healing hands

Seth collected his serving of deer burgers from Lydia, giving her his sincere thanks for her hard work, and went to find a spot to sit and eat. Most of the community had grouped together naturally and while Seth felt comfortable enough with everyone to sit wherever he wanted, he decided to try and sit with someone he didn’t know so well. His eyes scanned the crowd until they honed in on Lacey. While Seth knew of her, he hadn’t yet had the opportunity to speak much with her.

The frivolity of the community party certainly helped Seth to momentarily forget that everything was just terrible. He was content to watch the others drink, dance, and merrily enjoy the night together, as if he was living vicariously through them. He sipped his water, proud that he had managed to resist the temptation of alcohol all night. The temptation remained manageable, even when he caught glimpses of his ex-wife, Peyton, mingling with the rest of the crowd.

Each glimpse was a reminder of their last conversation, in which Seth had revealed the terrible fate of their son. Since then, Seth had given Peyton space to grieve. He wasn’t certain if she even wanted to see him so he avoided her. All he wanted to do was hold her and apologise for not being a better father but he didn’t have the right to do such things until Peyton made it clear she was ready for them.

Lucky to have swiped a glass of wine they had been handing out, Rebekah decided to stand out by the livestock fence. One of their horses had greeted her, expecting a carrot like she had many other times. “I’m sorry lovey, no carrot this time,” she whispered to him, petting his nostril. As her hand fell from the large animal, the woman noticed a dark figure approaching her; a smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she noticed Seth’s mop head.

“Yeah, I am,” Rebekah answered with a nod. “It kind of feels like there isn’t a constant threat lurking at every corner for once,” she continued with a shoulder shrug, taking a brief swig from her wine. “I see you’re sticking with water tonight; I’m proud of you.”

“If anyone asks, this is vodka. Neat vodka. There isn’t even any ice in here,” Seth joked. He  raised up his glass and gently knocked it against Rebekah’s glass of wine, sending a soft ‘clink’ noise into the air. Rebekah was one of the very few who knew about Seth’s alcohol problem. He liked to keep his previous troubles a secret; he was still dealing with the shame of the mess he had become when he allowed alcohol to take over his life.

Seth watched the rest of the community as they celebrated a much-needed win. He slowly nursed his water, hoping no one was going to point out he wasn’t drinking beer or anything stronger. At least one person had to keep their head and Seth had nominated himself in that endeavour. He didn’t want to throw away his months of progress of being sober after all.

———— A mild look of surprise crossed her typically stern features, eyes showing her shock more than she would prefer. Assumptions had once been used as a defense mechanism in a world that expected so much of her. She had judged people for as long as she could recall. Her parents had always insisted that such things could protect her from those who would eventually make poor decisions - or worse, those who did not deserve her precious time. How ridiculous such things had turned out to be, as her family was dead due to her poor judgement. Yet, she held onto these notions until her knuckles turned white, especially in their current environment. Letting people in was opening yourself up to being hurt again. No one here would survive to live their days until old age. Faces came and went in they time they resided in, and such things forced themselves to become a routine.

In the beginning of the disease spreading, she was not as closed as she was, even when the burdens she bore were just as heavy. Kyungah made friends, sat by fires and laughed. How she loved to laugh - and those lucky enough to hear it never forgot it. There was a collection of happy memories, but they were tainted by the faces of ghosts that lingered in her ebony crown. A queen of woe, dressed in white. Why she had survived over anyone else, she did not know, for the fire and will to live had been put out long ago.

“No one here has asked me genuinely about myself, you’ve surprised me, Seth… Such things are not easily done.” She stated, her fingers running over the sketch book between her hands. Memories only she lived to know, ones she could share with him if she became willing. If only she could trust him, but trust from her was not easily earned. Perhaps she would offer general information about herself, but telling what happened to her family was another beast.

“Meet me on the rooftop in a bit if you’re really so curious. My shift was over a while ago and I need to shower.” Her legs stretched out before her, meeting the ground as she stood. “You’re right, you know, If I tell you nothing it’s almost the same as telling you everything. Besides, you have likely already figured out who I’m drawing.” Her eyes refused to meet his, they looked towards the ground, a sudden shyness washing over her. “Don’t let me telling you you’re right go to your head too much, you still do most things backwards.” A chuckle turned up the corners of her lips, eyes raised and met his. “By the way, the report on the newcomer you did, it’s missing some information.”

The end of her statement was a jest, something to hopefully cause him confusion in the way he had to her. It had been years since she met someone who could play intellectual games with her with good spirit. Something in her began to come alive again, even if slightly, in a way she never thought it would. Hope, a funny thing, one day a blaze and the next a mere whisper in the wind.

-*-

It was a surprise to him that apparently the only one in the whole of the hospital to express any kind of interest in Kyungah. By all accounts, he and Kyungah lived with a bunch of unsociable people; which Seth didn’t completely agree with once he studied that thought. Perhaps Kyungah’s reputation as an ice queen may have something to do with the others’ hesitancy to get to know Kyungah. But as it appeared that Seth may be melting the ice queen’s walls just a little with his persistent charm, that excuse wasn’t going to fly with him for much longer. Seth didn’t dare to mention this out loud to Kyungah yet but he was getting the impression that they may be able to be friends.

Kyungah decided to surprise him further with her invitation to join her on the hospital’s roof later on, with a sudden shyness Seth hadn’t seen her show before. But before Seth could form any kind of comment about that, she gave him a couple familiar cutting comments, reverting back to the behaviour he was used to from her. 

He let out a genuine laugh as he got up and went over to where the patients’ files were kept. He located the one in question and after a quick check, he realised Kyungah had a point. He grabbed a pen and prepared to fix his mistake on the paperwork. “This place would fall apart without you, Kyungah,” he told her as she got up to leave the clinic. “See you on the roof.”

About an hour later, Seth’s paperwork was correct (hopefully to Kyungah’s exacting standards) and another on-site medic was now holding the fort in the clinic. Seth made his way to the roof of the hospital with a quick stop at the cafeteria to grab some snacks for him and Kyungah. 

Peyton knew the importance of quarantining new comers. If they hadn’t done so she probably would’ve high tailed it out of here sooner. And she was tired, so tired. Crescent was the safest place she and her team seen in weeks. Safe, how often she had took that word for granted. She didn’t put on airs, thinking she was invincible.  At the very lease she knew a good nights rest was something that was a given. Now, out there; sleep was a luxury. With infected roaming, not paying attention could cost you  someone you cared about life. So she was vigilant, watchful because the last things she wanted was blood on her hands.  To say she was happy to take the respite would have been an understatement.  

That alone time allowed Peyton’s mind to wander, she reviewed her notes. Glad they were able to take some of their files and findings with them. When her scientists mind decided to take a break. She pulled out her sketch book and drew. Of maps for when  they found things useful, places to return to if need be. Bodies of the infected, sunrises and sunsets. But most were pictures of their son. He must of been three or four the last time she saw him. Hadn’t even been able to hold his hand. Or give him a real kiss goodnight. Miles away from each other and all she could do was place her hand on the screen  over his own. Those were the pictures she looked at the most. The ones she sang a lullaby too in the early mornings on watch.  Knowing he was alive had kept her going. Knowing that Seth was a live kept her going. She had to believe that didn’t she, what was the alternative?

It was release day, and Peyton couldn’t sit still. Packing what little belongings she had  the minute she was  told she’d be let out soon.  Which had her wonder how many doctors they had here? Maybe, if she could find Seth and Joshua they could come back. Would they even take them? Already making a list of pros of adding what another doctor and a biochemist to their group could mean. So deep in thought she almost missed the knock at the door.  

“Hello stranger.”

There are moments in our lives that never leave us. The scent of freshly cut grass . Reminded Peyton of Sunday morning, on the last days with her mother. When she and her father would go to her home and make breakfast and mow the lawn. The light patter of rain hitting a window; her first kiss with Justin a boy she’d had a crush on all throughout elementary school. Hello stranger, he had said something similar when he came to New York, taking her completely by surprise  and knocking the air out of her lungs. It couldn’t be? could it?  Peyton’s heart slamming against her ribcage as she turned. 

“Seth,” choking  out a sob. Eyes watering as he stood there, he looked different  but even with the weathering of his features. The tiredness that creased the corners of his eyes.  She would know that face anywhere.  Discarding the back pack she went to him. Arms wrapping around his middle. “ You’re here, you’re really here.” words muffled as her faced was buried against his chest. Relishing this moment, holding it close and storing it in her memory. She wasn’t sure how long they stood there. Peyton, soaking his shirt with tears but she didn’t move. When she felt her self calm a little she looked up at him, eyes shown bright with hope.

 “ I couldn’t find you, I… I went to the house but you and Josh weren’t there and I…” she shook her head. An attempt to tried to regain some sort of composure . Laughing a little a what a sight she must have made. “ I guess it doesn’t matter cause you’re here. And you need a hair cut.” she teased fingers gently reaching out to play in the ends before hands fell to her side. “Did you know I was here the whole time?  If this is some sort of surprise  it worked. Colour me shocked.” 

-*-

Peyton wrapped her arms around him and for a moment, Seth was stiff as a board. He didn’t deserve her affection, not until he had told her about their son. She might not be so keen to give him this kind of warmth once she knew what had happened to Joshua. But after that moment, he couldn’t help but melt into her embrace. He indulged himself by moulding his body with hers, like they used to do when they were still married, by nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck, by inhaling her scent that was somehow still so familiar after all of these years. 

If she hadn’t pulled back when she did, Seth wasn’t sure if he would’ve been able to break the hold they had on each other. He so wanted to be overjoyed at seeing her again and being reunited against all kinds of odds. He wanted to laugh at the straggly state of his hair with her but he wasn’t able to. The pit in his stomach that had existed since the moment he knew Joshua had been infected by the virus sucked out all of the happiness in Seth’s life, leaving him with guilt and loathing.

“I had no idea until about 30 seconds ago,” he admitted. His words were followed with a sigh. He couldn’t deny in telling her. He had to rip the plaster off fast and now. He reached and took her hands in his and led her over to the nearby bed so they could sit down.

“I have to tell you something. It’s about Josh.” 

When he delivered bad news to patients and their families, Seth had been able to hide his emotions from them. This time, he wasn’t able to do such a thing. In fact, he made no effort to hide how broken he was. His head hung down, unable to look at her as he prepared to finally unload the secret he had been holding for years and burden someone else with the knowledge of it.

Venturing into the chaotic world outside of the bubble of safety that of the hospital the community had built themselves was always a risk. Javi had known that when he’d taken the role of being a scout. More importantly, he’d also known it was the role that he’d be best at, giving the most overall benefit to the group he could, and that meant there was no question in his mind over whether or not he should do it or go with something that kept him far from the infected.

When he’d left that morning on what was meant to be a multiple day scouting assignment he’d had a good feeling about the location he’d chosen off an old map Javi had grabbed on the last mission. The universe, on the other hand, had been more than happy to quickly prove him wrong. One encounter with a small horde of infected later Javi was sporting a gash on his side earned from a fall that occurred when he grabbed on the wrong thing when leaping out of danger when the undead got too close for comfort. Not even a full twelve hours later he needed to turn and head back to the hospital.

Adrenaline kept him moving fast, getting him back home before it was dark. And it also had the added benefit of dulling any pain to not much more than constant sting. Javi could already hear the scolding he was going to get from his sister. By the time he’d reach Seth the rush that had kept him going was wearing off, letting the exhaustion and ache catch up with him. “I am, yeah.” He glanced down at the stain on his shirt, grimacing at it.  

Accepting Seth’s help he let the other man guide him towards the cots, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it up so that Seth could see the injury underneath. “It was a stupid mistake. I jumped, grabbed an already broken railing, fell, caught myself on something on the way down, and here you have it. But I guess it would’ve been worse if I was more than a floor up so I’ll take the small upside.” He sighed in frustration at himself, annoyed he was taking away from the resources that the community needed. Javi knew how hard it was to come by medical supplies but this was something that had to be looked at.

-*-

Once Javier was settled on a cot, Seth turned away to grab the necessary supplies to attend to Javier’s injury, including alcohol wipes, bandages, and clean dressings. He returned to Javier’s side as he explained the circumstances of his mischief. Seth frowned, not because of Javier’s explanation but out of concern. While the injury itself was not major and could easily be fixed with a couple of stitches, infection was going to be a worry. Seth pulled on a fresh pair of plastic gloves and began to clean up Javier’s injury.

“The good news is that I can fix you up,” Seth said as he gently wiped Javier’s skin with a fresh alcohol wipe, taking away the already-dried blood and dirt that had accumulated around the wound site. Once the majority of the dirt was cleaned away, Seth pressed a clean dressing over the wound to absorb some of the fresh blood. “The bad news is that I’m gonna order you to rest up for a couple of days to make sure you don’t catch an infection or tear the stitches I’m about to put in.”