『 Dekoda 』

U CANT SCARE THE OCEAN

Nesbit actually can be credited with being one of the first authors that began to shift myths and legends to more fantasy-like stories (fantasy as a genre how we know it, wasn’t around then because it was just part of literature, especially British literature). In fact, many scholars who study fantasy literature and children’s literature believe that, since her children’s stories were so popular with children in England, the stories and their content prompted Tolkien (the first to coin fantasy as its own genre in his essay “On Fairy Stories”) to take up the stories of dragons and elves and fairies as they’d have been children when she was writing.

If they disclose to you that they have DID:

DO:

• Accept them. Tell them that you still respect and care for them.

• Tell them that you are there if they need your help.

• Tell them to let you know if there are any triggers that are important for you to know. If they choose to tell you any, be patient and understanding. Listen attentively.

Helpful things to say or ask:

• “Is there anything you need me to do to make sure you feel safe in our relationship?

• “If you want to tell me more about it, I am here to listen.”

• “If there are any triggers you think I should be aware of, please let me know.”

• “I’m here if you need help with anything.”

• “I still love you and you are still my friend/family/partner.”

DON’T:

• Ask if they are dangerous or if they are going to harm you.

• Ask them what their trauma is.

• Call them crazy.

• Suggest that their mental illness is caused by supernatural or pseudoscientific means. (AKA, NEVER suggest that someone is possessed or haunted.)

• Bombard them with questions.

• Demand proof.

• Force then to switch as evidence.

• React in an unkind or rude way.

• Minimize or invalidate them.

• Tell them DID isn’t real.

• Deny their existence or refuse to call their alters by their names.

• Demand any answers from them.

Unhelpful things to say or ask:

• “I’ve known you for [span of time]. I would have noticed if you had it.”

• “It’s fine as long as you aren’t going to murder me.”

• “What’s your trauma? Did [traumatic event] happen to you?”

• “Isn’t that really rare? How could you have it?”

• “You had an easy childhood so there’s no way.”

• “You don’t know what ‘hard’ is.” “You were lucky to have the childhood you had.”

• “I just don’t get why you’re doing this to me.”

• “Can you imagine how hard this is for me?”

• “Tell me your triggers.”

If they’re switching or dissociating:

DO:

• Be patient with them.

• Tell them that it’s okay, and to take their time.

• Politely ask who’s fronting.

• Reintroduce yourself, as if a new person just walked into the room.

• Fill them in if they are unaware of what is going on.

DON’T:

• Snap or clap in their face.

• Express that you only want to interact with the previously fronting alter.

• Raise your voice, or try to force them to “snap out of” their dissociation.

• Ask if they are going to harm you, or if they are “evil”.

• Tell them “they should know what’s happening”, or refuse to fill them in on what is happening.

• Accuse or blame them for not being a good friend, not listening, or dissociating. 

DID is a highly stigmatized disorder. People fear disclosing this disorder to their loved ones, because their safety could be compromised. They trusted you enough to tell you. It is your job to create a space of love, acceptance, and respect for them.