#yuckyuck

Fuck, tonight was awful :( :(

Let me start from the start. I had such high hopes tonight and it seemed to start so well. Met a load of friends at a cocktail bar, drinking delicious fruity rums and dancing a little, some good songs on, yum. Dressed up nicely in a dress and so on. Meeting up and catching up, having good chats and a good time. So far, great.

The woman of honour (it’s her leaving party) turns to me, very drunk at this point, and she goes, wow I love your cleavage tonight. Wowee I love it. (tbh I always have cleavage. At this size there’s pretty much no putting it away. Even so.) Then she sticks her hand in - IN - my cleavage, then trails it down to my crotch. Touches my crotch. Lingers. Wow I love your cleavage she says. Whirls away.

Then, “But I’m not lesbian though! hahahahahahaha!!!!” 

hahahaha. 

haha. 

I’m bi and this is literally the farthest I’ve ever gone with a girl.

I’ve never done anything with a woman. (I don’t say any of this).

Hahahaha. she says.

hahaha. 

I don’t even know what to say. Fuck. I didn't ask for this; didn't want this.

We carry on dancing. Fuck.

Evening starts to perk up. I forget about that for now. We all (10+ of us) have dinner. We go to another bar/club. A few people peel away and go home, Those that remain have been drinking. 

A male friend puts his arm around me as we dance; I go along with it - it’s all good fun! “Just don’t think I’m [flirty mutual friend]!” I say. Male friend slithers his hand up my side, grabs my boob. “nononono”, I say, “I’m NOT her!”, I say, pushing his hand away, pushing against the resistance of his hand and arm trying to stay where it is. “stop it, hahahaha!” I say, laughing, writhing, panicking, run over to our table, sit down.

Probably my fault, I think. I should’ve remembered [flirty friend] has a boob in-joke. Fuck. Fuck it. 

Say to friends at the table, is {creepy male friend] trying to get laid or something? They tell me he hasn’t had a girlfriend in ages and he’s basically always trying to get laid. They’re vaguely trying to help him in this. Hahahaha. haha. ha.

Have a brief time at the table - talk about feminism - get laughed at. Hahahaha!!! Decide to go up and dance again - there are good songs after all, and it’s better than getting laughed at. 

Dancing again. Horny male friend comes up behind me, holds me very close, and [Trigger warning, NSFW, TW, !!] grinds his erection hard into my ass while roaming his hands all over. Happens for a few moments -feels like a long time. Frozen with incredulity. Don’t know what to do or say. Skin goes all hot/cold in the bad way,

Say, “hahahaha. My fiancé is sitting right there! Right behind you!! Risky behaviour!! hahahaha. Haha. Why not find a single girl? A girl that wants to get laid tonight?? Haha. So many cute girls!! Hahahaha.”

He just says, “Yeah, you like that girl in the white dress don’t you? I saw you smile at her. You like her don’t you.” Grabbing me some more.

Fuck. It wasn’t enough he was grabbing me for being literally the nearest vagina person. It wasn’t enough to be treated like dirt for being the nearest woman to hand. Now I’m being creeped on for being bi as well. Again. 

Hahahahaha. 

Fucking fantastic.

More grabbing. I don’t know what to do or say. My mind is feebly bleating, “don’t ruin the friendship! Don’t make it awkward! Don’t upset him! Don’t be that person!!” ...Eventually I awkwardly extricate myself. sit down, glued to fiancé’s side, don;t budge all evening. Nobody figures. 

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. 

Don’t even get to really explain it until the car ride home. Don’t really know what to say. Fuck. Par for the course?? Who the fuck knows.

That feel when it’s like a horrible thing, but also you feel like it’s a storm in a teacup. Like you’re making a fuss. Like you’re that person. The one that whines and makes a fuss.