Tamara Dewi Gondo (Tamara Wu)

Napoleon Bonaparte expressed the following thoughts while he was exiled on the rock of St. Helena. There, the conqueror of civilized Europe had time to reflect on the measure of his accomplishments. He called Count Montholon to his side and asked him, "Can you tell me who Jesus Christ was?" The count declined to respond. (This is long, but you won’t regret you took the time to read :) ) Napoleon countered:

   Well then, I will tell you. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne and I myself have founded great empires; but upon what did these creations of our genius depend? Upon force. Jesus alone founded His empire upon love, and to this very day millions will die for Him. . . . I think I understand something of human nature; and I tell you, all these were men, and I am a man; none else is like Him: Jesus Christ was more than a man. . . . I have inspired multitudes with such an enthusiastic devotion that they would have died for me . . . but to do this is was necessary that I should be visibly present with the electric influence of my looks, my words, of my voice. When I saw men and spoke to them, I lightened up the flame of self-devotion in their hearts. . . . Christ alone has succeeded in so raising the mind of man toward the unseen, that it becomes insensible to the barriers of time and space. Across a chasm of eighteen hundred years, Jesus Christ makes a demand which is beyond all others difficult to satisfy; He asks for that which a philosopher may often seek in vain at the hands of his friends, or a father of his children, or a bride of her spouse, or a man of his brother. He asks for the human heart; He will have it entirely to Himself. He demands it unconditionally; and forthwith His demand is granted. Wonderful! In defiance of time and space, the soul of man, with all its powers and faculties, becomes an annexation to the empire of Christ. All who sincerely believe in Him, experience that remarkable, supernatural love toward Him. This phenomenon is unaccountable; it is altogether beyond the scope of man's creative powers. Time, the great destroyer, is powerless to extinguish this sacred flame; time can neither exhaust its strength nor put a limit to its range. This is it, which strikes me most; I have often thought of it. This it is which proves to me quite convincingly the Divinity of Jesus Christ.

As Ravi Zacharias writes, '...it is difficult to explain this away as mere eloquence...With unbelievable insight, Napoleon saw how Jesus Christ conquered. It was not by force, but by winning the heart.'

“May God bless you with a restless discomfort--about easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships so that you may seek truth boldly and deeply within your heart. 

May God bless you with holy anger--at injustice, oppression, and the exploitation of people, so that you may tirelessly work for justice, freedom, and peace among all peoples. 

May God bless you with the gift of tears--to shed for those who suffer from--to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, or the loss of all that they cherish, so you may reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy.

 May God bless you with enough foolishness--to believe that you really can make a difference in this world, so that you are able, with God's grace, to do what others claim cannot be done. 

In the realest sense, God is putting into practice the theology I have learnt –to walk the talk, to love people better, and to faithfully obey His word despite my own fluctuating emotions. A stark reality stands before me; the always “burning” worshipful sanctuary of my college is now replaced with a completely different environment.

To be in close proximity with those I hold dear to my heart and saw them far from the True living water, my heart hurts. To talk with people who are so sincere in their faith, but not have a personal relationship with Love who came down to earth in the form of a person. Today was my first time in a retirement home and a mental rehab center. To see children thrown into orphanages by their parents; to hear stories of elderly and the disabled disowned by their families, I witnessed the depth to which humanity can sink and the heights of compassion of which we are capable of. As if seeing a mirror's reflection, I saw my own brokenness and need for a Savior.

A broken thankfulness.

Thankful that I know Jesus but broken that millions are far from the Messiah. I saw what my life would look like if I don’t know Christ. I saw how much God has saved me from the kingdom of darkness and how gracious He is to let me see His light.

My heart is heavy. It has been for this one month. He is breaking my heart for what breaks his—the lost, the abandoned, the orphans and widows. I lived first hand to tell the damage sin entails. I've come to hate devil’s work all the more in blinding people’s eyes from the Truth. My soul etches to tell people the free gift of salvation and relationship with the most amazing lover of all. The love affair of all love affairs. I want to people to not miss out the true joy of being found in Jesus Christ.  

If mine breaks for them, I cannot imagine the thousand-fold pain the father is feeling when the whole world turn their back on Him who came to bring them fullness of joy.

“For you entertain and comfort those who mourn, you uphold the brokenhearted, and you are my hiding place (Psalm 94). You come not to save the righteous but the sinners (Luke 5:32). You love us all the same.”  

Let my brokeness and pain make me cling all the more to Christ. I am even more desperate to be caught in His Presence and be found in Him, the source of joy and wisdom. I cry out for the Holy Spirit to mold me into Christlikeness and let love takes its toll on me so men will see the unmerited love of God (Matt 10:40). I thirst and hunger for His holiness and righteousness all the more. For in holiness, they shall see the living God within me (Hebrew 12:14).

I have heard the cry of the people—for justice, deliverance, and peace. God asked me,“Where are they?” beckoning me to join Him enter the fray and mess of the world. “Where are your sisters ? Did you listen to her when she was suffering? Did you embrace her in her pain?” calling me to be my sister’s keepers. Jesus’s compassion compelled him to reach out. Maybe I breaks my heart for what breaks his so I start drawing my "line in the sand", to start somewhere. I pray I will be a good steward of the gifts entrusted to me. First and foremost, to preach the Gospel to myself first everyday and live it out. My job is to love Him with all my mind, heart, and strength and secondly, to LOVE people. Jesus did not command me to debate my way and win people into Christianity, but to LOVE people as myself. Let not my knowledge of Jesus led me be prideful, but to love people better. Though I can focus on all that I am against, I shall trailblaze the way with what I am for. To be known for what Jesus is for—love, justice, humility, more than what He is against.

My job is not to bring all the world to Christ, but to bring Christ to all the world- A.J. Gordon

I am not the type who would go watch movies on Friday nights. I prefer some good long conversation over tea or treating myself to good books. This Sunday, I went to Rudy Habibie’s premiere, a retelling of an ex-Indonesian president journey whose determination since young sparked a fire and led him to be the leader of the nation.

 The key of success, as the movie highlights, is an unyielding determination. Since Habibie was young, his family relentlessly encouraged him to dream big and believed strongly that he will change the nation. Having people believe in you is deeply empowering. Words spoken over someone’s life can be soul destroying or life-giving. especially when in children developmental years.

Proverbs 25:15, “words spoken in the wrong way can break a bone. A person’s spirit is easily crushed by a deceitful tongue.” 

In my childhood period, words of affirmation were lacking, replaced by discouraging words. Thus, I grew up with a low self-esteem, which carried on slightly until now. Most of my internal dialogues did not reflect that of  a child of God. Though naturally an optimist, the way I set myself up to high expectations and my tendency to dwell on my mistakes when I fail are often destructive. I discount or ignore others’ information that challenges my own self-concept. These past years, God has been in the forefront in working on my self-esteem issue, which rooted from my formative years. My high school community, especially, really believed in me when I could not even believe in myself. My encounter with Truth Himself, whose name is Jesus, reframed the way I see myself. I need daily reminders of who Christ has made me to be in order for me to change the internal dialogue I tell myself. Christ and my community believing in me changed the way I see myself. I know it will affect my capability to fulfill my divine destiny. I know I have stories worth-telling and ideas meant to be shared as God’s anointed daughter.

With this being said, I love the idea that conversation can be a life-sustaining practice; we can impart life and have immediate and tangible results in influencing how others see themselves. Paul says in Ephesians 4:29, “ edify each other by sharing only what is “helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Edifying speech is uplifting, instructive, affirming, and corrective. Let us be the people who builds, not destroys. Let us speak life over one another. The concept of reflected appraisal, where people tend to mirror the opinions of significant others, can be practiced. In order for appraisal to work, the compliment we give have to be specific, spoken consistently, and spoken by someone the person deem important.

Take this mountain weight

Take these ocean tears

Hold me through the trial

Come like hope again

My faith is tired and my strength is lost, I have no one to confide in to but in the One who understands me when I am wordless and hears the groaning of my heart. I do not know what You are doing in me at this point and I cannot see Your promises. 

I have lost heart and grew weary. God help me to trust again where I have lost my confidence. Come like hope again. Teach me to have faith again in Your promises. Take this broken pieces of my heart and rebuilt it according to Your will.

Lord, help me to see what I cannot yet see. Help me in my failure. To keep holding on to Your promise when my eyes can not see far enough, clouded by my circumstances. 

Weary. Remind me Your burden is light, Your yoke is easy.

Overwhelmed. Remind me you are making a way in the wilderness.

Restless. Remind me Your love is sufficient and there is peace in Your presence.

Assure me, this too shall pass and you will make something beautiful out of me.

Romance me, Lover of my soul.

Thankful, there is no condemnation in my failures and you are sovereignly turning them for the good. Thankful that you are gracious even when all I can offer you is tears and praises. Thankful that I have an insight to the Father’s heart for the lost. Thankful You are stretching my faith and my ability to love. Thankful that I still have You with me in my sufferings. My ever present help in times of trouble. My God of encouragement and endurance. My hiding place. 

I penned a prayer journal entry in my Day One application titled, “Thou My Inheritance” after my devotion on Hebrews 12.  I wrote, “My inheritance is in heaven, not on this earth. I labor and persevere for the good fight of faith, not growing weary of doing good nor losing heart because You have gone before me in enduring the cross for the joy set before You,Lord--bringing many sons to glory.”

Being back in Jakarta, temptations came as swift as the wind, dazing me by the glitz and glam of the big city. In the more fashion-conscious community I am in, I was made more self-conscious. Pride slowly crept in.

A war was raging within me. The proverbs I recently read,” A pretentious, showy life is an empty life; a plain and simple life is a full life,” (13:7-8) rang clear in my ear. The next moment, my heart found itself wanting for spending $$ like a bawssssss (which is unwise, of course!)

Today, I stumbled upon this article, http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/my-mercedes-went-to-missions

The writer powerfully tackles the idea “living on the game of less”, that is living not for personal gain of fame and comfort but on living less to give more for others. He wrote, “My Mercedes became missions. I don’t judge those who choose differently, but I can’t help but think that they are missing out. In the Game of Less, grasping becomes granting, and coveting becomes contributing. And the joy is profound and rich.”

Satisfaction begins when comparison stops. Our wealth is measured by the fewness of our wants.

This hit home for me (The timing was divine! found this article the week I had been planning to buy a Mercedez). I dare coming out boldly in telling you that I really wanted a cool car to impress others. I could have survived with a normal car which I can get around with, instead, I was so caught up in the competition of “who’s who.” I was reminded of my sister in Christ, Jessica, who is doing a super cool project for her 22nd birthday! She is fundraising to help A21 organization fight against human trafficking. I am inspired by her singular devotion to live out God’s call to love people. I shall put the resources God has entrusted me with into better use.

I wrote this post to remind myself if ever I find myself tempted to build me a beautiful sandcastle instead of on living out the life God calls me to ( and also to boast how cool the article is! powerful reminder). hehe. Not to a life of comfort, I am called to live a radical way of living for Kingdom cause.Living on the game of less.

My inheritance is in heaven, unspoiled, undefiled, and unshaken (1 Peter 4). Earthly possessions, popularity, power all are but fleeting. 

“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. For our God is a consuming fire”-Hebrew 12:28

Tamara Wu

As my first year in Biola is nearing its end, I had to introspect. Have I become ungrateful? Living in California where all my needs are provided, have I been living frivolously? I might have gotten too comfortable, forgetting my main purpose. 

Let this be my reminder.

To be able to study at one of the best higher education system in the world and be among the privileged few to study abroad, what do I have to complain? I breathe in deeply the air of freedom to learn. To be constantly exposed to the Word of God which gives me the opportunity to be transformed into the image of Christ, I am exhilarated. I relish in the liberty to foster my gifts. I bathe in God’s grace I get to be mold closer to reach God’s future plans for me at the same time to learn to love Him and others better. I need to remember my education is not only for me, but for those who are hurting in the world. May I never grew too comfortable with this life that I repudiate the needs of others, especially of my own country.

May everyday, I say to myself, “Wow, I get to do this,” not “I have to do this.”

May I always muse over the reality that, “This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)

Every day is a God-preordained moment specifically planned for me—people I get to meet, things I get to do, opportunity I get to love and share God’s abounding grace. Is it not amazing that God also grants me strength to thrive for each day?

Focusing so much on getting, I missed out on responding to God’s giving.

What do I have that has not been given?

Every tick of the clock is a gift from God. I did not earn it, I can’t control it, and I can’t take a moment of it for granted.

Though I can never reciprocate God’s generosity, the only appropriate response He requires of me is to praise and give thanks to Him.

May I never lose the kind of child-like faith that says “What’s next, Papa?” as my One true love takes me by the hand and lead me on to see more of His glorious kingdom work.

From the smallest of prayers I hinted to God to the more grandiose ones, God’s answering of my prayers never fails to awe me. The word penned by Apostle John in chapter 15, “the true mark of Christ’s disciple is the fruitfulness of answered prayers”, is true indeed.

May I also never fail to appreciate the greater picture of salvation—the thrilling truth of being known and knowing God. Let the truth of all God has done for me reside deep within my heart that by His grace I may reflect God’s fierce joy and peace.

Colossians 3:15-17- “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”

I pray to God that my grateful heart will fuel my hands to serve the audience of One--doing all unto Him as a humble expression of His impression on me.

May I be mindful of “the things unseen (eternal), not on what is seen (temporary)” (2 Cor 4:18)

May I never lose sight of what truly matters.

May I wake up every morning with the fire to see more of God’s glory, what He is going to do through me, in me, and around me.

What a privilege.

Acts 20:23-24-“ I consider my life worth nothing but to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me.

 My time of service with team 4:35 has been a time when God turned my eyes from my prideful self to see my desperate need for Him. He taught me to love Him more and love others as myself.

 7 hours of evangelism on the streets of Los Angeles and 4 hours of leading a vacation Bible school at Salvation Army’s headquarters everyday for 6 days.

An invaluable lesson. When forced to be outside of my comfort zone and live out my faith, I learn I am nothing apart from God. I learned to constantly behold Him to become more like Him. Physically it was exhausting but spiritually I have never been so alive, a joy to share the message I can’t keep silent about.

Overwhelmed. I have seen a glimpse of God’s glory and power that cannot be unseen. To be a part of God’s grand plan to propel God’s kingdom on earth though God does not need me is insane! To have been persecuted and rejected for the sake of the Gospel, I considered myself blessed (Matt 5:10). 

The biggest highlight of my 6-days trip is my team! SO blessed to have been surrounded by people who are SO sold out for the Gospel! I can’t help but catch their fire to seek God all the more! They showed me what it looks like to be consumed by Christ’s love and to live so grounded in the Word. My dear brothers and sisters in Christ in this pic have the biggest hearts to share God’s love. I am so thankful to be friends with people who are so humble, genuine, loving, joyful, and utterly dependent on God.

From talking to people with grubby appearances who have lived on the streets for years to talking to people who have it all, God taught me to love without an exceptional clause. He increased my capacity to love people who are so different than me—to truly love them for their souls and as image-bearers of God. It was easy to be prideful as I do this, I needed to remind myself I am sharing this from one beggar, who has been saved by grace, to another. 

Aside from teaching me to love better, God also purified me from other idols that has trapped my heart from running to Him. 

When He called me to give my shoes away for a homeless lady, my hesitation showed how much worth I had put on material things above God. When I had to sit at Starbucks with a lady who had been on the streets for years, I struggled when people stared disconcertingly—excessively caring how they see me. When I left conversations feeling discouraged and guilty of not doing enough, my distrust in the work of the Holy Spirit revealed how I pride in my own strength. 

 God called me to care not to cure. God is the savior. I am to love.

 Showing love is being vulnerable, but it is better than never building bridges. Kindness is a radical virtue, it may be rejected, rebuffed, but it is startling and haunting ..never to be forgotten. It leads to repentance, and it did led to my own repentance as I lean to the risky way of kindness to break barrier of stereotypes and loving without seeing differences.

 If I love Jesus, how can I not share? I saw so much hunger for the truth. As God’s messenger for the good news, I should share The Truth that sets us free. 

There were days my exhaustion hindered me from loving people well. I realized I had put so much emphasis on my own needs in food, sleep, appearance, and comfort above doing the will of God. Idols of mine—basing my worth on materials and approval of others—were brought to light by God. Out of this mission trip, God taught me how to live by this verse in Acts 20:23, “I consider my life worth nothing but to do the will of the Father.” Stripped off from finding my worth and value in people, things and all the doings I learn to surrender all to Christ’s feet and accept the work He has finished on the cross. I give up my right to live for myself, but my food is to do the will of the Father, which is to love Him with everything I have, love others as myself, and testify of the good news of His grace.

After much processing, these are my take away from Biola’s SMU local mission trip:

1.Faithfulness over fruitfulness- I will never know the impact of my faithfulness in the hands of a faithful God who rewards those who are faithful. Regardless of seeing the fruit of our labor or not, I have to be content. I learned to believe God will work APART of me anyway.

2.In line, interested, and intercede

To be in line with God’s spirit everyday, be sensitive to His leading.

To show love to people by being interested to know their stories and struggles.

To intercede on their behalf through prayers where I start the winning blows.

Encouraging my Christian friends to go out your comfort zone too!