Dearest Daniel,
I'm finding it really hard to even write this because I force myself to to believe that you're not gone. It hurts, Daniel, The bed is so cold without you next to me. It smells like you. I spend most of my time there now. Although I don't know what I'll do when the scent goes away. I've been wearing your clothes since I found out you past and Hope has been asking where you've gone. I still haven't brought myself to explain to her. AJ has been crying since I told him and I'm trying to stay strong for him but I just.... I can't. I miss holding your hand and kissing you goodnight and I hate living in a world without you in it.Because it fucking sucks and I'm being selfish but I don't really care.
I've been planning a funeral with your mom and sister, that's equally just has hard. I find it hard to breath nowadays and it feels like a part of me is gone. Actually, I know a part of me as gone. I wish this was a dream and that you'd wake me up with kisses like you always did and tell me you're going to get Hope because she's crying and I'd go get AJ and make you breakfast. I miss that. I miss everything that has to do with you. Aj usually sleeps with me now, mostly because I don't want to be alone and AJ looks like you. I talk about you everyday ad everyone tells me they're sorry but it never helps all that much.
It's the stupid things I find around the house that breaks me down. There's a box of pictures from when we were younger. One of our first date and real kiss and pretty much everything we did. I look at those pictures every night I go to bed.
I can't bring myself to write anymore. The paper is splattered with tears anyways and if I continue the writing will be smudged. I hope you're happy up there and you're looking over us. I just want you to know that I miss you and I will never love anyone as much as I loved you.
Your husband,
Adrian
