Top Posts Tagged with #yoongixmi

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his outfit is purposely chosen to melt into the city, shades of grey and black to imitate dark glass and mental and smog. he keeps his hood pulled over his head and everything is heavy and soaked to the bone with rain. it’s fitting. it’s the first time this environment reminds him that growth requires rain. maybe spring will come.

maybe he’ll ruin it. it wouldn’t be the first time, and he’d be foolish to think this could be the last thing he breaks in his trembling hands-- more foolish, perhaps, to hope he won’t. he chooses foolishness this time.

finally, he is as dead to vanguard as they are to him, and yet even as he leaves, he feels like he’s leaving tracks in a different way than he ever anticipated. attachment he tried to avoid. he hates them, and yet he isn’t immune to the compassion some of its members showed him. he doubts they’ll feel any grief, but he feels some remorse regardless. for as eager as he’s been his entire life to escape it, part of him will haunt vanguard forever.

when he stands on yoongi’s doorstep, he feels like a skeleton that left his skin somewhere else. maybe it’s suitable for a dead man walking. he’s something nonexistent now-- protocol is dead and jeongguk was laid to rest years ago. he’s nothing more than a concept-- an illusion, and maybe he wants it that way. all he’s wanted for years is to disappear, but there’s one person he wants to make clairvoyant.

jeongguk looks over his shoulder, careful to make sure no one is watching-- that he isn’t about to pull the trigger on both of them. he knocks, because doorbells seem too flamboyant when he intends to vanish after he leaves a trace of himself here. (even if he left now, without a word, a trace of jeongguk would still be here. he knows.)

it’s yoongi that opens the door; jeongguk exhales a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. he stands there for a moment, wide-eyed, bathed in shadow from the hood still over his head, and then he speaks: “i’m leaving.”

he doesn’t leave yoongi any room to speak; jeongguk raises his eyebrows at him and hopes he understands it means don’t say anything yet. let me. words never came easy to him and they still don’t. instead, he shows him-- lifts the bottom of his t-shirt to reveal a large bandage below his ribcage, stained with dried blood. he lets the fabric cover it again. “vanguard thinks i’m dead, so i’m leaving. i tried to do this before, but i was stupid and they-- killed jeonyul. so i don’t have much time, and i’m--” he pauses. even though he knows what he needs to say, it’s still hard. “sorry. i’m sorry.” for everything. he trusts that even now, he doesn’t need to explain.

maybe another day, he’ll get to. maybe he’ll allow himself the hope of seeing yoongi again, and maybe it’ll be another life then, too-- one that doesn’t feel like they constantly teeter on the precipice of death by simply breathing each other’s air. he wants to tell him to leave black lotus, too-- that it isn’t worth all the money in the world and that he doesn’t want yoongi to feel the same pain he has. he could kill hex too; maybe protocol and hex should end the same way they began, anyway: together. an impulsive part of him wants to say come with me, but it’s foreign and frightening and he’s already risked enough. jeongguk knows better than to push too much of his luck.

“i can’t tell you where i’m going,” is what he says at last, without knowing if yoongi even cares about any of this. maybe he hates him. if he wants to slam the door in his face jeongguk would understand. he thinks he’d deserve it. he feels like a fog present in his mind for years has finally lifted-- like at 20 years old the dam he barred his emotions behind finally burst and he finally gave in. (maybe it’s jeongguk that wins after all; protocol is no champion.)

“but i wanted you to know. if anyone tells you i’m dead, i’m not. in case you worried,” he almost mutters it, losing his resolve. because i worried; that’s why. he can’t look yoongi in the eye anymore. jeongguk’s gaze drifts to the door frame and the shoddy brick outside the apartment and his shoes and yoongi’s dumb pastel hair. “not dead yet, anyway,” he adds sardonically, lips quirking up into the tiniest lopsided smile.

there’s a bomb timer inside his head, ticking down until he blows it. he blinks, and can’t shake the image of one of vanguard’s assassin’s coming up behind him and holding a gun to his head-- pushing into yoongi’s apartment and shooting him in the hallway. history repeats itself. he needs to leave. he’ll regret endangering yoongi more than he’ll ever regret leaving anything unsaid.

“and i wanted to say i’m sorry. for everything,” because jeongguk needs to say it. he knows.

that’s it. his words dry up, likely reaching his quantity of dialogue for the entire year. it’s not enough, he realizes, as dread settles into his stomach. even as he runs, he can’t shake the need for more, but now, it’s this: painting yoongi’s face into his memory with honesty. in the end, all he does is run and want.

the second foolish decision: jeongguk crosses the threshold, through yoongi’s doorway and into his arms. it’s a mistake because as soon as he wraps his arms around yoongi’s back in a hug, it roots him in reality. his adrenaline fades and his legs feel weak and he doesn’t know how he’s going to do any of this. he doesn’t know if he’ll survive or if he will usher in death for his parents too. he is painfully young and small and powerless and alone and yet there is warmth here-- the first spark of it in so long, in the way yoongi hugs him so tightly, like it was never even a question.

“please take care of sarang,” he whispers, and then he pulls away before he stays forever.

#$sp;#$serf;#yoongixmi #{ happy halloween we full ghosting now #this has been in my drafts since dna came out might as well post it #u saw NOTHING!! }

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Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy? // Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

( █░ who do they see as their best friend? their worst enemy? )

{&; his eyebrows furrow together, and his thoughts travel to a single person and then– confusion. he can’t answer the same person for both, can he? then he feels drastically unsatisfied. that doesn’t seem like the right answer, and he hates wrong answers. there must be someone else– even if it’s not true, someone else that he can say, anyway, but he searches his mind and he has no one else. then comes guilt, and his expression flickers with an uncharacteristic remorse and uncertainty. he sighs } i don’t know. i had a best friend, once. he– {&; he pauses, and considers the risks of opening up– of saying his name, and decides it doesn’t matter } min yoongi. he was my best friend. {&; there is so much more to say, but this is all he can– was, was, was. }

he’s black lotus now. he– i– {&; he clamps his mouth shut again, then starts over } i got into hacking both with and without him. he got into it because of me, i guess. but i became protocol…because of him. {&; his eyebrows furrow again, expression increasingly puzzled, like he’s just figuring all of this out now } we made ourselves legends, kind of– just within our school, and so he became my best friend. i got deeper into hacking by myself, because i got bored, and then i got into…this. {&; he motions around him– everything. vanguard, so, everything. } and i lied to him. i didn’t tell him about it. i don’t know why. {&; he purses his lips, and stays silent, like the reasoning will come to him, but if years of wondering hasn’t brought it to him, it never will } i was kind of…awful to him, near the end. he knew something was up, but i wouldn’t budge, and he never pried. we got kind of distant, but he still…was there– didn’t give up on me. i don’t know. {&; it’s then he realized what he said: near the end. so he elaborates } his dad died and he stopped coming to school. he wanted to be a lawyer. we used to talk about it. he would always say he wanted to be a lawyer and i was always kind of disappointed that he was going to outgrow me but never said anything. {&; he laughs sardonically, and it’s empty– almost crazed } i was the only one of us that graduated. i was in vanguard before he even left, and i kept thinking about his stupid dreams, and how i used to tell him i was going to be a programmer at samsung, and how one of us had to accomplish what we said we would, and that’s when i tried to leave. that’s when– {&; his voice cuts out. jeonyul. he doesn’t go into detail. he skirts over it } maybe that’s when he became my worst enemy. sometimes i think if i never met him, and i didn’t think about people deserving better, jeonyul would still be alive. but i guess he started making me angry before then. maybe i was mad at him because he left me behind earlier than he was supposed to– i don’t know. {&; he smiles crookedly then, and shakes his head, chuckles, still empty } but that was my fault too. i left him behind first, and this entire time i’ve…been mad at him instead. then i found out he was working for black lotus– years. i should’ve known as soon as their security got better. {&; his fist clenches, and so does his jaw. any vulnerability in his gaze is gone now } so it doesn’t matter anymore. i know i cared about him once, even if i pretend i don’t. caring about other people in a life like this is a weakness…therefore…he’s my worst enemy. all weakness is. {&; then he uncurls his fists, and the tension leaves until his expression evens out again, and he sighs again too, with the slightest shake of his head } but it doesn’t matter, really. {&; it’s much lighters when he says it this time. } i think he’s dead now. black lotus’s security is bad again, like before. i actually…don’t really know what to do now. {&; like he feels lost. like he doesn’t know who he is without either his support, or him to be mad at– like the entire time, min yoongi has been a his primary motivation, and if he’s dead, protocol has no direction. he doesn’t know what to do, so he still searches for a definite answer, like he won’t be satisfied until he sees a body, and in this way, he’s still a motivation. in this way, it’s still infuriating– still weakness– still an enemy. but who is protocol without hex? only jeon jeongguk– and he doesn’t know who that is anymore. }

#$hc;#$hc3;#yoongixmi #{ i can finally tag u in stuff again aw #not that it ever stopped me before but now it Matters #me on twitter: who in mi is gonna come thru and send protocol these questions #u: [does it]#thanks anon u the realest but also i regret asking jfc #welcome to the extreme inner workings of jeonggukxmi's mind aka his nightmare #i'm shocked and mortified that he talked so much #i had to put in a readmore part-way through ONE answer }#Anonymous

mental/emotional - 2, 13 :: relationships - 5

( █░ do they think on their feet, or do they need time to deliberate? )

true intelligence is both, so that’s what i do. {&; he answers easily. he narrows his eyes then, because he doesn’t want to give his logic away– like if he even releases his thought processes into the world from outside of his mind, the world will thwart it somehow. so he doesn’t; this is enough of an answer. he doesn’t touch on the immense planning that goes into every mission beforehand– the amount of possible mishaps he cycles through in his mind to prepare, and the strategies he comes up with to combat everything and succeed. his fear he doesn’t admit is real is oftentimes his strongest weapon– paranoia and over-preparedness for situations other say will never happen. but what if they do? he answers that question in every moment he lives, and then in the field, he reacts. sometimes, reality doesn’t happen as planned, or prepared for, but his mind is quick, and so he thinks– both ahead, and on his feet, because it’s all he can do }

( █░ what moments in the character’s life have defined him as a person? )

{&; he winces on instinct, because immediately, he hears a gunshot and sees his sister’s blood splattered on the wall. on his back, on each shoulder, there is a tattoo. one: vanguard’s symbol. two: a butterfly with his sister’s date of birth and date of death, and maybe these are the moments, and yet they’re one in the same. he joined vanguard, and she died because of it– because of that mistake.} when i joined vanguard. {&; he voices aloud, and he doesn’t say more– doesn’t speak of his thirst for knowledge that propelled him there, or the only real friend he ever found amidst the numbers, and how he lost it all to his greed in the end }

( █░ who is/was the character’s best friend? how did they meet? )

{&; he stiffens, and clenches his jaw and his fists immediately } i don’t have a best friend. {&; anymore. i don’t have a best friend anymore. } i never… {&; why can’t he bring himself to say it? i never had a best friend. usually he is stronger than this. what benefit are memories? how does remembering min yoongi ever existed as anything other than an enemy aid him? it doesn’t. so he didn’t. he never existed. } i never had a best friend. {&; but he did– he does. somewhere in black lotus, there is a hacker that once knew as much about jeon jeongguk as he did about himself. hex and protocol were born from jeongguk and yoongi first, and at the same time, from high school pranks and rebellion and innocence– from life instead of the death they revolve around now. he wants to say he made hex– that everything black lotus knows about security and technology comes from him, but the truly unsettling reality he can’t shake is that they made each other. black lotus’s security lacks lately; somehow this thought worries him, because hex is the only one that can crack protocol’s codes like breathing, because once, it was just them. but he’s better off if min yoongi is dead– he swears it. it’s not just them anymore. it’s vanguard and black lotus now; it will never be just them again, because protocol made sure of that when he grew bored and stepped into the darkness without him. how did they meet? the better question is how did they end up like this? (because of me.) sometimes, he wonders if hex is still the best friend he has. he has no friends anywhere at all now, let alone one to elevate above the others. sometimes, he wonders if a memory is better than nothing. usually, he decides it’s just weakness }

#mingyuxmi #$hc;#$hc2;#yoongixmi #{ i'm so mad i answered the second question before i even knew what the last question was #u did that on purpose :((#we'll see how vague i can answer questions like this once we get another yoongi #but until then i'll Suffer alright }

“Forever and always.”

▓█ in universe ▬▬▬▬ past→ present day ▬▬▬▬ what is this? who knows

FEBRUARY, 2012

he doesn’t know where his future is going; he’s young and too smart– no, too ambitious for his own good. it’s ambition that knows no boundaries and outdoes any other quality he possesses: the logic, and reason, and careful planning and problem solving he’s known for.

(he’s young, and he’s smart, but in none of the right ways; foolish everywhere else)

yoongi sits on his own laptop beside him, in the cafe they’ve made one of many of their unofficial headquarters, and jeongguk spares a glance over at him. min yoongi: partner in crime, intelligent senior, aspiring lawyer, hex in his free time– best friend, min yoongi.

he frowns for a moment, and yoongi looks up from his laptop, and catches his gaze like it’s an accident, and yoongi frowns back. “what?” he asks, but there’s a chuckle in his voice that makes jeongguk’s lips quirk up in a tiny smile as he shrugs.

“i’m just thinking– how long is all of this going to last, you know? you’ll become a lawyer if everything goes according to plan, and i’m sure i’ll do something like this for the rest of my life, so…”

#yoongixmi #$ss2;#$ss;#$d;#( SO....the fact that i had this to write is why #i haven't done any memes in so long because i do them in ORDER and i #regret this but anyway it's done #goodbye )#$past;

“Stop pretending.”

▬ sentence starters ▬

His brow arches towards his remark. Fingers fiddling with the zip of the hoodie he had pulled on that day. To say he was a little confused was an understatement and he practically blinks trying to think of when he was pretending. And his probably small mind not being able to come up with anything to answer it. “I ur- dont know what your on about.” and he offers the other male a small smile before tilting his head to the side. “I think you’re confusing me with someone else Yoongi.” He adds before knocking gently on his head as if trying to get him to remember or trying to distract him. Either way Junhong was completely confused.

#yoongixmi #meme #idek where this was going tbh

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“It really wasn’t THAT bad a decision, was it?”

high school au -- the past ;

“so you are saying that you started hacking and saying that it’s all innocent.” taehyung scrunched his nose and crossed his arms, rethinking about the other’s decision before letting out a small snort. “what a stupid idea, what the fuck- what have gotten into you?”

“but then i don’t know- i’m pretty bad….ass myself, you know?” he laughed at his own joke before choking on his saliva and letting out a cough to clear his throat. “okay, anyway-”

“i don’t trust you, bro. you wanted to be some lawyer, doctor. now you look like a wannabe nerd who thinks taking off their glasses would make them super popular and good-looking. it doesn’t work out that way.” he shrugged once more, sighing afterwards. “but i gotta admit, those pop-ups are fucking funny as shit. where did you even get that idea-”

he caught himself mid-sentence, eventually clearing his throat again. “so what do you even get from this? laughter? satisfaction in teachers’ reactions towards it? what is your motivation?” he applied some pressure on the questions and hoped the other would answer, but he probably won’t. the ‘hacker’ was just too – he couldn’t explain it. he guesses that he mocks taehyung too much.

“i’m surprised that you told me this. i thought i annoyed you.”

#yoongixmi #idek wdf this is please let me live #I COULDNT THINK OF ANYHTING #I JUST THREW AT THIS #I JUST THREW !!!!!!#;starter #u dont have to reply to this this is so ugly #;games

ROCKWELL

( █░ did you know from a young age what you wanted to do with your life? )

{&; not this. then again, maybe that’s not entirely true; maybe he never wanted anything specific in his life-- never had a reachable, satisfying goal he could achieve. he didn’t have a dream job like most children, but he never lacked his competitive edge, and the constant drive to improve. even when he was young, he knew he wanted to be the best in everything her pursued, so maybe that’s answer enough } i guess so, though it wasn’t as clear of a plan as lots of other people have. no wanting to be an astronaut, or any big dreams like that. i just wanted to keep getting smarter, and be the best in every area i focused in, even when i was younger, and that hasn’t changed. {&; he shrugs, because if a better answer is expected, he doesn’t have one }

#yoongixmi #$am; $hc;#{ i cannot rest while i still have these memes in my inbox...#thank u for making me stay awake longer #as usual }

“What are you doing here? I told you never to come.”

▓█ in universe au ▬▬▬▬ future ▬▬▬▬ don’t reply to this or i’ll kill you i swear to god

“just testing out black lotus’s security for you, no reason to be concerned,” he answers. “well actually, you might want to be concerned, because as you can see, i’m here, and if black lotus’s security was as good as they probably want it to be, i wouldn’t be...”

#yoongixmi #$ss1;#$d;#{ GOD #i'm making this a drabble because i hate mysel f and you #i also hate my muse i can't believe i #ok just #i should've killed him too it would've been less painfUL THN WRITING THIS #SCREAMS AND WALKS OUT }

✂┊𝕤𝕪𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕞 e̶r̶r̶o̶r̶ 𝕣𝕖formatting

“and i wanted to say i’m sorry. for everything,” because jeongguk needs to say it. he knows.

“please take care of sarang,” he whispers, and then he pulls away before he stays forever.

#$sp;#$serf;#yoongixmi #{ happy halloween we full ghosting now #this has been in my drafts since dna came out might as well post it #u saw NOTHING!! }

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Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy? // Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

( █░ who do they see as their best friend? their worst enemy? )

mental/emotional - 2, 13 :: relationships - 5

( █░ do they think on their feet, or do they need time to deliberate? )

( █░ what moments in the character’s life have defined him as a person? )

( █░ who is/was the character’s best friend? how did they meet? )

“Forever and always.”

▓█ in universe ▬▬▬▬ past→ present day ▬▬▬▬ what is this? who knows

FEBRUARY, 2012

(he’s young, and he’s smart, but in none of the right ways; foolish everywhere else)

#yoongixmi #$ss2;#$ss;#$d;#( SO....the fact that i had this to write is why #i haven't done any memes in so long because i do them in ORDER and i #regret this but anyway it's done #goodbye )#$past;

“Stop pretending.”

▬ sentence starters ▬

#yoongixmi #meme #idek where this was going tbh

•18+ Adults Only

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

“It really wasn’t THAT bad a decision, was it?”

high school au -- the past ;

“but then i don’t know- i’m pretty bad….ass myself, you know?” he laughed at his own joke before choking on his saliva and letting out a cough to clear his throat. “okay, anyway-”

“i’m surprised that you told me this. i thought i annoyed you.”

#yoongixmi #idek wdf this is please let me live #I COULDNT THINK OF ANYHTING #I JUST THREW AT THIS #I JUST THREW !!!!!!#;starter #u dont have to reply to this this is so ugly #;games

ROCKWELL

( █░ did you know from a young age what you wanted to do with your life? )

#yoongixmi #$am; $hc;#{ i cannot rest while i still have these memes in my inbox...#thank u for making me stay awake longer #as usual }

“What are you doing here? I told you never to come.”

▓█ in universe au ▬▬▬▬ future ▬▬▬▬ don’t reply to this or i’ll kill you i swear to god

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