i know this is such a sudden post out of the blue, but i would just like to take the time to explain myself for my unexpected(?) absense recently.
first of all, how have you all been doing? i hope everyone's been healthy, happy and well lately <33
i'd like to note that this will mention sensitive topics, specifically s/h and depression. if these triger you, you're more than welcome to scroll past this post or skip the paragraph that mentions them (which i will add a TW before).
now ill get straight to the point, as you know i've been away for quite some time now and for that i would like to make a sincere apology to everyone i've worried. the truth is, i haven't been okay for the longest time and i realised i needed this break more than i thought. i intended to be on leave for only a few weeks, but that quickly turned into months and i carried a sort of guilt knowing that i was intentionally steering away from my original promise of returning soon. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TW: mentions of depression and s/h
[this is going to get very personal, but i was at one of the lowest points in my life and i couldn't ever find it in me to get out of bed. naturally, basic tasks such as eating or washing up was impossible for me, and the mere thought of doing anything rubbed me the wrong way.]
[it got so bad to the point where i, as ashamed as i am to admit, relapsed a few times as well, which obviously did nothing but strike my health even more. thankfully i'm okay now, and i'm hoping i stay clean like this for a long time.]
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during my time off, i've done tons of reflecting on not just myself but also on my time on tumblr too, and i've come to realise that i, myself, played a big role in my own leave, stemming from my own unrealistic expectations and promises i thought i could acheive. making these audios were fun the first few times, but i quickly became clouded with the constant thought of perfection and the need for requests. i overworked MYSELF and that flaw i've accepted and been working on changing.
additionally, tumblr wasn't the only place i've been distancing from, but also my own interests and connections. as much as i hate to admit it, and honestly i'm still in denial (lol), i've been drifting away from enhypen and just k-pop in general. i do believe it'll just be a short and quick phase, but for now i have felt disconnected from my boys for quite some time now. of course this isn't saying i'll unstan them or anything but i'll definitely take it at my own pace.
now lastly, i just want to thank everyone a billion times over for sticking with me, sending me such sweet messages, checking up on me and even just interacting with my posts while i was gone. i honestly can't express how grateful i am to have built such a small but incredibly lovely community, and i can, with certainty, say that i would never trade any of you for the world.
i'd like to make it clear that i'm NOT quitting, but i am taking this all slowly, at a pace that i've learnt is comfortable for me. again, i am so, so sorry for leaving so abruptly and i hope you can forgive me for my negligence.
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