then the man charged at the rock and before he could destroy it royalberry jumped back barely avoiding being turned into a pile of mush. And as he got back on his feet he started to run as fast as his five year old little legs could take him, but it was in vain because the man quickly grabbed him by the back of his shirt and lifted him up.

(switch to burning spice's pov)

He was reasonably confused by the very small five year old being alone and alive in the spice lands. He started to look the kid over he looked wimpy, but he could sense a fragment of a soul jam's power in him it was like a second heartbeat and he had two small horns on his head......wait was he part dragon. Then a smile crept up on his face. Part dragon and he had a fragment of a soul jam's power inside of him with the right training he would be a great fit for his army. Then he heard the kid start to beg for his life

Royalberry: wait! Please don't hurt me I'll do anything! I have a mother waiting for me to come home sure she's blacked out again.....but she'll come for me!

Wait was this kid's mom alcoholic hmmm anger against the world for a mother's alcoholic and people inaction to help him can make someone train even harder

Burning spice: oh don't worry kid I ain't going to hurt you

He then threw the kid over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carried him home

Op: hey @lizzy-eternal-star I did the idea and I'm probably going to do more of it

@lookoutsidelol @lonely-gay-fool @cinnamon-toast07 @randomblockofcheese

Crunchy chip and wildberry stood under the tree they agreed to meet at. They both carried pill bottles of their own

Wildberry: hello dear

Crunchy chip: oh hello dear oh are you doing to

Wildberry:........

Crunchy chip:.......

They both went quiet they both knew what they were going to do....they came there to die they wanted to end it all for months they just wanted to do it together. They both placed their pill bottles down. Then they both mixed the pill bottles they were both the same type of pills even if they weren't they didn't care if anything it would kill them quicker. After they were done they each took a handful of the pills and swallow them. Then they both sat down under the tree and they both looked at the stars, and they started to wait to fall asleep for the last time.

Wildberry: isn't this kind of ironic

Crunchy chip: how?

Wildberry: you know since this is pretty much is the same way they died......

Crunchy chip: I don't want think about that but you're right

Wildberry: yeah isn't it just like the universe to do that after everything it has taken from us first ours childhoods were ripped away from us then our brothers the only two two people that acted like actual parents to us ended themselves when we were just ten........

Crunchy chip: then when we made some friends in this hellscape of a life they were taken away in this useless war the that they started.........

Wildberry: but now we finally take some control over our lives

They both just held each other in their arms and waited for death to take them away. Maybe they'll meet their brothers again or maybe it will just be a break from the loud cruel world. No matter what it was it was better then this hell. Then they felt their eyes lits grow heavy and their bodies go cold. Then they finally shut for the last time. As they took their last breaths from this world for some reason all of the cream wolves howled all at once like they knew something terrible happened.

Op: wildchip angst yummy

Dark choco had been acting off for a couple of weeks now. And dark cacao was getting worried, dark choco was throwing up in the morning, he was more moody to, and he was acting more protective of crunchy chip and caramel arrow. Fussing over them like they were his own kids. Dark cacao knew he had to ask dark choco about this eventually. So he went to dark choco's room to talk with him, but when he got there he saw that the room had been redecorated, it felt warm and the bed was made into a makeshift nest and dark choco was asleep in the middle of said makeshift nest.

Dark cacao: dark choco.........

Dark choco slowly awoke and turned to look at him

Dark choco: uh...oh hello father what brings you here

Dark cacao: I came here to ask you something........

Dark choco: oh what is it then

Dark cacao: well....you've been acting weird you've been throwing up every morning, acting moody, and you've been really protective over crunchy chip and caramel arrow like they're your own so what is up with that......

Dark choco: oh I don't know really I think I just got a cold or something but I should get to doing something

He got up and started to clean the nest a bit. Then he walked out the door to probably go hunt he had been hunting a lot more for some reason. Dark cacao wasn't going to ask why though

(Switch too dark choco's pov)

He walked outside and started to sniff the air. His sense of smell had gotten stronger and he caught the smell of a deer. He started to follow the sense trail of the deer. the cold wind was cutting through him as his paws carried him over the snow. He had been following this deer for hours, but finally he had tracked it down. He slowly snuck up on it and sliced right though it's neck with his claws. Then he picked it up and started to walk home. When he got home he skinned and cleaned it. After that he cooked the meat and placed it somewhere for safe keeping. Later he started to question what was happening to him his father actually did make some good points he was acting odd, but what could it be. He was sick in the mornings, more moody, and he was being more protective of caramel arrow and crunchy chip.....and he didn't tell anyone but he had started to get tired more easily and he had these weird cravings......oh no.....it can't be right. He quickly cashed a spell. It was a test to see if was pregnant

Dark choco: this is just precaution I can't be right

The spell glowed a bright red......yep he was pregnant.

Dark choco: oh no.....

He collapsed onto the ground. What was he going to do, and how was he going to tell royalberry, what was his father going to think.......he knew what he had to do he would had to hide it......

Dark choco: no one will know of this

Two months later he was starting to show, and it was starting to get harder to hide. People were starting to whisper about it, and his father was starting to question if this was "just a cold"

Dark cacao: dark choco I feel like you should talk to a healer about this......

Dark choco: no I'm fine it's just something in the air I think

Dark cacao: I don't think something in the air can do this to anyone

Dark choco: well then I don't know what is going on

Later he knew if he stayed here his father or his people would find out. So he decided to run away. Later as he was running through the snow he bumped into someone.

Dark choco: AH- oh witches I'm so sorry.......

Then he realized that the person he bumped into was royalberry.

Royalberry: dark choco oh thank the witches I've been trying to contact you for two months after you suddenly stop visiting and then I heard that you were sick are you ok

Dark choco: oh I just caught a cold and didn't want to get you sick

Royalberry: for two months?

Then he started to feel conflicted was he really going to lie to royalberry the man he loved for all of his life and especially about the fact he was going to be a father. Then he just started sobbing and he told him everything.

Royalberry: choco.....why didn't you tell me

Dark choco: I was scared of what you would think and we're both young I'm so sorry

Royalberry: it's ok just let's get home

He picked him up bridal style, and dark choco just rested his head on royalberry's shoulder and softly cried into it.

Royalberry: it's ok it's ok let's get you home

Later they got to a small house in the forest they made together. As royalberry carried dark choco in the house he noticed that he had fell asleep probably from exhaustion and the crying. Royalberry sign and a small smile formed on his face. He gently carried him to a bed and placed him on the bed. He looked so peaceful there......he knew he would have to protect him protect the future life he now had. He turned to the window he imagined them and their kids walking through the garden them calling both of them mama and papa........he liked that idea he actually loved it.

Royalberry: hmmm I'm going cherish this life thank you witches

Later as dark choco woke up he noticed the soft bed he lad in it felt warm like a home. Then he turned his head and noticed royalberry looking at him with a gentle expression on his face, and there was a warm bowl of soup royalberry had probably made while he was asleep

Royalberry: hello my knight had a good sleep

Dark choco: I had a good sleep......sorry for not telling you about the......

Royalberry: it's ok of course I would of wanted to know about this sooner but it's ok you're here and I'm here so we'll figure this out together

Dark choco: ok......I just don't know if we'll be good parents or if our parents would hurt them.....

Royalberry: dear if they even try anything I'll end them ok

Dark choco: ok just this was unplanned and why would you the hope for the future of the hollyberry kingdom be serious with the burnt out failure of a prince of the dark cacao kingdom

Royalberry: I know this was unplanned but I've always wanted to start a family with you and don't degrade yourself with I'm not good enough stuff I love you because I love you and because you were the best thing that ever happened to me you were the light that helped me though my darkest days and just because you think you're a failure it doesn't mean you're unloveable you were and still are the kindest person I've ever met and this

He gently placed a hand on his swollen stomach

Royalberry: is going to be one of the best things that will ever happen to me

Dark choco just started sobbing

Royalberry: dear are you ok did I say something wrong

Dark choco: no no it's ok just why are you so perfect

Royalberry: ok just let's get some food and water into you all of this can't be good for you or the baby

Dark choco: ok

They both slowly ate the song royalberry had made and after that they both just cuddled in their bed and fell asleep in each other's arms

Op: I'm proud of this one

The ancients and ancient kids:yes pan

Pan:.......ok first of all it's not that bad and hey it makes good fanfiction

Dark choco: it's bad please get therapy

Pan: HEY I DON'T SEE YOU GETTING ANY THERAPY AND WHAT IF THEY JUDGE ME

Royalberry: isn't it the job of a therapist to provide a safe and judgment free place to talk about your issues.........