#youknowme

swiftly take your soul

and smash into mine.

for I know when You think of Me

I think of You too

endlessly,

forever

I've never wanted kids, I've known that since I was a small child. I've had a traumatic miscarriage and a well-thought-out abortion.

I'm lucky enough to be in Canada. I called in to make an appointment, and then a day or so before that appointment date, they'd call me back and I had to answer or return their call to confirm that I was still wanting the appointment. If I changed my mind, ignoring the call was enough to have it cancelled.

I returned the call.

I went to the appointment with my boyfriend. They had him wait outside and had a meeting with me alone to confirm that I was not being pressured by him and that I understood what was happening, and still wanted to go through with it. I did, but I asked for some extra details about the drugs they'd have me on. I got that information, felt comfortable with it and went in for the procedure.

I don't remember much of it, but I know I was in good hands, in a safe and sterile environment, under the care of healthcare professionals. I was given a chocolate pudding and place to rest afterwards.

One in four women have abortions in their lifetimes. You may not think you know someone who has had one, but you do. You know me.

As open as I am about my life, my struggles, my mental health—I’ve never been open about this. Maybe it’s because of the ridicule I suffered after I got the abortion and people accidentally found out. I was harassed, abused, bullied and torn to shreds over one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. But it’s not just about me anymore. It’s about all women, and the right we have to agency over our own bodies.

I was young. I was terrified. So was he. Having an abortion at 16 legitimately saved my life. It also saved the life of the girl next to me in recovery—the 13 year old girl who had been raped by her riding instructor.

These times are dangerous. We are regressing as a society and that is truly fucking terrifying. If telling my story can help save us from making colossal mistakes regarding women’s autonomy, I’m happy to share in any way I can.