I desperately need like minds but as a mockumentary. Like for example Alex and Nigel at the morgue over Susan’s Body. Alex having the worst time of his life
Nigel: “she’s yours Jack”
Alex: *sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose and stares at the ceiling*
Cut to Alex being interviewed
“Middle of the night. No explanation. Just "This way" and like an idiot, I follow him. And where do we end up? A morgue. Of course. What did I even expect?” *dramatically throws his hands up* “At this point, I’m beyond questioning it. I’m just… I need a nap.” *stares into the camera like he’s on the verge of a breakdown*
Or an interview after Josh and Alex chloroformed Nigel and dragged him onto a train
Nigel: *perfectly calm* “I get it, I may have freaked him out with the taxidermy and all but chloroform and kidnapping me? That was excessive. I feel like Alex should unpack that urge with a professional.” *after a few seconds silence* “can’t say I didn’t enjoy it tho”
Nigel: “we’ve been brought together for a reason. And it’s written here. For eternity.”
Alex: “Okay so at first I thought he was into me. But then he started talking about 12th century Templar orders and him being my *air quotes* 'implement for killing' and I realized it was somehow even weirder than that.”
New scene, Josh’s funeral:
Alex grieving, looks up and catches Nigel staring at him from across the grave
Alex: “so I’m grieving, right? My best friend? Dead. In the ground. And then I look up and guess who’s staring at me like some kind of american psycho?? Well I give you a hint. His name starts with N and ends in igel. Just standing there staring, no shame, all intense and broody. Like, sir, MY FRIEND'S DEAD BODY IS LITERALLY BETWEEN US. CAN YOU MAYBE NOT RIGHT NOW??”
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