#yoonitis

The weather on this March afternoon is what anyone would call pleasant. The gentle wind blows away the blossoms, the leaves are dark green and full, breathing in the warm air. The sky blazes blue and the warm sunlight seeps through the trees, giving an incandescent glow to the environment. 

All this beauty seems out of reach to you as you sit inside your heavily air conditioned car, windows pulled up. The radio host drones on something about first love while the chauffeur drives you towards your 'home'? Was it? Guess you could say that.

In hindsight, you should be happy and you were. Kind of. You were in your last year of university (the best university in town) and your 3 months long summer vacation was starting from tomorrow. It's not like you hated uni but at least you had a break from all those fake, make believe morons, you called friends.

You are almost dozing off when the car stops at a red light and you notice the flower bed at the side of the road. It is evident from the various red, yellow, white and violet flowers that the bed is quite well-kept. 

You have always been fascinated by flowers since you were a child. They always gave you hope, reminded you of good memories. These few seconds when the car stood beside the flower bed was easily the highlight of your days. The car didn't stop at the red light everyday but a glance was all you needed. The knowledge that the flowers were still there was enough.

The flowers would start withering with the first signs of fall and you would wait patiently for summer to prevail again. This has been the cycle for the past 8 years. The only escape you had.

~

You were on your way towards your room when Mrs.Louise, the kind housekeeper informed that your grandfather wanted to see you. 

Your grandfather is having a phone call when you enter the living room. He motions for you to sit on the armchair opposite him and you comply.

"You called?", you ask after he ends the call.

"I assume your vacations start tomorrow?", you nod. "Did you have any plans in mind?", your grandfather, never one to beat around the bush, asks.

"Uhh… no.", you say, confused.

"Okay, well, I have taken the liberty to plan things out for you. You are going to spend the next 3 months in Ember, your aunt wants you to visit. Your train leaves tomorrow morning.", he states.

"Ember?! B-but… I don't-"

"I thought you said you didn't have plans.", your grandfather cuts you off.

"Umm... I-I don't…. but… I-", you stammer.

"Ahnjong, I assume you need to pack. You may leave now.", he states.

You enter your room and flop down on the bed. 'Ember'. You are swept with a thousand memories just at the mention of the name. Memories that you had locked in the deep recess of your mind, never to open again. Memories that you didn't even want to remember. Ever.

You never thought you would ever go back there. You didn't want to. But you've hardly ever denied your grandfather. He left little room for argument anyway.

~

You are the only person sitting on one of the reclining seats in first class as the train starts moving with a whistle. Ember is a small town after all; quiet and lacking the glamours of the city. Not ideal for spending vacations either. But for you, it was the only place you used to call 'home', in the true sense of the word.

You never came to know your mother as she passed away while giving birth to you and since then, your father was all you knew. He was a frail kind man whose health deteriorated by the day. He couldn't cope with the death of your mother and passed away 8 years later, before you got the chance to know him either and you were left alone.

Aunt Grace. Your mother's older sister brought you to her house in Ember where she lived alone. She became the mother you never had, the mother you never knew of. 8 year old you, didn't feel so alone anymore. As the years passed, all your previous losses seemed like a dream. You were finally alive, happy. 

You went to the school in town, made friends, tended the garden with Grace (you absolutely refused to call her aunt, reasoning that she was your friend and she didn't force either), helped her out in her cafe, watched movies, shared your boy troubles, and did everything with her. Similarly, Grace knew you like the palm of her hand. You became the daughter she never had.

It is a spring afternoon. You came home from school to be greeted by an empty house. You were 12 now and were dying to share every detail about Jisung, your classmate and most importantly, your very first crush with Grace.

Knowing exactly where she could be, you moved towards the backyard to notice her busy in the garden.

"Whatcha doing?", you sing-song.

"You scared me.", Grace smiles, not even looking the least bit scared and you roll your eyes.

"I'm not a child anymore, you know!", you whine.

"Remember the flower you told me about, the day before?", Grace asks, completely ignoring your rant. "The violet ones?"

"Mmm hmm.", you hum.

(Two days back you returned home from school, sniffling with bloodshot eyes. Grace immediately rushed towards you, worried.

"Ahnnie-ah! What happened sweetheart?", she cooed and you started crying again, hugging her tight.

"It was all my fault aunt.", a very apologetic Jimin, your best friend, whispered from behind her. 

"But what did you do?", Grace asked, puzzled.

"We were walking towards home when Ahn noticed a pretty violet flower at the side of the road. We didn't know its name and wanted to ask you. I plucked the flower, aunt. I'm so sorry.", Jimin sniffles with glassy eyes and extends his hand holding a withered violet flower towards Grace.

"Jimin, that's so sweet! Thank you. Why are you sorry sweetie?", Grace consoles, taking the flower.

"Ahn started crying because of me. I just wanted to help. Please don't cry, Ahn.", he said with a shaky voice. Grace turned towards you to notice you rubbing at your swollen eyes.

"Isn't plucking flowers wrong Grace? You said we should only enjoy their beauty from afar. Don't they die if we take them away from the mother plant?", you ask with shiny doe eyes.

"Oh sweetie! It's okay. Jimin meant well. He wanted to make you happy. We can grow more of these flowers together.", she rubs at your cheeks. "Now, shouldn't you thank Jimin?"

You move towards Jimin with an apologetic expression. "Thank you Jiminie. I'm sorry for crying. I did not want to make you sad."

"It's okay.", Jimin grins.)

"Well, here.", Grace extends her hand towards you. "What are these?", you inspect the small brown seeds.

"These are freesia seeds, the violet flower Jimin brought. I thought you could help me plant them.", she says. "Of course!", you exclaim, bubbling with excitement.

You spent the entire afternoon, planting the freesia seeds and tending the garden with Grace while chewing her ear out, asking questions about how much you had to wait, when they will bloom and how many times you had to water them, all of which she answered eagerly, without an ounce of annoyance.

You are broken from your reverie when the train skids to a halt at Ember. It's almost dark outside when you step on the remotely busy platform as the porters and vendors, all are busy packing to leave for the day.

Ember being a small town lacked any airport, a train station and various bus stops, the only modes of transportation. It was not a village per se, the town being quite advanced but lacked few technologies and as a result of being less populated, the government's interest.

Coming out of the station, you get on the bus. After 20 minutes of journey, you get down and start walking. Even after 8 years, this place hasn't changed a bit and it doesn't take long for your feet to take you along the familiar road. 

Muscle memory kicks in as you continue walking while your eyes remain fixed on the houses at the roadside. Some are withered, some brand new while some remain the exact same as the last time you saw them. The road is quiet with the occasional sound of scrunching tyres of a passing car.

The street lights flare brightly, clearly guiding you along the sidewalk. A sweet gentle breeze blows away your long brown strands away from your face, the hem of your dress, flowing in the wind. As much as you didn't want to be here, just the atmosphere cools you down, effectively clearing your head.

A small smile adorns your face as you notice Jimin's house. The once bright yellow paint was fading but it was still as beautiful and decorated as before, if not more, thanks to Mrs.Park. You could make out the windchime on their front porch that you almost broke while you were 10. It was as if the town had stopped in time. Everything was almost exactly like you last saw it.

As your eyes move from Jimin's to the house beside it, the smile falls from your face. Your home. You would've said, it was also the exact same as you left it like its surroundings, if not for the fresh white paint, still wet in places.

Standing before the main gate, you wonder whether you made a mistake coming here. Were you even welcome here? But your grandfather did say that aunt wanted you to visit. Not giving yourself time to overthink anymore, you move inside and crossing the yard, stand before the front door. 

Heaving out a sigh, you knock. When no sound comes from inside, you knock again, louder this time. "The door's open! Why are you even knocking?", comes a muffled familiar voice. Hesitantly, you twist the knob and as mentioned, the door easily opens. Getting inside, you close it behind you.

Immediately, you are met with the familiar aroma of baked goods. Grace must be baking for the cafe tomorrow, you assumed. The living room looked the same as you left it, the small television, the couch and coffee table opposite it, the pictures on the fireplace (though there were a few more pictures of you). 

But what seemed completely new was the upright piano sitting at the corner of the room. It was clearly taken care of if the shiny black mahogany exterior was anything to go by. You didn't remember it being there. 

You are 10 years old when you tell Grace about your fascination with pianos. After getting you ready for bed, she is looking for your bedtime storybook in the bedside drawer when she comes across a handful of coins.

"Ahnnie-ah, why do you have so much change?", she asks you as you are lying in bed looking like a deer caught in headlights. "Ahn?", she prompts when you fail to reply. "I'm saving for a piano.", you whisper meekly. "A.. piano?", Grace asks, bewildered.

"I love the piano, Gracy. We have one at school. It's huge!", your voice gets higher as you immerse in your description. "Mr.Hans plays it during music period. I want to play it too! But Alice said I need a lot of money to buy it. So, I'm saving. I will buy it after I have a lot of money!", you excitedly ramble.

Grace who was quiet the entire time just smiles at you wistfully.

The next day you open your drawer to be greeted by a blue piggy bank. "You can keep your money inside that.", Grace says, standing on your door. "We'll both save for the piano, yeah?", you run towards her and entangle your small arms around her legs as she laughs, "You are the best, Gracy!"

You are standing cluelessly in the middle of the once familiar living room, not knowing what to do when you hear it. "May I help you?", you turn around towards the source of the voice.

It doesn't take long for you to recognise Grace. Her once shiny raven hair filled with traces of grey, tied in a ponytail. A pair of glasses sit upon her pointed nose, slightly hiding her ever kind eyes as she looks at you with furrowed brows. She still looks as pretty as before in a pair of trousers and a cream shirt.

As you keep looking at her face, something changes in her face as realisation strucks. "Ahnnie?!", she exclaims with a huge grin and swiftly wraps you up in a tight hug. "You came!", she sniffles. "I didn't think you would."

"Yeah, I didn't have a choice.", you reply in a clipped tone, not making any move to return the hug. Grace finally breaks the embrace and looks at your face. "You have grown so much. You look just like your mom, pretty.", she doesn't react to your jab as if it was expected. "You must be hungry. Wait here.", she moves away leaving you alone in the living room.

Instead of waiting, you move upstairs, towards the direction of your room. 

Twisting the knob, you open the door expecting to be greeted by your familiar bed, table, the huge bedside window, you loved to sit at, maybe a bit dusty, a few things out of place. Instead, you are met with the turned back of a….. boy?

The boy seems to be equally startled by the sound of the door and turns around, a faint smile immediately appearing on his thin lips while you gawk at him. His coal black locks fall messily upon his forehead, partially hiding his sharp eyes that intently observe you as you do him.

He's your age, maybe a couple years older, wearing grey sweatpants with a black graphic t-shirt which contrasts with his milky white porcelain skin. He's no doubt, one of the most handsome men you've seen and he seems aware of the effect he has on people if the small smirk adorning his face is anything to go by.

"Who are you?", you finally manage to ask with a steely voice. "Min Yoongi.", he states matter of factly. "I don't care about your name. What are you doing in m-"

"Ahnnie, where did you… oh!", Grace stops inside the room. "Who's this?", you ask, not paying any attention to the boy standing before you while Yoongi observes you with an amused expression. "That's Yoongi. He lives here. Come, I arranged the room beside, for you.", Grace supplies. "You gave my room to a stranger? Great!", you scoff and storm out of the room with Grace in tow. 

~

After unpacking some of your stuff, you are currently lying on the bed. You don't know how you are going to spend 3 months here. This place had too many memories. There were too many things that were left unsaid and you weren't sure how long you could keep quiet.

There were a thousand questions in your head, a thousand accusations, frustrations, hurt, anger and they all came down in the form of tears as you lay blankly staring at the ceiling. 

A knock broke your trance and you swiftly sat up, rubbing at your eyes. Grace came inside with a tray of food, "We usually eat together at the dining table but I thought you must be tired after the long journey. You can join us from tomorrow.", she smiled. 

She placed the tray beside you. She observed your face and opened her mouth to say something but quickly thought otherwise and turned towards the door. "I'm glad you came.", she said while moving outside your room.

"I'm glad too.", you say and Grace looks at you expectantly with a warm smile. "To know you could house a stranger….. but not me.", the smile vanishes replaced with weariness as she closes the door.

~

After tossing and turning in bed for hours, you finally get up to have some water. Descending the stairs, you are venturing towards the kitchen when you hear a faint melody coming from the living room. Someone was playing the piano.

Curious, you stand before the living room to be greeted by that boy, Yoongi again. His back was turned slightly away from you, as he played the piano, eyes closed. The living room was dark, save the light of the moon coming from the living room window, illuminating him.

Yoongi looked even more handsome while focused. His hands moved expertly on the piano as he played. The tune seemed melancholy. It was as if he was lonely and waiting for something or someone to finally find him, grab his hand and rid him of his ache.

Not wanting to impose, you try to move away quietly but unable to notice the dresser in the dark, your knee bumps on it with a thud. "You okay?", you turn around to notice Yoongi still sitting on the piano stool but facing you.

"Yeah.", you rub at your knee. "Sorry to interrupt. I'll leave." "It's fine. You can stay. I don't mind.", he offers. "No… I-I'll go.", you exit the room.

Lying on your bed, you couldn't hear the piano anymore. But damn, you wanted to. Yoongi really was talented. But you couldn't stay. You didn't really want to acknowledge his presence. You know it wasn't the guy's fault, hell, nothing was. You didn't even know him but you couldn't help but envy him.

He had your room. He could play the piano like a professional. He was staying here with Grace for God knows how long. And you? You had everything anyone your age would want but also nothing at the same time. You weren't 'anyone' after all.

~

You spent the next morning in your room finishing unpacking your stuff. You went down once for breakfast barely acknowledging either Grace or Yoongi and came back to your room immediately after. Grace left for the cafe soon after, saying she'll be back before lunch.

You are sitting on the couch immersed in your laptop when Yoongi enters the living room. As you fail to notice him, he clears his throat. You look up at him questioningly.

"Can I..?", he motions towards the space beside you. "Be my guest. You are more welcome here than I am anyway.", you supply. 

"I cleared my things. You can move back to your room if you want.", he says and you finally look at him. He's dressed in jeans and a shirt, probably ready to go out. "Did Gra- uh aunt ask you to?", you furrow your brows.

"No.", he didn't seem keen on offering any further explanation. "Well…. No thanks, Yoongi. I appreciate you doing that but you can keep it.", you return to your laptop. 

"You don't really like me, do you?", Yoongi moves towards the main door. "I haven't given you enough thought to decide yet.", you hear him chuckle as he closes the door behind him. Unbeknownst to you, a smile tugs at your lips as well.

~

Feeling bored in the house alone (it's not like you would've been any better if the others were present either), you went out for a walk. 

It is a few minutes past noon and the sun is high up in the sky, though the environment is nothing but pleasant. An occasional cool breeze blows and you feel a lot better than in the house. 

The weather is better in Ember than in the city. The streets are busy in the morning, a complete contrast to the night. You notice quite a number of cars, motorcycles, buses pass by as you keep walking. The people here woke up early, worked hard throughout the day and went back to their respective houses as the sun came down.

You are on your way back when you come across an advertisement attached on the glass window of a small bookstore. They are looking for new employees to help out. The pay wasn't much but at least you could be productive. It was far better than sitting idle in the house.

A soft bell rings above-head as you open the door. The inside is much cooler and you heave a sigh. It was a small space but cosy nonetheless. You don't notice anyone inside and move to browse the shelfs.

"Did you follow me?", turning around at the voice, you are greeted with the amused face of Yoongi across the counter. He has a coffee cup in one hand while the other hand rests on the counter.

"Right.", you turn around and pick up a non-fiction book from the shelf. "I was missing you so much that I just had to come." Yoongi chuckles at your deadpan expression. 

It's almost half an hour later when he speaks up again, "Found anything you like?", as you are moving from shelf to shelf. You don't answer as you move towards the counter where he's standing. Beads of condensation fall down his coffee cup, now placed on the counter and accumulate at the bottom. It must have been something cold.

"I wanted to ask about the advertisement outside. Is it old or are they still hiring?", you ask. "They are.", Yoongi replies with a raised eyebrow. "What?", you ask as he extends a form for you to fill up.

"Well, I work here because I need the cash. Why would you want to work here?", he asks curiously. "It's better than sitting idle at the house.", you shrug. "Though I don't see how it's any of your business."

"When do I start?", you pass him the form. "From Monday. Bring a pair of your photo.", you raise an eyebrow. "It's for the form.", he waves the form as you move towards the exit. "Sure.", you hold back your smile.

"Yoongi.", you call back, already half outside the door. "Yeah?", he turns around expectantly. "Is there a coffee shop nearby? Aunt's cafe is too far.", you motion towards his cup, "I'm dying for an americano."

"Second left down the street."

~

It's almost evening when you come downstairs after taking a shower after your walk. "Do you need any help?", you ask as you notice Grace working in the kitchen. "Nope. All done here. Where did you go?", she queries.

"For a walk.", you reply, moving towards the backyard. The sight before causes you to stop in your tracks. The garden that once used to be filled with colours and carefully looked after was in complete ruins. 

There were no flowers or vegetables in sight, rather it seemed to be a playground of insects filled with weed and shrubs where the plants used to be. 

You come outside and not expecting to see anything different from before, you halfheartedly follow the path towards the back where you planted the freesias with Grace.

The view before surprises you even more. The freesias are intact, exactly like you remember. They stand out like a sore thumb among the otherwise lifeless garden. Vibrant violet flowers remain scattered and an elegant sweet smell fills the space.

You bend down and delicately touch the petals as a single tear drop slides down your cheek.

"They were dying.", you swiftly rub at your cheeks and turn around. Grace stands before you with a wistful expression, eyes swimming with a thousand emotions.

"I tried my best to look after them after-", she quickly changes her wording, "... when you weren't here. I tried everything I could but they started withering.", she doesn't look at you, eyes fixed at the flowers as she speaks.

"5 years back, Yoongi came along. He used to work at the cafe, still does. He has been looking after them ever since. I don't know what he did but it worked like magic. The freesias started blooming again like never before.", she finally looks your way. "How have you been Ahn?", she looks pained.

Looking at her now, standing here with you in the backyard beside the freesias that you planted with her, all of your wounds that you have been keeping locked inside your heart, bleed afresh. All of the previous anger, pain, hurt that you thought went away with time, come back full force.

Your eyes become glassy at the question that seemed so innocent, but instead you smile at her. "Do you even care?", Grace looks at you wistfully. "But since you asked; great, aunt", she flinches at the word 'aunt', "I've been great! Couldn't have been better. All thanks to you."

You quickly stride out of the backyard before the tears finally fall and move inside the house, dashing upstairs, bumping shoulders with Yoongi who was standing in the entrance of the yard, on your way.

Grace comes rushing inside after you with a crestfallen face. She moves towards the stairs to follow you when Yoongi stops her. "Let her be aunt."

~

The following day being a Saturday, you woke up late with a fresh mind. The previous day's events kept repeating in your mind and you regretted reacting the way you did. You wanted everyone to believe you didn't care but you exposed too much emotions yesterday.

You still had to stay here even if you didn't want to. You decided to behave like nothing happened, at least to save some face. If you wanted to spend the remaining days peacefully, you needed to stop reacting. With that thought in mind, you finally got out of bed.

It was already past noon when you came downstairs with your laptop. Yoongi was lounging on the couch, probably having days off at the bookstore on weekends, so you sat down on the dining table.

"Good morning.", Grace greeted from the kitchen. "It's afternoon now.", you reply as she chuckles. "You haven't changed.", she remarks. You open your mouth to retort but quickly decide otherwise. 

"Do you want breakfast?", she asks instead. "No. But can I get some coffee?", you say absentmindedly. "Sure."

You are completely immersed in your work, coffee cup empty when you hear a familiar voice. "Aunt Grace, mom sent some spaghetti for Yoon-", he stops in his tracks upon spotting you.

"Ahn!" 

"Jiminie!", you exclaim as Jimin comes running towards you and crushes you with a bear hug. Grace smiles at your antics. "You are back! I missed you so much!", Jimin sniffles. "I missed you too! Ho- yah! Are you crying?", you poke at his cheek as Jimin breaks the hug. "No I'm not!", he exclaims and you laugh.

"I'm so glad Ahn!", he says, excitedly. "Did you come back for good?", your smile falls at his question. "No I-I'm just visiting. For summer vacations."

"How long?", Jimin doesn't seem to notice the awkwardness. "Three months."

"That's long enough! We can spend plenty of time together.", he states.

"Did I hear spaghetti?", Yoongi, who was standing a few feet away, observing you two with an amused expression, tries to break the tension. "Ohh yeah. Mom sent this.", Jimin hands the container to Grace.

"We rented the diner for Tae's birthday tomorrow. You should come!", Jimin turns towards the door. "Sure!", you reply. "Cool. I'll pick you up. Gotta go now. I have a date!"

~

The next evening, you get dressed up in a yellow sundress with spaghetti straps and throw on a denim jacket. Jimin picks you up at 6 and drives you to the diner. You don't remember it being there before. 

It's a moderately big cosy place with seating arrangements beside the big glass windows. The other movable tables and chairs are moved towards the back to let the people move freely.

The main lights are dimmed and fairy lights of various colours remain scattered on the wall while a low music fills up the space. The place is not yet packed but quite a number of people are already present swaying with the music or having chats with red cups of beer in hand. 

It's a good party, though not as wild as the ones that you attended with your rich friends, but the ambience is better, pleasant. Jimin tugs you towards a group of people after entering the diner.

"Ahn?!", you are greeted with a boxy smile. "Tae! Happy birthday!", you give him a hug who gladly returns it. "Long time no see! How are you?", he breaks the hug. "I'm good.", you look at the others in the group.

"Ahn, this is Hobi. We work together at the dance studio.", you nod your head in acknowledgement and he gives you a heart shaped smile as Jimin introduces, "And, you remember Jungkook?", he points to the boy who has been standing beside you all this time. "Of course!", you grin and Jungkook gives you a shy smile.

After a while, Jimin and Jhope move towards the dance floor while Tae leaves for mingling. You observe them dancing their hearts out as quite a number of girls flock around them making a small crowd, while standing on the side, chatting with Jungkook. He had changed a lot from the small lanky junior you knew from school.

As Jungkook comes back with two cups of beer in hand, you spot a familiar mop of hair from the corner of your eye. Yoongi is standing with two other people, wearing blue jeans, a plain white t-shirt and a black bomber jacket, looking as handsome as ever. He doesn't seem to notice you.

"What's he doing here?", Jungkook follows your line of sight. "Yoongi hyung?", you nod as he passes you a cup. "He and Jimin hyung go to the same college. He's a senior."

"And who are they?", you point at the other two boys. "Standing beside him is Namjoon hyung. They are batchmates. And that's Jin hyung", he points to the boy who's hysterically laughing at something, "the diner's owner's son." 

You look back at Yoongi to find him already looking your way with an unreadable expression. You hold gazes as he doesn't seem too keen on looking away. You are the one to finally tear your eyes away when Jimin and Tae come up to you.

"You've become quite popular among the ladies, haven't you Jiminie?", you tease. "Well, not as popular as our Jungkookie.", he grins. You look at Jungkook, surprised while he just gives you a sheepish smile, scratching at his neck.

"How long are you here for?", Tae asks. "3 months, well 2 months and a week from now. Till my summer break lasts.", you reply. 

"I know I'm not supposed to ask this. But why did you leave, Ahn? We missed you so much.", Taehyung asks innocently. "Oh… uhh… I-"

"It's none of our business, Tae.", Jimin deadpans. "What's important is, she's here now. We should spend some time together before you leave.", Jungkook supplies helpfully, extending his phone to you for exchanging numbers. "Of course.", you reply with a smile that doesn't quite meet your eyes.

After a while, you excuse yourself and come up on the roof of the diner that Jungkook told you about. It's dark upstairs save the light of the moon and a few yellow fairy lights towards the entrance. Apart from a couple on the other side, the rooftop is empty.

You move towards the other side with a cup of beer in hand and lean on the railing. Your hair flows with the cool steady wind as you stare at the town below. 

"Didn't like the party?", you look to your left, somewhat startled at the voice. Yoongi stands a few feet away, mirroring your posture. The wind blowing away the coal black locks, exposing his forehead. He looks serene in the moonlight. 

You realise you are staring and look away, shrugging in lieu of a reply. "Nothing like the parties back home?", Yoongi stares at you intently.

"Home?", you scoff at the word. "It's different, yeah. But I'd rather be here than at those parties.", you don't know what prompts you to say the truth. Maybe the beer played a role, or perhaps you were finally tired of lying.

"Then why aren't you inside?", Yoongi asks again. You look at his face at the question. He seems genuinely curious with no trace of mirth on his face. "I just needed a break."

"From what?", he doesn't hesitate to ask. Any other day you wouldn't have thought twice before snapping at him or ignoring the question altogether. But today, surprisingly, you don't hesitate to answer either, "From people, their expectations, my thoughts."

"Why are you here Yoongi? What did you need a break from?", you ask, observing him as he looks at the town ahead. "Myself.", he doesn't explain further and you don't ask.

"You know", he speaks up after a while, "It's okay to just be taking time for yourself once in a while, giving your soul what it needs." 

"You're a smooth talker, aren't you?", you grin at his words. "I try.", he winks at you.

Both of you stand there for a while in silence that's anything but uncomfortable. It's like you have always known him. There's no awkwardness as you walk back home together.

~

The next day's a Monday and you wake up early for your shift in the bookstore though it's not until noon. You get dressed in jeans and a blue t-shirt and come downstairs for breakfast. 

"Going somewhere?", Grace asks as you sit down. "I begin working at the bookstore from today.", you reply, taking a bite of your toast. "Bookstore? The one on Elvis Street?", Grace from the kitchen and you nod.

"Oh. Yoongi works there too.", she calls back. "Yeah. I know.", you look towards the living room for any signs of him. "Has he left?"

"Yeah", Grace replies, biting back a mischievous grin. "His shifts begin from 11.", she adds as you finish your breakfast.

"Ahnnie.", you are almost out the door when Grace calls and you turn around. "All the best for your first day.", you don't reply.

~

The bell indicates your arrival as you get inside the bookstore. The counter is empty as Yoongi works at the back. He comes out at the sound of the bell and hands you a cup of coffee as you raise an eyebrow.

"I was at the cafe. Thought you might want one.", he shrugs. "How did you know my order?", you asked after taking a sip of the iced americano. "I didn't. I just brought what I usually have."

~

"Is it usually this inactive in here?", you ask after a few hours of arranging and rearranging the shelves with only a few customers. "Yeah. That's another reason why I work here. I usually just complete assignments or take a nap. People hardly come here save for a few students now and then."

"You nap?", you laugh after hearing his usual schedule and he nods nonchalantly. "I know the people here and they know me. It's chill."

"You work alone?", you ask next. "Yeah", he nods, "Aunt Grace knows the owner. He's an old man, can't really work. The bookstore means a lot to him, so he doesn't wanna put it for sale either. And it isn't exactly busy, as you can see. I manage. But Mr.Sung insisted on hiring someone so that I have at least some company.", you nod, "That makes sense."

"Well, if you haven't already noticed, I'm not exactly one to talk much. I don't need the company.", he states goodnaturedly. "That's not true.", you say and Yoongi looks up from the book at hand.

"I think everyone needs it whether they admit or not.", you sit down on the chair beside Yoongi and look outside the glass doors of the store while he looks at you intently with furrowed brows.

"Someone to share coffee with. Someone you can complain to about your assignments. Someone to wake you up from your ill-timed naps. Someone you can lean on when you've had a bad day. Someone to make you feel like tomorrow is more than just another day."

"And do you have it? Your someone?", he voices out, breaking you from your haze. You smile wistfully at his question, as if it was answer enough.

As you look back at Yoongi, you notice him looking at you with a discrete expression. It's not sympathy, like you'd expected. No. It's different, empathetic. It's almost as if he can feel your words and the weight they hold, almost as if he can feel you.

"So, you said you worked here for the cash. What do you need it for?", you awkwardly clear your throat and change the topic. "If you don't mind me asking of course.", you quickly add and Yoongi shakes his head.

"I'm in my last year of college, music production. I need the cash to buy equipment.", he states. "Does that mean you bought the piano in the living room? Must have cost a fortune.", you ask. "Yeah. Aunt Grace chipped in too."

Before you can ask anything else, the bell rings and two boys come inside. You recognise them as the ones who were chatting with Yoongi at the party and move away to continue arranging the shelf.

"Is that her?", you overhear after a while, the one Jungkook introduced as Jin, ask, as you move towards the counter. "Am I who?", you grin at them.

"Meet Jin and that's Namjoon.", Yoongi ignores your question. "That's hyung to you.", Jin frowns at Yoongi as you shake hands with Namjoon. "This is Ahnjong. We work together.", Yoongi adds.

"And live together too.", Jin adds with a cheeky grin. "How did you know?", you ask. "Yoongi hyung may have mentioned something.", Namjoon interrupts Jin who was about to say something while Yoongi keeps glaring at him from across the counter which Jin blatantly ignores.

"Where are you from? I haven't seen you here before.", Jin questions. "Ohh I used to stay here. Then I moved to the city.", you reply. "You must be bored here then.", Jin says and you shake your head.

"If you ask me, it's a lot better here than the city. It's not overly crowded, people are a lot more genuine and actually care about each other. It's peaceful here.", you smile. "That's good.", Namjoon replies.

The bell rings indicating another arrival, it's a middle aged man, most probably a customer. You turn around to attend him when Yoongi stops you with an assuring nod, "I'll go."

As he checks out the man at the cash counter, he overhears you laughing at one of Jin's ridiculous jokes. He doesn't think they're funny, not one.  But as you laugh, head thrown back with all your teeth on display without a single worry, he can't suppress his own smile.

He thinks you look beautiful at this moment, without any worries. Your usually pensive face looks radiant. You should smile more, he thinks. It suits you.

As Namjoon raises an eyebrow at Yoongi's expression, he quickly looks away, his entire face turning red.

~

The next evening, you come back from your walk to be greeted by Yoongi standing in the kitchen with Grace nowhere in sight. He's clearly struggling with a bunch of muffins. He's cluelessly standing in the middle of the kitchen with a piping bag full of chocolate icing in hand while the oven timer goes off in the back.

"You need help?", you move towards the refrigerator to take out a water bottle. "I'm good.", he puts down the piping bag and moves towards the oven. "You forgot the mittens.", you say at the same time you hear him hiss, holding his hands close to his chest. 

As he puts the fresh batch of muffins on the counter, you sit on the chair across it. "Do you even know how to do this?", you suppress your snicker as he gives you an annoyed look. "What makes you think I don't?"

"Well, for starters, you forgot to cut the end of the piping bag. Where is the icing supposed to come out from?", this time you let out a full belied laugh as Yoongi gives you a sheepish look.

He cuts the bag and after contemplating for a while, moves it towards the muffin. It's clear that he's new at this and doesn't know what to do. He tries his best nonetheless, concentrating solely on the task at hand.

You on the other hand, keep staring at his face, mesmerised by his beauty, even now. As he pokes his tongue out and runs it over his dry lips, your eyes follow the motion filling your head with sinful thoughts.

You wonder how soft his lips would feel, caressing yours, whether he would taste sweet like the icing or something that's entirely him. You wonder how his veiny hands would feel on your waist, holding you close to him.

You are broken out of your thoughts as he moves the piping bag away to add sprinkles on the muffin. What were you even thinking? You always thought he was handsome but never before had you fantasized about him. The heat must have gone to your head.

You don't know where the thoughts came from but you shake your head trying to drive them away, face turning red as Yoongi looks at you with furrowed brows.

You hope to hide your blush as you pick up the muffin and have a bite. "Yah! That's for the cafe! Aunt asked me to complete these while she's out.", Yoongi reprimands.

"No one would've bought this anyway.", you say with a mouthful of muffin. "Looked like a unicorn pooped on the good old thing." Yoongi fumes at your words and shoves the bag in your hands. "You do it then!"

You don't say anything as you get up and move across the counter. Yoongi moves away to give you space as you start piping expertly. "And….. this is how it's done.", you say smugly after finishing the first batch and might you say it, the muffins look lovely, a far cry from Yoongi's.

Yoongi gawks at you, then at the muffins with wide eyes, a surprised expression adorning his face. "Have you done this before?", he asks dumbly. "Yeah.", you laugh. "I used to help Grace out when I was small.", you feel a pang on your chest at the memory.

"Well, that's cheating! It was my first time!", Yoongi whines. "It's fine. You can try again. I'll help you.", you smile wistfully and hand the bag back to him.

He holds the bag over the muffin and gets ready. "Now, gently press the icing towards the front. Yeah like that.", you guide. "Move your wrist Yoongi, not the entire hand!", you shout as he destroys another cupcake.

"Yah! Why are you so stiff?!", annoyed, you hold his wrist. "Relax your arm. Just follow my movement.", you guide his hand over the cake. 

Yoongi studies your face. It was so close that he could count your eyelashes. His eyes trace your eyes, nose and finally trail down to your lips. He observes them moving as you give him instructions which he doesn't seem to listen. He's too lost in you.

As you look back at his face at the lack of reply, you notice him staring at your face. He was flawless, even up close, pale skin glistening in the kitchen light. His eyes keep moving from your eyes to your lips. 

Then something snaps in his eyes and he quickly moves away, wetting his lips. "You should try one on your own.", you awkwardly clear your throat. "Yeah."

"So, how did your first time icing go?", he asks, breaking the tension. "Well, to put it simply…. I sucked.", you say matter of factly while Yoongi snickers. "More than you even. The cakes looked like shit. Quite literally."

"And then she started throwing them around.", you turn around at Grace's voice who stands a few feet away. "Made a complete mess of the kitchen. There was chocolate on the ceiling for days!"

Yoongi looks amused at her words. "It was her birthday too. I couldn't say anything.", she adds. 

"I miss those days.", she finally says with a wistful smile while you clench your fists, not wanting to believe a single word. You decided you wouldn't say anything, you wouldn't give her the satisfaction by reacting. So, you school your features to an emotionless blank expression and move out of the kitchen.

Grace keeps staring at your retreating figure with a helpless expression while Yoongi keeps picturing your blank face in his head. He decides he hates it when you do that, when you suppress all your feelings and become a shell of the person that you actually are. He misses your smile.

~

The next Monday you go to the bookstore to be greeted by a very serious Yoongi. He hands you your coffee as usual but there's no gummy smile accompanying it. 

He doesn't even remark, busy reading a book as a middle aged woman comes in, spends an hour just browsing through the shelves and misplacing all the books; it's his biggest pet peeve! She doesn't even buy anything as she leaves after enjoying the cool air from the air conditioner.

"Are you okay?", you ask worriedly. "Yeah.", he doesn't even look your way as he replies and moves towards the shelves.

You don't bother him anymore and the day passes without him asking you any questions about the city. It's almost closing time and it's safe to say you miss his questions and even the snarky replies.

"Do you have any plans?", you ask while he's closing up the store. "Not really.", Yoongi replies absentmindedly. "Great!", you start walking in the opposite direction of the house. "Call and tell aunt, we'll be late."

~

Yoongi remains quiet the entire way as you keep walking ahead of him, looking back from time to time to make sure he's following. You finally reach the edge of the tiny forest in town after a few minutes of walking.

Yoongi still remains silent as you start moving into the forest, not even looking the least bit bothered about where you were taking him, whether because he trusted you or simply because he didn't care, you weren't quite sure.

It's not fully dark yet and it doesn't take you long to move through the winding path among the trees in the remaining light and reach the clearing. You turn around to notice Yoongi's surprised expression, eyes fixed on the view.

There, hidden among the trees is a small lake. A boathouse is located at the side of the lake where a small worn-out boat is tied. It's clear that the place hasn't been in touch with civilization for a long time.

The old wooden pier of the house is filled with fallen leaves and sprouts while the lake remains covered with moss outgrowths in various places. The place is anything but clean, though it's peaceful nonetheless.

"Welcome to my spot.", smiling wistfully, you move carefully on the pier and sit down at it's edge, feet dangling over the lake. You turn towards where Yoongi is standing, still mesmerised by the scenery and pat the space beside you, asking him to join you.

Yoongi moves along the pier, as if in a daze and sits down beside you. "I used to come down here when I was small.", Yoongi observes your face intently as you speak. 

"Whenever I felt lonely, lost, or simply just needed a break from…. everything, I came here. People used to say that this place was haunted. But for me, it was my safe haven, my escape. Just sitting here, doing absolutely nothing made me feel better.", you turn towards Yoongi and smile. "I'm sharing my spot with you Yoongi. Come and sit here whenever you feel like it."

"I feel exhausted.", Yoongi speaks up after a few minutes of silence. It has become dark now as you lie down on the pier, feet still dangling from the edge and Yoongi lies down beside you. 

"There are days when I feel lost, hurt, confused…. afraid. Unsure with myself… life. Sure, I can be happy on my own. But on days like this, when I'm just one step away from giving up, I just want…. need someone to hold my hand. It's hard to walk alone with a heart so heavy."

You extend your hand and entangle your fingers with his cold ones, as if asking him to hold on, to believe in himself without uttering a single word. Yoongi seems to understand though as he tightens his grasp with an almost relieved sigh.

You lie there holding hands, staring above. The dark sky is devoid of any stars, a lone crescent moon present at the side. You keep looking for any trace of a bright shiny speck in the huge expanse of black but you don't find any. After a while, you finally give up looking for stars and stand up, reluctantly removing your clammy hand from Yoongi's.

"Look at that.", you move towards the end of the pier. Yoongi gets up and stands beside you. He follows your line of sight as your eyes shine at the view. 

"This is my favourite part.", you motion towards the edge of the forest where hundreds of tiny lights are flickering in the air. Fireflies. The glimmering unsteady lights keep floating around the trees, giving the space a bright hue. It looks magical.

Yoongi moves his eyes away from the view and looks back at you. He finds you even more beautiful than the scene ahead. Your loose ponytail lies at one side of your shoulder, a few locks remain askew on your face.

Your face is partially visible in the dull moonlight, long eyelashes touching your cheeks as you blink. As you turn towards him, Yoongi's mesmerised gaze remains fixed on your face. "Believe me Yoongi. The fireflies will always follow you where the butterflies don't."

Something snaps in Yoongi's gaze as you smile at him and in the next moment, his lips are on yours. His eyes close at the first touch of his lips with yours while yours remain wide open.

As one of his hands wrap around your middle and the other softly caresses your face, urging you, you seem to overcome your initial surprise and finally close your eyes, kissing him back. He deepens the kiss, moving his lips expertly, swiping his tongue over yours.

It feels like you've been unknowingly longing for this feeling since ages. Seems like fireworks are erupting beneath your skin and you clasp your hands behind his neck, never wanting to let go. Your head feels light as Yoongi breaks the kiss, coming up for air.

"Thank you for bringing me here.", he says as he moves away from your space and you nod awkwardly, face red. "We… uh.. we should head back. It's getting late.", you supply dumbly. "Yeah."

~

"What took you so long?", Grace asks as you and Yoongi get home. "We… uhh… we just…", Yoongi scratches his head, not knowing what to say as you move upstairs. "Yeah sure.", Grace gives him a teasing grin. "I'll go change.", he abruptly shouts and strides away, a blush spreading across his face while Grace laughs heartily with a shake of her head.

You lie in bed thinking about the day's events. Your face becomes hot as you repeat the kiss. It was just a simple kiss, nothing more but it still manages to occupy your mind. It's like you could still feel his soft lips caressing yours. And surprisingly, you didn't want the feeling to go away either. 

That night, after ages, you go to sleep with a genuine smile adorning your face. It has been exactly one and a half months since your arrival here and dare you say, you finally felt happy.

The next few days pass by relatively normally. Yoongi doesn't seem to be acting any different after that one kiss, being his usual self and you don't mention it either.

It's a Friday, when you come downstairs to be greeted by a powerful embrace. "Happy birthday, darling!", Grace exclaims, a huge grin adorning her face. "Since you need to go to the bookstore and wouldn't be able to have lunch here, I made your favourite breakfast!"

Today was your birthday? You didn't even remember. It was better that way, anyway since you absolutely despised the day. Today was the day your mother passed away, because of you. Today was the day you were abandoned by the only person you called your own, trusted with all your heart. Today was anything but happy.

You sit down at the dining table without a word and notice Yoongi already sitting opposite you. He gives you a smile which you don't return and begin eating. "Will you be back early today? What do you want for dinner?", Grace keeps droning in the background.

The lack of replies from you doesn't deter her though as she keeps talking. "Do you remember your 11th birthday?", she giggles. "11th birthday?", Yoongi asks curiously.

"Yeah. I planned a surprise for her. Invited all her friends, their moms. Jimin and Taehyung were just supposed to come back with her after school ended. Everything went well.", Grace seems happy to share. 

"But before going to bed, Ahnnie tells me, Tae being Tae had spilled the beans at school and she already knew about everything from before and just acted accordingly. Can you believe it? A child who just turned 11 was so good at acting that she completely played all of us! And we didn't even suspect anything!", Grace laughs at the recollection and Yoongi chuckles.

Grace is so busy recalling another one of your embarrassing childhood moments with Yoongi, giggling and simpering at the events that she doesn't notice as you get up and move towards the door. Yoongi follows you with his eyes and before he can say anything, you walk out, closing the door behind you with a thud, finally notifying Grace about your departure.

The weather isn't pleasant as you get out of the house. Dark clouds keep moving on the horizon, partially blocking the sun. By the time you finally reach the lake, grey clouds have completely taken over the sky, harmonizing with your mood.

You don't pay attention to the weather as you slump down on the pier, immersed in your thoughts. You don't know what upsets you more, Grace fussing over your birthday after all these years as if nothing happened or your mother, for leaving you alone in this mess called your life.

All your life, you have been juggled from one place to another. Whenever you started settling down somewhere, you were immediately taken to some other place without any consideration about your feelings, your comfort. When will you ever find peace?

It's sometime in the evening when the sky turns completely dark and it starts pouring. As you walk back, completely soaked from head to toe in the rain, you are reminded of that fateful day 8 years ago.

It's your fifteenth birthday. Since you became old enough to understand the weight your birthday holds, with it not just being the day you were born but also your mother's death anniversary, you've anything but liked the day.

Grace tries anything she can every year to make it easy for you and you couldn't have been more thankful. To tell the truth, she has become more like your mother than your aunt. And you would never admit it to anyone but you loved her more than you did your own mother.

You wake up with a heavy feeling in your chest and and like every year, Grace does everything she can to make the day special for you. 

You are currently looking out the window as Grace drives you to school on her way to the cafe in her truck. "Ahnnie.", she calls from the driver seat. "Tell me what's on your mind. I don't like seeing you like this."

You turn towards her and after arranging your thoughts, you speak up. "I love you, Gracy. Don't get me wrong, okay?", Grace looks at you with furrowed brows and nods. "I just miss her. And the fact that I never really got the chance to know her, I… it-it's just…. so pathetic. I feel like it's my fault that she isn't here with us today.", you sniffle.

"Hey.", Grace says with a serious expression as the car stops at a red light. "It's not your fault. It can never be. Your mother… she wanted this, she wanted you and she was so damn happy the day she came to know about her pregnancy. Her death… it was fate. Nothing you would or wouldn't have done would've ever stopped it.", she looks at you with a tender expression. "Don't beat yourself up over it, Ahnnie. Your mother wouldn't want that."

"Tell me something about her.", you say with a wistful smile as the light turns green and Grace faces the front. "Well, she was good at everything she did. Better than me at everything. The better sister, better daughter, better person.", Grace says woefully with a tired expression. Before you can question it, she quickly changes her expression into a smile.

"And.. she loved flowers. Just like you.", she grins at you. "She taught me everything I know today about flowers. In fact, at this time of the year, father used to take us to the annual flower show that used to be held just outside of Ember. That's how I came to know about this town in the first place."

"Really? Is it still held there?", you ask. "I'm quite sure it is.", Grace stops the car in front of your school. "Will you take me there?", you ask with glistening eyes. Just imagining all the flowers that are going to be there makes you giddy.

"That's actually a great idea! We can go today after you come back from school.", she smiles. "Really?! You are best!", you excitedly move over the console and tangle your limbs around Grace in a tight embrace. She laughs heartily, returning the hug.

You prance your way back home, excited to visit the show. Coming inside the living room, you are greeted with your grandfather sitting on the couch with Grace standing opposite him. A suitcase sits at her feet, neatly packed.

Grace gives you a blank look as you regard her questioningly. "Your granddad's here for you. You are going to be staying with him in the city from today.", your heart stops beating for a second.

"What?", you squeak. "You are kidding, right? Of course you are!", you laugh. "It's not gonna work, Grace. You should've come up with a better plan if you wanted to fool me.", everyone stays quiet as you ramble on and your eyes start watering at the probability of this actually happening.

"Come on, we are getting late for the flower show. Let's go! You can come too.", you motion to your grandfather. "Why aren't you moving? Grace!", you shout. Tears start flowing freely as Grace looks at you with an apologetic look.

"We need to leave now.", your grandfather says, standing up. "No! No please! Grace, please don't do this. Don't leave me! Please, Grace!", you bawl. Grace doesn't look your way as your grandfather takes your hand and drags you to the car outside. "Do something, Grace! Please! Grace!"

Sitting inside the air conditioned car, you lean against the glass windows looking towards the house, your house. Your home. Grace doesn't even come outside, closing the door behind her as the car starts moving.

The reality of the situation finally dawns on you. Grace gave you up. She abandoned you. You meant nothing to her. And she made it quite clear.

You were just another chapter in her story, and she was finally done with it.

You are suddenly met with a hard shove and tumble at the side of the road, hitting your head hard on the gravel as a car swooshes past you, horn blazing, just a hairbreadth away.

"Fuck! You are bleeding.", you look towards the side to notice a very disheveled Yoongi getting up from the ground, soaked to the bone in the rain, just like you. There are various cuts littering his right hand.

"What are you doing here?", you get up from the ground. You touch your forehead at the stinging pain and notice your fingers come up with blood. "Me?! What are you doing here? And what were you even thinking walking like that in the rain?!", he bellows.

You have never witnessed Yoongi look so pissed at anyone let alone you, since you came here. It's clear from the heavy breathing that he's trying his best to hold himself back. "Do you even know what would've happened if that car actually hit you?!"

"I would finally be at peace, that's for sure.", you scoff. "Is this a fucking joke to you? Do you even-", Yoongi cuts himself off at your clear disinterest in his words and clenches his jaw.

"We're going home.", he announces, grabbing your hand and moving forward. "Home? Yeah sure.", you scoff again but make no move to remove your hand from his while Yoongi chooses not to comment at the obvious sarcasm lacing your voice.

He lets go of your hand as he opens the door and let's you get inside first. Grace gasps as she looks at your face. "What happened?!" She's immediately on your tail as you try moving towards your room. "Ahnnie? Where are you going?"

"To my room.", you say matter of factly. "Sit down! You are not going anywhere.", she says sternly and you sit down, rolling your eyes. The couch gets wet as a result of your soaking clothes but Grace doesn't seem to notice, waiting for you to say something.

She looks at Yoongi questioningly when you show no signs of replying. "She uhh…. almost got hit by a car.", he mumbles. "What?", she gasps. "Yeah and then Yoongi, my hero, my savior, saved me. So I'm fine. End of story. Can I leave now?", you get up.

"Wait here. I'll bring the antiseptic.", Grace says. "When will you ever stop pretending like you care?", you snap. "But I do care!", Grace exclaims. "Oh please! Save the act. I'm not 15 anymore. Go and bake cakes or something on my mother's death anniversary."

"I did that for you! So that you wouldn't feel bad. She was my sister too, you know!", Grace finally seems to snap as well, as she gasps with glassy eyes. "Yeah, the sister whose daughter you abandoned.", you smile humorlessly.

The entire room turns quiet at your words. "I'm sorry, Ahn. I'm so sorry. But I had no other choice.", Grace finally speaks up. "As far as I remember, I was the one without a choice. Forced to do whatever the 'adults' wanted me to.", you move towards your room.

"I could hardly support myself, let alone you.", you turn around at Grace's meek voice. "I couldn't admit you to your dream college, I couldn't buy you a prom dress, I couldn't have taught you piano like you wanted to, hell I couldn't even buy you the damn thing.", tears flow freely down her eyes as she looks at you.

"I left my parents, the city because managing a company wasn't my thing like it was your mom's; I didn't want to get married and start a family like your mom did. Tending the garden, going to the cafe, baking are what I live for, what I'm actually good at. I knew I couldn't give you the future you deserve, Ahn. But he could. And when he offered to take you to the city and give that…. I just couldn't say no.", Grace whimpers.

"Have you ever thought about what I wanted? Whether I wanted to go to a renowned college or whether I wanted a dazzling prom dress? Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe... I just wanted to be loved? Cared for? To belong? A damn place I could call home?", Grace looks at your face, frozen at your words as you whisper.

"I have everything there. Even things I didn't ask for. But I don't have the only thing that I have been screaming all this time for; love. I never wanted the luxury, Grace. I would have been happy if I just got the future I wanted, instead of the one I deserved.", tears stream down your cheeks too. 

"But things never go according to plan for me. I'm not that lucky. I was taken away from the only place I called home. I was abandoned by the only person I truly ever loved, trusted. You didn't even give me a second glance as I kept crying and pleading.", you move and stand before Grace. "Did I really mean nothing to you? Was I that much of a burden that you had to get rid of me? "

"No! That's not true.", she grabs your hand in hers. "I just couldn't see you leaving, Ahn. I loved you so much! You meant the world to me. You were everything I had. You were my life, my reason to live. You still are! I felt so guilty after you left. My conscience didn't let me reach out to you."

"Then why now Grace? After 8 whole years? Why did you ask me to come?", you ask. Your tears had finally stopped. "I didn't."

"I did.", Yoongi speaks up for the first time. You had forgotten that he was even here. "I reached out to your grandfather and said that aunt wanted you to visit. He didn't believe me at first but then aunt backed me up."

"Why?", you squeak, looking at Yoongi questioningly. "Because I couldn't see the person who gave me a new life, suffering anymore. The guilt and your memories eating her alive. I saw her crying to bed everyday, baking cakes on your birthday and not even touching them. I couldn't just sit and do nothing.", Yoongi says with a pained expression.

"I never knew what it feels like to be loved before aunt Grace. And I just want her to feel that too, to be happy." What he doesn't say is how much he wants you to be happy too. It's not the time, he thinks.

"I'm sorry, Ahn. I'm so sorry for hurting you.", Grace embraces you. "I just wanted you to have a better future but I'm sorry I failed to realise that you just wanted a happier one."

You speak up after a few minutes of silence. "It'll take some time for me to be okay but I forgive you.", this time you return the hug just as enthusiastically. "What are you waiting for?", Grace turns towards Yoongi, motioning for him to join you both. He does, albeit awkwardly.

~

You proceed towards your room after a peaceful dinner. You stop before Yoongi's room as you notice his door left ajar. "You can come inside if you want.", you turn around startled to see Yoongi standing behind you.

"No, it's fine.", you quickly reply. "Ahnjong.", a shiver runs down your spine as Yoongi calls your name for the first time. "Please do.", he gets inside, holding the door for you and closes it after you enter.

The room is surprisingly tidy. All the furniture just where you left them. A computer is placed on your old study table with various music equipment that you know nothing about. Apart from that, the room looks exactly the same.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you earlier in the street. It was rude.", Yoongi scratches his neck as you move and sit down on the wide windowsill overlooking the front yard. "It's okay. I kinda deserved it..", you giggle.

Yoongi moves and sits opposite you on the window, both facing each other. The window is wide open as a cool breeze blows. The rain has finally stopped and you look outside at the moon that has finally come out from behind clouds.

"I used to sit here whenever I couldn't sleep.", you say. "It's my favorite spot too. The stars are clearly visible from here.", Yoongi looks your way. "Oh, you are bleeding again. Wait, I'll bring something.", he gets up.

He comes back with a first aid kit and stands before you as you turn around and face him. You patiently sit as Yoongi cleans your wound and applies a band-aid.

Today was a lot. You did and said a lot of things while you were hurting and now that you know about how Grace felt, you weren't exactly proud of them. She just tried to do what was best for you.

Now that you are thinking from her side, you realise how hurt she must've been. How hard it must've been for her to give you up. How lonely she must've felt without you. You were the only one she had, after all. 

But at the same time, you couldn't just forget everything in a heartbeat. It has been 8 long years. 8 years since you left this place, 8 years of wondering what you did wrong to cause people to always leave you, 8 years of waiting for just a single phone call from Grace. And if it wasn't for Yoongi, you are not even sure if you would've ever come back.

Nothing could erase those horrible 8 years from your life. You needed time, to process everything, to forgive and forget, to finally let go.

You are broken from your thoughts as Yoongi gently rubs at your cheeks. You didn't even notice that you were crying. 

"Why?", you look at his face. "When everything is finally fine, why do I still feel so miserable?", you ask and it causes something in Yoongi's heart to sting. Never had you ever looked so helpless in the 2 months that you arrived. He has seen you look angry, frustrated, lost, happy at times but never so vulnerable.

"It's okay.", he sits down beside you and gently takes your hand in his as if you'd break any moment.. "As broken as you may feel, you are still so strong. This is just your healing.", he looks at you with a tender expression.

"It doesn't have to be pretty or graceful. You just have to keep going.", he smiles. You look at him with wonder as his eyes shine. How does he always know what to say? How does he always make you feel good? Why do you always feel so comfortable with him?

You don't voice those thoughts though. "When did you come here Yoongi?", you don't let go of his hand as you lean your head on his shoulder. "5 years back.", Yoongi leans back on the window and gets comfortable, pulling you closer.

"I was roaming the streets after I dropped out of business school to pursue music and my father kicked me out.", you gasp. "What about your mother?", Yoongi lets out a humorless chuckle.

"She has never spoken over my father. I bought a train ticket with the money I had, came here to Ember and started working at the cafe with aunt Grace. I used to sneak in and sleep there at night after everyone left. Aunt found out and offered me to stay with her, said she was lonely anyway and I couldn't have been more grateful.", he sighs.

"I never had a place I could call home either. So, trust me when I say, I know how it feels.", your heart hurts as Yoongi finishes speaking. "Do you still work at the cafe?", you ask. "Yeah. Aunt forced me to take a break for summer vacations. I'll start working again after that.", he replies.

"Yoongi.", you call after a while, sleepy eyes drooping closed.

"Hmm?", he hums. He loves it when you call his name. "I'm glad you got on that train….. I'm glad I met you.", you close your eyes.

Yoongi sits there, wide awake as you fall asleep on his shoulder. "I think I finally found my home.", he whispers with a longing smile. 

~

The next morning you wake up well rested after ages. As you sit up on the bed, the surroundings seem familiar but not what you are used to in the past couple months. You look around to realise you are in Yoongi's room, lying on his bed while the said person is nowhere in sight.

You must have fallen asleep yesterday but the question is, how did you get on the bed? You remember sitting on the windowsill with Yoongi. Did he carry you? Even if so, where did he sleep?

You get up and notice a blanket and a pillow lying on the ground haphazardly. "He must've slept there.", you smile. After arranging the bed and placing the pillow and blanket on it you come downstairs.

Everything seems normal downstairs with Grace working in the kitchen, humming a tune under her breath and Yoongi still nowhere in sight. The atmosphere is peaceful, compared to the past months.

"Good morning!", Grace chimes. "Good morning", you greet back genuinely for the first time in the past couple months as she passes you a steaming cup of coffee. "Thank you.", you reply, eyes roaming from the kitchen to the living room looking for any trace of Yoongi. Did he already leave for the bookstore?

"He's in the backyard, looking after the freesias.", Grace says with a knowing grin which you don't seem to notice as you move towards the yard.

Yoongi seems to be highly focused as he examines the leaves of a flower, sitting on his knees with furrowed brows. "All good?", you take a sip from your coffee.

Unknowingly to him, Yoongi's lips automatically tug upwards at your voice. "Yeah", he smiles at you. "They just need some insect spray.", he stands up, still facing the flowers.

"Why did you start looking after them?", you ask the question that has been on your mind since the day you came to know about the whole ordeal. Yoongi seems surprised at your interest. "I...uhh… actually..", he stammers and you look at him, amused.

After a while, he seems to make up his mind. "I started tending them after aunt told me how much they meant to her, to you.", he looks at you intently, carefully gauging your expression.

"She told you about me?, now you are the one that's surprised. Yoongi nods. "What did she say?", Yoongi grins at you, gummy smile on display as he says, "Everything."

~

As you lie in bed that night, you think about your conversation with Yoongi in the backyard. Trying not to dwell on the fact that he knew almost everything about you, you wonder about the other thing he mentioned.

He said how he witnessed Grace as she tried her best everyday to look after the freesias, even after 3 years since you left when Yoongi arrived.

He explained how heartbroken she was after the freesias failed to grow and she gave up completely and as a result the once beautiful garden that you knew of turned into the mess that it is today. Grace gave up one of the very few things that she derived joy from in life.

Knowing her, you know how much flowers, plants meant to her. Back in the days, she was the happiest while working in the garden with you. And she left that, because of you. Well, not exactly because of you but you get the picture.

You felt horrible for assuming that Grace didn't care. She was miserable all this time, just like you if not more. Even though you had your reasons, you felt awful for the things you said and the way you acted. 

That day while sitting inside the bookstore, you decided to look after the garden yourself (Yoongi promises to help, of course), and make it like before. You had a month left in Ember and you wanted to make that count. It was finally time to do something good, for Grace, for the peace of your own mind.

~

It's your fourth day working in the backyard and things are finally going smoothly. The first couple days were the most hectic with pulling out all the weeds and shrubs, spraying pesticides and applying manure. You and Yoongi went to the bookstore, tired to the bone after tending the garden.

At first you weren't sure how Grace was going to react after you asked to look after the garden, whether she would want that. But she was overjoyed at the request and hasn't been anything but supportive since then.

Today you are supposed to sow the seeds and plant the saplings and plants that you and Yoongi bought from the market yesterday.

"Do you still hate me?", Yoongi asks abruptly as you are finally done for the day. "Huh?", you ask, puzzled while Yoongi waits for your response. "I wouldn't kiss you if I did.", you blurt.

By the time you realise what you're saying, it's too late as Yoongi looks at you, surprised and your whole face turns red. After the events of the past few days, the kiss had completely left your mind. Until now, that is. You don't even know why you said it. 

"Right.", Yoongi replies, barely hiding his smile, enjoying your flustered state too much. "Uhh… I..", you awkwardly clear your throat. "I never really hated you. I was just mad that you had the things I didn't."

Yoongi looks at you, confused and you elaborate. "My room. Grace. On top of that, you can play the piano! Can you blame me?", Yoongi chuckles as you whine. "No, seriously.", you say genuinely. "You are a great person Yoongi. I couldn't hate you even if I wanted to."

~

It's a Saturday when you and Yoongi are almost done with the backyard. It doesn't look exactly like before lacking all the various colourful flowers since you just sowed the seeds but you're quite sure of the positive results. You even planted a few plants towards the edge. It doesn't look lifeless like before.

As you bring Grace outside, she stands frozen in the middle of the yard. "This…. it's beautiful.", she whimpers. "Oh please, it's far from beautiful.", you tease. "You know what I mean.", she deadpans and you laugh. 

"It's like me, this house, everything has been lacking something since you left. And with each passing day, the void just kept increasing, suffocating me. Everything just felt so dull.", she sniffles, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. "But now that you are here, now that everything is finally back to normal.", she paused, looking at your face. "It finally feels like home."

Smiling wistfully, you move forward and rub away the tears. You don't know what to say as Grace tugs you in an embrace. It was like a weight had been lifted off your chest.

~

It's a Wednesday; it has been an hour since dinner and you're currently sitting at the back porch overlooking the garden. You couldn't sleep and came outside to notice Yoongi already sitting there. 

He turned around at the sound of the door opening and upon spotting you he motioned to the space beside him for you to sit, a radiant smile ever present on his face.

The sky is clear today making the stars visible to your eyes as you lean back on the pillar, a street lamp and the moon being the only sources of light.

The atmosphere is quiet at this time of the night, save for you as you animatedly finish narrating the story of when Taehyung accidentally fell down the stairs in school and sprained his ankle while trying to impress his crush by carrying a huge stack of books and Yoongi lets out a full bellied laugh.

You stare at his face as he laughs. He looks serene, sitting here with you, eyes shut, laughing without a worry and you can't help but ask, "Do you like it here?", a smile remains ever present on his face as he replies, not even a bit surprised at your abrupt question. "More than back home. It's peaceful here; the town, the people. It's like I can finally breathe freely."

"Do you miss the city?", Yoongi asks back, head turned towards you while you gaze at the sky. "Not really.", it doesn't take you long to answer. "Not even a bit?", Yoongi teases and you shake your head with a grin. "I like it here. Yeah, my life is still back there but it's the life that was chosen for me, not the one I wanted. Ember has and is everything I'll ever want."

"Do you hate it there?", Yoongi questions with genuine interest. "Nah. It's not that bad. I have everything I need, can't really complain.", you smile sheepishly.

"But not what you want.", he gives you a knowing smile that's wistful at the same time as you look at him.

"It doesn't really matter though.", you sigh, a wistful expression taking over your own face. "No matter how much I like it here. I'll have to leave eventually..", Yoongi zones out the rest of your speech as the smile falls from his face as the realisation dawns on him.

You were leaving. So many things have happened in the past few days that he completely forgot the fact. You weren't here to stay and Yoongi knew it from the beginning. But he was so excited to finally see you face to face that he completely overlooked the most important detail.

And now after spending so much time with you, he wondered how his days even passed without you. It's like you were always here, with him. What was he supposed to do now? 

"... in one and a half weeks to be precise. Time really fli-", you are still talking when Yoongi cuts you off.

"I love you."

You sit there dumbfounded. You are frozen in place, eyes open wide, mouth parted.

It has been an entire minute since Yoongi blurted (yes, he counted!) and you haven't spoken a single word yet. 

He didn't even realise as the words slipped out. Maybe the fear of never getting a chance again to tell you how he felt got to him but he didn't regret it. If anything, he felt relieved. But looking at your expression now, all his relief flew straight out the window.

"I.. umm…..are you sure?", you finally manage to let out dumbly. Yoongi nods.

"I don't know when or if I would get a chance again. I had to get it off my chest. And I know you don't and that's absolutely fine, I just… yeah. I.. love you.", Yoongi says, searching your face for any signs of denial.

He was sure you didn't feel the same even before he said the words but somewhere in his damn heart, he still had hope. He held onto that 1% possibility of you returning his feelings. 

Looking at you now as you stared at him with sympathetic eyes, not trying to correct his assumptions (what was there to correct, you didn't love him), he knew he was doomed.

"Yoongi… I… I'm so sorry.", you mirror his movements as he quickly stands up. "Don't be. It's not your fault.", he turns around, not wanting you to see his crestfallen face.

"I just… I-I'm leaving in less than two weeks, Yoongi.. I-", you didn't know where you were going with this but Yoongi cuts you off anyway. 

"I know, Ahnjong. Trust me, I know.", he gets inside the house, leaving you alone in the dark.

"Fuck.", you sit back down on the porch with a thud. What did you just do? Yoongi confessed to you and you said… sorry? Really? 

But what were you even supposed to say? That you loved him too? No no no. That wasn't happening. Every time you managed to trust somebody and give your heart to them, they just returned it back to you in pieces. You weren't going to repeat your mistakes again. Never.

Did that mean you didn't love him? It didn't. Unbeknownst to you, you had fallen for him too. Hard.

You didn't want to get involved with anyone. Love, dating, relationships, they were the least of your worries. You neither had the time nor energy; hell, you weren't even ready for it. But Yoongi was so good to you from the beginning, so empathetic and sweet and you got swept up in that.

You never saw it coming and it kind of just….. happened.

You felt horrible. You loved Yoongi. So much. And despite knowing the fact that he loved you too, just as much if not more, you could do nothing. Yeah, you were heartbroken but it was better than you being left alone or abandoned altogether by the person you loved and trusted the most.

But was it okay to break someone else's heart to save your own? Now, that was a question you weren't willing to answer.

~

The next couple days passed with radio silence from Yoongi. He kept quiet in the store, hardly acknowledging your presence. At home, he rarely came out of his room, always busy doing this or that.

You had become so accustomed to Yoongi in the past months that now, it felt like you were missing a great part of your life. 

Grace was worried too at the sudden change. You two were literally joined at the hip for the past few months and now it seemed like you two didn't even know the other existed. But Grace being the sharp perceptive person she is, chose not to interfere or question it.

It wasn't like you didn't try to talk to him either. But after the first few attempts going completely ignored, you gave up. He wasn't being cold or rude but the sudden aloofness really hurt. You were leaving in a week and if Yoongi was set on ignoring you till then, then so be it.

~

It's a Saturday evening and you are currently sitting in the kitchen, going through your phone. "I'm going out tomorrow.", you inform Grace who's busy making dinner. "Where?", she asks absentmindedly.

"Jimin wanted to spend the day with me since-", you stop mid-sentence, a melancholic expression taking over your face as Yoongi steps inside the kitchen for a cup of coffee. It has been exactly three days after the confession and you are seeing him for the first time since yesterday, after you came back from the bookstore.

He doesn't say anything, completely ignoring you as usual and moves towards the coffee machine. You wish he would look at you. Just once.

"Since?", Grace prods, waking you out of your trance. "Since I'm leaving in a few days.", you manage to whisper, voice groggy with emotions. 

Yoongi pauses at the words. You're sure that this time he would look your way and you hold your breath. But instead, he turns around, face blank and moves towards his coffee mug.

Not being able to hold your emotions anymore you stand up and storm out of the kitchen, tears freely flowing down your cheeks.

You don't notice Yoongi clenching his fists as he tries his best to not run after you. Grace does.

~

The next day, it's already noon as you get changed and move out of your room to come downstairs. You are surprised to notice the door of Yoongi's room left ajar with him nowhere in sight. Usually, he remained cooped inside the room, not coming out until absolutely necessary.

Seeing no trace of him in the living room either, you come outside to the garden to notice Grace who's busy watering the plants. The sight brings a smile on your face.

"Yoongi's not here?", Grace straightens up from her bent position and turns towards you at the question. "He left early in the morning. Said, he needed to clear his head, whatever that means."

Grace intently observes your face as your eyebrows knit together in thought. Before she can ask anything, you quickly school your expression, sporting a grin. 

"I'm glad you're back at the garden.", you say. "I thought it was time I should.", Grace smiles back, not missing your melancholic expression as your eyes land on the freesias.

~

Spending the day with Taehyung and Jimin, it felt like you never even left. You forgot all your worries for the day. You forgot that you were leaving, you forgot about your life back in the city, you even forgot about the situation with Yoongi for a while.

They were just as goofy as before and you didn't feel like you weren't here for 8 years, even for a second. After going bowling, eating at the diner and playing video games at Tae's, it's late at night when you come back.

Coming back home, you are greeted with Grace sitting on the living room couch. "Why aren't you in bed?", you ask. "I was waiting for you.", she says with a tired smile. 

"It's been quite long since this house has been so empty. I couldn't sleep.", she says as you come and sit beside her. "Empty? Where's Yoongi?", you ask worriedly. "He said not to wait up for him."

"Really?", you question with a dazed expression and Grace looks at you with a soft smile. 

Did he hate you that much? You were leaving in a few days anyway, he didn't have to go away himself. He could just have told you if you annoyed him so much.

You knew that you hurt him but you couldn't help but feel saddened that he was going to all these measures just so he didn't have to see you. Him ignoring you completely already stung but now he couldn't even bear to be in the same house as you?

"I know it's none of my business but don't you think it's time you sort out whatever happened between you two?", she says as you look at her with glassy eyes. "I want to! But how can I when he hates me this much that he can't even stay under the same roof as me?"

Grace lets out a good natured laugh at your answer. "Oh Ahnnie! You couldn't have been more wrong.", she says as you look at her, surprised.

"I know I'm not supposed to say this but that boy is in love with you.", you gape at her words.

"He's been in love with you even excited before." she pauses and looks at you with a tender expression.

"I wouldn't even know that falling in love with someone you haven't even met before was part of being human, if it wasn't for him."

"I-I don't even know what to say.", you try to process all the information. Yoongi loved you even when you weren't here? When he didn't even know whether he'd ever be able to see you? Was he for real?

And you broke his heart just because you didn't want to be the one who got hurt? Could you have been any more selfish? Heartless?

"That's fine.", Grace quips. "You don't need to know what to say to me. It's him you should talk to. It's him- wait, where are you going?", she asks with a knowing grin as you get up and hurriedly move towards the door.

"To make things right.", you don't even turn around as you reply. "Will you be okay on your own? It's lat-", you don't even wait to hear the rest of her sentence, closing the door behind you.

As you almost run to the place, you just hope you'd find Yoongi there and not with Namjoon or Seokjin. You had a lot of things to say, to apologise for. But first, you needed to make things right.

It's dark inside the forest, but as you come closer towards the lake, you notice the fireflies. They light up the path, as if for you and you easily reach the boathouse.

Yoongi is standing at the edge of the wooden pier, leaning on the railing and looking in the distance, deep in thought. You know you have said this a million times before, but he looks angelic in the moonlight, all of his features in highlight.

"Yoongi", he's surprised at your voice and turns around. Before he can get a chance to say anything, you are in his arms, running towards him. Yoongi's hands are wrapped tightly around your waist as he manages to find his footing after your abrupt halt.

By the time he processes your appearance, you are already kissing him, hands crossed around his neck. A strange kind of relief washes over him at the action.

Yoongi has been dying to feel your soft lips on his since the first time you kissed and it doesn't take long to reciprocate as he kisses you just as passionately.

Moving your lips harshly against his, you tangle your fingers in his silky smooth hair while he groans at the action, hands busy caressing your waist . Yoongi doesn't let up as you break the kiss in desperate need of oxygen and moves lower, peppering kisses along your jaw and neck.

You let out a moan after a harsh nip beneath your jaw followed by a swipe of his tongue and Yoongi seems to be broken out of his trance at the sound. He quickly lets go of your waist and moves away, still panting.

He awkwardly clears his throat, "I don't think we sho-"

"I love you", you cut him off. Yoongi looks at you, flabbergasted. "Uh.. w-what?", he asks dumbly. "But you..", he trails off. 

"I know. Please let me explain.", you sit down at the edge, letting your feet dangle over the river and pat the spot beside you, just like you did before. Yoongi moves and sits beside you, looking somewhat composed.

"You don't need to do this, Ahnjong. You don't.. you don't love me and.. that's fine.", he manages to let out, a lump forming in his throat at his own words. "Why do you keep saying that?", you furrow your brows.

"I never said I don't.", Yoongi looks confused, not knowing where you were going with this. "You assumed I don't and I didn't correct you.", you say with a guilty expression.

"And I-I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for hurting you, for being selfish.", you sniffle. "Please Ahnjong. You don't need to apologise.", he says with a pained expression as if he couldn't bear you apologising for something that was hardly your fault. 

"No Yoongi. Let me.", you hold his uplifted hand as he tries to rub at the stray tears that managed to fall out your eyes.

How could he be so nice? Even when he was the one who was hurting. He never ceased to amaze you.

"I'm sorry Yoongi. For not being honest with you. I.. I was scared.", you don't let go of his hand as you speak. "But why Ahnjong? Did I ever give you any reason to be?", Yoongi looks unsure as he asks, hands grasping yours tightly.

"No, no.", you shake your head. "Maybe I'm scared because you mean so much to me. You are everything I think about, everything I need, everything I want.", you repeat the words that he said to you in the garden that night.

"Is that bad?", Yoongi asks cautiously. "No, no it's not. And that's the problem, Yoongi. I want you but have I ever gotten whatever I want?", you whimper. "I have lost so many things, so many people in my life, Yoongi. People who were my world, my everything. I can't bear to lose you too."

"And you won't. I swear you won't.", he lets go of your hand and moves forward to rub your tears. This time, you let him. "Do you trust me?", he asks with resolve in his eyes. He pulls you in a hug as you nod.

"I saw home in your eyes and found love in your smile.", you whisper, face buried in the crook of his neck. He smelled like pinewood and something entirely him, he smelled like home. "And the most beautiful part is, I wasn't even looking when I found you.", you sigh.

You sit there, not wanting to let go of his warmth. "Do you have to leave?", he says after a while, voice melancholy. "Yeah", Yoongi looks at you wistfully as you let go of the hug. "But I think I know what I need to do."

Yoongi looks at you, confused. "Kiss me?", you say with a grin and he obliges. 

This time, the kiss isn't rushed like before. Yoongi kisses you softly, taking his time memorising your lips with his. You smile at the sensation, tingles spreading through your body.

Breaking the kiss, he softly caresses your cheeks. "Will you say it again?", he says, matching your grin. "Say what again?", you tease and Yoongi pouts.

"I love you.", a full blown grin breaks out on his face at your words, gums on show. He kisses you again, but you can barely call it that with him not being able to stop his smile.

"Aren't you supposed to say it back?", you grin as well. "I love you more.", he doesn't take a second to reply.

~

Yoongi can't keep his hands to himself as you come back home, hand in hand, stopping a thousand times just to kiss under the streetlights.

Yoongi's lips are on yours again as you get back home and close the door behind you. "I suppose it went well.", startled at the voice, you and Yoongi jump apart.

Grace chuckles at you two as you stand there flustered. Yoongi isn't any better as his entire face turns red. "I'm glad that you sorted whatever it was. But weren't you supposed to call me? I was worried you know.", she says to you.

Were you? You didn't even remember. "I'm sorry, I forgot.", you scratch behind your neck sheepishly. "Clearly.", Grace snickers. "I'll be in my room.", Yoongi storms upstairs as you come and sit beside Grace.

"You look good together.", she states. "I know.", you grin cheekily. "But I have something to talk to you about."

Her face morphs into a serious expression, mirroring your own. "Uhh.. I.. Just know that you can deny, alright?", you say unsurely while she looks at you with furrowed brows.

"Can I come back here? Permanently?", you whisper. "After my graduation? It's in six months.", Grace looks at you, surprised. 

"Of course sweetheart! You don't need to ask! This is as much your home as it is ours.", she says after a pause, hugging you close. You heave a sigh of relief as if a great weight has been lifted off your chest.

"You're sure that's what you want?", she makes sure, breaking the hug. Glad that she thought to ask, you nod with a smile.

~

Moving upstairs, you get in your room and no sooner you close the door, than you are greeted with Yoongi lying on your bed. "I thought you were going to your room.", you say.

"I did. But I thought I'd rather spend as much time as I could with you before you have to leave.", he says with a woeful expression. 

You move towards the bed and place a kiss on his forehead. "Wait, here. I'll change and come." A grin breaks out on his lips at your action.

Coming back from the washroom, you join Yoongi on your bed. You are lying on your side, facing away from him while Yoongi spoons you from the back, hands wrapped around you and face placed on the crook of your neck.

"I'm going to miss you. So much.", he sighs, pecking your neck. You shiver as the warm air hits your neck. "Yoongi", you hum and turning around, place a kiss on his nose. He looks at you with a wistful expression, a thousand emotions swimming in his eyes. He seems sad.

"I know.", you say, placing another kiss on the same spot. "I'll miss you too.", another. "But I'll come back.", and another. "And you'll visit too, right?", Yoongi is smiling by now and as you move to place another kiss on his nose, he moves and captures your lips with his.

"I want to take you somewhere. Tomorrow.", he states with a grin. "Yeah? Where?", you mutter sleepily. "That's a surprise. Go to sleep now. Good night.", he pecks your forehead. "Good night Yoongi."

~

It's 11 in the morning and you are ready to go out with Yoongi. You are wearing a mauve knee length A-line off shoulder dress with flared hems and white low boots, hair tied in a loose side braid.

This is your first official date with him and you are excited to say the least. Buzzing with excitement, you come downstairs. "You look nice.", Grace quips, phone in hand.

"Thanks!", you smile. "Going somewhere?", she grins sneakily. "On a date!", you exclaim. She knew everything there was to know about you anyway. "That's great. I'm sure you'll have a good time."

"What're you up to?", you motion towards the phone. "Just got off the phone with your grandfather. Told him you'll be moving here after graduation. He's okay with it.", she says proudly.

"Really?!", you ask excitedly and she nods. Today was already off to a great start, you think. "You're the best!", you hug her tightly. "I know."

"Don't say anything to Yoongi yet.", you break the hug. "I want it to be a surprise."

"Are you ready to go?", you hear Yoongi's voice as he comes downstairs. 

He's wearing a white collarless shirt, rolled at the sleeves and black trousers, paired with white sneakers. Used to see him wearing darker shades, you are frozen in place as he looks drop dead gorgeous in white.

Yoongi doesn't seem any better, mouth open in an o-shape, gawking at you. "Yeah.", you finally manage to answer.

"Bye Grace.", you follow Yoongi out of the house. "Goodbye! Don't be too late!", she calls back.

"You look beautiful.", Yoongi says, getting inside Grace's car that he borrowed for the day. Your cheeks flush at the first proper compliment from him. "You look handsome too.", you say bashfully and Yoongi grins, moving closer and placing a kiss on your forehead.

"You're still not gonna tell me where we're going?", you ask as he starts driving. "Nope.", he says easily, not even looking your way. Yoongi tries his best to hold back his smile after noticing your pout from the corner of his eyes.

~

After an hour and a half of driving and witty banter, Yoongi finally stops the car. The venue is huge, hidden by huge walls from the outside, making it impossible to know what's happening inside. You can already see a few people entering through the gates. 

Yoongi comes around and takes your hand in his, grinning at your visible excitement as you literally drag him towards the gates. After buying the tickets and getting inside you're frozen in place.

You can't believe your eyes as you gawk at the place. It's a flower show. The same flower show that you were supposed to visit the day you left. Could this day get any better for you?

The entire programme consists of an indoor exhibition and an outdoor garden. From what you can see, the place is filled with rare plants and flowers that even you don't know of, indoor gardens decorated with floral arts, colourful outdoor themed gardens, flowers shops sold directly by farmers and what not.

"Grace knew about this, didn't she?", you let go of him and he nods. "I had to ask her if I could take you. You were supposed to go with her, after all.", he replies hesitantly, most probably worried about your feelings.

It was a sensitive topic for you and he shouldn't have just brought you here before asking you, he thinks. Did he just ruin everything? 

"You know I love you right?", you grin, trying to convey your feelings. You were beyond happy that he brought you here, there was nothing for him to doubt. "Of course. Let's go now!", Yoongi chuckles, somewhat relieved.

"Do you really like it?", you turn towards him with wide eyes as he asks you hesitantly. "Are you kidding me?! This is my dream!", you exclaim, giving him a bone crushing hug which he gladly reciprocates.

The rest of the morning is spent with you dragging Yoongi around by the hand and he lets you, not looking the least bit bothered. He's beyond elated that you are enjoying yourself, that he could fulfil at least one of your wishes.

You go to the indoor flower wall first, followed by the children's garden and the healing garden. (You didn't know why it was named 'healing' but if it had anything to do with the way you felt after leaving the section, then you thought it made sense.)

As you come to the outdoor section next, you are greeted with a pink tulip field. The field itself is moderately spaced, not too big but that doesn't matter too much, especially when very few visitors are present on this side of the venue, people choosing to stay inside the air conditioned indoor walls. There are organised paths in the middle of each pink flower row in specks of green.

Saying the place looks beautiful would be an understatement. It's out of this world. It looks like a place where all your worst fears and troubles would disappear. And it does.

Letting go of Yoongi's hand, you dart inside the field, both hands held up horizontally beside you, eyes closed. Your nostrils are greeted with a sweet rosy scent as the wind blows past you, as if blowing away all your worries with it. You just want to capture this moment in your mind, forever.

As you turn around, finally remembering about Yoongi, he is busy clicking pictures of you, a huge gummy grin adorning his face. 

You motion for him to join you and he just shakes his head. "Come on!", you call. When he still doesn't come, stupidly staring at you with a lovesick expression, you move towards him and pull at his hand.

Yoongi seems surprised at the action and if it wasn't for his fast reflexes, he would've fallen face first on the ground. His hands are tightly clutched around your waist as he balances himself and you chuckle.

Moving closer, you cross your arms around his neck and when he's absolutely sure you're gonna kiss him, "Say cheese!", you exclaim, quickly taking a picture of you both and softly peck his nose. Yoongi grins at your antics. He seems to be doing that a lot today.

After an hour of dashing around the field and taking a dozen more pictures and having lunch from the nearby food stall, it's almost evening when you come to the flower boat ride section.

A very narrow stream flows where small boats are lined one after another. Yoongi helps you up the unsteady boat after he gets on first. As you both sit side by side, the boat starts moving. It doesn't need controlling and moves along the water flow.

Yoongi wraps an arm around you as it enters a huge tunnel and you are greeted with the sweet smell of flowers. The tunnel is dimly lit, not even a speck of the outer faint sunlight breaks into the area and as the boat proceeds, you are greeted by the beautiful view.

The strips of land on both sides of the narrow stream are filled with vibrant flowers which are divided into various segments in terms of colour. 

The tunnel winds into various directions, making the next segments invisible from the previous ones. As the boat turns new corners, you are greeted with flowers of different colours, each as beautiful. 

The ambience is so romantic that Yoongi can't help but look at you. In fact, he has been looking at you since the boat entered the winding tunnel, not even glancing at the flowers that hold all your attention. 

Yoongi has always been a man of few words, not one to voice out his feelings often. But looking at you now, he wishes he could explain your eyes and how the sound of your voice gives him butterflies. How your smile makes his heart skip a beat, and how every time he's with you, he feels so complete.

"Why do you like flowers so much?", he opts to ask you instead as you are busy oohing and aahing at the view.

You shrug at his question. "Maybe because of Grace or maybe my mother. I don't really know."

"I just think they are a new masterpiece each day, changing the frameless scenery, gazing upward at the ever present sky; they are like the warmth of the land that thank the warmth of the summer sun. Like the rainbow that arises from earth and water, yet surprisingly can be nothing without those golden rays."

The moment you stop speaking and turn towards Yoongi who has been quiet this whole time, he kisses you. Though initially surprised, you gladly return the action. One of his arms is placed on your thigh and the other on your neck as you tangle your hands in his smooth hair.

The view completely forgotten, you move closer to Yoongi as he deepens the kiss, mapping your mouth with his tongue. The moving boat, the ever present sweet scent inside the tunnel, Yoongi's deep imploring kisses, everything just makes you dizzy with want.

Yoongi trails his hand along the side of your thigh and you shiver at the action, moving closer to him if that was even possible. You are broken out of your daze as you are greeted with the bright LED lights of the event (it's already dark outside) and the boat stops outside the tunnel.

He breaks the kiss, albeit reluctantly and rests his forehead against yours. "I love you.", Yoongi says. "So much.", he feels like he couldn't say it enough.

He just hopes you understand how wonderful, he thinks you are. How he could look into your eyes and never get tired of their beauty. How the sound of your voice gives him butterflies. How seeing you walk into a room makes him smile. How much you mean to him and just how much he loves you.

But you had him at a loss for words. Even if he could find the words to tell you, Yoongi's quite sure it wouldn't come anywhere near to showing how much you mean to him.

"I know.", you look at him with shining half lidded eyes, a small smile adorning your kiss swollen lips. And just that single word from you puts his mind at rest, reassuring him.

After coming out of the boat ride section, Yoongi brings you to a flower shop and specifically asks for a potted white astilbe plant. 

The plant was small with fern-like foliage and dense feathery plumes of white flowers. The shop owner, a kind old lady handed it over to you, giving him knowing looks. 

"Don't worry darling. I'm sure she will too.", the lady says to Yoongi as he moves to leave after paying. You give him a confused look and he just shrugs, trying to act nonchalant but fails miserably as a mischievous grin breaks out on his face

"It has a meaning, doesn't it?", you ask, not one to back out. "All flowers do.", he replies matter of factly. "Tell me!", you pout. Yoongi chooses to ignore you. As you take out your smartphone to look for the symbolism, he speaks up. 

"It's just something I want to say to you but don't really know how. I want you to take it back with you, so that you are reminded of me every time you look at it. You can look up the meaning but only after you leave.", he looks at you with a wistful smile, eyes swimming with emotions.

"Can you do that for me?", he asks in a small voice and you nod, no words leaving you.

~

You are currently sitting on the passenger seat of Grace's truck as Yoongi drives you home. A comfortable silence fills the space as you look out the window, clutching the astilbe close to your heart as if it would fly away any moment.

A thousand thoughts are swimming in your mind, all concerning the same person. Today was so perfect that for a second, you completely forgot about leaving until Yoongi mentioned it.

Life with him would be perfect in every sense, just like him and today was simply proof of that. 

Never in a million years did you think you'd find someone so utterly and completely perfect. Someone who would make you happier than you ever dreamed you could be. Someone who would touch your life so profoundly and give you a whole new reason to breathe.

But then you found him and realised that everything you anticipated him to be doesn't even compare to whom he was.

You have never been too keen on showing people your feelings, always making sure to steer clear of any and all attachments. But today, at this moment, you just wanted Yoongi to know how much you loved him.

It was hard to find words to tell him how much he meant to you. So much so, that you didn't say anything at all, at times. But you just hope that someday he would understand that having him is what you lived for.

"We're home.", Yoongi's voice breaks you out of your thoughts as he stops the car.

Home. The word felt nice on Yoongi's tongue. As he parks the car in the garage and comes where you're standing in front of the house, waiting for him, he realises he never felt more at home than right at this moment. 

He has become more attached to you in the past few days than he has ever been with his own family (if he could even call them that). He can't even begin to imagine what he would do after you leave.

It was the only thing he could think about while driving back home. Today was wonderful, perfect even. He cherished every moment he got to spend with you.

But would it still be the same after you left? Would you two stay as strong or inevitably drift apart with time? Would it all still be the same?

Yoongi had so many questions he was dying to ask you but as he looks at your face, all of the doubts fly out of his head.

You are standing on the front porch, the dull street lamp barely lighting up your features. It doesn't matter though. Yoongi can clearly make out the earnest smile you're sporting, hooded eyes filled with emotions.

"Thank you for today. I'm… just.. I can't even begin to tell you what it meant to me.", you say. "That's fine sweetheart. You don't need to.", he smiles.

"No I do.", you insist, trying your best to ignore the pet name that caused your heart to skip a beat. "Yoongi, please just let me say it. I know- I know I'm not good at expressing my feelings. But I just want you to know you mean the world to me.", you try your best to put your feelings into words.

"And I just want to thank you. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for making me smile like crazy. Thank you for making me happy.", you keep talking. "And I love you. So much more than just to the moon and back."

Yoongi looks at you with wide eyes, mouth parted in an o-shape. "Fuck. I'm crazy for you. Did you know that?", he finally seems to be broken out of his daze as he replies dumbly and you let out a chuckle. 

"I've been told.", you grin as Yoongi moves closer.  Placing one of his hands on your cheek, he kisses you. The kiss, soft as he grazes his lips against yours. 

There's no hurry in his actions as he languidly moves his lips along yours, taking his time mapping you. 

"Let's go inside.", he whispers as you place your forehead against his, a smile ever present on your face. 

~

It's well past midnight. You are currently lying on your bed, wide awake, blankly staring at the ceiling. You couldn't believe you were leaving tomorrow, first thing in the morning. Time really does fly by. It feels like it was just yesterday that you came here and it was already time to leave.

Just the thought of leaving causes your heart to ache. It goes without saying, you didn't want to leave, the thought making even more sense as Grace bawled her eyes out this evening.

This time you knew for sure, she didn't want you to leave and she was definitely going to miss you. The facts were comforting but that didn't really help. Seeing her being so miserable made you want to stay even more.

And then there was Yoongi.

It has been a few days since you came back from the flower show, Yoongi spending every waking hour with you since then, not wanting to let you out of sight, only going back to his room at night.

(He even kicked Jimin out of the house with his death glares as he asked you to spend yesterday with him.)

Today hasn't been any different and it has only been a couple hours since he went to his room to let you rest before your early train tomorrow but there's nothing you want more than being with him right now. You were already missing him and you hadn't even left.

You get up abruptly and move out of your room, determined. If today was the last day you had then you wanted to spend every last hour with Min Yoongi.

The lights in his room are still on, visible from beneath the door as you knock. It doesn't take long for him to answer. 

"Will you play the piano for me?", you ask as soon as he opens the door. He hasn't yet changed, wearing the same jeans from this evening, hair askew as if he had been running his hands through it. 

He seems surprised but doesn't question it. He takes your hand and moves downstairs, an easy smile present on his lips.

Yoongi doesn't let go of your hand as you try to move towards the couch and makes you sit beside him on the piano stool. You gladly oblige. None of you bother switching on the lights, the moonlight coming from the opposite window doing enough to illuminate the surroundings as he starts playing.

He plays the same tune from your first night here. The same tune that transcended you to a land of utopia. It still does but this time you can't stay there for long, distracted by the view before you.

You didn't pay much attention that night, mind elsewhere. But this time you are amazed. Yoongi playing the piano was a sight to behold. 

He looks ethereal as the moonlight hits him just right as if casting him in a spotlight. His eyes are closed, head bent a little in concentration, shoulders touching yours. He looks at peace as he plays, mind free of thought.

You wish you could capture this moment forever, so you could play it whenever you felt like, whenever you missed him.

You are busy taking in his features, trying your best to memorize every detail as Yoongi stops playing. "See anything you like?", he teases with a smirk. "Love it.", you answer without missing a beat, a smile adorning your lips.

Yoongi grins back, placing a delicate kiss on your lips. You sit there for a while, head resting on his shoulders as he keeps playing for you.

"When did you realise you love me?", you ask out of the blue. Yoongi stops playing and you lift your head, looking at his face.

It doesn't take him long to answer as if the answer had been long present in his head. "I always loved you, wanted you.", he looks straight at your eyes. "Even when I didn't know what I wanted, even before I knew you; it was you." 

"You were the chapter I didn't know the words to but always knew existed. And when I finally found it and began to read, I knew I was home.", he smiles. "You are my person, Ahnjong. You are my 'someone' who makes tomorrow more than just a day."

You are already crying as Yoongi stops talking, tears flowing freely down your cheeks. You were determined not to cry and you did great the past few days but today, you can't really help it.

Yoongi loves you. You know he does. But when he puts it into words, it just becomes even more real. You have always been a sucker for validation, after all.

"Will you wait for me?", you sniffle as Yoongi rubs away your tears as he lets out a dry chuckle, his own eyes glossing over. "I've missed you even before I saw you. I've waited for you even before I knew you'd come. What's a few more days?", he hugs you close to him. "I'll wait for you as long as you want me to."

~

It's 8 in the morning and you are currently standing at the railway station, the potted astilbe flower clutched tightly in your hands. Grace is sniffling by your side, Tae and Jimin standing on your other side with a sombre expression as Yoongi loads your bags on the train.

"You should get on. It's leaving in 5.", Yoongi says, walking towards you. "You'll call right?", you ask Grace as she hugs you for the last time. She just nods, not being able to form a sentence.

"Ahnnie-ah! I'll miss you!", Jimin hugs you next, lips formed in a pout and you chuckle. "I'll miss you too, Jiminie!"

Tae lunges at you as soon as Jimin lets go, pulling you in a bear hug. "I'll facetime you everyday!", he exclaims. "I would love that!.", you reply, trying to match his enthusiasm.

"Everyday?!", Yoongi looks at you incredulously as Tae lets go and everybody moves away to give you two some space. "Aw babe, are you jealous?", you raise your brows at him.

"Why am I just hearing that nickname when you are literally 2 minutes away from leaving?", Yoongi practically pouts which causes you to chuckle, though it doesn't quite meet your eyes. Of course Yoongi notices.

"I love you.", his voice is muffled in your hair as he hugs you tight, taking a deep inhale. "I already miss you.", you whine, one hand wrapped around his neck while the other securely holds the astilbe, throat clogging up with unshed tears. "I know sweetheart, I know.", he places a kiss on your forehead, letting you go.

You move towards your berth. Ready to get on, one foot already inside the compartment, you turn around. "Wait for me, yeah?", you ask, not letting the tears to fall. "Always.", he calls back.

~

The train finally starts moving as everybody waves at you from the platform, all crying or sniffling except for Yoongi who gives you a melancholy yet dazzling smile, gums on show, not bothering to wave. 

There were no goodbyes for you. You knew, wherever you were, he would always be in your heart. 

You wave back at the others, staring out the window until they are nothing but a speck of light.

Sitting inside your compartment, looking at your potted flower placed in front of you, you are reminded of Yoongi's words, "...You can look up the meaning but only after you leave". 

You don't waste any time as you take out your phone and google the meaning.

astilbe: a plant of the saxifrage family with plumes of tiny white, red or pink flowers

Usually are symbols of patience and dedication to a beloved. If you give this flower away, it means you are promising that you will be waiting for this person. The flower is long blooming, symbolising your dedication to the loved one.

Not being able to hold the tears any longer, they flow down freely along your cheeks. He made you a promise even before you asked. You don't know what you did to deserve him.

~

It's your graduation ceremony and you are currently sitting in your uni auditorium, waiting for your name to be called. It's finally been six months and the past few months have been hard, so much more than you thought.

Jimin texts you almost everyday, Grace calling whenever she can (she called today too, more excited than you were regarding your graduation), Tae keeping his promise of facetiming, much to Yoongi's chagrin.

Yoongi. He's the only thought on your mind as you open his last texts.

Yoongi🖤: Congratulations sweetheart. 

Yoongi🖤:I'm virtually kissing you right now if you couldn't tell.

Yoongi🖤: I love you.

You have been texting, calling, facetiming non-stop for the past months but it's nothing compared to the three months that you stayed with him under the same roof. Moreover, with both your and his finals approaching it was hard to make time to talk everyday. And even though you somehow managed, you still missed him like crazy.

It wasn't easy, being so in love with him and not seeing him everyday. There were times when you'd give about anything just to be able to gaze into his eyes or hold him in your arms, even for a few minutes.

You always felt incomplete like a part of you is missing when you're not together. You knew that this is how things have to be but that doesn't make it any easier to bear. Everyday without him reminded you of the joy he adds to your life, the joy that you were missing. 

You love him, you were thinking of him and you were counting every minute until you were together again.

Lost in your thoughts, you almost miss your name being called, broken out of your stupor by a nudge on your side by the girl sitting beside you.

As you get up on stage, accept your certificate and move to say a few words, you swear you see a familiar mop of black hair among the audience. Not finding anyone familiar (your grandfather too busy to attend) after your brief search, you dismiss the thought and proceed down the stage, sitting back on your seat.

As the ceremony finally ends, you move lazily along your uni grounds, legs hardly moving. You were happy that you are finally done with university and could go back to Ember, living a life that you actually want but you were tired too.

You wished someone attended the ceremony from your family too like the others who were busy taking pictures with their sons or daughters, pride visible in their smiles. 

"Congratulations.", you are busy smiling at one such family as you hear it. You turn around, already knowing who it is. You would recognise that voice anywhere.

As expected, you are greeted with Yoongi's grinning face. Not wasting a single moment, you launch yourself at him, encasing him in a tight hug. You don't prolong it for long though as you move away and kiss him. Passionately.

It's like you are a single person as your lips mould against each other's, perfectly and you finally feel complete. 

"What are you doing here?!", you eventually manage to let go, moving away but not entirely as you keep your hands crossed behind his neck. "Aunt Grace told me about your little secret discussion. Thought I'd come myself to take back what's mine.", he grins sleazily, handing you the bouquet of freesia that you didn't notice till now.

"Hmmm. I wonder what that is.", you tease, inhaling the familiar scent. "Let's go back home.", he says with delicate eyes.

"As long as I'm with you, I'm always home.", you reply with a smile.