200 A Day

This is what I do when I go to bed at night:

I roll to the right, and then to the left, making sure the duvet on the outer edge of the bed is tucked under me. This is so that Zombies, Ghosts, or similar, cannot get in with me.

I lift my feet to make sure the bottom of the duvet is also tucked underneath so that trolls, devils, those kind of things can’t get access to my toes.

I put my hands under the pillow so that no vampires or other bloodsuckers can get to my veins.

I make sure the duvet covers my ears so that earwigs cannot crawl in and lay eggs.

Once I was reading Scottish Ghost Stories by James Robertson when I realised I was staying in THE VERY HOUSE HE WAS DESCRIBING. I discovered that  lying awake all night, frozen with fear, is a real thing.

I do not believe in Zombies, devils, ghosts, trolls or vampires. I do believe in earwigs and James Roberston, but I don’t believe either would lay eggs in my ears.