The two reasons why I haven't been here in so long...
1) The past year I've combined a full-time job with studying. I want to climb the corporate ladder to some sort of manager's position but can't do that based on the degree I have. So I need to take extra courses to be qualify for an interview.
At the end of June I was halfway done with the needed courses. I had passed them!
Then at the beginning of July I got a new job. Not yet a manager's position but a step in the right direction. I was so excited because it would mean more money, but most importantly new challenges.
Unfortunately it meant that July and August were going to be busy months as well as I had to train the girl who was going to replace me in the current job, but also do the job itself and clean up so she wouldn't be buried in old files and whatnot. (I was also handed extra tasks but I don't want to get into that.) Aka it meant that I still wouldn't have a proper vacation after that extremely busy period.
I didn't know when the new job would start. My guess was mid- or end of September.
2) At the beginning of August, I noticed that something was off... I was winded so quickly. Just explaining how the budgeting worked to the new girl already made me grasp for air or just picking up a print-out from the other room made me feel dizzy. But I chalked it up to being exhausted after everything.
Until mid-August when I walked up the one flight of stairs to my apartment and I just couldn't breathe properly at all. It felt like the air was blocked from going into my lungs. It was then that I knew that I had to go to the doctor.
Very luckily and thankfully, the doctor was very alert and felt something was really wrong, so she called the lab to get my blood samples immediately instead of the next day. In the evening, around 18h, she called me to say my blood results weren't okay and that I needed to go to the emergency right away.
I was hospitalised for a week because of a double pulmonary embolism. Apparently, I was at the brink of death as the doctor said my heart could have stopped beating if I had walked around with it a little longer. (So yes, I was almost a goner.)
The doctor said I needed to stay home from work to recuperate. For now, it's until the end of October. My new boss was very understanding and postponed the start of the job to when the doctor has cleared me.
Last week, I had tests to see how my heart and lungs were doing, and good news: my heart hasn't suffered any damage and has healed. The bloodcloths in my lungs have dissolved. Now, I just need to restore my lung capacity. I go to a physical therapist to help improve my breathing again.
Unfortunately, they haven't found the cause of it yet. But there will be other tests for that in November.
Also, it's been really confrontational how little colleagues care... These are people I have worked with for five years and only three ask me how I'm doing. Actually not just co-workers, people in general. It's like my mom told me, "If they don't see anything physically wrong with you, people don't believe or want to realise what's happening."
I'm not doing so well mentally either because of this, but I have asked my therapist if I can have an appointment every two weeks instead of four to help with that as well.
All of this is why I haven't been around much, except for liking a handful of posts here and there. But I want to get back to the living and do what I love again instead of throwing myself into my "career" (qoute marks because honestly it's not an impressive one at all).
