telepathy

Honestly, I think I have an obsession with Nightsky. As cringe that is to admit. Ever since we broke up I always think of him, even though he probably doesn’t even think of me but I don’t care.

I want to meet him again during college, I want to see him again, I want to see him again. However, my desires are only satiated in my dreams: I dreamt I kissed him, I dreamt we made up, I dreamt I saw him again and we played eye tag like we did in the weeks before I left for the summer break.

I want him and only him, and I need him to know he’s mine and only mine. I’m his first girlfriend and he’s my first boyfriend. I’m the first woman to ever love him this way and I hope he never forgets that. Somewhere, we’ll meet. Someday, he’ll remember us and cringe. I only hope that I can be there when he remembers us in high school, in college and reaching the height of our careers.

I want this future I envision with him because I loved him so much, I never wanted someone this bad before. I want him to desire our beautiful future together.

july 2nd, 2026

I've started birth control recently and I'm on the pills, it's been making me all loopy lately. First dose was Saturday, and it's Monday. I spent the PD day with a bunch of boys and they stunk lol. I was nauseous most of my time spent at the house, and I think they were the cause. How ironic, considering I'm fucking boy crazy. I couldn't stop thinking the entire morning about this one boy. Coinnigh is my ex's friend, he's pretty late for making graduation, but it's okay I am too. lol. We were playing some Mortal Kombat and I decided to try one game I had to sit next to Mr. Coinnigh to get a better view of the screen, and he was watching me and another student play, alongside another students game of chess lol. When I was thrown in with basically no knowledge how to play basically, he helped me with the moves and stuff. He had both his hands on mine, and was just close. He was guiding me, and I couldn't stop thinking about how I had my fingers on both of the triggers and he pushed both of them down with his finger to do my character's "ultimate." Wow, I've had two boyfriends but these little moments either get me really wet or fangirl the fuck out lol. Just remembered he also laughed at my jokes, and I've also been noticing him at school, because he's been looking at me more. I've had a big crush on this guy for literal months now, he cuts his own hair, he has a moustache, he's literally a year older than me lol, he's so quiet too but funny. I get so nervous around him. Anyways other than that it was uneventful. Nightsky and family didn't come to visit, but you know, school's ending and people need to get end tasks done and stuff..... Like I do.

My boyfriend broke up with me, and I'm fucking free. I love listening to Vocaloid, I love OFF, I love wasting my life away nibbling at work and playing games. At least, I'm getting those fuckin credits right?!

This may sound a little bit passive aggressive, but I realized how important friends are to me, and are to my life in general. I don't know how I would be if I didn't have a million friends!! One of my friend's cousin hugged me for like a long time... I jst accepted my fate ^^;

I find myself feeling ill at the end of my day. I pushed myself in the powwow too much, I'm on my period and I'm stressed out to the point where I can't think straight. I attended a fair today, hung out with friends, and I noticed in the midst of my vices: that I felt a bit woozy, felt my cramps too much and my heart was pounding in my chest, so much so, I could feel it against my ribcage. My chest was tight, was great until during my errands I found out someone in our friend group didn't invite anyone but their housemates to their birthday dinner. Let's call him... Hito. Hito turned 19 today. We're under the same organization that lets us go to a real high school.

He had the audacity to invite Nightsky, who is also under our program. It is so incredibly weird, and to think he probably didn't even consider me, I am in distress. I honestly thought we had a friendship, but it probably doesn't even go deeper either. I am contradicting myself, I can't think. It's probably my own actions biting me in the ass. I didn't mean to do anything wrong. it honestly even reminds me of being left out as a child, which is very embarrassing to admit.

My hair is greasy, my chest and arms are tan and slightly sunburnt. I helped out with our school's powwow today and hung out with friends, it was great. I felt so, so, so, so pretty today!! Lived off of freezies but still was great! Afterwards, I got spoiled with ice cream. After thinking about my whole day, I think about my friends and how cold the gym was. The only moments that stuck out to me, besides the ones with my friends, were mainly the ones I had with boys. My ex, specifically. Yeah... was I supposed to mention how I'm still not over him in my introduction post? I still like him a whole lot. It's weird. His jokes, his little moments with me. Every time we interact it sticks in my head, then by tomorrow they're gone. Nightsky joked that he was going to push me, he looked at me, he wore this cute bucket hat that had his favourite character and his ribbon shirt. I am weirder for even noticing every small detail about him, like he didn't wear his glasses, he wore shorts and when he left to go inside, I noticed every single time.

I still haven't cleaned out my photos, I still haven't trashed the pages of my sketchbook and I still look at our messages. He's never professed his affection for me in any way, but I still find myself craving him.

Now, boys. I found one of them to be talking to me, despite him never starting conversation to me prior. We played a bit of eye tag before I got really busy. He's friends with Nightsky, as they've been attending the same school for three years now. Nightsky's friend doesn't look too bad. Coinnigh is the guy I've had a crush on since I first got here. I didn't see too much of him, but we played a bit of eye tag too.

I am the type to secretly like male attention, but I'll never say it out loud. It's fun to have crushes and flirt. I think that's what makes me a naturally obsessive person, there's something about seeing them get so flustered.

ew I sound cringe...