Temere Region

when tumblr disappears, we will too.

I felt like reading back through this blog just for fun, but it just made me sad and angry. Why are people so dumb? Literally nobody got what I was going for here, even the other mods, and it ended up a hellscape of memes.

My biggest mistake was assuming people would want to put effort into garbage. You can’t just copy memes! Like the drawings of a child, it takes focus and dedication to make something bad-but-in-a-funny-way. But nobody wants to do that, because they'd rather make something serious. That’s fine. It makes sense.

We don’t know the exact process that causes things to be resurrected in Furngruple Space. It seems dying in Furngruple Space can do it, as can dying at the hands of a Furngruple or one of their derivatives. Other than this, great apes, astral phenomena, and vehicle parts are common targets for resurrection.

Furngruple Space is a layer of reality but also a state of mind. It’s where Furngruples reside, and possibly where they originate.

Yes, we are dead, and shall not rise again. At least not in this form.

No, you may not take anything.

These grounds are sacred, and should not be disturbed.

[part 1]

Hey everyone it’s me the cybernetic revenant from that other post about video games. Well it turns out it wasn't Jesus after all but some kind of hyper-evolved cephalopod feeding off our emotions. All it took in the end was some unexpected seismic activity causing its chromatophores to falter, and the humans were on it like a pack of data dogs.

The lack of stability video games brought to society became overbearing swiftly and relentlessly. Everyone was drunk and stupid all the time until they died. I brought it upon myself to invent time travel because I knew it would get tedious. I also wanted to see what the world was like before I was born.

So imagine my surprise when I arrive in ancient Rome and find the man himself, the legend, the absolute lad, Mr. Julius “The Gamer” Caesar, in the bathhouse grinding up his thumbs on a blindendo 3DS. He also had an electronic cigarette. The same people who invented plumbing had worked out how to make a computer you can use for games and stuff with a network of tiny lead aqueducts. Only the emperor had one though because everyone else was busy trying to sneak behind him without making a noise.

A little further back in ancient Egypt they also had video games, just more widespread amongst the people. What you would do is get some of these special reeds and weave them into a sheet, and then use whatever pigments you had on hand to inscribe as many hieroglyphs that look like animals as you can before your quill broke. The games got pretty challenging at times, but it was easy enough to find a strategy guide. They kept them all in this big library.

I then scrolled the time wheel a bit far and found myself in Mesopotamia, where some clever folks had discovered video games thanks to their previous discovery of numbers. That helped quite a lot. In fact all of their games were about numbers, which should tell you what huge nerds they were.

Video games were still around back when humans were still figuring out which end of the spear to throw at the big hairy elephants. That, incidentally, was what their games entailed. Early man played video games on a single, gigantic monolith-like screen.

Before Prometheus stole fire from the gods leading to humanity’s budding sapience, there was a long, loooong stretch of time with no video games. It was pretty long. It was kind of fun watching the horses get smaller - gave me some game ideas of my own - but it was a really long time so I fast-backwarded until the previous gamer civilisation.

Obviously dinosaurs had video games, what are you even thinking. The games were the raddest games you could think of too like, star wars the animated series the game, and tony hawks pro skater -6 million. Birds like carnotaurus and t rex were so angry and bitey because their arms were too short to hold the controller in both hands.

Further back mammals got all weird and lumpy and lost their hair for the most part. It was fine though because the elongated horseshoe crab people were there to make video games. Since their eyes were on the wrong side of their bodies, their video games operated by taste instead of sight, a smart decision considering their mouths were in the middle of their legs.

I zoned out for a while in my time pod but there were definitely some kind of anomalous shrimp with video games. Didn't bother to check what they were about, I prefer to be cautious around old shrimp.