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YOU ARE THE REASON

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JBB: An Artblog!

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Cosmic Funnies

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if i look back, i am lost
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@tea-and-flower
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this disease is not beautiful.
itâs flinching at the slightest touch and iâm just tired all day every day and no thanks i already ate and aching knees and hips and joints and waiting for the number to change and stomachs growling and another bottle of water and flinching at the slightest touch and baggy sweatshirts and leggings that wonât stay up and waiting for the number to change and how many calories are in one blueberry and no thanks i already ate and never feeling alive and blurry days and tired eyes and flinching at the slightest touch and measuring tapes hidden under pillows and fasting until the world wonât stop spinning and waiting for the number to change and bruises all over my skin and no thanks i already ate and bones that hurt when i lay down and getting winded walking up the stairs and flinching at the slightest touch and feeling my heartbeat soar and dragging myself back into the bathroom and waiting for the number to change.
Ever since I started working at the hospital, Iâve started to realize what is more important. Doesnât mean the disorder or thoughts go away⌠but God, we have sooo little time. Whatâs more important to YOU? Perspective.
Xoxo,
Larađđđđ
Horror Illustrations by Stefan Koidl

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you deserving something doesnât mean any specific person owes it to you
you deserve love. your crush does not owe you a date.
you deserve success. your coworkers do not owe you extra hours.
you deserve emotional support. your friends do not owe you free therapy.
what âyou deserve thisâ means is that itâs ok to want it and hope for it and try to achieve it, not that you have the authority to demand that a person provide it. itâs good to ask for it, but you have to be willing to take no for an answer.
idk if this is just me, but
while having an ED: lord, there are so many foods to eat in the fridge and now my parents are taking me to my favorite restaurants, how am I going to restrain myself?
during recovery: the fridge is literally empty and my family doesnât care if I donât get enough food, all of the supermarkets and restaurants are closed/donât have the food Iâm comfortable with eating, like itâs a freaking apocalypse, but I have to eat in order to avoid relapsing and become healthy.
Things my eating disorder wouldâve never let me know.
Sometimes life is about going outside your comfort zone by putting on a swim suit, so you can enjoy a sunny day in a pool.
Sometimes life is about eating late night snacks with the man of your dreams, just because itâs fun.
Sometimes life is gaining weight faster than anticipated because youâre too caught up in living a great life.
Sometimes life is crying over the past, but realizing that you actually needed to change.
Sometimes life is buying new jeans because the old ones simply donât fit anymore, and thatâs ok!
Sometimes life is overeating at a party because thereâs so many delicious choices, and itâs hard to hold back.
Sometimes life is staring too long at yourself in a mirror, and accepting that the reflection is not a true definition of who you are as a person.
Sometimes life is more about spending quality time with a person vs blowing them off to obsessively workout at the gym.
Sometimes life is ordering a food that scares you, and admitting that it does taste freaking amazing.
Sometimes life is needing a break from toxic people, and thatâs not selfish.
Sometimes life is breaking down over and over again about the same thing, but thatâs how you heal from the pain.
Sometimes life is questioning your future, and gaining the courage to make your dreams happen.
Sometimes life is emotional, but you need to ride the wave because you wonât feel that way forever.
Sometimes life is about helping others, but you canât do that unless youâre steady first.
Sometimes life is worth living, and you wouldâve never known if you stayed trapped inside your mind.
Lol how did I go from a vast nothingness in my emotional/love life to this mess
if you miss someone who does not miss you, or who is no good for you, or is unattainable, take all the love you once felt for them and spread it around other places. put your love in worthwhile people and things, turn the romance in to passions for hobbies or admiration for others- enrich your own life. focus on yourself and those who actively make you happy.

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Today a self harmer will put down their weapons for the last time. Today an anorexic will start eating again. Today a bulimic will will purge for the last time. Today people will realise that their past has no control over them. Today people will begin recovery, so why donât you become one of those people - today
you think youâre faking this? ok. prove it.
delete tumblr. delete myfitnesspal. delete any and all calorie tracking apps. go into your kitchen. right now. get up and walk into your kitchen. now make a pot of pasta or spaghetti. or make a salad with chicken or a smoothie. or make a few eggs with some potatoes. or heat up the leftovers in the fridge. donât count it. donât measure it. donât look up the calories. then sit down and eat the whole thing. donât cut it up small, donât wait until a certain time, donât stare at it for forever before you eat it. cook it, put it on a plate, and eat it. maybe scroll through instagram or watch a tv show while you eat. like a post on your explore page about loving pizza without thinking of the calories or feeling fat. when youâre done eating, donât go to the mirror, donât go to the scale, donât go to the toilet to throw up. then go on with your life without thinking about what you just ate or when youâll eat next. now do that every time you first feel hungry every single day for the rest of your life.
if you can do that, fine. iâll believe you. youâre âfaking itâ.
but if even one step of that sounds like your own personal hell, shut up because youâre absolutely not fake and your problems are beyond valid and you deserve to recover right now right where you are.
Houseplant enthusiasts are either like âhereâs my *latin name*, I keep it at a precise temperature and humidity in a ceramic pot on my deskâ or âthis is my plant with fun leaves, I keep it in a yogurt container on the refrigerator because it seems to like it.â
Fuck I'm both
I have Helios outside, Terpsichore and Athena inside. And I have an unnamed plant in a yogurt pot on the shelve near my fridge.
acknowledging the desire to lose weight is an essential piece of body acceptance. there are very few of us in the eating disorders world who havenât experienced the desire â there arenât many women in the culture at large who havenât experienced it. the injunction to lose weight is ubiquitous, itâs oppressive, itâs internalized by us, and to pretend itâs not would actually inhibit body acceptance.
the thing is that weâve got to constantly examine where that desire for weight loss comes from, to remind ourselves that itâs culturally programmed and not intrinsic, and to ask ourselves whether we (ourselves and our communities) are better off accepting our bodies as they are or pursuing weight loss indefinitely. itâs a personal-political decision, and one that is much easier in theory than in practice.

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Boyfriend saying jokingly "you're food obsessed, you're restricting a bit too much"
*nervously sweats*