unfortunately i can’t control everyone’s perception of me down to the smallest detail. unfortunately they have their own lives and brains that inform the filter they see me through when i exist near them. and i could be the greatest possible version of myself and i could people please until the end of time and i could walk a thousand miles through the desert repenting and still it would not change this one fundamental fact
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Yes it did. I just let it slide because I was taught that I'm "too sensitive" anytime something bothered me. But now I'm finally standing up for myself.
"You never struggled with this when you were a kid."
Yes I did. I just burned myself out in order to do it so I wouldn't be punished. But now I'm accepting myself enough to not force myself to do what I was never meant to do.
"You didn't have these problems when you were younger."
Yes, I did. I just spent my child/teen years with structured institutions like school while not having to worry about whether I had a roof over my head or food to eat and spent my early adult years using up every bit of adrenaline I will ever have to ignore the fact that I've been chronically burnt out my whole life.
I have this overwhelming sense that there's only one family dynamic these writers understand, and at this point only sheer inertia is stopping them from diving straight to the logical endpoint of making Gomez a Shlubby Sitcom Dad Who Hates His Wife. It's coming.
right then. what i find so frustrating about clusters is that the base concept is a perfectly logical extension of the powers-as-trauma-response metaphor; it’s almost surprising that worm doesn’t explicitly literalize trauma bonding while surviving traumatic events with other people as synchronized powers. from that, though, you'd expect clusters to have the highest rate of occurrence in environments like abusive homes and cults, places where a small group of people is isolated together growing more codependent and emotionally enmeshed until they don't know how to function as individuals. not every cluster would have to be like this, of course—the mall cluster *as initially presented* is a metaphor for how the aftermath of a single terrible moment can turn you into the type of person the old you would've hated, etc—but it would be the standard model. obvious candidates in the ward cast would be the younger heartbroken, who are already sharing a shard anyway, or perhaps some of the fallen.
but every other cluster we're introduced to after the mall trigger has the same sort of "people who were standing near each other when something bad happened" trigger, without any of the details that make the mall cluster convincing; it starts to feel like there's no metaphor at all, just a quirk of the mechanics of shards as physical objects. this is, i think, a symptom of ward's weaverdice approach to powers, zeroing in on the specifics of the trigger moment itself rather than the underlying emotional issues which the trigger pushes to the breaking point. relately, the rigidly defined way the powers overlap looks satisfying on a table but is terrible for a creative narrative; you can't have powers express themselves in surprising new ways to reflect the psychological state of the host when you've written out rules for exactly how many more points rain gets to his tinker stat on a cradle day, so nearly all power evolution in ward is a result of the shard network arbitrarily shuffling the deck whenever wildbow needs it to. the only cluster effect that's ambiguous enough to be compelling is the emotional bleedthrough in the mall cluster, and even that is eventually rewritten into Cradle's Joker Tokens, leaving us with zero ward clusters that mean anything at all.
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if someone is beating you with a stick and you say "stop please" and people are like "please articulate the details exactly how you want society to function without that guy beating you with a stick" you are under no obligation to answer.
while the work of envisioning society without police is worthwhile, it is not necessary that each of us have it at the tip of our tongues, it is easy enough to say "not this."
because, after all, the goal is not to, as individuals or some vanguard, have the answers, the goal is to solve these problems and build new societies as a society, collectively, we offer processes, not answers.
the answers, we'll figure them out together, for now, abolish the police, we are not safer for having an armed gang that enacts racist violence with impunity.
I got invited into a ttrpg but the character had to somewhat explicitly be a kind of religious zealots, which is a little bit anathema to my personality, but as soon as I hit on characterizing her as fervently devoted to a god which might not be real, as well as both physically and behaviorally unable to do anything but place herself constantly in the middle of life threatening danger, everything fell into place. Is she going to get killed? Maybe, probably. But it's much more exciting this way.
Trait description is like "If you give your character giant wings that make her able to fly, literally everyone will immediately think she is a monster and try to kill her," oh wow, I get to fly and constantly get attacked, say less
I have never gotten more than a passing familiarity with the background lore of any ttrpg, not out of any sense but because I cannot focus on information like that. I will pinpoint the specific details I need with search functions and gain nothing else, which makes for some very realistic bafflement towards the local culture with my winged girl pretty solidly unwilling to acknowledge anything other than her own deity as real.
My second favorite thing is making such catastrophic characters that the game becomes unrecognizable untill you know what it is and then it all falls into place anyway it's Exalted cuz that's what the GM was running and me and my disaster characters are sought after I guess.
I was chatting with her while I was drawing last night and she was dying to tell me what was in store for my darling failgirl and I was like no, having to figure out her behavior on the fly is my favorite thing. I have some sense of places it can go and ideas of reactions but the suspense is fun. Like the momentary furor at the table when other players learned a deity was involved but it was one for people who by all rights should not have fucking survived a near death experience. Which the GM came up with and was brilliant.
Every player getting all their weapons out, absolutely ready to have to get into a fight, only to watch my girl finally show what I designed her to do and basically command everyone in her way to yield. There was no fight, utterly stupid, 100% what she's for.
I spent so long leaning into making her a dramatic zealot who doesn't care if she dies because of her belief in her own righteousness, the hell with consequences, if she dies she dies, that I accidentally made it so that trying to disagree with her could straight up knock a dude fully unconsciousness.
Purely on strength of character, she went from "we need to keep her from getting herself killed" to "we have to stop her from killing anyone important" in one scene without striking a single blow or starting any fights. I'm having a lot of fun.
I think it's important to know that I play her fairly serious minded. Despite the chaos of her presence, she herself is not the type of person to try and upset every applecart along the way. Chaos happens because she is so very serious and devout, which is by way of prelude to introduce the fact that I'm usually trying to mimic Zhaan from Farscape when I'm roleplaying her.
I don't know exactly how we got here but the fail girl I built to get killed just ordered someone to go on a quest and he had to go do it. Just walked away in the middle of a fight because she told him to go back to where he came from and help out everyone along the way. Also more people have joined the cult she started, and due to a crisis of faith she's started telling people to worship her directly and I think she might accidentally be making herself into a minor deity if she can't resolve things.
I used my way of playing her as imposing and confident to successfully inflict melodramatic tragedy on the other players, when I took the opportunity during her colossal emotional breakdown to remind everyone that she's kind of average height and build, and in that particular moment of vulnerability, it just hit home that she was not some towering powerhouse warrior at all, with all the normal strength of personality suddenly stripped by her own personal crisis.
It was a delightful effect which would never have worked if I hadn't decided it would be the funniest, dumbest thing to make her into a big giant beacon of "kill me" and give her a personality that committed to running headlong into "people who want to kill me" spaces. Gotta appreciate the GM who also committed to my policy of "here's some background, now fuck my girl up."
There are two ways things happen in this game, one of them is "hey your juvenile delinquent Child of Prophecy has snuck off to conduct some B&E, again" and the other is "Your bird woman has flown into the middle of trouble, again."
I didn't want her to look like your normal winged badass, so her appearance is loosely based on Amelia Earhart. She has messy, short hair, freckles, a crooked smile with a gap between her front teeth. Her ears stick out from the side of her head. She has a little pug nose. I named her Zia.
OP the more you update this post, the more I am convinced you and my wife would be TERRIFYING to DM at the same time, because she does this sort of shit constantly.
This thread is a really magnificent example of what an experience playing Exalted is. It's a game that thrusts characters towards action and tunes its dice mechanics towards success and the consequences thereof.
Anyway sounds like you're having an amazing time OP and I hope your successes keep bringing good consequences.
I’ve already brought up how the loss of glyphs is deeply tragic for Luz on an interpersonal level, given her relationship with the Titan as being kinda found family in a spiritual successor to Manny sorta way…
But on a larger, cultural level? It’s straight-up genocide. Because glyphs were an ancient practice; They were a tradition at one point, as Eda explains. The earliest witches used to learn glyphs from the Titan on her knee, and eventually stopped when that became redundant with the more convenient source of their bile sacs.
But it was still an important part of their history; It was how witches and demons first communicated and interacted with the land and nature, and their ‘god’ in a mutualistic way. It was how they respected their world.
So even if glyphs were evidently forgotten by the Deadwardian Era, they were still available for those who needed them… And in comes fucking Philip, the racist colonizer, and because of his possession of the Titan’s heart, she finally dies and glyphs can no longer work. They’re obsolete now.
They still happened, but now that part of magic, of history and this world, is gone forever. It’s cultural erasure, it’s what Luz alludes to when she mentions how scars from Belos’ reign still remain, like the left arm being permanently shifted upwards; Who knows how many were displaced, how much the local flora and fauna and ecosystems were devastated, with the desert of Palm Stings now colder than even the knee itself?!?
It’s just so deeply painful because Luz really helped to bring back an ancient, lost tradition and unlike Philip, breathed new life into it; Glyphs could be used to help people without bile sacs, who didn’t utilize spell circles as well. We actually saw Luz experiment with using individual glyphs, and figure out the combos; Things she did on her own. She shared knowledge of glyphs with her loved ones, like Eda, King, Lilith, Gus, Amity, etc.
There really was going to be a return of something lost, but now it’s gone forever because of a bigoted old white man who was too bitter about things that are different and needed to feel big and important by standing on the shoulders of others. It’s cultural genocide. That memory where Belos' destructive lies about wild magic drive witches away from the knee that they still had the potential to learn from, leaving behind only ruins in the present-day? With some murdered via the coven sigils that cut them even further off from their own magic they forgot glyphs for? It's truly symbolic of the final nails in the coffin.
And it’s also desecration of the dead, too; Caleb is not the only one to have had his corpse bastardized by Belos, misused against everything he stood for. Belos also misused that corpse, first by stealing the Titan’s name, then misusing her magic, her resources such as Palistrom wood… And finally possessing that body literally, which is what murders the Titan. It’s like colonizers bastardizing and salting the land that locals carefully maintained a proper relationship with, and keep in mind this fucker is a literal Puritan colonist. There’s no respect, not for the dead and/or past. Compare that to Luz, who lives on in Manny’s memory and makes him proud.
I’m just imagining Caleb and the Titan watching, in agony, as their bodies are used to create a vicious mockery towards their actual kin, who remain totally unaware, and in the case of the Grimwalkers, it’s another lineage that is also abused. Meanwhile the Clawthornes remain unknowing of their past because colonialism erases history, hence Belos hiring Flora, and hell even getting Lilith to participate in her own historical erasure, as both Clawthorne and witch!
Meanwhile, King remains oblivious and unconnected to his own heritage. And most of that can also be attributed to the Titan Trappers and Archivists, themselves perpretrators of genocide. So King and Eda go without knowing their heritage for so long, in Eda’s case she may never find out entirely, because it’s part of the many voices who are lost and silenced due to genocide, buried in the past to be forgotten.
And you know one thing more that fucks me up? It’s that I genuinely suspect that Philip initially had it easier with glyphs than Luz, and that he made them more difficult for her. Because based on his dialogue by finding the Ice glyph in a snowflake, and his diary and memory portraits showing him arriving in the isles via Eclipse Lake, at the Knee…
Philip was probably shown his first spell on his first day in the Demon Realm. And it makes sense; The first human, the precedent that the Titan would’ve known by this point, was Caleb; Himself Philip’s brother, who was also raised to be a witch hunter, yet learned better. We know people can view both worlds from that in-between realm, but the Titan still isn’t omnipotent and can only watch through a limited number of cubes at a time, while having to know what and who to look for.
But even so; With Caleb’s precedent, there could’ve been hope that Philip would follow in his footsteps, that he would learn and be more, and actually choose to be better instead of defaulting to Puritan predestination and the like as an excuse to stay the same and absolve him of responsiability. But we know what happened; Philip started off easy, but then made things difficult by rejecting the Titan’s compassion, by misusing her magic for evil and murder and genocide. The Titan showed Philip compassion first and this was how he responded.
I really feel as if there’s an implicit reluctance with how Luz is taught glyphs, one at a time, in separate scenarios, usually as a result of character development and/or engaging with the world around her, which are things the Titan would really need to see to start trusting another human again (and if he knew Luz gave Philip the last glyph, that would also add to the wariness that Belos caused by manipulating her). Luz didn’t learn her first spell until a few days into her journey, and Luz had already had a few perilous encounters by that point! But she continued to brave her way through everything, continued to accept the isles and its messier side.
And so the Titan showed Luz her first spell, and only that, in response to Luz needing it, wanting to learn magic, and most of all humbling herself to be kind to the Titan’s own son, and listen to him; Because neglecting King was what low-key led to Eda’s transformation placing everyone in danger, since he only told Luz about the elixir and agreed to steal it for the sake of getting her attention.
So that makes Luz listening to the Titan for the first time, intentionally, with her second spell –Ice, Philip’s first- so much more hard-hitting. The way she wanted to live out her dream so she went for the wand behind people’s backs, but then recognized and owned up to her mistakes. And she really was just a lonely kid in need of guidance, and not a stubborn adult committed to his cruelty; Luz always had an open mind! She always wanted to learn!
And she got to! She learned each glyph at a time… And that’s all the Titan could do for her, something the Titan had already done for so many others, long ago, before they realized they had bile sacs and didn’t need to rely on the land around them as much. Luz still experimented even when she just had one glyph; She understood how intent mattered. She and Lilith built off of each other’s knowledge to collaborate and create combos. Meanwhile Belos, he agonized because he made things pointlessly difficult by refusing to adapt to the ways of another land, and only got his first and last glyphs by taking the compassion of someone who knew them and betraying it.
Plus there’s what I said about Lilith, her whole thing as Caleb’s descendant, directly abused by Belos and belittled by him, made to participate in her own erasure loss of past, separated from that… Really, one could argue the Clawthornes are like the Boiling Isles equivalent to the Irish; Yeah they're white but that doesn't mean they aren't victims of British colonialism that sought to 'conquer the land' and all that.
The Clawthornes are generally known for big orange hair, with Lilith's curly hair being straightened and dyed dark-blue in an attempt to assimilate within the Emperor's Coven's (AKA Philip's) standards of conformity. They worked with the land via the Palistrom carving and began to lose that because of the trees being endangered by Belos' gluttony, as well as the curse disabling Dell; The very curse created by the Archivists, who also invaded this world, the very curse cast by Lilith because the coven system influenced her to feel shame over wild magic and embrace hierarchy instead.
The curse leads to Eda's loss of bile magic, something very important to her and witches in general, and Lilith loses her own trying to mitigate her own mistakes. So not just glyphs are taken from witches, but even their own bile magic they initially replaced them with, and the other resources of the land. And Lilith is cut off from her family, her real family, as she's taken in by an ancestor who has deliberately distanced himself and loathes her on multiple levels as something to be 'fixed'.
But Lilith gets her hair back and re-embraces it, she gets her family back. She still manages to somewhat retain her past; After all, Lilith gets to go to the Deadwardian Era herself! And she meets, as much as it loathes anyone to acknowledge it, an ancestor, and influences history in a subtle yet personally meaningful way. And Lilith helps re-establish contact with the lost practice of glyphs by figuring out how to combine them, which goes hand in hand with her passion of being a historian, and her additional function as both parallel and especially foil to Philip.
Just… Luz and the Titan. And Caleb. And Lilith. There’s dead people and there’s history and there’s land, there’s bodies and respect. There’s compassion and actually working with people and finding no shame in that, instead of stealing and taking credit. And in the end, even though they manage to regain some things, a lot was still inevitably lost to genocide, and possibly gone forever.
But the effects and legacy still linger, Luz still remembers and holds dear what the glyphs did; And she honors not just Manny’s legacy, but Caleb’s, by bridging the gap between humanity and witches, and showing both can co-exist in harmony. She helped his descendants, and even the last Grimwalker, find happiness and reconnect with their heritage, even if they don’t know just how close it is to them in particular. Luz honored the Titan by clearing his name, finding his son, and ensuring the last of the Titans is no longer alone and in understanding of his heritage. Luz even made amends with the Titan’s other greatest regret, harming the Collector, by making peace; And she proved glyphs were still useful, they were still kind, and that compassion wasn’t wasted.
So even if the Titan’s glyphs are gone now, Luz still honored their memory by sharing them freely and helping, teaching, cultivating. The Clawthornes are rebuilding the Palistrom forests, among them is Hunter who as a Grimwalker was one of the purposes for which Belos devastated those natural resources for. And King… King is beginning to develop his own glyphs! And Luz is learning her first one, Light, from a Titan all over again, because she showed King kindness.
That honors the Titan’s memory by keeping it alive through her son; Who keeps the memory of glyphs alive through the ones he’ll sustain and share with everyone else, and those glyphs will spread to those without and even with bile sacs. And a lost art is brought back, irreversibly different but still intact in the important ways. People are relearning old practices to apply to a new world, because the past is gone but it still lingers and is simply… reborn. Despite the scars and changes it survives and is still itself.
And with how all of this loops back to Luz’s relationship with her father Manny, who passed away, and how all that was based on Dana’s own relationship with her deceased father, who left her a final gift in Pokemon Red that she chose to cherish to this day, and embrace her own creativity and keep it alive. It’s a story about things dying but still managing to live anyway.
The social forces that prevent you from being able to admit to your own desires in the safety of your own mind are far more evil than any desire you could have.
Unacted desires are fundamentally neutral, and you can't decide what to do about the things you want unless you can admit to yourself what they are in the first place. Everyone has desires that would hurt other people if they acted on them, but most people would not actually go out and do anything they know would cause harm. Far more harm is done in this world by people who are trying to pretend they can't possibly want anything they think is bad than people running around going "ehehehe I love hurting people!"
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spiderman just left the pizza box on the roof but then came back a minute later and clearly felt bad for littering so now hes swinging through downtown holding an empty pizza box