quirked up white boy goated with the sauce

caname is so good for exploring the crushing shame, hatred, anger and humiliation of i and my brother's upbringing as parallel victims of torture and CSA. i call it parallel bc we never once did anything to or with each other but there was a point when i was 15 and he was 13 where he told me he wished i would just hurt him in the ways the rest of our family did, because he'd understand if it was my goal, and i mirrored the same sentiment back to him. that was actually my changing point where i realized i hated hurting him i hated being what my father was to me to ANYONE else but especially my brother, who'd i'd do anything to protect. so. i essentially took a vow of peace and refused to hurt anyone ever again.