I DRINK AND I KNOW THINGS

Bloody Potters by @lqtraintracks. E, 1k (Professor Draco/Student Albus Severus). If you can't beat 'em...let one suck you off behind a hedge.

A Lost Cause by @dreamsofdramione. E, 1.8k (Professor Remus/Student Hermione). “You’ve always been drawn to lost causes, Miss Granger.”

“It’s Hermione, Remus. We fought a war together, I think you can call me by my given name.” Something in that soft tone just rubs her the wrong way. She is Miss Granger to her other professors, but she doesn’t want to be just that to him.

The Way You F- by @frumpologist. E, 2k (Minister Hermione/Bodyguard Teddy). Teddy and Hermione crack a bottle of wine while in a safe house far away from home. The wine is laced with Veritaserum, and it forces Hermione to admit her feelings—and more carnal desires.

Attention Seeking Behavior by @pacific-rimbaud. E, 2.4k (Neighbor Narcissa/Camp Director Percy). "When, against our better judgment, everyone within hearing range has given Josh the attention he craves, we can all see that he’s pointing. Everyone, except Neville, glances reflexively towards the wide and meticulously maintained gray plank dock to the west of the cordoned swim area.

I try not to, but as I said: it’s a reflex.

She’s wearing a white bikini. She has two of them. White bikinis. And breasts, obviously."

*Power imbalance here might be a stretch, but there is an age gap, and I love this universe. Please also read the hilarious epistolary backstory of Percy, Lucius and the buoy line dispute by @scullymurphy and @grangerdangerfics.

Theodore Nott should not fancy Albus Severus Potter by @digthewriter. E, 2.4k (Law Partner Theo/Employee Albus). It's Christmas and Theodore's birthday, and he only has one wish.

Rise and Shine by @sportivetricks. E, 2.5k (Hermione/Teddy, vague MoM employment implied, but assuming Hermione is a more senior employee). It’s too early to fight off Teddy Lupin’s wandering hands. Not that Hermione tries very hard any other time of the day.

e l y s i u m by @millennialgrandma. M, 2.5k (Professor Tom/Apprentice Hermione). The final dying rays of sun caress her form. Disheveled curls and tawny, freckled skin. Ink-stained fingertips and wide, trusting eyes.

She is here. She is alive. She is whole.

Tom reaches out his hand and feels his soul reaching as well. He wills his heart to steady the rushing pulse roaring in his ears. And he lets the truth of his chant spread out from his mind to settle in his bones.

It worked.

Two Dry Martinis by @darkofthemoonfic. E, 2.9k (Younger Bartender Draco/Older Client Hermione). “You’re brilliant,” he said, flashing those teeth again. “What did I do before you arrived? And what else might you teach me?”

Hermione knew she was blushing so she took another sip of her drink. The gin crisp and just the slightest hint of vermouth — how she liked it. When she flicked her eyes back to the bartender he was watching her.

“A fair number of things, I’d expect.”

Drip, Honey, Drip by sportivetricks. E, 2.9k (Boss Michael Corner/Employee Lily Luna). Lily's boss catches her daydreaming on a Friday afternoon. He thinks there could be a business opportunity in it, and he wants to hear more.

Notes on the Temptation of Peter and Heloise by PacificRimbaud. T, 2.9k (Professor Percy/Student Pansy). Percy Weasley is pleased to accept the Transfiguration professorship at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for the 1998-1999 academic year.

8th year student Pansy Parkinson is thrilled.

Fleur de Désir by SKinsey. E, 3.1k (Professor Neville/Student Rose). Working in the greenhouses alongside her professor, Rose comes across a plant she's never seen before. As the effects quickly set in, Neville knows he's in for trouble.

No Destination But You by lqtraintracks. E, 3.3k (Head Dragonkeeper Charlie/Dragonkeeper Teddy). A couple years into their relationship, Charlie is still gone for Teddy Lupin, for dragons, for this life they're living. And damn if Teddy doesn't look hot in leather.

*If this interests you, the prequel (with Harry, Draco, and Bill in the mix; mind tags as always) is very worth a read, but this stands alone.

Blackmail by besmirchedmaiden. E, 3.6k (TA Hermione/Student Draco). Draco discovers his TA’s dirty little secret. Of course, blackmail is the Malfoy answer.

the clock is slow (orphaned work). E, 4.6k (TA Draco/Student Hermione). saying no to this wasn't an option

Longing by scullymurphy. M, 4.6k (Professor Remus/Camp Counselor Fleur). And there it was: a vibration she was finely attuned to. She knew then that if she stood up and went to him, he’d probably let her kiss him. Probably enthusiastically fuck her right on the pretty batik—or maybe up against the wall.

Fleur swallowed, suddenly light-headed with desire. He took a half step toward her, and in that moment she also knew (with such certainty) what a terrible idea that would be.

In My Mind, Body and Soul by sportivetricks. E, 4.7k (Boss Michael Corner/Employee Lily Luna). After a long day at the office, Lily's boss makes an unexpected request. She sees it as an opportunity to make a deal.

A Form of Fire by lq_traintracks. E, 5.7k (Teddy/Harry/Draco; age difference with age play/authority figure roleplay). A smutty tale in which Teddy has an authority figure kink—and gets more than he bargained for, the Whomping Willow birch rod really enjoys its job, and damn Draco Malfoy looks good in Harry’s Auror robes.

In Your Hands by @excluded-narrative. E, 6.7k (Professor Hermione/Student Draco). This couldn’t be a dream. But here she was, practically topless, sitting right in front of him. His former Professor. Hermione fucking Granger.

Observing the Proprieties by birdsofshore. E, 7k. (Professor Draco/Student Albus Severus). Professor Malfoy is determined to teach his students to follow his instructions to the letter. The problem is that Albus enjoys detention just a little too much.

Bridge series by lq_traintracks. E, 7.3k (Boss Draco/Employee Albus Severus). He can't help his green eyes, fit arse, and lazy smile. So what that having that smile directed at me is my fucking wet dream?

Keep Me Here by @academicdisasterfic. E, 7.9k (Draco/Harry/Houseguest Teddy). I try not to think unhelpful things - the way that Harry’s gaze lingers on my mouth when he talks to me; how Draco’s breath hitched when he saw me walking down the hallway in my lingerie last week; how they care for me, how accepting they’ve been of whatever the fuck my gender is, how they keep telling me I don’t need to move out, that I’m not intruding, that they like having me around.

I think about how they touch each other, and how much I want them to touch me like that, and loneliness hits me like a brick wall.

Toeing the Line by @shiftylinguini. E, 8.3k. (Head Auror Harry/Auror Trainee Teddy, Teddy/Draco/Harry). Draco wasn’t sure why watching his partner fuck Teddy until he screamed was somehow less morally iffy for Harry than just doing it himself, but Draco wasn’t about to judge. Not when he was balls deep, anyway.

with a cherry on top by mcsyndrome. E, 8.6k (Auror Harry, De-aged Auror Draco). During a routine Auror investigation, Harry fucks up and Draco is struck by a curse that de-ages him ten years. As the Ministry scrambles to find a cure, Harry finds himself saddled with babysitting a moody, horny teenage Malfoy.

The Company Ink by A_factory_girl69. E, 9.3k (Team Owner Draco/Quidditch Star James Sirius). Why was Pansy always so god damned right?

Mercury Rising by sportivetricks. E, 9.5k (Magical Law Employee Hermione/MoM Courier Scorpius). When a divorced and aging Hermione attracts the attention of her young courier, she must decide how far she will go for a long forgotten feeling.

Bloom by lq_traintracks. E, 9.6k (Teacher Harry/Student Teddy). Teddy is having problems controlling his magic. Turns out Harry can help.

For Yourself by herbeautifullie. M, 10.4k (Professor Hermione/Student Scorpius). The box was indiscreet and attracted just as much, if not more, attention than she was sure he'd wanted…

INKED by @nerdherderette. E, 11.4k (Tattoo Artist Draco/Apprentice Albus Severus). After decades of soul searching, Draco has finally found peace as a renowned magical tattoo artist. His careful life is about to be upended, however, when he’s saddled with a rebellious and all-too-tempting apprentice.

Those Who Can, Teach by @inlovewithforever. E, 12.4k (Professor Remus/Student Hermione). “You do realize,” he spoke measuredly, “how absolutely insane you sound, trying to protect the long-gone virtue of your nearly forty-year-old professor? Who happens to be a werewolf?”

“You’re not my professor. Not anymore.”

Over/Under by @provocative-envy. E, 15k (Local dealer and sophisticated palate Scabior/Posh camp counselor Draco). “Hello,” the kid eventually says, and oh, oh, man, that accent. Crisp. Patronizing. Expensive. Eerily reminiscent of all the yacht club jerkoffs Scabior used to get in fights with at parties when he was in high school. “Are you Scabior?”

*I'll justify this one as socioeconomic power imbalance. Drabior will be on any age-gap list I ever make. If you think fandom breathed life into Theo Nott, behold: PE's Scabior. Also I'm embarrassed to report that I fucking commented on this when it was posted and flail about it regularly, but just realized I never left kudos. Am I the only one who does that? Please accept my belated kudos in your next notification email, PE. 🥰

Casting Couch series by @one-equaltemper. E, 18.9k (Boss Draco/Employee Hermione). Draco the Dragon is a recently retired adult entertainer, known for his roles in movies like "Dragon does Doggy," who has moved behind the camera to start his own studio. Hermione Granger is a newcomer to the adult entertainment world and finds herself on Draco's casting couch after her last video, "Petite coed takes MONSTER cock," goes viral.

Porte-Cochere by nerdherderette. E, 21k (Boss Draco/Employee Albus Severus). Draco needs an assistant. Albus is way too eager to apply for the job. Summary: Draco Malfoy is the editor-in-chief of Porte-Cochere, the top fashion rag in all of wizarding Europe. He has a love of haute couture, a fondness for cock, and a penchant for dropping his assistants like last season's styles. It’s enough to drive his staff spare. Could Albus be the answer to their prayers? A The Devil Wears Prada AU.

Solution: Virginity: the original NFT. Non-Fuckable Token. Assuming someone will pay for it.

Cauldron duty by @thatblondebitvh. E, 23k (Durmstrang Professor Draco/Student Hermione). She held his stare, fire blazing in her eyes. “Detention for what? For smiling?”

Theo whistled, nearly bouncing in his chair in excitement.

Professor Malfoy slammed his palms at her desk and leaned so close they would share the same air if only she dared to breathe. “I will give you detention for breathing in my class if I want to. You’d do well to remember that, Miss Granger.”

For Sale by Owner: Rose Weasley-Granger's Virginity by @vukovich. E, 30k (Best Friend's Dad Draco/Student Rose). Problem: I'm a twenty-four year-old academic prodigy, but I'd trade my diplomas for a good, hard fuck. Since that's not a real thing I can do, I guess I'll pack up my dildo collection and go to the States for this doctoral program. If I can raise the money for tuition.

Spoiler: Someone does. Handsomely. And repeatedly.

*Power imbalance also iffy here, but he does bid on her, and I just read it and it's brilliant.

Rule number one by mismatchedsockz. E, 39k (Professor Draco/Student Hermione). Hermione knew about sex. She wasn’t a clueless, naive girl. She knew the process and the purposes, to get pleasure or to make children. However, she had never experienced anything of that sort. Too busy with a war on her shoulders, she never got the time to even think about the intricate feelings of maturity.

Until one day, she found a Professor who was willing to teach her everything she didn’t know.

Flirting with Disaster by @ladykenz347. E, 51k (Minister Hermione/Bodyguard Teddy). Hermione Granger has worked her entire life to ascend to the coveted position of the Minister's Chair. So why is it that now she has it, everything else is falling apart?

She's about to finalize her divorce, her two children are far from home and her life's work is on the brink of collapse.

Just when everything begins to feel irreparable, Hermione finds hope and healing in the arms of her bodyguard and the man she never expected to fall for.

Linen Rope by Brightki. E, 79k (Professor Tom/Student Hermione). Hermione is an upper sixth student at the highly elite Hogwarts School, and she needs extra hours working in the school’s science labs for her pre-admission to Oxford the next year. However, she has to get the approval from the chemistry teacher, Dr. Snape, as well as the support of the man in charge of the science department - Dr. Tom Riddle.

Away Childish Things by @letteredlettered. T, 153k (Auror Harry/Potioneer Draco). Harry gets de-aged. Malfoy has to help him.