tara!

cheers to locking your fics and making your blogs not googleable

I feel like starfish are one of those animals that are treated as very “normal” by people but absolutely shouldn’t be. Like they’re a wheel of repeating heads connected by a central stomach. They walk around using thousands of tiny sticky hydraulically powered tentacles. They have an eye on the end of each arm. Instead of having a mouth they just have an opening where their entire stomach can be pushed out to engulf prey. And they’re just allowed to exist like this. It’s not illegal or anything.

flaccid penis... it's chic, it's hip, it's the next big thing

it's the next thing

respecting women is actually really easy so do it

*monotone* I have to go drink poison now.

Guy who says “I’m contributing to traffic” instead of “I’m stuck in traffic”.

survival mechanism they don’t emphasize enough is memorizing a poem. you memorize a poem you have a little lift raft for a variety of situations

a ​past url is kind of like a dead wife

good morning! remember every day is a chance to begin anew [breaks off and sits on the edge of the bed staring blankly for 23 minutes before running a hand down face like a tortured movie protagonist] my god where did it all go so wrong