#zanivus

Genevan

Zanivus

Ivanus

Zanivan

Katevan

Aarvan

i was bored and did this

*zane is cooking* gene: Any chance that’s for me? zane: It’s for zenix. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need them on my side. sasha: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

zane: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something? gene: Nope, absolutely not. sasha: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through. zenix: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life. vylad: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you. dante: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

zane: gene... How do I begin to explain gene? sasha: gene is flawless. zenix: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000. vylad: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan. dante: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome. (ReGENEa gorge)

zane: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated. gene: Killed without hesitation. zane: No

zane, pointing: May I sit there? janus: That's my lap zane: That doesn't answer my question, janus.

zane: Okay, truth or dare? janus: Truth zane: How many hours have you slept this week? janus: janus: ...Dare zane: Go to bed. janus: I don’t like this game.

zane: I prevented a murder today. janus: Really? How’d you do that? zane: self control.

zane: It’s dark in here janus: Don’t worry dude I got this janus: *Stomps their feet* janus: *Skechers light up*

zane, driving ivan and janus: So how was your day? ivan: We almost got surprise adopted! zane: What? janus: We almost got kidnapped. zane: Oh, okay. zane: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

zane: I told ivan their ears flush when they lie. janus: Why? zane: Look. zane: Hey ivan! Do you love us? ivan, covering their ears: No. janus:

zane: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!

janus: Why are zane and ivan sitting with their backs to each other? gene: They had a fight. janus: Then why are they holding hands? gene: They get sad when they fight.

zane, tending to janus's wounds: How would you rate your pain? janus: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

zane: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you. janus: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. zane: Absolutely not.

*The squad is over at zane's house* janus: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven? zane: ... N-No... zane, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have??? janus, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought! ivan: I see a- zane, motioning to one device: This is a microwave. janus: Oh, well I- zane: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave* zane, amazed: Its got a bake setting! lilian: Ohoho, you learn something new every day! ivy: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first? zane: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin! zane: I am someone who owns four ovens... zane, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS... zane: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens... katelyn, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven! zane: janus: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens! zane: zane, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

zane: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. janus: What if it bites me and it dies!? ivan: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, janus, learn to listen. lilian: What if it bites itself and I die? ivy: That’s voodoo. katelyn: What if it bites me and someone else dies? janus: That’s correlation, not causation. lilian: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die? ivy: That’s kinky. zane: Oh my God. (this one is cannon)

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker* zane: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know. Everyone: janus: ...I did. I broke it. zane: No. No you didn't. ivan? ivan: Don't look at me. Look at lilian. lilian: What?! I didn't break it. ivan: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken? lilian: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken. ivan: Suspicious. lilian: No, it's not! ivy: If it matters, probably not, but katelyn was the last one to use it. katelyn: Liar! I don't even drink that crap! ivy: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier? katelyn: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, ivy! janus: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, zane. zane: No! Who broke it!? Everyone: ivy: zane... ivan's been awfully quiet. ivan: rEALLY?! *Everyone starts arguing* zane, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. zane: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. zane: zane: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.(this one is also cannon)

zane, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here. janus: Hey. ivan: Hi. lilian: Hello. ivy: Hey! zane: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only! katelyn: We were out of Doritos.

zane: Time for plan G. janus: Don’t you mean plan B? zane: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. ivan: What about plan D? zane: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. lilian: What about plan E? zane: I’m hoping not to use it. ivy dies in plan E. katelyn: I like plan E.

Staring Zane, Janus and Ivan (they are all dating)

Zane: What doesn't kill me should run, because now I'm fucking pissed.

Zane: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

Zane: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.

Zane: 'Person of interest' is almost too flattering. Zane: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,' I'd be like, 'Moi? Oh, do go on.'

Janus: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

Janus: People are always asking me if I'm a morning person or a night person. Janus: And I'm just like, 'Buddy! I'm barely even a PERSON!' (true)

Janus: You think I really give a fuck? I can’t even read.

Janus: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'Haven’t decided yet' is typically a good response.

Ivan: You wanna see how hardcore I am? Ivan: *punches wall* Ivan: Ivan: Take me to the hospital. (Ivan is pathetic and i love him for it)

Ivan: I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck

Ivan: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?' Ivan: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.

Ivan, motioning to a Halloween display: All these ghosts! All these ghosts! I still can’t find a boo.

Ivan: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me. Zane: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you? Ivan: Yes! Janus: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

Ivan: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death? Zane: How am I supposed to know? Janus: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult. Zane: *sighs* Zane: You wouldn't be trapped.

Ivan: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Zane does? I mean, what if they jumped off a cliff? Janus: If Zane were to jump off a cliff, they would’ve done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Zane jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff. Ivan: You jump off a cliff! Janus: Gladly. Provided Zane did first.

Ivan: HELP! I TOLD JANUS I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK! Zane, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Ivan: Zane and I don’t use pet names. Janus: I see. Hey, what do bees make? Ivan: Honey? Zane: Yes, dear? Ivan: Janus: Don't ever lie to my face again.

Ivan: In my defense, I was left unsupervised. Zane: Wasn't Janus with you? Janus: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Ivan, trying to ask Zane out: Would you like to stay for dinner? Janus: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER? (this is cannon)

Ivan: WHY. why did you give Janus a KNIFE?! Zane: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe. Ivan: Now I feel unsafe! Zane: I’m sorry. Zane: ... would you like a knife?

Ivan: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth? Zane: You’re a hazard to society Janus: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

Ivan: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running? Zane: Oh, I’m always running Zane: The question is from what

Ivan: Top 30 reasons why Ivan is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you! Zane: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!

Ivan: I am not out of control! I'm a law abiding citizen! Zane: Really? Name one law Ivan: Don't kill people? Zane: That's on me. I set the bar too low.

Ivan: Welcome, fellow idiots Zane: Hello, Ivan Ivan: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot Zane: You underestimate me

Ivan, trying to cheer the group up: Things could be worse, you know! Zane: How? Ivan: How what? Zane: How could they be worse? Ivan: They couldn’t, I lied. Zane:

Ivan: So are we flirting right now? Zane: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU Ivan: That doesn’t answer my question

Ivan: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Zane's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get them out...

Ivan: Where are you going? Zane: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there

Janus: Change is inedible. Zane: Don't you mean inevitable? Janus, spitting out coins: No, I did not.

Janus: petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday Zane: Wednesay Janus: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible

Janus: Zane, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power! Zane: Well of course I have. Zane: Have you ever tried going mad without power? Zane: It's boring.

Janus: Zane! My face is on fire! Zane: Janus! Are you ok?! Janus: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly. Zane: But your face is on fire. Janus: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.

Janus: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much. Zane: Oh, you’ve been? Janus: Once. In Monopoly.

Janus: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something. Zane: Janus, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.

Janus: It’s dark in here Zane: Don’t worry dude I got this Zane: *Stomps their feet* Zane: *Skechers light up*

Janus: Three words. Say them and I'm yours. Zane: Three words. Janus:

Janus: Hey Zane can I get a sip of your water? Zane: It's not water. Janus: Vodka, I like your style! Zane: It's vinegar. Janus: Wh-Wha- Zane: It's vinegar, COWARD.

Janus: What’s up guys? I’m back. Zane: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die. Janus: Death is a social construct.

Janus: I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you Ivan: 10 times 0 is still 0 though Janus: Jokes on you, I can't do math

Janus: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why. Ivan: Only if you also don't ask why Ivan: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick. Janus: Ivan: Janus: This one is fine

Janus: Can you keep a secret? Ivan: Do you know anything about my life? Janus: No I do not. Good point. (SERIOUSLY WHAT IS IVANS BACKSTORY)

Janus: You love me, right, Ivan? Ivan: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

Janus: Are you an ‘arr’ pirate, or a ‘yo ho ho’ pirate? Ivan: I’m a ‘I’m not paying $600 for photoshop’ pirate.

Janus: I’m going to take you out Ivan: great, it’s a date! Janus: I meant that as a threat. Ivan: See you at five!

Janus: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died- Ivan: Twelve, actually. Janus: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that? Ivan: Yours! Janus: That's right: no one's.

I'm a lot of things, but subtle isn't one of them.