#yarakh

TARGET   :   SPECTOR   ,   MARC LOCATION   :   @yarakh​​ ASSIGNMENT   :   critical role starters. ENCRYPTED   :   " i know we don’t always agree and i know i can be unkind, but ... you're still family. "

        MARC   ,   LIKE   MOST   ,   HAD   NEVER   ASKED   FOR   JEZEBEL.   like a stray animal   ,   she merely appeared one day and the decision was made to keep her. to his credit   ,   she’s never once felt unwanted. maybe marc hadn’t asked for her   ,   but he chose not only to keep around   ,   but be a father to her. jezebel is eternally grateful. still   ,   when you put two deeply troubled people in one home   ...   things are bound to happen. arguments   ,   harsh words in fits of emotion. she knows she doesn’t mean what she says during these times   ,   knows that sometimes   ,   she’s still a child lashing out wherever she can and she believes the same can be said of her father at times. 

       jezebel understands. she knows. still   ,   there is always that snaking fear that one day someone will say too much. that one day he’ll get sick of what a horrid thing she is   ,   how cruel   ,   how vengeful. nothing has ever scared her so much. another argument and she’s curled into herself   ,   hidden away under the covers. she doesn’t want the world to see her   ,   this razor blade carved into the shape of a girl. she doesn’t move when she feels the weight on the end of her bed. he speaks and the fear coiled within her loosens just so slightly.

        she moves   ,   slowly. sitting up and pushing away her pink blankets. in the dark of her room   ,   bathed only in the light flooding in from the hallway. feline gaze fixates on him   ,   head tilting to the side as she focuses on his face   ,   taking in every detail of his expression. there’s a moment before she’s moving in closer   ,   propping her chin up on his shoulder.

        ❝   please don’t leave me.   ❞   her voice is so quiet   ,   hoarse with the not forming in ther throat.

TARGET :   SPECTOR   ,   MARC. LOCATION   :   @yarakh​​ ​​ ASSIGNMENT   :   the other line. ENCRYPTED   :     ∗ o2﹕ a  text  asking  for  advice .

         IT’LL   ALWAYS   HAUNT   HER   WHEN   SHE   THINKS   SHE’S   OKAY   AGAIN.   the mental image of artemiy’s desecrated body. it’s one of those rare nights where she needs sleep and yet   ,   it eludes her still. no matter how deep into her bones the exhaustion seeps or how severely her eyes burn   ,   her eyelids will not shut without the memories   ---   of him. of what she did in his name. when she pulls out her phone   ,   the bright light of it makes her blink harshly.

TARGET   :   SPECTOR   ,   MARC   ...    ∗ 3o﹕ sender  wraps  a  blanket  around  receiver’s  shoulders .

         SHE   DID   NOT   ASK   FOR   THE   BLANKET   ---   the same way she did not ask for dinner or for him to bring her home in the first place. she should have died. she could have died and she knows that scares marc to fucking death   ,   but she should have died. there is no good reason she can think of to explain why jezebel is alive and artemiy is not   ,   why she is warm when the fragments of her brother’s body are left to freeze   ,   returned to the earth before their time. even now   ,   even after seeing the relief on her father’s face that she was found alive   ,   she’d trade everything she has to go back. to die in artemiy’s place. why should she live ? why does she get to live when the person who taught her how to live doesn’t ? god is cruel and the universe is uncaring and she feels no comfort in the idea that maybe artemiy is somewhere better now   ,   happy and waiting for her and javier to join him when their time comes. no   ,   this world is too unjust to allow herself to believe even that.

      ❝   dad  ...   ❞   jezebel’s voice creaks with misuse   ,   hoarse and tight with the knot of tears threatening to spill out of her until there’s nothing left within.   ❝   i don’t want to be here without him.   ❞

TARGET   :   SPECTOR   ,   MARC   ...    “ do you still trust people? even after what you’ve been through? ”

        SHE   LOOKS   CONTEMPLATIVE   ,   eyes drifting from him to something else   ,   something on the ground   ---   the dust on the floor   ,   a spider skittering   ,   her own dirtied pink converse. anything that isn’t him. she loves him   ,   she does. maybe he isn’t a father   ,   maybe he isn’t ideal   ---   but he’s what she’s got. he took her in when she had nothing else. he showed her options beyond the monster the convent had made of her. jezebel sinks further into herself   ,   tugging her hoodie around her in a self - soothing hug.

        ❝   i trust you.   ❞   mumbled   ,   hardly above a whisper as if she’s ashamed to admit it   ---   or scared. she’s realizing she’s scared. her body is trembling and wetness is stinging her eyes. the convent is behind her and yet now   ,   even now she is terrified that this confession will result in bloodshed   ---   his. her own. love gets you killed. she learned that a long time ago.

TARGET   :   SPECTOR   ,   MARC   ...    “ you’re just a kid. what did they do to you? ”

        HEAVING   CHEST   ,   BLOOD   STAINED   FACE. there is a body between them   ,   horribly mutilated with a precision and brutality not normal for a teenage girl. the scene disturbs   ---   her   ,   dollish and young. the corpse   ,   unrecognizable as a person. she’s ripped it to shreds. she did not need to   ---   a bullet to the skull would have done more than enough   ,   but something in her was desperate for the gore. violence has been nurtured and now all she knows is how to harm. he can see it   ,   too. how she’s taken all her rage out on this body. fifteen years of torment   ,   only a fraction of that pain used to create the scene before him. she looks to him   ,   her eyes wide and she appears both child and animal.

      ❝   you’re not my target and you’re not paying me. leave.   ❞