Tonight I can write...

Each year, some 200 bakers in Paris enter the competition, delivering two of their best baguettes to a panel of expert jurors first thing in the morning. The baguettes are inspected to ensure that they measure between 55-65cm in length and weigh between 250-300g. Less than half of the 400-plus baguettes that are entered into the competition meet these strict criteria and move on to round two: judging.

In the next round, the 14-member jury – which includes culinary journalists, the previous year’s winner and a few lucky volunteers – analyse the remaining loaves based on five distinct categories: la cuisson (baking), l’aspect (appearance), l’odeur (smell), le goût (taste) and the oh-so-French la mie (crumb). A baguette’s crumb should be tender but not damp; spring back when pressed; and exhibit the large, irregular holes that show it has been allowed to slowly ferment and develop flavour.

Karen: Ruined what?

Denys: Being alone.

Karen: Have I?