melpomene

Hello. I hope you do not know me, despite me knowing you. If my name is too confusing, you may simply call me M or Aid. Though my actual name is Melpomene.

I do not know how much longer I have left to live, in complete honesty. I saw… people on here, who may help, and I thought, what was the worst that could happen if I reached out?

I do hope you will enjoy our talks. I certainly will.

TAGS

#The Twin Suns - general posting.

#The Shadows Lengthen - answering asks.

#Strange Moons - lore posts.

Kalei moved to the apartment door, maneuvering much easier than they had in the past thanks to the crutches Aurelia had gifted them. She'd said something about not having a wheelchair on hand to give, but insisting that they at least take the crutches. She had no need- or want- for them, according to her.

They helped, a lot. It was the reason Kalei was able to do this, they thought as they knocked on the door. "Aurelia," they called. "Can I come in? It's me, Kalei."

She wasn't one to text in a panicked state as she had earlier, and even less of the type of person to openly admit to being in a troublesome situation. They had a feelign whatever was going on was dire.

There was pacing coming from the apartment, but the moment they'd heard the voice from their door, it'd stopped.

Slow steps. Slow, cautious steps. It took around 20 seconds to fully get to the door, and another 5 to open it.

Aurelia looked awful.

Their lips were chapped and red, their eyebags were horrible, and her hands were covered in small, bleeding cuts. The doorknob was smeared.

"I don't know what to do." Was what they started off with, slightly limping to allow them enough room to enter. Their breathing was quiet and uneven, and she watched them with wide eyes.

The enby stepped inside quickly, closing and locking the door behind them. "What's going on?" they asked. "And sit down."

Kalei wished they could lead her to sit with a hand on the back, but both their hands were occupied by crutches. They opted to stand close to the woman, hoping the proximity would provide similar effect. "Whatever happened can be fixed, but... you need to talk."

"I know how to keep myself alive."

She blurted out, trembling as they sat and stared down at their hands. Tears pricked the corners of their vision and they continued to shake worse, taking deeper breaths.

"I found it, Kalei. I finally found it. I've- I've been looking for so long, and- god, I found out so much."

Oh. She found a way to live. That... sounded like it should be a good thing. Their reaction was telling Kalei it likely wasn't.

Sitting down next to Mel, Kalei nodded. "Is that- what is it? is it... good?"

They shook their head. "No. I- no. I can't- I know so much. I know everything and nothing. I'm- I don't wanna put you through that too. Please. Just- it's-"

They paused, taking a breath as tears began to fall. They mixed with the crimson across their hands, seeping into their jeans.

"I need… to poison myself, essentially. Not- nothing bad, honestly, but… I feel like it isn't worth it. I have- there's two options. I either stay asleep constantly or rarely sleep. And both of them require what would normally be overdose levels…"

"…they're not fatal, if I recall. Both doses. But it'd be unbearable."

"So you can live, but only with an abysmal quality of life."

Those both sounded like some shitty options. Kalei stood from the couch and walked to Mel's kitchen, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it with warm water. They went back to the couch and sat back down before offering a hand to Mel.

Hopefully they wouldn't deny Kalei. "Let me wash your hands. They look sore."

She nodded, bottom lip beginning to quiver as she choked back sobs. They brought their hands forward, looking down as they shook. Everything hurt. Nothing hurt. Their head was killing them. They could barely stand now. Everything was hard.

Kalei gently began to clean the wounds on Mel's hands. "Aurelia," they said gently. "It's okay to cry. Anybody would, in your shoes. It's okay. I won't judge you for it at all."

Her hands were so small and cold in their own. Is this how other people felt holding theirs? Whatever. Not the point.

"I wanted to live." She sobbed out, sniffling harshly and practically doubling over. They caught themself, though.

"I wanted to have friends. To get through school, to live. To love. To be loved. And- and now- all of my friends are dead or dying, I have to choose between misery and killing myself, and- and I can barely even keep up this fucking act that I'll be alright."

"I was.. I was different. I was nicer. I was talkative. Back then, I mean."

A small pause, followed by a whisper.

"God, I'm so sorry. I wish I'd never reached out. You deserve healthy friends, not someone like me."

“I’m glad to be friends with someone like you.”

How old was this girl? An adult, yes, but likely at least a couple years younger than them. Mel didn’t get to finish college, didn’t get to get old enough to regret her early twenties.

Kalei can’t fix this. They can’t fix this, but they can finish cleaning Mel’s hands (which they did) and then lean forward to wrap her in a hug.

“I know. I know you want to live. I know you do.”

She hugged back with all the strength they could give — which wasn't much, shoulders shaking from the sobs that escaped her throat.

This was the first hug they'd had in over a decade.

Kalei held Mel as tight as they dared with the other’s fragile figure. The enby rocked back and forth slowly, whispering reassurances and trying to soothe. They spent a lot of time doing this lately, didn’t they?

Apologies spilled from their mouth throughout the cries and wails, repeating words and letters often.

So much. So little. Everything everywhere all at once. Nothing. All of it. She could barely move at this point, body losing strength rapidly.