Texts From Newt's Case

(716):just took a shot of real whiskey…I forgot what it’s like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.

(301): I should stop using 'Braveheart would do it' as a basis for decision making...

(601): You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion

FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.

(748): My last google search is how to build a flame thrower.

(954): Can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?

(814): I think my hand is broken.  But his nose definitely is.

On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now

(615): I just woke up and checked my email, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch.  Thought you'd like to know.

Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.

I wondered why I slept in the front room

"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"

We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later

Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer    You or your brother?

the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality

Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.

Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life