I wish I could formulate feelings and thoughts on this type of stuff better sometimes. I wish I could share what it feels like to run a channel that goes out to so many people all the time with so much feedback on a non stop basis and what it’s like to have so many eyeballs on you all the time. It can become quite stressful and people like to poke fun at it because “lol you’re a youtuber you have everything super easy”
Don’t get me wrong, this person wasn’t hating on me and if anything they gave good feedback without resorting to insults etc. they also seem like someone who has just lost faith in me or that I’ve disappointed, which is why it hits the hardest. It’s not some drive by hater but when I see comments like this it gets to me because I’m still trying my very best at this whole youtube thing but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t changed. Of course I have. It’s almost impossible to not change when you get so much feedback doing this over the course of 3 years. I still try to remain ME in the end and do what I think is right but it sucks that some people can’t see the big picture and compare and contrast you in this little bubble. They see 2 videos a day and compare who I was a year ago to who I am now based solely on the content of those videos and never as who I am as a person.
People always want to knock you down, especially if you’re successful at what you do and yes I know my life is pretty damn fantastic and I have a lot of opportunities that many people don’t but it doesn’t mean stuff like this just falls by the side and I continue on not reflecting on it all. I’m incredibly grateful for what I have and everything that’s happened and I will never forget all of that but sometimes that one comment hits at the insecurities you have and stays in your head all day.
It’s just one person and I know many of you will want to just shower praise on me and the channel after reading this which is super sweet but that’s also a slippy slope in the other direction of gaining an ego and surrounding yourself with yes men! I appreciate that you guys give feedback and like the person above, very honest feedback. I don’t want it to ever feel like you can’t express concern but sometimes the comments that hit hardest are the ones you already think about yourself. “have I gone too far?” “Am I actually funny anymore or did I lose that special spark?” sort of feelings.
All in all, I’m just vomiting thoughts onto Tumblr and reflecting on a lot of stuff
