TEA SERVICE

Cold, even.

I’m hungry for pizza.

I am NOT the problem.

If someone needs mental space, that’s okay.

For my own bruised ego/ toxic mind I wish you’d just indicate that, so maybe I’d be okay and not crying blaming myself for upsetting/disappointing.

“We don’t hangout with each other’s friends” that’s actually false lol I’ve most definitely met and mingled with his friends and he’s met mine. But also he’s weird whenever I’ve invited him out and then the visit to Alpine with his “friends” that could’ve been the opportunity but here we are.

He said no.

Which also feels contradictory to “I feel bad or w.e about only seeing you Sundays to have sex and then we go our separate ways”

You’ve participated in our dynamic being the way it is. You’ve put up this divide even more than we already deal with (distance).

So where do we go from here?

Who fucked me up?

I am trying to escape

Sad with and without.

A lot ugly.

Tired and tired.

Sleepy eyes want to meet your sleepy eyes. Finger plucking your facial hair cause I like you, a lot.

49 miles away, I wish you would stay and hold my hair to your nose. Your nose I love the most.

His failures are not mine. It is not anything I did or didn’t do that has caused him to feel this way. He is trying to figure some things out for himself at his own pace that is separate from our relationship together.

I need to remind myself that it is not my job/duty to “fix” on his behalf.

It just feels weird. Like I’m being punished and avoided. I’m needy and I’m taking it personal but this moment he’s facing has nothing to do with me and everything to do with himself and his own actions.