Mother Fcuking Cheese

maybe i'll disappear.

Alone on Xmas night...

If my final words were gonna be on this dead wesbite, it'd be "Thanks for letting me live even if it was for a moment. I lost my war, my demons have won and I shall be forgotten. I wasted my life once I guess I am losing my second chance now but thanks and goodbye"

You win, you win old friend. You were right I am alone and I will remain alone forever. So let me rest alone.

I want to bleed, I want a broken limb, I want to drown, I want to suffocate, I want to it all end, I want it all to stop.

I've been expressing my urge to cease my existence, my life is tragic as it is. I really wanted some form of spark of life to keep me going but now... I've hit my wall. The first step will be to erase my presence and life of isolation and solitude, the next step is to savour the little things that kept me from not just ending it all and the final step, well I guess we all know where that is going. To whom ever reads, don't mind me, I was never here to begin with.

I no longer have any reason to say goodbyes because I no longer desire the will to exist. If I truly wanted to exist but suffered maybe people could hear my last words but now... I don't. Now no one shall have to hear my last words, I no longer fear.

To love and to be loved in return, I would of complied to everything to keep you. So once again I am alone, once again I feel the void, the emptiness inside my heart left by your presence. I was never born for this lifetime, so how could I ever be loved in this lifetime.

Where all my haters at... curse at my existence.

Wish I was someone, literally anyone but myself... I never do anything right or make anyone happy.

Man what a worthless piece of shit I am, why do I screw up anything remotely too good for me, why am I like this... what the fuck is wrong with me, why am I okay with being so destructive. Maybe I should be numb again...

It was this month 2 years ago I tried to kill myself. Seems like October isnjust a shit month for me. I guess I'll say my goodbyes and end it all.

Sometimes I think back to when I attempted suicide. It lingers; those memories, those moments, those thoughts. I realize when shit fucking sucks, I had wish I succeeded. I wish I wouldn't cause anyone anymore pain or worries. I wish I was dead but I still am alive and I know some people wouldn't want me to be gone but it just sucks sometimes...

I feel so suffocated, am I just a burden... am I even supppse to be alive...

I am tired...

I want to feel nothing, I don't want to feel anything, I don't want to cry or have fucking panic attacks every night. I just want peace....