#zosan poly

Zoro leans forward, balancing his elbow on his knee “If you want something good, have some sake with me instead.” He tilts a small bottle in your direction, eyes locked on you like it’s a challenge.

Sanji’s smile disappears in an instant “Oi, mosshead, don’t be ridiculous! Sake before noon? You’ll ruin her refined taste.”

Zoro smirks “Refined? She’s not some porcelain doll you have to coddle, curly-brow.”

“And she’s not some battle-hardened brute like you!” Sanji snaps, rolling up his sleeves.

You groan, rubbing your temples “Are you two really doing this right now?”

Neither of them pays you any mind. Their bickering escalates, Sanji accusing Zoro of having the palate of a wild animal, Zoro insisting that Sanji is overcompensating for his lack of strength.

You shake your head, popping one of the strawberries into your mouth. A little indulgence and a little chaos. Just another morning on the Sunny.

You sit at the dining table, halfway through your stolen strawberries, watching Zoro and Sanji continue their never-ending war. Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper peek in from the hallway, clearly entertained.

“Y/N, you should decide” Luffy suddenly declares, pointing at you.

You freeze mid-bite “Decide what?”

Luffy grins “Sake or strawberries?”

Zoro smirks “Hah. Easy win.”

Sanji scoffs, rolling his eyes “Like hell.” He turns to you with that charming, borderline dangerous smile “Come on, Y/N, tell these fools what real class is.”

Zoro leans in, arms crossed “Or maybe you’d rather handle your drinks like a real pirate.”

You chew slowly, suddenly regretting waking up this morning.

The rest of the crew gathers, waiting for your answer. Even Nami looks mildly interested. You consider your options carefully, choosing one side means feeding their egos for life.

So, naturally, you pick chaos.

“Why choose?” you say, swallowing the last bite “I can enjoy both.”

Silence.

“Tch. Cop-out answer” Zoro mutters, leaning back.

Sanji dramatically places a hand over his heart “Ah, but that means she appreciates my refined taste and your barbaric drinking habits. What a gracious woman.”

Zoro grunts “Whatever. I still bet I can outdrink both of you.”

Sanji’s eyebrow twitches “Bet? You think Y/N would waste a perfectly good night on your dumb drinking contests?”

“Why not?” Zoro smirks “Scared?”

Sanji slams a hand on the table “Fine. Let’s make it interesting.” He turns to you, eyes gleaming with something mischievous “You in, Y/N?”

You blink “Wait, what? I didn’t—”

“Too late, you’re in!” Luffy declares happily, completely ignoring your protests.

Zoro grins, reaching for his bottle “Hope you can keep up, sweetheart.”

Sanji flips his hair “Please. I’ll make sure the drinks are actually worth drinking.”

You exhale. It’s going to be a long night.

A small table, three bottles of sake, and an ever-growing audience. You sit between Zoro and Sanji, already regretting every choice that led to this moment.

“Rules are simple,” Usopp announces, playing referee “You drink, you keep drinking, and you don’t pass out. Last one still standing wins.”

“I’m not even sure why I agreed to this” you mutter, eyeing the sake bottle in front of you.

Zoro smirks “Too late to back out now.”

Sanji leans closer, resting an arm on the back of your chair “Don’t worry, ma belle, I won’t let this barbarian ruin your delicate palate.”

You grab the sake bottle and pour yourself a drink “I think I’ll survive.”

Luffy claps “Alright! Let’s go!”

Round One

The first sip burns, but it’s smooth. You let it settle, watching Zoro down his drink like it’s water. Sanji takes his time, savoring it like fine wine.

“You drink like an old man” Zoro snorts.

Sanji exhales, eyes closed “You drink like a dehydrated idiot.”

You ignore them and take another sip. The crew cheers.

Round Two

Zoro slams his empty cup down “You good, Y/N?”

You nod, feeling warm but steady “You’re not winning that easily.”

Sanji smirks, pouring another round “That’s the spirit, sweetheart.”

The competition continues. Shot after shot. Zoro stays unfazed. Sanji maintains his elegance. You’re somewhere in between, like buzzed, but totally determined.

Round Five… or Six?

You’re laughing now. At what? Who knows. But Zoro’s grumbling about something, Sanji’s dramatically ranting about “the art of pairing drinks" and Usopp’s trying to keep Luffy from stealing a bottle.

“You’re swayin’, sweetheart” Zoro points out, squinting at you.

You squint back “So are you.”

Sanji chuckles “I think we’ve reached our limit for tonight.”

Zoro frowns “Tch. Speak for yourself.” He tries to stand… and immediately sits back down.

The crew bursts into laughter.

You stretch, victorious “I think that means I win.”

Sanji grins “Ah, a truly magnificent woman.”

Zoro groans “Rematch. Tomorrow.”

You shake your head, leaning back “You two are impossible.”

But the warmth in your chest is not just the alcohol. It’s them.

The sun is way too bright.

You groan, turning over in your hammock, only to regret it immediately. Your head pounds, your mouth is dry, and worst of all there’s movement above you. Loud, heavy footsteps.

“Rise and shine, drunkards!” Nami’s voice cuts through your skull like a dagger “Time to work!”

You peek one eye open, barely registering the blurry figures around you. Zoro is slumped against the mast, arms crossed, snoring. Sanji is sprawled across a deck chair, one arm draped dramatically over his face.

“Ugh,” you mumble, sitting up “What happened?”

“You all lost,” Usopp informs you, grinning “Zoro passed out five minutes after you. Sanji tried to make breakfast but fell asleep with his head in the oven. Franky had to save him.”

Sanji groans “Don’t remind me.”

Zoro cracks an eye open “Tch. I still say I could’ve kept going.”

You rub your temples “You literally lost consciousness.”

“And yet, here I am. Still standing.” He shifts slightly against the mast, clearly not standing.

Sanji stretches, cracking his neck “Well, as much as I’d love to argue with the walking pile of bricks, I have a more pressing concern.” He looks at you, a mischievous glint in his eye “Did you enjoy yourself last night, ma chérie?”

You roll your eyes, but before you can answer—

“You laughed at all my jokes” Zoro interrupts.

Sanji gasps “That can’t be true.”

Zoro smirks “Oh, it is. She even said—”

You slap a hand over his mouth “Nope. Whatever embarrassing thing I said last night, we’re all forgetting it. Forever.”

Sanji chuckles “Oh, this is gold. Tell me more, mosshead.”

Zoro pulls your hand away, grinning lazily “She said I had nice arms.”

“Nice arms? His arms?” Sanji scoffs, crossing his own “Impossible. You must’ve misheard, mosshead.”

Zoro stretches, very deliberately flexing “Nah. She said it. Something about how they look strong but also—what was it? Surprisingly comfortable?”

Your soul leaves your body.

Sanji’s eyes narrow, and in an instant, he’s kneeling beside you, taking your hand like you’re some delicate princess “Ma chérie, tell me it’s not true. Surely, in your fine, inebriated state, you didn’t actually compliment this brute?”

You snatch your hand back “I was drunk!”

Zoro chuckles “Drunk words are sober thoughts, sweetheart.”

You throw a pillow at him “Then I take it back. Your arms are terrible.”

He catches it easily, smirking “Too late.”

Sanji leans in, studying your face with a devilish grin “If you were handing out compliments last night, what did you say about me?”

You freeze.

Zoro perks up “Oh yeah. You definitely said something about him too.”

Sanji’s eyes light up “Did she?”

You shake your head rapidly “Nope. Didn’t happen. He's obviously making fun of you.”

Usopp cackles from the sidelines “Oh, it definitely happened. Wanna hear what you said?”

You grab the nearest object, aka Nami’s sandal, and chuck it at him “Usopp, I swear—”

He ducks, laughing harder.

Sanji taps his chin, pretending to think “Let’s see… What would our dear Y/N have said about me in her drunken honesty?”

Luffy smiles “Something about your hands.”

Sanji blinks “My hands?” Then, realization dawns. His smirk turns dangerous “Oh~? Mon amour, were you admiring my hands last night?”

You feel your soul leaving your body again.

Usopp hums in fake thought “I think it was something like… ‘His hands are unfairly attractive’?”

Sanji gasps dramatically, clutching his chest “You do appreciate fine craftsmanship!”

“I AM GOING TO THROW MYSELF INTO THE SEA.”

Sanji laughs, reaching for your hand again “I can give you a proper demonstration, if you like.”

Zoro rolls his eyes “Gross.”

You groan, burying your face in your hands “This is the worst day of my life.”

Luffy grins “Nah, this is fun! Let’s drink again tonight!”

Absolutely. Not.

The teasing doesn’t stop there.

For the rest of the day, every time Sanji hands you something, he makes sure you see his hands. Passing you a plate? He does it with a dramatic flourish. Offering you a napkin? He takes your fingers in his and presses it gently into your palm, like he’s bestowing a royal gift.

“Enjoying the view, ma chérie?” he purrs, winking.

Meanwhile, Zoro has taken to flexing at random intervals. Not obvious flexing, just enough movement when he stretches or crosses his arms to remind you of your past mistake.

“Need help carrying that?” he asks when you’re lifting a barrel, voice full of smug amusement.

“No.” you deadpan.

He grins “Shame. Would’ve been a good excuse to admire my arms again.”

You consider throwing the barrel at him.

The crew is no help. Usopp won’t stop laughing, Nami looks too entertained, and Luffy keeps saying “Y/N, say more funny drunk things!” like you’re a performing seal.

By dinner, you’ve had enough.

You slam your cup down “Fine! Yes! I said things! But you two are the ones who won’t let it go!”

Zoro smirks “Because it’s fun.”

Sanji grins “Because it’s true.”

You glare “You wish I was thinking those things sober.”

Sanji leans closer, voice dropping just for you “Who says you’re not?”

Zoro tilts his head “If you weren’t thinking it, you wouldn’t be so worked up.”

You open your mouth just to snap it shut right away. They’re both infuriating.

Sanji smirks, Zoro smirks, and you swear if one more person smirks at you tonight, you will riot.

“Dinner’s over,” you declare, standing “I’m going to bed. Alone.”

Sanji laughs “Sweet dreams, ma belle.”

Usopp grins “Try not to dream about their unfairly attractive features.”

You definitely thought of throwing a fork at them all.

But, you should’ve known better than to expect peace.

Zoro doesn’t move his arm, making you stop from leaving. If anything, he pulls you in just a little closer, the warmth of his body radiating through your clothes. His grip is easy, familiar, possessive.

Sanji clicks his tongue, slipping closer to you. His hand finds your knee under the table, tracing small circles against your skin like a silent counterclaim “Tch. Just because she tolerates you doesn’t mean she’s just yours, mosshead.”

Everyone watching with interest, not talking.

You glance between the two, heat creeping up your neck “Do I get a say in this conversation?”

“No” they say in unison.

You groan, grabbing a roll from the table and biting into it aggressively. You let them act like this, and they know it.

Because the truth is whatever this is between the three of you, it’s long past subtle.

It’s in the way Sanji always makes your plate first at dinner, and how Zoro wordlessly steals bites from it without a second thought. It’s in the way Zoro keeps a hand on your waist when you stand at the railing together, and how Sanji absentmindedly tucks your hair behind your ear while he talks.

It’s in the quiet moments. The ones the rest of the crew pretends not to see.

Like last night.

When you were cold, and Zoro pulled you into his arms without hesitation. When Sanji draped his jacket over you both and muttered “Idiots… the both of you” before settling beside you.

When you fell asleep between them, feeling warmer than you ever had before.

But none of you say it out loud.

And yet, here they are, arguing over you like you aren’t already theirs.

Sanji sighs, tilting his head toward you “You deserve better, mon amour.”

Zoro grins lazily “And yet, here she is.”

You roll your eyes, finishing your bread “You’re both ridiculous.”

Zoro hums “Yeah, but you love us anyway.”

You freeze.

Sanji stills.

Everyone gasps while Luffy starts laughing as if that's the funniest thing he ever saw.

Zoro blinks “…Did I say that out loud?”

Sanji smirks “Oh-ho, you did.”

Your heart pounds. Because the worst part?