Texts From The MCU

Clint: Met a beautiful Russian woman two nights in a row. I may never come back.

Valkyrie, to Thor: Oh don’t you blame getting arrested on me. Loki suggested the penis game and we all know I’m a strong competitor

Mantis, to Drax: You thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.

Gamora: I have resting bitch face. Nebula has I want y’all to die face. It’s a subtle difference

Gamora: He obviously doesn’t know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered

Peter: Excuse me, I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house. I think I can do anything

Natasha: Kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party

Sam: I can handle it. I’m made of spite and hot wings.

Tony, to Stephen: You’re a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.

Wanda, about Vision: It I have to put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.

Wanda, about Vision: I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I’m not sure if I’m offended or pleasantly surprised

Tony, to Pepper: Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbent surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3