a perpetual mess but i'm trying

1: i have never spoken to them (or if i have it was very brief) but have seen them and decided they deserve a love letter

they know me well as kind of a weird person and so they brush it off, and explain to the people who are around who don’t know me as well, “This is just the kind of thing she does”

the real reason I do it is because blood is, well, blood, because it is stardust and because it is life, because a body without blood pumping in it is just that-a body, not a person, not a friend, their blood is what keeps them alive and is one of the few parts of the body that you truly and fully can’t live without and I am thankful for it

so when I kiss them at their veins what I’m really doing is saying “thank you, for being alive. I care about you and you are a person with thoughts and feelings and I am better for the fact that you are in my life even if i don’t always realize it or act like it” 

she looked at me, silent

Okay, so here’s the kicker: I’m going to a really christian university this fall, they’re really strict on a lot of things and they can kick you out if they find out that you’re gay. So here’s the thing….. how do I subtly let people know that I’m into girls?? Fellow lgbt siblings in christian schools, how have you fared? Has anyone ever caught on that you’re queer without having to explicitly let them know?? 

I’ve heard before that (I think it was in the 70s) that there were rumors that gay people would wear green on thursdays to subtly let people know, and I’ve heard that some people do that now in honor of that. Is there something like that that still goes on? 

Okay, so here’s the kicker: I’m going to a really christian university this fall, they’re really strict on a lot of things and they can kick you out if they find out that you’re gay. So here’s the thing….. how do I subtly let people know that I’m into girls?? Fellow lgbt siblings in christian schools, how have you fared? Has anyone ever caught on that you’re queer without having to explicitly let them know?? 

I’ve heard before that (I think it was in the 70s) that there were rumors that gay people would wear green on thursdays to subtly let people know, and I’ve heard that some people do that now in honor of that. Is there something like that that still goes on? 

I don’t end up telling you that you’re pretty-- instead, I order a croissant and we do a sudoku puzzle. I’m better at this type of thing than you are. You are velvet, soft and always true.

The words are hiding at the back of my throat, behind the furtive glances that I sneak at your hair, your eyes, your elegant hands. I love you. Of course, I thought I would have more time to say it.

your attraction to women is not dirty.

your attraction to women is not wrong.

your attraction to women is not shameful.

your attraction to women is not indecent, disgusting, or gross.