The Amazing Travis

I’m here to announce that following the series’ fourth season (which has six more episodes to go), Travis Shorts will be going on an indefinite hiatus. The show isn’t ending, as it still has has a 30-episode long fifth season to air. However, it may take a while for this fifth season to air, as for now I’m gonna be focusing my attention onto Bothersome Bunch and Demon Blood Teen. 

*Travis had been silently laying on his bed during the middle of the day*

Tomster: *poofs into the room* What are you doing just lying on your bed?

Travis: I don’t know… 

Tomster: How can you not know? You’re the one doing it! 

Travis: Tomster, life is just so boring… 

Tomster: Yes, you’re a fourteen year old secret agent living with a wish-granting rabbit and an artifically created human child. Seems incredibly tedious. 

Travis: Ugh, yes! Finally someone understands! 

Tomster: *deadpan* I was being sarcastic. 

Travis: What’s that?

Tomster: You know, sometimes I get the impression that you just act stupid.

Travis: *chuckles, smirking* Now what makes you think that?

Tomster: Well, first of all you seem to get dumber throughout the times. Most people get smarter. I mean, how does one become actually become less intelligent over time? That makes no sense!

Travis: Tell that to this year’s presidential candidates. You know what, I think I’m gonna call Spencer. 

Tomster: Why?

Travis: I dunno, I just feel like it. 

Tomster: Whatever. *poofs away* 

Travis: He just leaves me. How rude. *reaches into pocket and gets out phone, dialing up Spencer* 

Spencer: *hears his phone ringing, quickly answering* Hello?

Travis: Spencer, my favorite agent! How ya doin’, man?

Spencer: I thought I was your least favorite agent. 

Travis: Pft, what? Why would you ever think that?

Spencer: Because that’s what you said yesterday. 

*flashback* 

Travis: Spencer, you are no doubt my least favorite agent of the whole team. Seriously. I like every single member better than you. Even that annoying suck-up, Delilah. 

Spencer: I thought Delilah was your girlfriend. 

Travis: Please don’t remind me. 

*present* 

Travis: Pft, come on, Spencer! That was in the past! We’re talking about the present here! 

Spencer: Well, technically, you calling me your favorite agent was also in the past. 

Travis: *his expression soon turns deadpan* You see, this is why you’re my least favorite agent. 

Spencer: See, look. You said it again. I’m your least favorite agent. 

Travis: But that was in the past! 

Spencer: You just said it!

Travis: I said it ten seconds ago, which is in the past! 

*time skip* 

*Travis and Spencer had been talking in Travis’ room* 

Travis: So…what now?

Spencer: Wanna play seven minutes in heaven?

Travis: Uh, sure. I guess so.

Spencer: Good! You and Hayley! *grins, teleporting up Hayley and shoving them both into the closet*

Hayley: Hey, good lookin’, what’s cookin’?

Travis: OH GOD THAT PICK-UP LINE IS TERRIBLE! This isn’t seven minutes in heaven, this is seven minutes in hell!

Hayley: You know I come from Hell. 

Travis: ...That explains a lot. 

Hayley: Sure does! Anyway, I have the perfect idea of what we can do in here for our seven minutes!

Travis: Commit suicide?

Hayley: Pft, no! We should fuck! 

Travis: No, I think I like my idea better. *he quickly took out his gun, aiming it at his head* Welp, here goes nothing. 

Mr. Anusworth: Hold on just one second, young man! *appears out of the shadows of the closet, grabbing the gun away from Travis* 

Travis: Hey! What the heck was that for?! You just took my gun! No fair! 

Mr. Anusworth: It’s a safety hazard. 

Travis: Safety hazard?! Having you as principal is a safety hazard! 

Tomster: *from outside the closet* You know what’s really a safety hazard? Having you as a secret agent! 

Travis: Shut up, you stupid rabbit! I’m sending you back to the pound after this!

Mr. Anusworth: That’s it, young man! Detention! 

Travis: D-Detention?! What are you talking about?! 

Mr. Anusworth: I’m talking about your bad behavior. You very well know you shouldn’t be saying things like “shut up”. 

Travis: You just said it right now!

Mr. Anusworth: Shut up. I told you it’s time for detention. 

Travis: YOU JUST SAID IT AGAIN! Ugh! People in positions of power are so hypocritical and corrupt! We need to take all these hypocrites out and replace them with honest people! Honest people like me! 

*flashback* 

Travis: Look, kid. Lying is bad. It really is. It’s a bad thing to do. In fact, lie one more time and you will die a horrible death. A very horrible death. How do I know this? Because I’m gonna be the one killing you. 

Tyson: There’s nothing inherently wrong with lying. 

Travis: Yes there is. It’s a well known fact proved by scientists. 

Tyson: No it’s not. 

Travis: DON’T QUESTION MY AUTHORITY! 

*present* 

Travis: See what I a genius I am? In order to make people stop lying, I lie!

Hayley: Hey Travis, you want to make people stop having sex right?

Travis: Indeed I do. Sexuality is a detriment to our society. 

Hayley: I completely agree. So in order to stop it, we’re gonna have to have sex. 

Travis: WHAT?! 

Hayley: Hey, I’m just using your logic. 

Travis: You’re using my logic?! Pft, that just proves how insane of an idea that is! Anyone who’s taking advice from me must have some serious issues! 

Dylan: I dunno, man. You may have a terrible personality, but you do have a rockin’ hot bod. Maybe that’s why they stick with me. 

Travis: ...Who are you? 

Dylan: The name’s Dylan. Member of the Bothersome Bunch. *grins, sticking his hand out to Travis* 

Travis: *steps back* ...I’m not touching you. And what are you doing in my closet? 

Dylan: I’m not exactly ready to come out of the closet just yet. 

Travis: What do you mean you’re not ready to come out of the closet?! You just flirted with me! 

Dylan: Sure, but that was just a joke. I’m not really gay. 

Travis: Then what are you?

Dylan: That’s none of your concern. 

Travis: You tell me right now! 

Dylan: No. 

Travis: Ugh! I’d point my gun at you right now if stupid Mr. Anusworth didn’t take it from me!

Mr. Anusworth: 14 year olds shouldn’t have guns in the first place! 

Dylan: Now, I’m gonna have to disagree with you there, teach. That’s like saying 12 year olds shouldn’t have sex. 

Mr. Anusworth: That’s because they shouldn’t be having sex!

Dylan: Woah man, that’s some seriously backwards thinking. 

Hayley: *turns towards Dylan* Wow. You have a hot body and a smart mind. That’s pretty rare these days.

Dylan: You’re right, it is pretty rare. You’re a good example. You don’t have either! 

Hayley: What?! How dare you! You’re a bitch! 

Dylan: You’re right. I am a bitch. I’m Tim’s bitch. 

Hayley: Gr, I hate you! 

Dylan: Most people do. 

Hayley: You know, this seems like the perfect opportunity to have angry sex! 

Dylan: Really? To me it seems like the perfect time to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks! *takes out the DVD of it* I’ve got the DVD right here! Let me just put it in this TV you for some reason have placed in your closet. 

*suddenly the closet door opens, Spencer pulling Travis out and quickly locking the closet back shut* 

Spencer: Hey, man. I heard they were gonna make you watch Alvin and the Chipmunks. I had to take you out of there. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I had allowed you to watch that piece of junk. Sorry. I hope you accept my apology. 

Travis: How dare you trap me in a closet with Hayley with her terrible pick-up lines! You have some nerve! Apology not accepted! *growls, throwing a grenade at the other, causing the entire house to explode* 

Rachel: Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetie!

Delilah: Aw, thanks Mom!

Michael: *walks inside* So, any plans for today?

Delilah: I don’t know, exactly. Probably gonna just hang out with Travis. We haven’t seen each other since June. I’ve been pretty busy with all my spy work, lately. 

Rachel: *her expression changes into one of confusion* Spy work? 

Delilah: Uh, nothing! *quickly takes out her memory eraser, quickly wiping out the memories of her adopted parents* 

*meanwhile in Travis’ room*

Travis: *had been sleeping in his bed* 

Tomster: *poofs inside, blowing an air horn into Travis’ ears* 

Travis: *quickly jumps out of bed* Gah! Tomster! What the heck are you doing with my air horn?!

Tomster: I’m here to wake you up! 

Travis: Tomster, you idiot! Why would you wake me up?! It’s Sunday! I don’t have any school today! This is the exact same mistake you made a year ago! Is there something special about the date February 14th that makes you forget it takes place on a weekend? 

Tomster: *deadpan* Travis, February 14th is Valentine’s Day. 

Travis: ...Valentine’s Day? What the heck is that?

Tomster: You know, the holiday that celebrates love! 

Travis: Tomster, there’s no holiday that celebrates love. There’s one that celebrates presents and one that celebrates eggs, but none that celebrate love. The closet thing I can think of to a holiday that celebrates is that one when people just give cards and candy to eachother. And sometimes flowers. 

Tomster: Travis, today is that holiday! 

Travis: Wait, it is?! Really?

Tomster: Yes

Travis: Wow, I can’t believe it’s Pointless Commericialized Candy Day already. Time sure does fly by quick. Welp, I’m going back to bed. 

Tomster: You’re going back to bed?! What about Delilah?!

Travis: What about her?

Tomster: Don’t you think you should spend the day with her?

Travis: Wait - she’s still alive? I thought she died in June or something. Haven’t seen her since then. 

Tomster: That’s because she’s been busy with all her secret agent work. 

Travis: Pft, that’s ridiculous! I’m leader of the organization and look at how much free time I have! Why, I had enough time to artificially create a human child! 

Tyson: Hey guys. You won’t be seeing me for a while. Me and my goyfriend are headed out to dinnah. Bai! :D *grins, happily teleporting up a piece of cake and walking out the door* 

Travis: *dryly* What a weirdo. 

Tomster: *rolls eyes, turning back to Travis* Alright, first of all, wishing up a kid and having me make it appear doesn’t take much time. Tyson’s birth took literally less than a minute. And second of all, the reason you have so much time is because you don’t do anything! Delilah’s so busy because not only is she taking care of her work, she’s also doing your’s! 

Travis: But I thought that was the whole point of being in a relationship! To take advantage of the other! 

Tomster: No! That’s not the point at all! 

Travis: You sure? I’m pretty sure it is. Anyways, I guess I’ll go hang out with her. You’ve just now made me realize how important it is that I spend time with my girlfriend. 

Tomster: Ah, so you’ve finally realized that spending quality time together is essential to keeping the bond between you teo strong and healthy. 

Travis: Tomster, I have no idea what that means. What I’m talking about is that if I don’t spend enough with her, she’ll break up with me. And if she does that, then I’ll have to actually start doing work! No, I’d much rather have her do it for me. Toodaloo! *teleports away* 

Tomster: You’ve gotta be kidding me. 

*Delilah’s house* 

Rachel: Uh...sweetie? It’s been 15 minutes since you told us you were hanging out with Travis. So far, you’ve just been sitting here arguing with people on online forums. 

Delilah: I’m not arguing! I’m debating! While we may have our differences in opinion, me and Poisonous Idea have a high level of respect for each other. 

*suddenly a message from poisonous idea appears on Delilah’s computer screen, reading “haha suck my cock you fake bitch” 

*Rachel and Michael’s eyes widen at this* 

Delilah: Hehe...He’s sixteen years old. They get hormonal. It’s a perfectly natural part of life! 

Travis: *waiting in front of Delilah’s door* Did I just hear someone say that hormones are a completely natural part of life? Unbelievable! How dare they try to defend completely harmless and in many cases beneficial actions that people do to relieve themselves of stress! That’s crazy talk! I might just have to kill whoever said that! 

Rachel: Uh...honey. I think your boyfriend’s complaining about stupid stuff outside then. 

Delilah: Well, what’s stupid really depends. It may be stupid to you, but it’s a very important issue to him. 

Michael: Do you even know what he’s complaining about?

Delilah: Well...no, but...

Michael: Then how can you defend him?

Delilah: Well - he’s my boyfriend! 

Rachel: He hasn’t visited you in over six months. 

Delilah: Stop judging him! Travis is a nice guy! He’s a really, really genuine person. Trust me, he has a very big heart. 

*cut to outside Delilah’s house* 

Cole: *walking through the street* No one gave me a Valentine... *sighs* I wish someone loved me... 

Travis: Oh, stop whining Cole! Oh, boo hoo! I didn’t get a Valentine! Who cares?! It’s like all you can do about anything is cry! You don’t deserve to have anyone love you! You’re one of the most pathetic people in the entire universe! Even more pathetic than James! I didn’t think that was possible, but wow you did prove me wrong! 

James: *walks over to Travis angrily, glaring at him* I’m the pathetic one?! You watch Teen Girl: High School Guide! That show is for girls, man! 

Travis: IT. IS. NOT. FOR. GIRLS. *begins to shake rapidly, quickly taking out his gun and shooting viciously at James* 

Cole: *eyes widen, eyes filling up with tears* Stop! You’re hurting him! 

Travis: *turns to Cole* You wanna be next? 

Cole: Uh, no! *quickly runs off* 

Travis: That’s what I thought. 

Delilah: *opens the front door, gasping* Gah! Travis! T-There’s splattered blood and body parts everywhere! 

Travis: Yeah, well, James deserved it. 

Delilah: I-I can’t believe you’d do something like this! 

Travis: Really? Well, then you don’t know me that well. 

Delilah: Travis! You just killed someone!

Travis: Yeah, I know. You don’t have to point out the obvious. 

Delilah: Wow...you really are a jerk. What did I ever see in you? 

Travis: My answer is as good as anyone else’s, Delilah.

Delilah: And on Valentine’s Day too...I was so excited to see you again! But now finding out that you’ve turned into t-this...Travis, I’m brekaing up with you! 

Travis: *eyes widen* What?! But then who’s gonna do all my secret agent work for me?!

Delilah: Well, it’s definitely not gonna be you. 

Travis: It’s not? Oh, okay. Good. 

Delilah: That’s because I’m reporting you to the government! I’m telling them about all this terrible stuff you’ve done!

Travis: Delilah! You can’t do that!

Delilah: *crosses arms* Oh, really? And why not?

Travis: Well because then I won’t get paid ridiculous sums of money for calling myself a hero!

Delilah: Well, too bad! You should’ve thought about that before cruely harassing people for no reason!

Travis: But Delilah! That’s the whole point of being involved in the government! To cruely harass people for no reason! 

Delilah: No, it’s not! The point of it is to help people in need!

Travis: Delilah, why do you think there are so many homeless people in the United States? Why do you think there’s so many police brutality reports. The government couldn’t care less about its’ people. 

Delilah: Well, either way, that doesn’t make it okay for you to do it! 

Travis: Of course it does! Haven’t you ever heard the expression “two wrongs make a right”?

Delilah: No, in fact I haven’t. Because that’s not a real expression! Whatever, I’m reporting you. *takes out her cellphone* 

Travis: *quickly takes out his mind eraser, wiping his girlfriend’s  memories* There we go. *quickly teleports away James’ bloody remains*

Delilah: *blinks* H-Huh...? What happened...?

Travis: Delilah! I missed you so much! *quickly hugs her* Happy Valentine’s Day!

Delilah: *hugs him back* Aw, I missed you too! You’re so sweet!