Culture Notes: My First (Big) Miscommunication
There are different ways of asking for things in one's own culture, let alone trying to figure out another. Giving advice has the same properties.
My colleague talked to me before the Kindergarten class telling me that by putting a misbehaving child in the other room it made him sad. I replied in saying that was the point because he was hitting and shouting at the other students. She said "Maybe you shouldn't do that," to which I said, "Why, he was misbehaving? Is there another way I should have handled it?" She didn't offer me an explanation.
After said class--where EVERYTHING went wrong, my plan, my backups, the backups to those--she had told me she had been watching and said that I need to have colored my flashcards because students respond well to flashcards. I said the problem is their behavior, not lack of colors; colors won't get them to behave. How can I get them to behave? She offered no answer to this either.
She went on to say that the parents were complaining about how much money they were spending on their children having a good English education and that they want their children speaking English phrases. I said that the students were five and could barely speak sentences in Chinese well. She said that she thought that they can. She then asked me to write a syllabus to give to the parents so that she can talk with them about what I do in class because their children aren't improving.
Not wanting to do more work I was frustrated.
I asked my supervisor why she was doing that, and my supervisor said that the colleague should not be telling me to do things, and that if she wanted me to do something she would tell me.
Another meeting, a week later, I asked my colleague if I could talk privately with her, she refused. I said okay and that I appreciated the comments but I would need information on how to control the students, not on how to teach them. If they can pay attention, then I can do my job better. If there's something a student needs you need to tell me beforehand. "For next time, what things do I need to know about the students that I can and cannot do?" she told me nothing.
I said that if she wanted me to do the syllabus work then she would need to talk with our supervisor, because I don't want to do more work than I do now, and if she approves of it, then I'll do it. The job I need to to is have the students speak and listen, just to help out until a regular teacher comes to take my place. Then I asked how could the parents know if their children were improving if they don't speak Chinese themselves. She said that the five-year-olds have tutors.
I said that that was good, but they're five, they're not going to improve that much that soon. She disagreed with me. I suggested that the parents could talk to me and she said that I couldn't speak Chinese--which isn't true at all, and had she taken into account the fact that these are five-year-old Native Chinese Speakers, let alone actually listening to the lessons she wouldn't have made the assumption. She said that I was never here when the parents come, even though I stay after the last bell to wait for them and before I go to my other classrooms to talk with those parents.
The meeting wasn't as good as I would hoped--mostly because I made several other mistakes that day in class, so I was already defensive--and I was being proud and stubborn with my colleague. Most of it had to do with what WAS NOT said.
The parents were complaining to HER saying it was HER fault that the kindergartners weren't learning enough fast enough
That she wanted me to HELP her solve the above problem by writing the syllabus
My colleague sees what's wrong with what I'm doing, but can't express how to change the problems (so it sounds like she's being a Debby Downer)
What she needed to have done:
Explained what help she needs
Explain her perspective on the situation "This is how I see it because..."
I don't receive criticism well--especially without solutions or a presentation that sounds like it will help someone else
Whenever someone says "Let's talk" I get defensive right off the bat, so that doesn't help when I need to be open
What little pride I do have I hang onto with an iron grip because I'm more sensitive than I would like to believe, and for anyone else to believe for that matter
That iron grip if fueled by even more powerful stubbornness
What I need to do from now on:
Ask how she wants something done
Ask why she wants something done
A big component of this is that the pretenses under which I agreed to teach the class was "Do you have some free time? Can you help out at the KG class?" and I don't want to do extra work. The best thing is always to ask more questions and at the very least appear inquisitive even though that would be the last thing that I would want to do.
This is probably culture plus personal disagreement and misunderstanding. My face was red the whole time and I was trying not to get flustered. Unfortunately I can't rationalize my feelings until much much later--my gut reactions are always based on something completely rational, and I never realize why until later; ironic, yeah.
In the coming weeks I'll treat my colleague with respect and do as she asks if it's within reason. There's nothing else that I could do except listen and appreciate her even if it's not something that I would want to do because it's the right and better thing to do.
So for now, I'll sleep on it and let you know how it goes.
