#zeblue

- Blue's mother's name is Diannen Ferah. His dad is *mumble mumble* Wrengan, listen I'm working on it. Something beginning with 'R', I feel, I need to like gently Star Warsify 'Roderick' or something. (I did indeed name the two oldest Ferah sisters after two different iterations of Moon Goddess haha. Diannen = Dianna, her sister Salena = Selene. They're both pale and perpetually disdainful, Di had bright red hair and Sal has dishwater insipid blond hair.)

- Blue’s dad was on paper a diplomat and in reality a committed dilettante, his mother did most of the actual running of the business(es) they owned and had a personal interest in the tech development side of her own family. The original Lady Wrengan basically told Diannen ‘well this is all going to be on you because unfortunately my womb produced a total failson. Too bad you can't engineer that shit as easily as you can a plant. At least it’s your problem now peace out’ on her deathbed. 

- LMAO oh Blue’s dad definitely called him ‘Addie’ when he was clumsily (and as earnestly as possible for him) trying to be affectionate and even at six years old Blue was like ‘...I’ll overlook it within the relative safety of the family home because you rarely even acknowledge I’m in the room and I’ll take whatever I can get, but you CANNOT call me that in public dad. You simply can’t’. His mom backed him on that. A handful of times — when Blue was very sick or had a childhood mishap that could have gone really badly — his father called him ad’ika. 

- His aunt also called him ‘Addie’ for a while, in the early days of being his guardian when she was still trying to endear herself to him. When he was weighing up whether to tell Zero to actually kill her, this was in no way a non-factor. She’ll never know how close she got to oblivion there.

- As so often with these things among their class of people, the marriage of Blue’s parents was less a marriage and more of a business merger. They did not grow to find much common ground as time went on — they travelled together semi-frequently to attend public occasions, but they had separate rooms everywhere they went and rarely voluntarily had anything to do with each other day to day. 

Technically his father married up — his mother is from a more established if not as wealthy family, the Ferahs (there was a whole Ordo married into that lineage, if you go back far enough, and they were respected by real warrior clans for their tech savvy once before they saw the way the wind was blowing and jumped on the pacifist train), so even though he had the title and the money she had the (bloodsoaked) Class and Gentility to wash some of the nouveau riche stink off him. Think gender inverted American heiresses marrying into British aristocracy in the late 1800s/1900s situation. Blue is a Winston Churchill type baby that way haha. There are also a lot more members of his mother’s family overall; she had several sisters (of which she was the oldest) and a vast sea of cousins and other more remote relatives. The Wrengans were down to one slim slender branch at Blue’s birth. And indeed is going to fade out of existence that way, in all likelihood, given that Blue is spectacularly gay and in a cross-species relationship to boot fhasj. 

(there is a storyline in my head about Blue having to get in a political marriage real fucking quick for survival reasons (Empire gonna Empire, he never thought the leopards were gonna eat his/Zero's face etc.), and it’s half a comedy of errors and half Zero (and Blue :) ) torture dungeon. I think it would be a complete and utter clusterfuck but it would probably be quite funny. The idea that Blue thought it was so obvious it was a sham/lavender marriage that he didn’t think to specify that to Zero at any point is both frighteningly plausibly in character and sssso juicy and terrible. Because I am a sap and also love them it ends happily after some long overdue Communication though needless to say. Even for the poor lady who’d end up married to Blue, since she’d be one of the richest people in the galaxy and get to do her own thing forever. Fhaskjfhdsa the idea of Zero being about to run away with his little bounty hunter bindle because he thinks Blue’s fallen in love with someone else and didn’t even think to tell him (or worse, values the furthering of his career so blatantly over their relationship) while Blue is like ‘Oni what the FUCK are you talking about????’ in utter panic trying to block the door and he did all this to keep Zero safe in the first place but he’s an idiot and a fool……………………. So painful. So stupid. Some part of me wants it so bad.

ETA: As I'm posting this this fic is in fact 98% done, way longer than I intended, and exactly as stupid as you imagine. let's hope I can get it over the finish line in less than a year) 

- His dad fairly openly had mistresses — Blue got to know a lot more about the details of that than he ever wanted to after he died, since he gained/got himself full insight into his finances. His mother seemingly never had any affairs or other romantic/sexual relationships after she got married. Blue sometimes wonders whether she just didn’t feel any urges to, was just plain too busy to, or if, Force help her, she actually did love her husband in some way. (This is a really sad situation where there might actually have been some love there on both sides, and neither of them would in a million years know what to do with it other than use it to hurt each other. Consider that Blue as he is in the current day is saved by having been unconditionally loved by Zero, at the very least. He is more emotionally and interpersonally functional than either of his parents ever were on their best day. Yeah. Your shudder of horror is correct things were that dire.)   

- Despite his vast inherited wealth, you better believe Papa Wrengan was also embezzling in all directions like it was going out of style. Once more this was something Blue only discovered the extent of after his father’s death, going through his papers. Blue credits this as the best lesson his father ever taught him. “My father always told me that the only limits in life should be ‘what can I get away with’. In his case, that was ‘a rather astounding amount’, and so… what can I aspire to but to exceed him?”

- Blue is ambivalent about his given first name; there’s a reason he’s pushed the ‘Blue’ thing so hard. ‘No one ever calls me that but Synox and my mother’ vibes. (He is okay with Synox using it, though. Dear diary: I’m on a roll with Synox recently! XOXO Blue) Most people who address him by name rather than alias go with last name basis or ‘Lord Wrengan’. 

To Zero he’s always been ‘Blue’; it was the HoloNet signature under which Blue first approached him.

- The red hair is from his mum, his dad was more of a strawberry blond gone sandy-brown as he aged situation. They were both pale, tall and lanky, as if the New Mandalorians were seeking the answer to the question ‘can we create the most heron-like human being hitherto imagined purely through traditional genetic means’ and Blue was the answer. Yes. We can.  

His mum was considered quite pretty in an untouchable, not very pleasant kind of way (I’m imagining somewhere in the Mercymorn the first zone). His dad was pretty plain and non-descript white guy coded but charismatic (and with good hair which sometimes goes as the same thing, until it started to thin). Their family resemblance is only middling unless you saw them both smile side by side.  

- There’s a HUGE portrait of Blue’s father over his desk in his office back at the family mansion. That portrait has been hanging there since the days it was in fact his father’s office. On another wall, given pride of place but demonstratively smaller, there’s one of Blue’s grandmother in her lab. Papa Wrengan might… have had some complexes, being sandwiched between a once-in-a-generation brilliant mother, a cutthroat clever wife and a son who was showing every sign he would one day outshine him in that regard as well. It did very much bleed through in how he treated Blue. Sort of a ‘I’ll emotionally punish you for not living up to my standards, and also punish you for meeting or exceeding them because it makes me feel small’ catch-22 situation. You hate to see it. You’re going to create a very weird and fucked up fragile young man with this one bro 

- God. I want to draw the miserable family portrait that was surely commissioned when Blue was a kid now.  I think it does hang in his father’s office but sort of bashfully in a place you don’t naturally look when entering the room. Blue sees it from his desk, though. 

- Diannen Ferah was a painter of some talent; it was one of her rare hobbies. Her husband collected art. They had diametrically opposed tastes and rarely spoke about it. (A bit like Blue and Zero with music, probably, but with less affection and goodwill existing between them otherwise lol.) His dad liked traditional art that ‘at least looks like something’, his mom was more experimental and bold and fit more into the New Mandalorian art deco type thing we see in Clone Wars. Ooh now I’m imagining baby Blue sitting in her atelier watching her work because she said it was okay if he stayed quiet and did his homework….. (obviously he didn’t stay quiet for very long but I think she knew him well enough to at least not really expect him to) 

Fic snippet with nowhere else to go, Blue is probably like... seven here:

He gazed at the pale grey-blue figure up in the top right corner of the canvas. Despite its lack of definition in a figurative sense it looked very cold and very far away, out of reach like the clouds were out of reach. 

Pointing to it before he could think better of it, stupidly and on instinct, a gambit he hadn’t intended to make, he asked: “Is that Dad?” 

She shifted her eyes down to him and kept him in her gaze for a long time — longer, he thought, than she’d ever looked at him before. Then she looked back to her painting, and studied that. He felt his heart under his tongue, the sharp beat of it filling his mouth. 

A small smile appeared at the corner of her lips.

“Yes,” she said, distantly, still just barely smiling. “Maybe it’s that, too. You could be right.” 

Triumph ran hot and cold in his gut. He could never quite tell beforehand what would amuse rather than annoy her, but whenever he managed the balancing act, the thrill was better than anything.

“You should be in bed, Adnau,” she said, gazing at the painting. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten.”  

“Sleep is boring.”

“In this world we must frequently endure boring things, unfortunately.” 

Sometimes when they spoke, it felt like there was a debate inside her Adnau could barely join in on, like he was the ill-prepared lawyer of some kind for a side of her that didn’t even particularly want to be there or argue for itself. 

There was a small speck of blue paint on her cheek, like someone had picked one singular freckle to recolour.  

Figuring she wouldn’t want to go out in the hallway like that for the servants to see, he pointed to the same spot on his own face and said: “You got some paint…”

She did a strange little half-blink. Then, to his surprise, she stepped closer to him, cupped his chin in a soft, careful hand, and touched the brush to his cheek very lightly, like a bird’s wing barely brushing him in passing. She tipped her head to one side as she considered him.

“Now we match,” she said, and gave one of her rare, sudden grins. He hadn’t seen one of those for months. 

He grinned back. The paint felt thick and sticky on his skin, like drying blood. 

- Blue's guardian when his parents died was his maternal aunt — his mother’s younger sister. He was 14, she had not seen him since he was 6, and she severely underestimated him. In defense of the lengths Blue went to here eventually, she was very much planning to cheat him out of his inheritance. Billions of credits will give far more baseline honorable souls than hers these kinds of ideas, and she was also incredibly bitter about how her sister’s identity had been subsumed into the Wrengan family legacy and left little of her previous self behind. Blue went behind his aunt’s back to hire Zero partially to gain control of the inheritance, partially to make sure he did not tragically fall down the stairs and die from the knife he accidentally happened to fall on fifteen times in the process, and partially to find and kill his parents’ killers once his position was secured. (“I’m not going to pretend we were particularly close as a family, but one simply cannot let people go around eradicating one’s parents without retribution, Agent Zero. It sends the wrong signal.” Cue Zero, morbidly amused to hear all this come out of a baby-faced barely even teenager: “Sure thing, boss, just point me in the right direction”.) 

He didn’t have his aunt killed in the end, but she was the first target of The Zero Protocol, and perhaps the reason Blue has such unbudgeable faith in the method hahaha. Having spent months seething in his own lack of agency, having to smile and pretend he didn’t know what his aunt was pulling, alone and without any reliable ally stuck in the family manor (everyone up to and including the minor staff expected his aunt to pull it off and were positioning themselves for the days to come rather than trying to curry favour with what looked to be the losing side)... and then seeing Zero, THE coolest and deadliest person he’s ever met in his life, who is unquestioningly and completely on his side even only for the promise of credits but at least that means he believes Blue will be good for it and that’s more faith than anyone else has ever afforded him, holding a sword to his aunt’s throat and seeing on her face that she knows Blue could make the call at any moment and that would be that, Zero would do it????? I mean I understand why that would change his brain chemistry in a multitude of ways forever. Including his developing sexuality lol

(this is what Establishing the Zero Protocol is about and based on, of course!) 

- At first he thought his aunt might’ve had his parents killed in the first place. If she had, he would have made Zero kill her. He told her this directly in his triumphant baby’s first villain(ish) speech to her while Zero had his sword at her throat. 

He made her keep living in the mansion for several years afterwards. You know. To make sure she was safe :) how much did he enjoy turning the tables on her and half-imprisoning her? A troublingly unchildlike amount. 

- Blue went to boarding school from the age of eight onwards, and was not educated on Coruscant; his parents (especially his dad) had enough national pride to send him to a respectable boarding school on a quiet and out of the way Mid-Rim planet with cultural ties to the Mandalorian diaspora. (It was for the children of diplomats and political dissidents — kids who might need an extra layer of looking after that way lest they suffer some regrettable incident.) The Empire brass do not have to look far to have reasons to sniff at Blue’s presence among their ranks (many of them perfectly reasonable ones like that he’s a whole baby, deeply annoying, flagrantly corrupt and ideologically bankrupt in a way that doesn’t serve them, and a loose cannon), but this is one of the hilariously petty ones.

He rarely saw his parents from that point on except during school holidays. Will you be astounded and amazed to hear they did not visit a lot? 

- I do think they probably loved him as well as they were individually capable of. They might genuinely have thought going away to school would be better for him both in the long run/with a future career and in the short term. It was undeniably also very convenient for them and their state of cold war masking as a marriage. 

- Prior to going to boarding school he had actually spent quite a lot of time with them, travelling around with them on their diplomatic/business trips. Most of the actual childcare was done by nurses and other staff, and bringing him was more of an image move to sell themselves as a Happy Successful Young Family With A Bright Future, but they did also have some genuine pride in how precocious their son was. (As I mention below I think Blue is autistic and his development had that uneven development compared to the expected baseline that sometimes comes along with that. He could read fluently when he was three and to this day cannot tell when he’s hungry.) Unsurprisingly, he did not have many friends his own age haha.   

- Needless to say Blue was relentlessly bullied at boarding school and not very happy there. Over time he was mostly left alone as people who messed with him seemed to have uncanny runs of bad luck, and he was begrudgingly relied upon for his tech savvy as the years wore on. He teamed up with one other girl in his year who’d be similarly bullied — her name was Cordelia Zacht. You’d be hard pressed to call them friends, but they were at the very least allies. Siblings in arms. 

(Cordelia is the poor woman hit by perhaps history's stupidest case of Runaway Bridegroom in the fake marriage fic. Your honor she's a lesbian (listen I keep inventing lesbians I clearly need to write something original actually about lesbians someday soon because they're leaking out through the cracks of my psyche). In the continuity of that fic she does end up very happily married to Blue's cousin Richa, after divorcing his dumb ass <3)

- Blue’s mum brought him to a psychologist for the first time at the age of four months old. (“Is it supposed to cry this much???? Why won’t it kriffing SLEEP”) He was a difficult baby in that he didn’t sleep much and was quite fussy, but his mom was also nuts for that. (To view her with some sympathy — she had some absolutely crushing pressure put on her to be perfect; the perfect mother, wife (well. In public at least, I think she already knew that was a lost cause in private by the time Blue was born), society lady, CEO, daughter, eventually head of the Ferah family too in all but name. She was going unhinged under the inhuman pressure in a very similar way to how we see Blue reach by the gala arc)   

- Zero is considered something of a psychological oddity among ganks for having had a solo career — ganks are societally and evolutionary given to intense pack bonding within small groups. Even Tubaik works closely with Sneak, but before the weird semi-partnership he has formed with Blue despite the whole employer and employee element, Zero did actually work largely alone. 

- Among Ganks, people like Zero and Tubaik who go out and create interspecies bonds are seen as like… weird. Not quite social pariahs or to be shunned, but weird and mildly embarrassing and seen with deep suspicion. Tubaik is probably more side-eyed by the community at large through not covering up and letting everyone know what they look like under all the tech armour. Bro you’re killing the mystique bro the only thing saving us is that they don’t know you’re one of us. We will deny you if you try to claim us btw 

- When Zero started working for him, Blue offhandedly offered him a whole wing of the mansion to live in. Zero went ‘Y’know… I think a room will do just fine, thanks tho!’ 

- Zero did not like working for the Hutt clans, despite Nil being right that it’s as steady work as it gets in their line of business. He does have a streak of honor and decency under all the murder at the end of the day, he has this need for a higher meaning with what he does that his sister didn’t.

- Blue is, in his own words, a phenomenally only child, Zero has a sister, Nil, from whom he’s been estranged for a long time. She’s three years older than him, and the age difference means she has some memories of their mother while he doesn’t, he was too young when she died. (She was killed on a mission gone bad while Zero was very little.) They were raised and trained by their father and his team. Aw. His dad coming home from missions and sitting down to let tiny bb Zero fall asleep on his chest because it was the surest way to calm him… 

(I think his father would run much fewer and only the most low-risk missions while Zero and Nil were small, especially after he became their only parent. He for sure did still kill people, wash the blood off and come home to do childcare semi-frequently, though lol. He’d probably do more of the gathering intel/coordinating the team over radio part of the work while his kids were little, especially since losing his partner.)

- Their dad never had another partner or even passing fling after their mother died. He once told Zero that it was always a ‘one and done’ thing, for him; he’d only wanted her, and she was gone. I feel like Zero thinks of this with like… a mix of admiration, affection, sadness and dread, because he knows he might have that capacity in him too and his childhood was subtly shaded by his father’s quiet but enduring grief.

Zero did sow his wild oats there for a while when he was young, but he does have that incredibly intense connection to one person exactly thing in him and one day it met the matching incredibly intense thing that lives in Blue.  

- Zero was an angry, sullen teenager outside of his home context (where he was more of a mediator between Nil and their dad whenever stubborn streaks clashed), before he chilled out a bit as he closed in on his twenties, and his style tended more punk. His dad was pretty good with him during his most difficult years — he wasn’t the most expressive guy and had high expectations, but he was also patient and steady and unflappable, and loved his children very much. Zero could tell him anything. 

- The callsigns of Zero’s old pack/team were all based around Nil’s name/the concept of ‘nothing’: Zip and Zilch (twins, one year older than Zero but less mature, biologically they were Zero and Nil’s third cousins but they were raised together for fairly long stretches of time), Zero (obviously), and Nix (the daughter of another member of their father’s pack, but raised with them almost as a little sister, the baby of the bunch; she took Zero leaving to have a solo career almost as badly as Nil). Garand, an older member of their father’s pack, also transferred over to keep a tender adopted uncle-ish eye on them. He was not convinced to adopt a new callsign, though haha. Nil is actually just a shortened form of her real name. 

- Zero’s father died when he was seventeen (from illness and quite quickly/unexpectedly, not on a job), and Nil was twenty. Nil took up running a team at his death. Zero didn’t know this, but another member of their parents’ pack — Nix’ father — had gotten himself into deep debt with the hutts, and she was left with the responsibility of paying that down. If he’d known he was leaving her with that as well as trying to secure and build on their dad’s legacy, Zero probably would have stayed on with the team. He would have been miserable and stir crazy restless the whole time, but he would have stayed. 

- Their father’s pack travelled around a lot (hey… they’re gig workers okay you gotta go where the work/murder is), so Zero was raised partially on ships. His complaints about the Bluebird is more about all the fucking stormtroopers always around and Blue’s public announcements at times when Zero considers it borderline illegal that anyone should be awake rather than an issue with living on a ship in principle.

- Zip was exuberant, brilliant and impulsive, and he died early, during the years Zero was away from the team. He was their explosives expert. Zilch is quieter and more withdrawn. He’s taken up bonsai corals as a hobby in adulthood. Good for him.  

- Zero is incredibly good at getting along with people on a surface level/casual acquaintance kind of way — our boy can party — and he has a hard time actually letting people get to know him and make deeper bonds like that; when he does, he tends to go deep enough that it freaks most people out. This was true before The Incident ™ , but even more so afterwards. Blue and Aava are his two exceptions to this/the two people who’ve been capable of meeting his freak, and he values these relationships accordingly. 

VAGUELY SEXUALITY RELATED STUFF

- Blue is in-danger-of-tumbling-off-the-right-side-of-the-Kinsey-scale gay, Zero is bi/pan but had mostly (though not exclusively) been with women long term before Blue. He has barely hooked up with anyone after getting his cybernetics, certainly not to the point of getting fully naked. (He’s more self-conscious about the scars than the cybernetics themselves. I feel like his ambivalence/difficult feelings around them are different and more fraught than they would be if he’d intentionally gotten them to be more effective, instead of as a means to recover from injury. Gank culture might have some weird shrimp colour societal ideas/distinctions about that kind of stuff outsiders wouldn’t necessarily be able to easily parse.)

- Zero goes mostly for the twinkier side of things when it comes to men (source: Blue and also his profound disinterest in Synox to the point of not even intellectually acknowledging any appeal that could be there fdhsa. This might also be a little bit of jealousy, since I think Blue is offhandedly attracted to Synox/the kind of masculinity he embodies and Zero can tell. Possibly better than Blue can. I just find it very funny that both of them are pointing at Synox like ‘do NOT!!!!’ about each other like that’s necessary. It would be against protocol.). He’s a service top along the tumblr knigthposting lines — he gets off (emotionally and sexually) on feeling like he’s serving/protecting/pleasing someone more delicate and soft that he finds more precious than himself, which makes him feel powerful and euphoric to be able to be what they need. (Looking for a smaller, weaker thing to be the strong arm for, I think Raxus had him dead to rights there. It’s not only a sex thing but it is also a sex thing. You feel me.) He attacc he protecc but most of all he get erecc etc.

- Blue is like… casually attracted to many types of men but it all pales into irrelevance compared to the immensity of the psychosexual connection he has to Zero. A sort of ‘other men are technically available, I suppose, but why on earth would I ever give them a moment’s thought when Zero exists’. Valid & correct, rare Blue W 

- Since Blue’s understanding of sex canonically is strictly ‘tab-a-into-slot-b for the purposes of procreation and anything else is unilaterally weird pervert stuff’, I keep wondering if I should make him more repressed/weirder about sex. My ultimate sense is that he’d be surprisingly relaxed and shameless specifically with Zero pretty quickly, both because Zero is a very safe and attentive pair of hands to surrender himself into that way and because of the protective arrogance that means he categorizes it less as ‘sex stuff’ and more as ‘Zero and Blue stuff’. And not even the theoretical figure of God himself, not the Force personified nor the Emperor, no fucking force in existence, could dictate to Blue what his relationship to Zero is. That’s Zero privileges and Zero privileges only.

- Blue chose to hire Zero specifically after seeing surveillance footage of him killing a target. He was slicing around the mansion holonet blocks his aunt had set up for him at the time and shopping around for hired killers. As you do. (Sorry but the idea that he was doing this in the way a boy the same age might furtively be looking up porn and obliviously having some of the same reactions to it too is just very funny to me hfdskjafhas. Not in a snuff film kind of way (I don’t think Blue would have the stomach for that intense study of the violence itself), more in a ‘imagining a very powerful dangerous man committing stunning acts of violence on your behalf, for you’ kind of way. It’s about the rush of power and control (and emotional security of someone being unquestioningly on his team, which he might not have experienced a lot before Zero), not the suffering caused in itself, he’s not that type of sadist.)   

UNSORTED/I JUST THINK IT'S NEAT/WOULD THAT BE FUCKED UP OR WHAT

- Not directly Zeblue related just something I contemplate all the time... the stuff going on between Blue and Synox tho. hey. You ever think about how Blue made the hero of his children’s show someone who’s already an outdated cultural figure — the hero of his very recent childhood, a clone trooper. Synox basically has to act as his action figure. It’s almost but not entirely non-sexual (not that I think Blue would realize that element of it though again I think Zero might lol). Behind the bluster Blue might be Synox’ nr 1 fanboy. Synox tries to appeal to their shared cultural background in the way the clones are forever in the grey zone of Mandalorianness and Blue rebuffs him seemingly not because he doesn’t think the clones count as part of the culture but because he’s dismissive of Mandalorianness overall.  Blue seems to genuinely care about and admire Synox after a while and Synox does seem to, against his will, grow to have some kind of attachment to Blue by the time of the gala arc. Wild stuff. 

- Blue is autistic. I mean I don’t know if this qualifies as a headcanon exactly I feel like it’s just kind of what he is fhska. I’ve said before that the only explanation for him is evil autism crossed with generational wealth and I stand by that. The autism is not what’s wrong with him it’s just also in there. 

Between an unbalanced social skill profile, a really weird and isolated childhood and his many personality flaws… well, there’s your boy. He’s incredibly good at reading the social context and subtext in certain ways, and absolutely astoundingly awful at it in many, many others. Especially when he was younger he operated more from an elaborate map of how he predicted people would think and react from what he’s observed and how he thinks the world works. See for example: his idea of romance and how it’s mostly (a hilariously and almost touchingly innocent selection of) common media romance tropes and an understanding of how a romantic relationship must be performed to seem successful and admirable in the public eye, and how it completely fails to adapt gracefully when he actually is having an innate, genuine romantic experience with Zero. These mental ‘maps’ serve him quite well (he is very smart despite everything, and he does understand quite a bit of how especially systems of power work, and even individual people once he’s had time to observe them, where you can apply leverage to get results)... right up until something gets too complex or emotionally dense or he has his own emotions too tangled up in it for it to work anymore and he crashes and burns spectacularly. 

Idk if I’m quite managing to say what I mean here, but TL;DR: his skill at manipulation, blackmail and other social curlicues is cognitively/intellectually based and result of careful analysis, not on instinctive understanding of people in the moment. It’s partially why he’s so set on gathering All The Information and films everything. Also he’s just a control freak with no respect for anyone’s privacy of course lmao. Like I said the autism isn’t what’s wrong with him.  

His mother was also autistic, but not in a way that aided in any understanding between them whatsoever. 

(She blamed herself for these traits in him, as she’d been criticized for the same traits growing up, and it’s a horrible knot of shame and guilt and fear and anger for her. She sees in him all the things in herself she’s ‘fixed/overcome/conquered’ through tremendous effort and self-punishment, and it makes her feel like she’s failed everyone — him, her family, the clan she married into, herself. Another ‘well thank god that isn’t the sort of thing that can instill life long complexes in someone that might cause some trouble down the line’

when Salena says Diannen told her there was something wrong with her son, this was what that was about in the moment. Salena is of course not wrong to think there IS something wrong with him, but what she thinks of is probably not what Diannen would think of if she could be there in that moment haha. she'd be proud of his ruthlessness and decisiveness and berate him for being weird and a bit cringe in execution. 'You have to work on acting normal while doing these things or people will think you're weird') 

- Man can you believe we’ll probably never really know how Blue learned about the Journal of the Whills or exactly why he wants it, or even why he believes in it in the first place, when he doesn’t seem particularly interested in nor convinced by most other Force-related stuff. I mean great in the ‘it’s free real estate’ fic writer sense, terrible in that it would be fascinating to know. I really enjoy the idea that it’s kind of like Artemis’ dealings with fairies in the Artemis Fowl books — he heard about it when he was still young enough to believe in magic, and by nature the kind of motherfucker who’d want to exploit it

I also surmise his motivations would be largely internal/personal, since despite being perfectly happy to jump on the fascism train to get ahead while that’s the winning horse he does not actually seem to have any particularly deep political, ideological or spiritual convictions whatsoever. I think he’s driven entirely by pure unadulterated self-interest and anything he puts on top of that is just camouflage to get ahead.