He looks at him, from afar; his presence goes unnoticed as he stays back a safe distance, the same distance that allows his mind to wander and his breathe to change in a way that would be far too obvious and undoubtedly be heard if he were a few steps closer.

Yosuke’s breathing is heavy and there’s a tightness in his chest he just can’t shake.

‘I want you so bad,’

Perhaps it’s painful. Perhaps it’s embarrassing too, but he can’t deny it.

‘Please don’t go.’

Seta isn’t good for him. He knows this.

They’ve had the same conversation over and over again, but it’s hard for Yosuke to shake the feeling. It’s not as simple as sleeping it away, not as simple as wishing it away either, not when he feels so strongly for the Shadow. His heart just won’t let him go.

For all the warnings of the possibility that, somewhere down the line, Seta could hurt him in the worst of ways, he does not care. It’s frightening, a part of himself knows it to be the truth, however he doesn’t care.

He's just as likely to be hurt in the TV World when they train together as a group, or go in just the two of them whenever Yosuke is persistent about it.

He’s just as likely to die there as he is by Seta’s own hands.

Yosuke won’t let go of how Seta makes him feel, he won’t let go of how good it feels to hold him and be held by him, even if the Shadow still has a long way to go with accepting any sort of affection. Seta doesn’t think he deserves it; Yosuke thinks he’s wrong.

It’s hard for Yosuke to brush aside what they’ve already gone through, how he’s already had a taste of what it’s like to be with him in the romantic sense. At least, that is, for himself.

Whenever they touch... The light feeling of fingertips on his skin, the way nails scrape down his back during the most intimate moments they share...

He’s already become so used to it, it feels so natural, and he won’t let it go.

Yosuke can’t get the taste of him out of his mind, and while it’s a thought that has him flustered, it only proves to fuel his desire further.

‘I can’t even fall asleep...’

Taking a step forward, he continues to move in the direction of what his eyes are fixed on, to the person who confuses him the most.

“Yosuke,” Seta steps back and turns to face him, acknowledging his presence as soon as he feels someone close, “I don’t want to argue with you--”

His words are cut off by Yosuke’s lips silencing him, yet only for a few seconds, before his forehead is being pressed against his own.

“Well, hey,” his breathing is heavy, and Seta stays quiet, eyes watching the way his chest rises and falls, “This might sound strange, but... I’m always struggling. Do you know how damn hard you make it for me?”

Seta glances up, back to looking at Yosuke’s eyes, and there’s no doubt in what the Magician’s resolve is. It pains him, somewhere deep down inside, how there’s no way he will ever listen and let the Shadow go, and yet...

There’s a part of him that wants this too. Whatever it is that they have.

“Devil,” Yosuke mutters dryly, a smirk playing on his face as he slowly licks at Seta’s bottom lip and isn’t pushed away, “You’re so weird, you know. One minute you’re cold and pushing me away, and the next everything’s fine. What’s up with that?”

“Maybe I like it better when you’re not talking.”

“You’re an ass, too.”

Yosuke’s glad to be able to hold him. His hands pull at Seta’s shirt as their lips move together, and he’s unable to hold back a quiet moan once he slips his tongue into the Shadow’s mouth and the action is reciprocated, nor by the way Seta’s fingers rub at the back of his neck and play with his hair.

It’s not like Yosuke doesn’t know about Seta’s predicament, not like he doesn’t know how many times the Shadow has been here and done this again and again, but something about the way the enemy came out of nowhere and struck Seta down like that…

His feet moved on their own.

“Shit,” he sucks in a sharp breath, collapsing to his knees with the knives wedged right into his chest, piercing his heart, “Had to… be three… huh…”

They shouldn’t have come here alone, Yosuke should have never suggested the idea, and Seta should have never decided to go along with it. If they had just thought about the consequences beforehand, then maybe Yosuke wouldn’t be feeling so cold now.

It doesn’t take long for Seta to all but rip apart the enemy with his bare hands and teeth, sword long abandoned since he caught a glimpse of the way the other weapons went straight towards Yosuke.

He’s at his side not a second later, catching him before he tumbles backwards onto the ground. Seta dares not remove the knives, for fear of making the bleeding worse than it already is.

“You’re not looking your best.” he speaks, and all Yosuke does is chuckle weakly, thankful for the normality of the conversation.

“Nn… you… think…?” he wheezes, gasping for breath that just isn’t there.

There’s no way he can try and sit up, no way he can move at all without the pain shooting throughout his body the way it does. It’s torture.

“You are my sunshine,” Seta looks Yosuke right in his eyes that are wide with the ever fear of death growing closer, “My only sunshine.”

“Seta…” he’d sigh and shake his head under normal circumstances, but all he does is cling onto the other’s shoulders as tight as he can.

It’s getting darker and the tears begin to fall from his eyes.

He can’t see at all, and it’s scaring him.

“You make me happy when skies are grey.”

‘Like your goddamn hair?’ at least his thoughts are coherent, but it’s becoming hard to concentrate, and he doesn’t want to close his eyes, but it’s getting harder with each second that passes.

“You’ll never know dear…”

‘I’m scared… I’m fucking terrified, Seta, I don’t…’

“How much I love you.”

‘I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to–’

There was always a nagging thought at the back of Seta's mind.

A foreboding feeling. He could never place a finger on it at the time, but in hindsight...

He should have known.

The Shadow finds himself walking-- No, stumbling along on his way to nowhere. He just feels like being out of the house this day. A good thing, too, seeing as he almost snapped at Nanako this morning.

Not the usual kind either; he had seen red.

His breathing is erratic now as he comes up to Samegawa Flood Plain, Seta stumbles towards an area covered by trees, not wanting to be seen.

He could commit murder in this very spot and no one would be the wiser until it was too late.

"Ngh--" No, that kind of thinking is making the pain worse.

The urge so much worse. He can't be found by anyone today. Not until this episode has passed.

... Though as time marches on, it's apparent that this "episode" might not just be that.

He craves destruction, to ruin which is not yet broken, to draw blood...

Seta nibbles on his knuckles, unsure of where this sudden change within him has occured.

'Sudden change...' he laughs dryly at the thought.

A Shadow is a Shadow. Such urges he feels now were always there, hiding beneath the surface of the perfect mask he had kept on for as long as he can remember.

For as long as Souji's been dead.

Yet this "perfect" mask had since been cracking in places. At times because he'd lost his cool, other times due to certain individuals.

One such individual makes him question far too much. Morals, feelings... It never meant much before he was asked-- forced to speak his piece.

Yosuke Hanamura is someone who frustrates and amuses Seta, who he wants to punch, yet hug, all at the same time.

The music loving teen is his best friend, his partner, someone close to his heart, and to this day he still doesn't understand that.

Seta is a Shadow. Knowing this, how can Yosuke continue like nothing is wrong? No, not wrong, but everything is okay?

Deep down the Shadow feels that he's just been lucky; that sooner or later Yosuke will break, and the truth will hit the teen once again, but this time he won't be able to ignore it.

That's when everything will change, everything will hurt. For Yosuke, or himself, he's not quite sure.

Just as he's not sure about his current situation.

His breathing is still erratic, there's a pounding in his head and chest, and he can see red.

Teeth chewing into the skin of his own hand, droplets of blood drip into the grass and stain green a dark scarlet.

It hurts. His body, his mind. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts--

"Yo!"

No. No, not now.

"You okay there, dude? Nanako-chan's worried about ya, you know. She said you didn't look so good. Kinda guessed you'd be out here."

"Don't concern yourself with me, there's no need."

Leave. Leave now while you still can.

Seta's heartbeat is soaring, and if he were truly human he's sure he'd be dead by now. But his heart keeps on beating violently, while his eyes narrow, and he can feel his teeth are becoming sharper as he chews at the skin on the inside of his mouth.

It won't be long before he starts to lose control of his mind and body, and he really doesn't want Yosuke, or any of the others, to be around him when that happens.

"Look, there's no need to be an ass, bro, we're all gonna worry whether you like it or not. To be honest, Naoto was the one who figured you weren't yourself recently. Since I'm the only one who, well, knows, I thought it'd be better if I found ya first."

Naoto Shirogane, the Detective Prince. Funny how, after everything she's done, she is the only one who is the furthest away from the truth of what Seta is.

The other members of the Investigation Team are just as oblivious, but for her not to pick up on any slip ups of the Shadow's is laughable.

If anyone were to find out after Yosuke, it would be Teddie. Though he idolises his Sensei and cannot see past the mask Seta has.

Odd how someone born from Shadows cannot sense one right in front of him.

It's a blessing, really. Even after all the annoying puns he makes, Teddie is still one Seta finds himself the closest to.

Aside from Nanako, Dojima, and Yosuke.

If he thinks about it, if Yosuke had not figured him out like he did, he could have kept him at arms length like the others, of which they're oblivious to him treating them as such.

He's close to them, but not as close as they think. One might consider it cruel, but he's protecting them as much as he's protecting himself.

No one needs to deal with him losing himself, after all, it could prove to be a bloody and violent affair.

Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump...

That's Yosuke's heartbeat he can hear in his ears in between the violent pounds of his own.

It's teasing him, tempting him...

Spilt blood is fascinating.

"... Thanks." He can't say much else to him as he continues to chew on the inside of his mouth.

Yosuke sits beside Seta, a little closer than normal, and his next words are quieter.

"Not coping, huh? You look like crap. Sorry, probably not the best thing to say."

"A terrible thing to say, Yosuke, if you're the same with girls, I can see why you have bad luck."

"Hey! I wouldn't be blunt like that! You're someone you have to be that way with. I kinda forget that if I'm not being straightforward I lose ya when I'm talking, ha."

It's the first thing all day that makes Seta laugh. Forced or not, it sounds genuine. Not like the dry laugh from before.

He's smart, anyone would tell you that, but some things go right over his head.

Unfortunately, Yosuke learnt that the hard way.

"Yosuke, I'm fine. Better. I'd rather be left in peace." He continues to chew as he speaks.

If he's not careful, he'll bite a hole in his cheek with how sharp those teeth are.

In fact, he's beginning to notice how sharp they're becoming, how agitated he really is...

His senses are on high alert. If he didn't know any better, he'd say it's a warning. In fact, it is; A warning about himself, rather than for himself. 

If Yosuke doesn't leave now...

"Yeah, well, since that's total bullshit, dude, I ain't going nowhere."

The brunette flashes the Shadow his usual grin, yet there's a look in his eyes that gives away his worry. Seta knows that look all too well; He's been the cause of it more times than not, and it will forever be etched into his memory.

He remembers the first time he saw it. When Yosuke first started looking at him like a best friend rather than a science project he didn't understand. It only makes him feel worse, more guilty. The balance inside him is only shifting closer away from sanity as each second passes.

... He remembers the look in his eyes back when they had the troubled talk. The talk that took all of his best friend's strength not to back out from, to no longer fool himself of what was the truth;

That he cared for Seta much more than he let on. It was hard, of course it was, to move forward. To open his mind and accept that he had, indeed, fallen for the first person he had ever considered a true friend--

Well... his Shadow, at least.

"You call me a 'pain in the ass', are you sure you're not talking about yourself all the time?" Seta snorts, clenching his fists, then relaxing them.

He repeats this motion, unaware of Yosuke's concerned eyes looking him up and down, watching every movement he makes.

"Nah, I'm not that vain," A roll of the eyes is followed by him moving ever closer, finally placing a hand on the other's.

He gives a light squeeze, looking off straight ahead, "I'm right here for ya."

"You shouldn't be." 

It's quiet, too quiet for Yosuke to hear, no louder than a whisper, and Seta suddenly finds himself leaning against the brunette, burying his face in the crook of his neck, and...

"Shit! What the hell was that for!?"

There's a mark on Yosuke's neck, in fact, marks, right where Seta's teeth have sunk into his skin, causing him to bleed.

A scarlet line runs down his neck and stains the top edges of his shirt.

There was no teasing behind that action, no playful intent; It hurt far too much, is now beginning to show signs of bruising too much, and the Shadow's harsh action of what he's done doesn't even register in his mind.

Nothing registers in his mind. It's all white noise. Nothingness...

Darkness. A yearning for violence, to do something, something that he hasn't done since calming down--

Since the last time he snapped on none other than Souji.

He growls. A low sound erupting from his throat, and his hands are balled into fists, grabbing onto the fabric of Yosuke's shirt.

In one swift motion he pushes the brunette down against the ground. Hard. Continuing to push into him even as a sound of obvious discomfort comes from the other's lips.

"Again, w-what the hell!?" Yosuke hisses, eyebrows furrowed in anger, yet eyes wide enough to show his fear.

Fear...

It fuels Seta as he is right now, and he only wishes to see more of it. The most deepest part of his heart, the darkest, revels in such a sight.

The wind is quickly leaving Yosuke's lungs, and it hurts to breathe. Seta's hands are pushing down on his chest so hard that he can now feel the dig of his fingernails too. 

They're sharp. Much sharper than normal, and they rip his shirt as the Shadow drags them down, thin lines of blood pooling at the surface of his skin as they cut into him.

"S-Seta... why are you..." he wheezes, eyes widening once again as he feels fingers moving up to tightly grip his throat.

He violently coughs, arms flailing and reaching to shove the other male off him.

His attempts are futile with the scarily obvious difference in strength. 

One glimpse at his eyes and Yosuke understands; they're brighter, more intense, yet there's somehow a dull look to them all at the same time.

This isn't Seta-- No. It is Seta, but a side of himself the Shadow never wanted Yosuke to see.

He's snapping, even when the both of them said he wouldn't.

"I'm tired, Yosuke. I'm tired of hurting others. I've had enough of it."

"You're fine now though, right? Dude, I ain't gonna let you go through shit alone. I'll be right here for ya. Besides; I don't think we've got anything to worry about."

"What makes you so sure?"

"The fact we're having this conversation. Look, Seta, everything's gonna be fine. Trust me; you're not going to hurt anyone. Not on my watch. I'll kick your ass before that happens!"

"I guess you have a point, but I really doubt you'd be able to kick my ass. Thanks..."

"No problem, bro."

Wrong.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong--

'I should have known...'

Yosuke should have known this was going to happen, should have seen it coming. He knows Seta better than anyone-- at least he thought he did.

Now he's not so sure. Not when his body is being so violently disfigured.

His chest is torn to shreds, nails having been slashing, and slashing, and slashing, digging right in his skin, past his skin, tearing at everything beneath.

It's a wonder he's still breathing; there's an open wound on the side of his neck, and if Seta decides at any moment to bite him again, a flow of crimson will gush down his body.

All Seta does is continue to mutilate him, all sense of himself long gone, all human-like feelings he ever experienced no longer there.

He growls again, and in Yosuke's hazy state the music loving teen swears he can see a wolf for just a second, but quickly dismisses that thought.

How he can still think at all is beyond him. Tears are streaming down his face, he's lost the strength in his voice, and all he can do is plead with his eyes for Seta to stop.

Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop--

His inner pleading does nothing, of course, and a shrill scream is finally drawn from his throat, only seeming to anger what Seta has become.

The Shadow's lips are instantly upon Yosuke's, shutting him up, biting down on his bottom lip.

Hard.

So hard that when he pulls away, his teeth are still harshly latched on and tear away at the skin, wrenching off his bottom lip completely in one swift motion.

Blood pours down his chin, joining the red that already covers his neck, and stains most of his shirt. In fact, nothing but blood and dirt covers his clothes and skin.

Seta leans down, lips hovering over his chest where his teeth gnash at the open wound, squelching sounds echoing in Yosuke's ears as his partner laps up the blood and god knows what else from his body.

The excruciating pain is still there, but the numbness that spreads through his body, that tingles in his toes and fingertips, is a comfort. Something to distract him from the burning sensation he feels.

Slowly moving upwards, Seta's teeth attach onto Yosuke's neck, the hole now widening further as he chews away at the skin, ripping away at everything he can sink his teeth into.

Yosuke wheezes, blood sputtering from his mouth and streaming from his neck all at the same time, making him gasp desperately for air.

Another low growl erupts from the Shadow's throat, and sharp nails are suddenly on the brunette's face, clawing into his skin from the top of his forehead, dragging right down to his jawline. 

Various thick lines of red cover Yosuke's face, and the blood seeps through the cracks of his eyelids he's so hopelessly trying to keep shut.

The stinging sensation is overwhelming. It burns like nothing he's ever experienced before, not even with everything that's happening now.

It blinds him, along with the nails slicing into his eye sockets. 

He screams. At least, he tries, but nothing but a strained exhale of breath can be heard.

"Guh--!" A thick lump of blood blocks what's left of his airways, and the quick movement of bile and acid rising in his throat catches him off guard, causing him to heave and vomit.

The stench is horrendous, killing off the last of his sense of smell he had left.

No sight, no smell, and slowly the sound of gnashing teeth and scraping nails is being drowned out by nothing. 

If only he had no feeling. Maybe he'd be able to accept death easier.

Seta suddenly pushes a hand down on his chest again, while the other wraps tightly around his throat, causing him to heave and throw up all over himself again.

The hand on his chest pushes and pushes, and the nails cut deep into the side of where his heart is.

A sudden sense of dread is the only thing Yosuke can feel, yet...

It's somehow oddly welcome. It's yet another thing that pulls his mind away from focusing on the pain, and he knows that this foreboding feeling inside him is because of one reason only; He's about to finally be able to rest.

Clutching firmly at the weak organ now in his grasp, Seta jerks his hand back, tearing away the only thing keeping Yosuke alive.

The brunette's body convulses, everything stopping in that moment.

He no longer moves, no longer flails from the hold he's under, no longer cries or wheezes...

He's dead.

...

"Y-..." Seta collapses back onto the blood soaked grass, staring in horror at the sight before him. Did... 

Did he do that?

The return of every human emotion that had been cast aside hits him instantly, the cruel reality of what he himself has done sinking in too fast for him to even comprehend accepting.

No.

No, no, no, no, no--

"Me paenitet," he holds what's left of his partner in his arms, carefully moving to stand on his feet, wobbling from exhaustion, "Me paenitet..."

If he heads to the TV world now, no one will have to know what's happened. It's dark, no prying eyes to be seen.

This wouldn't be the first time he's getting away with murder. He's been through this before, countless times. 

Seta wonders why it still comes as a shock. Everything can be re-written, it always is, with each time the timeline resets.

It doesn't stop him from feeling guilty. Doesn't stop the dull ache in his chest every time he hurts someone close to him. 

Although, all the times he hurts someone close to him, it always happens to be Yosuke. It's never anyone else from the group, never any of his family either.

He's grateful to never hurt Nanako, he can't bear the thought of it, but as he carries the brunette's lifeless corpse through the biggest TV in the junk yard he found on the outskirts of Inaba the first time the timeline reset, he can't help but wonder why.

Why is it always the person he argues with the most, the person who he can never bring himself to hate, even if in some timelines Yosuke hates Seta more than anything?

He's always the one to break down the barriers, always the one he ends up closest to each time he repeats, and repeats, and repeats the same days over and over again.

The Shadow clears his throat, the sudden dryness in his mouth confusing. Further guilt makes his chest heavy, makes him feel as if the world is closing in on him, and the sooner he heads home, the better.

The sooner he can see his partner's grin again, the better.

...

... But it's not that simple.

Hours pass, even days, more than what he's used to. It puts him on edge, especially with the bombarding questions from his friends.

It all soon becomes apparent once the fog sets in after a week passes, and the first thing he can hear on their way to school is Rise's piercing scream.

"Yosuke-senpai is...!"

... Hanging from a telephone line pole, no, that's not what happens, this shouldn't be happening, the timeline should be starting anew, Yosuke should be with them, he should be laughing, smiling, and Seta should not be panicking like this, everything should have fixed itself already--

Seta runs in the opposite direction, ignoring the mix of cries, screams, and shouts from his friends, in response to the sight before them, and to the concerned calls for their beloved leader.

He's no leader, he's a murderer, it's been his fault time and time again, but not like this, never like this, why isn't everything fine?

...

.... It's not until the day of the funeral that Seta finally shows his face to the group again. Short exchanges of conversations are had, forced smiles unable to hide the sorrow on their faces.

The Shadow walks into the church, Nanako right by his side, holding his hand tightly. Her eyes are red from the tears, have been for days.

They're late for the speeches, and Seta tells that Nanako was far too upset and didn't want to draw attention to herself by crying. In reality, it's he who doesn't wish to be there.

He shouldn't be here, none of them should. He keeps telling himself that at any moment the scene will change, and he'll be the newbie in this town once again, arguing with Yosuke down at the river bank like he has so many times in the past.

Time marches on as he finally comes up to where Yosuke lays to rest, looking peaceful in the one thing he should never have had to be in had it not been Seta's fault; a coffin.

White lilies surround him, and if it were not for such a sombre affair, the Shadow would dare say it's almost beautiful... 

"Big bro, I... I..." Nanako stutters over her words, tears streaming down her face.

It's too much for her. No child should have to be put through losing someone. Seta can see it's not just about Yosuke. She's been here before, been in this situation because of her mother, and the memories of that time are making this day that much harder.

If he could end himself here and now, he would, but he can't. He'll never die, no matter what he does, and it's the painful reality of his life. Whatever life it is.

Seta sends Nanako over to join the others, where they too are desperately trying to muffle their sobs in the handkerchiefs they hold. 

Once alone with the one person closest to his heart, he drops to his knees. Carefully holding Yosuke's cold hand in his own, he gives a gentle squeeze, half expecting a retaliation in response.

Nothing. Of course nothing would happen.

He stares at his face, his face that has no scars, no obvious blemishes or marks left by someone else's hands. There's no blood, no red, only the colours of black and white. 

Yosuke looks good in a suit, he notes, but he suddenly finds himself sucking in a sharp breath when he sees the tie he's wearing.

It's the one his mother bought him, the one they always joked about.

A tie that he should be wearing to a wedding, a formal gathering, and a date with Seta that he always teased him about...

It's the first time he's wearing it, and to his own funeral too.

It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair--

"Reset," Seta murmurs, closing his eyes as he tightens his hold on Yosuke's hand, "Reset..."

Time passes and he can hear people leaving, the sound of Nanako's concerned voice is drowned out by the recollection of violent sounds in his head. The only things he had been able to register in his mind when Yosuke was dying-- When he was the one taking his life away.

Seta's glad he's the only one left, glad that no one can hear the first time he sobs. He's crying, real tears fall from his eyes, and it's strange to think he has never cried at anything before.

Then again, he's never had a reason to.

Things always sort themselves out, timelines always reset, and he never has to dwell on the death of anyone for long, not when they are living again the second after he blinks the dust away from his eyes.

No one's coming back this time. The realisation that he's used up all his chances, that the luck he always took for granted is now gone, that this timeline is fixed in place...

The fact that Yosuke is dead and will forever be from this day forth, and there's nothing he can do about it, other than be the only one who truly knows what happened, and who is to blame...

He has to live with this. He will live with this everyday he puts on the façade of nephew, cousin, friend, and leader.