jump jam junkin your energy

Soccer players are the horses of men’s sports. They run around in fields for hours on end. They stub their toe and they die. They fall and they die. They run into each other and

England may have defeated Mexico in soccer but they’ll still always have to cope with that one episode of great british bakeoff where that lady tried to peel an avocado

Actually when I say “fuck all billionaires” I particularly mean Taylor “having my wedding in the middle of the busiest city in the world on the busiest weekend in the world in the part of the city the majority of commuters need to get through because fuck working people” Swift

Why is pet play always dogs anyway

Youre a dirty little goldfish arent you. daddys gonna clean your tank out so good so you have to wait in the sink until im done.

Apparently because you have no idea how to care for anything but a dog

Daddy is not known for his animal husbandry

Dreamt I lied about being a cannibal, some dude offered me toes, fingers, and a part of a brain stem. I choose the brain stem and go "is this gonna give me the shakes" guy says no. I eat part of it and the guy goes into another room with someone else. I overhear him bragging> "He's definitely gonna get the shakes I took that out of his dad"

this infuriates me every time I see it. KURU IS A PRION DISEASE THAT IS EXCLUSIVE TO A NATIVE TRIBE OF NEW ZEALAND. YOU WON'T GET KURU FROM THE BRAIN OF A PERSON UNINFECTED WITH KURU.

stop letting miserable people on the internet convince you that you must have a concrete, well-constructed opinion on everything that has ever existed.

everybody say thank you Marcus Aurelius