#yearlongthing

Need to competantly and consistantly do day-to-day things

- Get up and eat before midday

- Regularly leave the house

- Check emails

- Do regular work

- Buget

- Go to classes and meet with people

Need to start working harder,

- Doing something productive everyday (planning doesn’t count)

- Read more, taking more notes

- Apply for more jobs

- Write daily again, write earlier in the day

- Write before it gets dark

Need to consider myself more

- Making conversation with new people

- Feeling equal to them and others, hold my own

- Lead conversation

- Consider where I want to go day to day, where I want to be in life

- I am worth wanting my own like others, like the rats, or the bun.

Growth

-Time spent learning

-Time spent practicing

Aiming for progress, and I just don’t see it. I started writing today late evening which is an improvement certainly, but it just isn’t enough, I soon got distracted well before I really did anything. I didn’t really manage breakfast, I barely wrote, I hardly read, I didn’t draw, But I did paint. And I ate a ton of trash.

I know the solution is just to do it, but I’m far too stubborn. What happens when have the thought to do something, my reaction is “nope, I just one more of this then there’ll be time for that”, what’s even worse is that I actively notice I am doing that and then have the thought that I should act immediately to encourage that behaviour each time but rather I will not act out of stubbornness. Not what I want, and it literally makes no sense. I want to be more proactive and have a drive to act. Tomorrow I will set five goal posts, and instead of the intention for the day being to have written or to read or drawn etc, the intent is to tick off these five challenges Wake up, Meditate with tea, Take meds, Step outside, Write something new for an hour, Read for an hour, Paint. All very simple objectives, all things I can do and do amongst four hours of the day, and out of sixteen hours that is not a huge amount of time to do activities I want to do. Five days since I last did some essential work; I’ve written everyday bar one since then. I didn’t manage to do any work today which at least isn’t falling back; missing one days writing is annoying though.

“Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did” - Newt Gingrich.

Perseverance is what I’m not good at, I’m repeating myself so much now and I hate it. I have barely managed to touch my goals this week, I’ve touched on them but I never pushed through to the goals I set out for myself, a day where I set six hundred words for myself I wrote a hundred and I told myself that I could finish and sleep, not how it works. I’m sabotaging my efforts by leaving them so late in the day as it is; Wednesday I managed to not work on a single thing and that was probably the biggest problem. So, for tomorrow.

Wake up, I’ve been waking up comfortably around eight this week, that’ll be a good time to get up but as long as it is before twelve  we’re good. Breakfast. Tea and chill. Doughnuts, And cake. And fruit. Writing Reading Drawing And Painting. Sunshine.

So gross, I’ve barely been able to stay awake today, just ill and sluggish. Not enough to make any excuses to not work, but enough to mean everything was an effort today; writing this feels like a much bigger achievement than it really is, I didn’t even get my work done today. So today is a normal day, just I should be in bed much earlier than I will be; I’m no hero. No real achievements for today, I got out of the house, which is a success considering the amount I was dosing off. But I am still leaving things off until later and I was even worse today. I find a hundred words exhausting apparently and while that may sound silly to most people that’s where I am, I need to make sure I continue with those hundred words a day, I need to get used to those hundred words and then soon enough I will grow accustomed to it, and I will increase the amount of time and effort. I’m still aiming for a thousand words each day this week, no reason I can’t manage that, I just need to not put it off and give myself the time to do it and not rush. No rush for perfection. Just words on the page, nice and simple; we just need to start. That moment in the day where I’m not quite sure what I’m doing with myself, that’s time for working. How to get my work done tomorrow 1. Wake up and get up. 2. Eat and settle to work before twelve, immediately out of bed isn’t working. 3. Write and time lapse for an hour before lunch. 4. Lunch, no laptop, no phone. 5. Another hour working. 6. Find out if anyone wants to coffee shop and write. 7. Make dough. (this should be four O’clock). 8. Write. 9. Eat

• Some things will creep in there but as long as the writing parts a pretty solid, we should be good. • I’m going on the likely hood that I will wake up by ten like normal, the change up is that I’m going to try and get up and ready as soon as I can rather than around/gone twelve. At that point it’ll take forever to settle and by the time I’m writing it’ll basically be evening. • My uncle told me work done in the morning is worth twice as much as the rest of the day. Let’s get that done. • When did I stop getting up and working in the morning? Because it’s not cool. • Tomorrow; get over this cold and get work done, so lots of food.

4I have planned out the next week, by the end of the week, if I stick to the plan (which I will, because cake) I will have: a first draft for each piece of work I need to do, been to every lecture and seminar I have this week, and begun on many adulting tasks that I need to begin. The plan is to be done by the end of Saturday to have Sunday to rest, if not I have it to catch up on everything. The goal each day is to have a thousand words for each day, in a basic first draft, I want to get a start on everything so even if I feel that day work is incomplete I must move on the next day; there will always be the Sunday and four more weeks to go, this week is to get ideas down. I can take these all to CASE then soon before it gets too late.

Yes, I am improving, and there are gains in what I am doing but I’m not getting anything done. Since I have started to manage writing every day I’ve begun to plateau, I’m producing numbers now not better writing (if anyone cares to look back it might be the case that my reflective type of writing has possibly improved since I began, which I would be happy about, but my project work isn’t going anywhere). I need to spend more time on writing; on constructively spending my time. More time reading and trying to write specifically is where I should be focusing my efforts.

Basics:

1. Planning (I spent too much time here looking at what I want to do and how I should do it.) 2. Planning (,out the actual story, scenes for scene ideas, characters, progress, I don’t spend nearly enough time here) 3. Writing (Too much time on planning and ignoring plotting the work out I get here and flounder and make slow progress and give up somewhere along the line) 4. Editing (I never reach the end or I don’t give myself the time I need to edit and proof before finishing it) • Reading (This is important throughout, to break up the time working and giving space and source for ideas and development) • Time and though (Again important like reading, gives space for ideas and development) • Returning to an earlier stage is always appropriate, jumping a stage will not help.

I have eight projects and seven weeks to:

Write a stage play, Present my research proposal, Write my up research project, Complete my independent portfolio, Figure out my poetry and prose portfolio, And write a film script. 1. A day planning out the next seven weeks, going into detail and pragmatic; providing for diary and unseen problems. Six 200 hundred word abstracts. (Tomorrow) 2. Two days to set out ideas for each project. Six mind maps, six lists. (Monday) 3. A day for each project researching and putting time into producing a first draft. Six days to write 1000 words each. (Wednesday-Sunday) 4. A day reviewing each draft, and notes, and development. Six days (Tuesday-Sunday) 5. A day each applying review. Six days (Tuesday-Sunday) • Visits the CASE • This whole idea to cycle until done. • Smashing grades.

Tomorrow I have a deadline and I haven’t started, so I plan made to working first thing isn’t going as well as it could be. Met up at one, coffee by four, done there by and with the loaf by eight, was going to giving it till ten, started until half midnight, home at half oneish. It is four minutes past four; I have literally been wasting time for two and a half hours, I really don’t know what I’ve been doing, it took about an to set up and faff before sitting down to work. So that’s an hour and half with distractions and procrastination. Point is, I should have prioritised work first off over literally everything. Should have spent half the time out and half of that time working while we were in the cafe, but same old same old, I faffed and got tired off reading as per usual, could have managed half my work by eight. The rest of evening now would putting it in order and getting it ready.