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I am extremely sorry for how I acted and the vile shit I said. it was reprehensible, and to say the least, I think I'll always be disgusted by how I acted.

but also, I'm not sure how to say this. the mogai community has a problem with people who Do A Bad Thing and believing absolutely anything and saying whatever they want about that person. and unfortunately, I absolutely didn't help that. this kind of rumor mongering wasn't ever my Intention with stuff like the NCB, but it's unfortunately taken me a long time to realize that intention and behind the scenes attempts to be fair don't matter if the outside interpretation at large is something else. I think this community always had the potential to do this stuff to X Bad Person Of The Week, but things like my NCB just exacerbated it.

specifically, I'm talking about the fact that someone I used to consider a friend, Tumblr user @neopronouns, posted a completely anonymous ask about me/the headmate in this system who i split from, Ez. this anonymous ask says that I told someone to kill themselves over the ncb.

and dexter himself later admits that he has never been shown screenshots of proof.

https://archive.ph/1wpeh

https://archive.ph/aUmkw

Dexter, I used to respect you very much. your blog has over 2000 followers, which is double the amount I ever had.

shape /up/.

this community is not a safe space to be in if people like us in the 900+ follower count space can literally just publish and therefore endorse anything someone completely anonymously tells them. (not to mention it is VERY easy to convincingly Photoshop screenshots!!!)

I can definitely understand being sad and scared when I acted the way I did, but there is also a complete lack of critical thinking being displayed here that lends to this entire community being unsafe. anyone can just say anything. this isn't the first time anons claiming I did X have been sent around, btw. remember those anons about me being antisemitic that never came back with evidence? remember when X other mogai blogger got accused of being Y and there was a whole callout post that got tons of notes - fill in that blank yourself, I'm sure someone came to mind.

I'm aware I'm not really in any position to be believed because I did shitty things and therefore that means I MUST have done every other bad rbinf, but basically: I would REALLY like to implore to you all, no matter how much you hate me in particular, to get PROOF before publishing things like this. about anyone. this could happen to you. this could be your blog tomorrow. I've dealt with suicidal thoughts for literally about… 5 years straight, with gaps of a few months in between but never completely losing the thoughts entirely. and I have survived multiple suicide attempts, and been hospitalized four times in the past two years for suicidal thoughts. I find telling someone to kill themselves absolutely abhorrent. I didn't do this. I would never tell someone to kill themselves. I don't think my little Google doc on a website is worth losing one's life over, it's ABSOLUTELY not that serious.

telling someone to kill themselves could very easily be the trigger that encourages a suicidal person to actually take action to end their own life. telling someone to kill themself is potentially actually killing them. I did not think "(name I don't use anymore and don't want to be called) tried to kill someone" was a real thing that would occur in the mogai community, but apparently it is! this community will genuinely hear this information and publish it to an audience of over 2000 people with no further thought. it seems that no Dexter has added this edit below, but in my opinion, it is a shallow excuse for this action. as I work on things in therapy [to prevent me from ever treating people the way I did again,] I'm finding myself literally kept up at night by the fact Dexter thought publishing this ask was EVER okay. there is no sign of looking for proof in the original published ask. there is nothing to indicate he did not believe it wasn't factual, and if you take a look at the replies on the post, someone raises a genuine concern about this, and he responds with essentially "well but kris did a bad."

(don't worry, this is the last time I'm gonna be screenshotting anybody's anything. I've lost respect for Dexter or anyone who reblogged this post that to the extent I don't want to see any of these blogs and once got very anxious after seeing a reply from one on a random post a mutual reblogged. so, I'm popping on to queue this and then once again changing the password of these accounts to something else new and not saving it. im out of here, it's a shitshow.)

thank you, I'm sorry for what I actually did, & goodbye. take care of yourselves. if you or a loved one experience suicidal thoughts, contact local or online resources like chat lines or telephone numbers. and if you're presented with a screenshot, look into a concept called EXIF data. https://gadgetstouse.com/blog/2021/01/09/6-ways-to-tell-if-an-image-has-been-edited-or-photoshopped/#4_check_exif_and_geolocation_data