#youngheartsacted

To sum it all, I should’ve lay down my intentions and pursued you at the time you agreed to be courted and within the boundary of dating and at the right season. Expressing my sweet little actions and endearment did not help you, it only stirred up our fragile emotions. Because it was uncertain. It was vague. It was my mistake. And I’m just being selfish. I should’ve waited for the right time. 

After graduating, We entered a new life outside campus. We started our first job hunting in RPHS. The draw lots helped me entered government hospital as my 1st training ground and work. And I was overwhelmed with the staff, environment, and the workload. I worked, worked, and worked. And had me less time with you. Yes! I’ve got not much time for you. And that was also a reason that slowly ended us. I am in the adjustment period. I prioritized my job because it had me so much in my mind. I forgot how to prioritized you. And I didn’t know what to expect and how to adjust in that kind of work environment. Off days should be my days for you but instead I’d rather chose to rest and procrastinate. 

And lastly, I was just foolish to let the cycle repeated itself and hurt you every single time until you’re shattered enough into pieces and couldn’t pick up for yourself. While I was here unnoticed of my little mess I tend to forget. I should’ve talked to you before. I should’ve told you that I was in the waiting part and what I had in mind. I should’ve said the things we should be doing. I should’ve courted you after graduation. That was my plan. But I didn’t. I didn’t noticed your heartaches. I didn’t noticed your pain, suffering, or let it be called your agony. I didn’t care at all. 

It was late when my friend told me all about your bad times and frustrations you ventilated through your posts in Tumblr. And that struck me how I felt bad so much to myself and guilt crippled me then. You never told me personally or even through messages. I had no any idea about your sentiments. I’m not a blogger. I don’t read blogs. But because of what you did, I just happened to be..

You are also the reason I made an account in Tumblr. Now I understood how blogging about personal life, experiences and even frustrations helped you out if you can’t say directly to the person you wanted to tell to. 

By blogging, you become bolder to tell the whole world what you can’t tell to that one person you are directing to. And we’re just hoping its the other way around. 

Ciao! Hope you’re doing great. Because I am too. And I am hoping we could have that closure we are looking for. I’m ready to meet you again without any drawback. I’m excited to explain it to you all and how sorry I am for what I did. You know how you can contact me,  See you somewhere soon. You’ll always have this place in my heart. Thank you! God bless! :]

Yours Truly, 

This is my response to the last letter she posted for me from her blog last few years ago.

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My Damsel in Distress,

It's been a while. I back read almost all your post that concerns about me, us. Maybe I am that kind of guy you wrote in every post. It took me too long to respond to you and I don't know why you struck so randomly in my head yesterday. (March- 09-2018). Maybe because there are some gaps that need to be fill in. Some questions that need answers. And I hope you could read this someday.

*Inhale, exhale*

Okay! I knew we didn't end up well and I knew you were asking for closure. I'm sorry if I didn't give you what you wanted. It's just that those were the times I'm not ready  to let go of you and hoping for second chances. I was hoping we could talk on the last day we met, but my fears grew bigger than saying " I miss you".

It wasn't much clear to me what happened and why we lost our fight.  I can't clearly remember our turning point of our love story. Our story is somewhat private. And the closest people around us are aware of that. And maybe that's one reason we didn't have time to enjoy the company of each other. The heartache of one of my closest friend, and even your friend. You knew I knew her first before I knew you. I just knew you after she introduced me to you. And that's where the problem started. We took into consideration other people’s feelings rather than ourselves. 

I started liking you when we became classmates in college. As how I remembered, I started staring at you on our Family Health Nursing class. We were in 2nd or 3rd year College, I guess. When we had this role play, and you were there smiling and laughing contagiously. I knew you were something for me. I can't help but noticed you. I wanted to message you. Have conversations with you. Know you more. And even have you.

Another reason of our heartbreak was maybe I was so young and insensitive to handle our kind of relationship. I am sensitive, trust me, but on the other person and other people, and not YOU. That was my big mistake. I kept on thinking about the effects of our actions to our friend and not you. I am much concerned about her condition and the emotions brought to her when I'm with you. Knowing she had this history of angina. I can't afford to be the cause of her emotional instability that could triggers it. If you could knew, how hard for me to suppress my emotions for you back then and just wished I could turn back the time and restart it all over. But it's over.