#yourhappiness

Your Happiness is All I Care by XUEMO

“IT WON’T WEAR OFF!” Zen flopped face down on his bed screaming his frustration into the sheets.

The muffled sound of his anger made Obi laugh. “Are you doing alright there Master?”

Zen let out an exasperated sigh, “I don’t know Obi, it’s just like the old days when Mitsuhide would follow me around everywhere, I felt so stifled you know?”

Obi listened quietly while Zen vented his feelings. Sitting in his Master’s room like this gave him a sense of serenity that he couldn’t find in his own quarters, it made him lazy and he had taken many an afternoon nap on the prince’s couch.

“I take our dynamic for granted, he’s there, but he gives me space and when he gets weird like this it really messes with me.”

“So that’s must be why you two fight all the time,” Obi observed.

Zen rolled onto his back staring at the ceiling. “Obi stay in here with me here for a while.” Zen’s soft request came from the bed.

Obi’s eyes widened in surprise. “Whatever you say Master…” he turned away from the bed so Zen couldn’t see his expression and gazed out of the window into the darkness that stretched over Clariness.

Stay. It was something he wasn’t used to hearing, and he was always unsure of how to react.

In an attempt to lighten his Master’s mood he gave a half-hearted attempt at a joke, “Well why don’t I sing you a lullaby? I’ve been told I have a beautiful voice.”

“Never mind get out,” came Zen’s blunt and unimpressed reply.

Obi chuckled and remained quiet basking in the silence that blanketed the room.

He recalled their journey back from Tanbarun and the conversation that he had with the Prince while they were in the baths.

“I mean that for you too Obi, I want all of you to be happy.”

He struggled with the idea since they arrived back in Clariness wondering where his happiness lay. Was it here in Clariness kingdom? Or would he be leaving soon to some other far and distant land?

Such sweet words his Master shared with him that day, but he wondered if someone like him truly deserved to find happiness. His past was coloured with years of blood, lies and shadows solely for the purpose of fulfilling whatever mission it was he was assigned.

He wasn’t proud of the work he had done, and he wondered when it all became too much that he had made the decision to walk away. His hand absentmindedly traced the jagged scar across his chest; his last mission had almost cost him his life, could that have been it?

No definitely not, he was not afraid of death his life held no worth unless it was to ensure the success of a job at any cost.

Such a poor existence he led, but he did not grieve for the life that he left behind. He preferred serving under a Master, someone to hold the reigns and decide his fate. Besides, the lives that he protected here in Wistal castle were much more valuable than any money he could have received from his previous jobs.

Zen’s breathing had slowed signifying that he had finally fallen asleep probably exhausted from the day’s events.

Obi stood from the ottoman, walking toward the bed taking in his Master’s sleeping face reinforcing that the trust he shared with the prince was implicit. He grabbed the sheet, and gently placed them over Zen’s sleeping form, before quietly exiting the room.

Outside he almost ran headlong into Kiki. He placed a slender finger to his lips and gestured for her to accompany him down the hall.

“Good evening Miss Kiki.” he greeted her cheerfully once they were far enough away from Zen’s quarters.

“Obi, I didn’t know you were still here.” she didn’t sound surprised, Kiki had become accustomed to his presence as one who stood beside Zen and for that she was grateful, the prince needed more people outside of herself and Mitsuhide that he could trust and share his thoughts and feelings with. Both Obi and Shirayuki had been able to fill that void.

“Master asked me to stay with him for a little while, he fell asleep not long after,” he explained.

Kiki nodded. “If Zen has gone to bed, I might as well call it a night. If you see Mitsuhide you can let him know I’ve retired for the night.”

They said their goodnights and Kiki left towards their dormitories.

“I think I’ll stay up a little while longer.” Obi lept out of the nearest window, headed toward the pharmacy to check on Shirayuki who was sure to still be there racking her brain to determine a cure for Mitsuhide’s condition.

Sure enough when he arrived the light was still on in her office, where she sat at her desk pouring over a large stack of books.

“Still at it Miss?”

He smiled when Shirayuki jumped startled from his sudden appearance, enjoying the surprised look on her face when he caught her off guard.

“Obi! You scared me what are you still doing up at this hour?”

He shrugged, “I figured with Mitsuhide still so out of it, there was a pretty good chance that I would find you here after hours working away to find a cure especially since Master is too stubborn to address the situation himself.”

Shirayuki stopped halfway through turning a page, looking thoughtful. Obi froze wondering if he had gone too far.

“I mean…It would be good for Mitsuhide to get back to being himself.” Obi laughed nervously, peeking a look at her face, but she didn’t look upset with him, just fiercely determined.

“You’re right Obi,” she said looking directly at him.

Obi swallowed hard, Shirayuki’s emerald eyes bore into his very soul and he felt something stir in his heart. Miss always had a way of making him feel grounded, like this place, here in Wistal castle right next to her side was where he was meant to be.

Their closeness was a result of circumstance, but their friendship had grown far beyond that of just mistress and attendant.

“You’re hardly the type to make fatal mistakes.” Trow’s statement rang through his mind and it made him wonder.

“Miss, can I ask you a question?” Obi asked, eyes still locked with hers.

Shirayuki nodded before he continued.

“What does it mean to find happiness?” he watched as the different emotions played out across her face. He could tell that she was caught off guard by his question, but the gears were turning in her mind to give him some sort of answer.

“Well Obi, I think finding happiness is to find your true purpose in life, something that brings you joy, something that keeps you going and makes you feel like you’re on the right path.”

Obi could tell that she had thought about this before, perhaps when she had first come to Clariness. Her answer made sense, and he wondered when his purpose, his sole reason for existing became the girl sitting on the stool in front of him.

“Does that answer your question?” she inquired still watching his face, his expression had changed and for a second she could see the sadness in his eyes.

“Yes, Miss it does.” He gave her a bright unreadable smile, that definitely did not fit the changed atmosphere of the room.

If Shirayuki was anything, she was observant and spending as much time together as they did she had picked up some of his habits, the light-hearted jokes he would make to diffuse a situation, the deliberate eye contact when inquiring about something serious.

He was a master of sidestepping a question he didn’t want to answer or absentmindedly massaging his shoulder and looking off distractedly while looking like he wasn’t eavesdropping.

Obi did not lie, he always told the truth regardless of the circumstance and he rarely dropped his smile, but the unguarded look in his eyes, this was new for her.

“Obi…Could I ask you a question?” His smile faltered a bit.

“Of course, anything for you Miss,” he answered politely.

“Have you ever found happiness?” For a fleeting moment, he considered letting his silence speak for him. But he wasn’t sure what expression he was wearing on his face and didn’t want her to be confused or embarrassed for asking him such a direct question.

“It’s like I’ve left apart of my soul with these people, and I am unable to act of my own free will without it.” His statement to Trow echoed in his ears.

The flecks of gold in her eyes danced in the soft candlelight and silence stretched between them as Obi considered what he would say.

After another moment she broke eye contact, looking a little disappointed she flushed pink.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean…” she fidgeted nervously with the corner of her skirt.

Obi absently took a step toward her and she looked up surprised at his sudden movement as he knelt down on one knee before her.

Shirayuki blushed an even brighter shade of red taking in her attendant’s disposition in front of her.

“Obi…what are you-” her words died on her lips as he looked up at her ocher eyes meeting emerald.

“Miss, my sole purpose is to protect you with my life.” Shirayuki was taken aback by his response.

He crossed a hand over his heart before he continued. “Master made me your first line of defence, and I do not take that job for granted, my happiness is ensuring your security and safety when Master cannot.”

Shirayuki’s heart thrummed in her chest as the weight of Obi’s words sunk in. She was his purpose, his happiness, his reason for living and…"

“Obi…” tears sprang to her eyes, but she couldn’t stop them and she frantically tried to wipe them away.

Obi stiffened, he hadn’t been prepared for her reaction and immediately regretted being so honest about his feelings. He couldn’t help it, and he couldn’t lie to her either, but he hoped that he hadn’t said too much.

“Miss!” Obi’s eyes widened in horror at the tears now streaming down her face. “I’m so sorry!” he desperately waved his hands in front of him searching for a way to make her stop.

“Please, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry!” Zen would punish him for sure if he found out.

Shirayuki let out a small laugh at the shocked expression on his face, wiping away the last of her tears.

“No, I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting that answer.” she apologized tearfully.

Obi gave her a nervous smile like he was expecting her to break down again at any second.

“I told you before Miss, you should be careful what you wish for.” he scratched nervously at his cheek waiting for her to regain her composure.

He hadn’t thought about the effect his words might have on her and inwardly cursed himself for being the cause of her tears. She was special to him in ways that she could never know and he knew that no matter how much he considered it, he would never be able to leave this place unscathed.

“Is that why you came after me in Tanbarun?” she spoke so softly he almost didn’t catch it, and she didn’t realize the double meaning in her words.

They had briefly spoken about what happened after the pirates had kidnapped her in Tanbarun, something he would never forgive himself for, and he had made it very clear to her that he wouldn’t listen to anything she had to say on the matter.

Obi nodded slowly unsure of how he should respond. The conversation had taken a turn into dangerous waters and he needed to remember his station.

“Miss, the prince charged me with your protection, it was my responsibility. You were kidnapped, and you had to endure so much terror and uncertainty because I didn’t do my job.” his statement was void of any emotion.

“But-” she tried to object, but he held up a hand to silence her.

He never wanted her to be in that position again, it was a non-negotiable matter. It wasn’t only that he had come after her, it was that he had volunteered to go in his Master’s stead. Obi had known waiting for them to arrive at the castle would have wasted precious time, he wasn’t capable of keeping himself there knowing that Shirayuki was in danger and he was faster tracking the enemy alone.

“It can never happen again,” he silently promised himself.

They sat together in silence, and the tension caused Shirayuki to shift uncomfortably in her stool. This light-hearted conversation they were having had turned serious and she hated the way Obi’s face looked stoic and unreadable, shadows dancing ominously around him in the flickering candlelight.

“Obi…could you promise me something?” Shirayuki asked quietly.

Obi considered her request, a promise? What could he possibly promise her? Was he even capable of keeping a promise to someone like Shirayuki?

She didn’t wait for a reply. “Obi I want you to promise me, that although your purpose has tied you to me, you will never lose sight of who you are and whatever makes you most happy even if Zen has ordered you to remain by my side.”

Obi was a bit taken aback, was she really suggesting that he disobey Master if it was no longer something that made him happy? He tried to make sense of it in his head, and he realized that she wanted him to have the freedom to make his own decisions, to choose his own path, and to discover his own happiness.

Warmth filled his chest as he looked at the girl before him. She would never know the truth, why he remained by her side, or even why Master had charged him with her protection. It was all by his own design.

“Miss, are you asking me to disobey the Master, and even if your life is in danger to leave you if my happiness isn’t invested in your protection?”

Her face remained fiercely determined. “Yes Obi, because your life is just as valuable as mine.”

This girl, she was too pure, he could never defile her with his tainted past, but at the same time, he wondered if she could be the only person brave enough to navigate their way through.

Obi wished the ground would swallow him whole. It took everything in him not to close the distance between them, gather her in his arms and tell her that would never happen, she didn’t know what she was asking of him.

He wasn’t the kind of man that would ever leave her defenceless as long as there was life still left in his body. His happiness was never in choosing his own path or aspiring to a greater purpose. With his skills, he was a valuable weapon to be used, a resource and the best line of defence against any impending threats.

For her to think of him as a person with a life of value; Obi understood why he was drawn to her and he would gladly lay down his life for his Master, for Shirayuki because their happiness, and purpose was so great it made him happy just to be allowed to stand in their presence. For Master to ask him to stay, for Miss Kiki to trust him, for Shirayuki to acknowledge him; he never asked to meet these people at Wistal castle, he never thought he would forge bonds with people or even care if they lived or died.

Obi realized without searching for it, he had found happiness in the shining light of Shirayuki’s heart and that was enough for him.