Change is in my reflection
They say to never stare at your reflection too long, mirrors and brain aren't to be used together for a prolonged time span. They say the view will start to change. So you may have glimpses. You may watch each outfit you want to try out. You may transform your face into a decorate version of your shell.
You may not stare.
But I like to do it, I like to just stare into my own soul, to watch my own self like I am not me. To notice each part of my face and allow myself to hate them, to hate how big my nose is and the shape it has, how my cheeks look after years of sunburns and scars from the poorly dealt with acne. How my hairline isn't straight and that one bit over my left eyebrow isn't just right, how deep my eyebags are after years of not caring but still caring just a bit enough to destroy myself in silence.
And then I allow myself to see. To see how my nose shape is perfect for my now constant eyeglasses use, how one would say it's a Roman nose, but I would disagree, it's just mine. To see how sunburns eternally gave me rosy cheeks that gives lives to an indoor face. I can't yet see my face scars as a story, they are removable, they are many, but whether I like it or not I've grown to accept that they are just there, I wish to be a doll but I'm just human.
I let myself see more than just a wavy hairline, not all soils are dug straight and yet all the plants reach out for our daily star.
They don't let you stare too much because what could you do when you truly know yourself, what kind of power I would gain when I understand my deepest self.
Mirrors make you change, minutes turned into hours and the years go by while the shell we call a body cracks, the inside is ready, what you truly are is there, watching, waiting for the day you look back and recognise it as one, as you
I let myself stare into my own soul, shape what I see to match what I feel, who I am.
I see me.
