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All I’ve done today is clean my unit, go for a walk to get this ice tea and a little painting, but it’s been a good day. Going out for dinner and seeing a comedian tonight yay!

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I know this sounds super cliche… but I really think the power of positive thinking got me through this rough patch. Yes there were some really dark moments but I kept telling myself that brighter days were ahead and to just make the most of things, as much as possible. To keep making art, going for walks and trying to look after myself.

If there’s one thing I am happy with about myself… it’s my optimism

Had a great session with social worker this morning. We laughed, chatted and she thought doing a cert iii in visual art next year sounded good

the-book-squirm

So glad I’m seeing my social worker tomorrow. She’s just a beautiful person

the-book-squirm

She forgot about my appointment and I got up super early to drive to be there at 7:45 hm and sat there for 20mins before I could get hold of her. So it’s all going well 👌👌

Went for a walk to the markets. Got this super nice bread and fresh produce for $18.50 (not pictured: container of cut up watermelon) and the true love of my life: orange juice 😍😍

Trying to keep getting out and doing stuff.

So glad I’m seeing my social worker tomorrow. She’s just a beautiful person

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I never take sleeping tablets/prn (aside from my clozapine and clonazepam , which is my regular prescribed meds) but I’ve taken some sleepy ones at 6pm to just put this day to bed. Done.

I’m terrified.

I was feeling good.

I have plans that I was so excited about.

I don’t want to have ECT.

Pleeeease brain sort yourself out. I want to get on with the happy life that had started

Social worker thinks I’m getting depressed :(

Feeling a bit low tonight.

People who are younger than me or who I thought were a bit silly are going on to these amazing and interesting careers. My friends are at work, doing good, all the time that I’m just trying to kill time with meaningless activities.

I’m starting to cry now.

Did I do the wrong thing stopping ECT?

Or would I have felt like this anyway?

So much boredom and lack of purpose tonight.

But is there anything I can handle anyway?

I just feel so sad.

I’m rarely suicidal but do I want decades more of this?!

Last night was great! I went to an art exhibition where my art teacher had really pushed (forced?) me to enter a piece.. well it sold! (And we’d put a pretty high price on it hell yeah !) Beautiful location, ate good food + some wine, actually enjoyed company… came home and ate a Vegemite sandwich in the shower (ahahaha) and had a nice long sleep.

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I didn’t sleep much at all last night as couldn’t take meds but ice skating with support worker was FUN.

I’m slowly getting some of my skills back 😅

the-book-squirm

21/6/26

Mmmm I’ve been feeling completely exhausted recently but I had a big sleep last night and this morning woke up feeling so much better 🥰

Had a highly nutritious breakfast of cookie and coffee ha… just been taking it easy but think I’ll walk to lincraft soon as there’re closing and things will be super cheap (plus I need to get out a bit).

It’s just nice to not feel like shit the moment I wake up.

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I can’t believe it… I’ve been going to bed at like 7… I’ve only just taken meds and it’s 8:30! (They take 1-2 hours to kick in if I’m not already super sleepy). I did a big clean of my house tonight, did a load of laundry (this is embarrassing, but I’m so so bad at remembering to do laundry and have piles of folded clothes everywhere… so I brought clothes in and washed a a heap).

I also went for a walk and there was a suitcase rummage on and I got this cute cardigan for $5!!

21/6/26

Mmmm I’ve been feeling completely exhausted recently but I had a big sleep last night and this morning woke up feeling so much better 🥰

Had a highly nutritious breakfast of cookie and coffee ha… just been taking it easy but think I’ll walk to lincraft soon as there’re closing and things will be super cheap (plus I need to get out a bit).

It’s just nice to not feel like shit the moment I wake up.

Things are prettt much stable currently and I can’t help but think “what now…?”

Will the rest of my life be going for walks, knitting and trying to kill time?

I’m so bored.

I didn’t think it would be a case of stability = boredom but my god it just feels pointless

Eating more as I haven’t been eating much… I’ve been sick the last few days/in bed and finally got groceries .. also: how have I not been having pb + strawberries this whole time?!

Got yoghurt/cereal/fruit&veg etc

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Got emailed a $10 voucher from T2. Who’d have. Thought they’d have something for $13 in that store so only spent $3 ha… then found an amazing flavour of Oreos! Have been feeling physically off for the last couple of days so it’s nice to be able to eat and drink a bit better.

1. The pattern for the blanket im making my parents for Christmas (a picture dad took on their holiday that he is really proud of)

2. What looks like a pitiful amount of progress but is actually a lot of time spent on it ha.

I’m getting the hang of tapestry and becoming quicker. Having fun doing this!

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