#yoursoftstates

⠀ *новый текст в паблике и фб* ⠀ 10/11: don’t think I ever shared that last year, on 11th of September, I was in the NY state having a silly, irresistible and unbearable breakdown at the campus centre simply because all of this world being so fucking paper-thin and stupidly fragile, so that once you close your eyes – it crumbles. or, as others say, “всё разлетается”, and we’re all so afraid of “it” to happen, meaning “everything”. this year, on 11th of September, something, “it”, happened, and even though I have no clue of what exactly, what I have is this urgency or sharing my loss for words, images, well, clues. thank you, september, for being an anti-catastrophe that happened to me and my city. we’ll see what all of it means or doesn’t mean but it’s been quite of an experience so far. ⠀ *in my words* ⠀ «написала себе в блокноте неизбежным девизом silence, stillness, и solitude, хотя голосом в голове "солнце, солнце и солнце", раз уж ты свет- ишься, я пишу на твоей бумаге, своими словами. ⠀ ⠀ да, будет трудно перестать друг друга цитировать, перенимать интонации, примирять акцентирование и стрессы, примерять accents and stressing, главное – скорость. можешь попробовать удалить из вокабуляра мои словечки, как зубы (если бы) мудрости, т.е. числа, восьмёрки, в том числе – перевёрнутые, по которым кончиками пальцев – как зажатый backspace всем попыткам противостояния. ты поддался на мою бессознательную интервенцию безо всякого внутреннего сопротивления (это твои слова), только на уровне безусловных рефлексов известно: тебя не пустили на родину дважды за госизмену, и это – ⠀ ⠀ тоже мышление. фактически, лингвистическая импотенция, непереводимая игра слов, заледеневшие взгляды слева, лестные приговоры, плохие шутки (о выбитой на/из груди правде, праведности, прелиминарности, прекарности, премиальности, пр.), зато ты. зато ты не задал ни одного лишнего, лишь наводящие. признания на беларуском на московском вокзале“ ⠀ ⠀ #np sylvan esso — coffee marina — to be human #yoursoftстихи #yoursoftjulie #yoursoftbard #yoursoftstates (at Bard College) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3eTevWoLxT/?igshid=1b1r9flsls87m

⠀ something about full moons and acceptance ⠀ full moon in capricorn welcomed all of us willing to put effort and patience into decisions and intentions 🌕☄️ ☄️☄️☄️ but with some big eclipse energy going on, all I do is looking for stillness, as it’s fucking stormy in the clouds. ⠀ ⠀ #yoursoftny #yoursoftstates (at New York City - Manhattan - Nyc) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0PxTzEC7rz/?igshid=1i7pkfpmcgdui

⠀ ɪ’ᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ sᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪs fᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ (ɪ’ᴠᴇ ɢᴏᴛ sᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴛᴏ sʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ) ⠀ ⠀ #yoursoftny #yoursoftstates (at New York City - Manhattan - Nyc) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0Bw3ZlC4dc/?igshid=m8uye4i9aabq

⠀ My favourite spot and routine to be the first to come and the last to leave 😢. ⠀ I think, "my my my" came out during my departure to Bard, so this has to be the reason why I listened to it nearly every day at Bard for 4 months straight. Nonetheless, now whenever this song comes up in my shuffle, I immediately start feeling all the feels and ready to cry happy tears, so that's a benefit! ⠀ It takes me back to my very first days at Bard, when my head was filled with numerous questions and exclamation marks – "Is it mine? Is that for me? Am I worth it?". This caption is not to say that I've found answers to any of those but just to share how anxious I felt standing near the entrance to my first playwriting class. Prior to that, I was panicking for a few hours, non-stop, to the degree of considering dropping the class, because "how am I going to write in the language people *think* in??". I also panicked before going for my first run there(which I always wanted to do regularly)(which I did listening to "my ..."), because "oh girl, you're so going to embarrass yourself". I also think I will always remember the way I panicked before diving in the Bard's pool (& I think, @shimberg_alena will remember this for her lifetime, too...). And you know what, I definitely!! embarrassed myself in all the listed occasions (the pool one...) & I will remember that for a while. ⠀ But I will also remember my last playwriting class, the success of the play I'd been planning to write for a year or so, my dear professor giving me a stack of her favorite plays as a gift, telling me "you’ve got poetry in your heart". ⠀ I don't know about poetry, but there's definitely some oh my my my in my heart, and it won't go away. Exclamation marks neither. ⠀ ⠀ #yoursoftbard #yoursoftjulie #yoursoftstates (at Stevenson Library Bard College) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz6UzYBiC2c/?igshid=d74hitrpnt52

⠀ Welcome to Greenwich Village. It’s June today. ⠀ March for the dead and survived. for those who can’t go to prides. for the silenced, imprisoned and beaten. for compton and stonewall, for daughters of bilitis and mattachine, for hardwick, lawrence and obergefell, for p. johnson and rivera, for the lesbian avengers and act up, for the dyke culture and drag queens. for something you relate to and something outside of your experience. for the history, documented or not. for yourself and something bigger than you. ⠀ Welcome to the pride month. / "It’s our house & we can love who we want to." ⠀ ⠀ #yoursoftny #yoursoftstates (at Greenwich Village) https://www.instagram.com/p/Byk0Ky2ins8/?igshid=27ysqoz0dg4p

⠀ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ sᴄᴀʀᴇs ᴍᴇ // ᴛʜᴀᴛ's ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪ'ᴍ ᴀғʀᴀɪᴅ ᴏғ ⠀ ⠀ #yoursoftstates (at Overlook Mountain) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxFYL0YBElE/?igshid=m2ex5xliop0f

⠀ «and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank» (f o’h) ⠀ ⠀ #yoursoftstates (at Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvmbJ0DB_nY/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ozofngcbc3q2

⠀ and yeah it’s true that I’m a little bit intense right ⠀ ⠀ #yoursoftbard #yoursoftstates (at Blithewood) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvY6PDahBar/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=fuvwqum1osw9