Aurora Doll

The doll laid on bed, sobbing lightly, clinging to whatever it could clutch. It had been doing so good, it had pushed through its issues, it was making its owners proud, but now... It was all ruined, it was back to being the frail, broken thing that couldn't do anything, the pain inside was too strong, the feeling too dampened.

One of its owners walked up to the doll and gently caressed its head, sitting on the bed and keeping it silent company as it cried. And once the sobbing slowly faded they spoke up.

- Oh sweet dolly, what makes you cry so?

- This one is useless, it cannot do anything right... It's supoosed to bring you both happiness and to make your lives easier and instead it burdens you and makes everything worse.

They hold the doll gently and move it so its head rests on their lap, gently wiping their tears with their thumb.

- Dolly, you have been nothing but wonderful all this time, you do your every chore perfectly and you bring as both absolute joy. Do not punish yourself like this for the scars that hold you back now, they are not your fault. Up until now you have been the most wonderful of dolls, don't let this moment of hurt take that away from you, okay?

The doll buries its face on their lap, whining and holding back more tears.

- But what if it stays like this? What if it becomes useless forever? *Sniff*

They chuckle and ruffle its hair.

- Then we would still keep you, you are our beloved doll, we love you, and no matter what that isn't going to change. You aren't broken dear, you are as much of a wonderful doll as always.

I found my Littlespace at a time in my life when everything felt like it was overwhelming and I had no way to cope with the weight of life pressing down on me. I had finally rediscovered my emotions after repressing them for so long (this was during my first year of transition).

In Littleness I found the relief and restoration I had been craving for years but could never seem to find. The first time I was held by someone in Littlespace, it felt like a vice around my lungs started loosening. It was so healing and I felt so much relief.

But after a while, that same heaviness started seeping into Littleness for the exact reason you said; I was only coming to it when I was in distress. It took on this emotional association of "If I was in Littlespace, then something must have been wrong".

So I made a point of letting myself be Little even when I didn't need it. I would get diapered before bed even if my day hadn't been exhausting. I would ask for cuddles just because I wanted cuddles, not because anything was wrong. I let myself dress just a bit more juvenile on a day to day basis in ways that no one else would notice, but I was aware of.

And it helped. It gave me back some of that feeling of Littlespace being a place for fun, not just a place to escape to when things were bad.

Stares won’t matter, I get off on the humiliation. The itchy, frustrating, burning in my brain that’s only sated when I can’t quite figure out why it feels so good to let go and suck.

Knowing something is off as people stare, but the pacifier does its job so well, and I’d given my mind to it so devotedly that there was little else to do but let go and suck.

My swollen lips move, smacking the pacifier back and forth against a needy and hungry tongue, the sound pushing others to look.

Even as judgement crosses their faces, even as they pull their phones out, and even as some laugh at me, my addled mind will just try to innocently rationalize it all.

Something comforting, and incredibly, so incredibly naive.

“They must have thought I was pretty, I must look kinda tired today… well, maybe I forgot to brush my hair?”

All the while I’m still obnoxiously suckling and smacking on my binky while more and more people record, laugh, whisper, and stare at the binky baby.

Happily, unknowingly, suckling away like the good girl I was trained to be.

And other days it’s- I just worked out and drained my lymphatic fluid and made coffee and breakfast for Dad while giggling together in the kitchen and im focusing on my life and my joys and my animals and not the goals of the corporate world and that’s exactly how we should live. Oh my god I love what I do!!