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inspired by the lovely prompt from @braimemystical! sorry it took so long, bb!
.............
Everyone was already a few drinks when Jana abruptly stood up from the couch, stumbling slightly with a laugh as Jens steadied her.Â
That weekend, theyâd all been uninterested in attending any of the parties their classmates were throwing, instead migrating together to Sanderâs apartment to talk and drink and probably, fall asleep on top of each other on the small couches before the night was over.Â
After Jana got up, she began pushing chairs and tables out of the way, turning the music down, and ushering everyone into a circle on the floor.Â
Sander had only recently moved out of his parentâs house, now living by himself in a one-room studio closer to his school and his weekend job at a local art gallery. Technically, Robbe still lived with his parents, but he was such a frequent visitor at Sanderâs place, that he had his own drawers in the boyâs bedroom dresser, a spare toothbrush in the bathroom, and a side of the bed he preferred. While the apartment was still sparse, Sander had added his own artsy touches, including modern-style furniture and framed artwork of Robbe, which Jens and Moyo promptly teased him for when they first entered, jabbing him in the arm and raising their eyebrows.
Now, Jana was breathlessly manhandling the furniture, then grabbing a few nearly-full bottles of vodka as she plopped on the ground, announcing that they were officially starting a rousing game of âNever Have I Ever.â
There were a few groans as everyone shuffled from their comfortable positions. Robbe, who had been sitting on Sanderâs lap nursing his second beer, whined as Sander slid him off his lap, setting his drink down and rubbing his hands together in excitement.
âOoooh,â he crooned. âA game! Letâs do this.â He joined Jana on the floor, pulling Robbe with him, then starting to pour drinks into shot glasses she was lining up. Amber and Aaron joined them, hands still intertwined. Jens clapped Moyo on the back and they finally heaved themselves off the couch and into the makeshift circle on the floor.Â
âOkay, Iâll start,â Sander said, cracking his knuckles dramatically and stretching his neck as if bracing himself for war. He held up a shot glass, filled to the brim, liquid teetering out as he spoke.Â
âNever have I everâŚâ he bit his lip, thinking as he stared into the distance. Then he got a wicked grin on his face, glancing over at Robbe. âNever have I ever cried during Call Me By Your Name.â
âSander!â Robbe shouted, shoving his arm, sending the liquid spilling out of his glass. âYou were never supposed to mention that! It was one time! I had something in my eye!â
Everyone was laughing and Robbe blushed, his lips forming a pout that Sander reached over to kiss.Â
âIt was so adorable, baby! I couldnât resist! My sensitive boyfriend.â He purred.
Robbe palmed a hand over his face, as if trying to wipe the blush from his cheeks.Â
âDrink up, IJzermans!â Jens yelled over the noise.
Everyone watched in shock as Moyo, too, held up a glass, clinking it to Robbeâs as they both downed their shot.
âYou, too, man?â Jens said, breaking out into a new bout of laughter that had him doubled over.
âItâs an emotional movie!â Moyo said, shaking away their teasing. âThat shit caused some serious waterworks, man. I wonât even lie.â
Sander laughed between the kisses he was still planting on Robbeâs pouting lips, willing him to smile, which he finally did as Jens announced it was his turn.
âNever have I ever,â he began, thinking. â...sung karaoke!â
âAre you kidding?â Jana shouted, incredulous. âThatâs like a rite of passage! Weâre doing that for our next hangout, for sure.â She held up her glass before downing it, joined by Aaron, Zoe, Moyo, and Sander.Â
âHow did you not know that?â Jens asked, smiling playfully at Jana. âDidnât we date?â
âOh, shut up,â Jana said, shoving him lightly. âJust because we hooked up doesnât mean we know everything about each other.â
âOoooh, drama!â Aaron cooed, clapping his hands excitedly. âI knew this game was a good idea.âÂ
âOn that note,â Jana interjected, still smiling, âI think itâs my turn!â She rubbed her hands together, bracing herself. She was looking off into the distance, thinking, then suddenly looked over at Robbe. âNever have I everâŚ.have a crush on my best friend...of the same sex.â
Robbeâs eyes widened, a bright blush creeping us his cheeks. Everyone was oooooh-ing now, looking from Robbe to Jens, then excitedly to Sander.
âCâmon,â Jana urged, lifting her eyebrows. âDrink up, Robbe!â
âOkay, that was like years ago, Jana,â Robbe whined, gazing sheepishly at Sander, looking for signs of anger or hurt. âI was still figuring everything out and didnât even know I had feelings for Jens!â
Sander was smiling, looking down with his tongue in his cheek.Â
âI canât believe you had the hots for Jens,â Moyo said, shaking his head and laughing.
âHey!â Jens yelled out, a look of mock-offense on his face. âWhat do you mean? Of course Robbe had a crush on me! I mean, look at me!â
Jana scoffed and rolled her eyes, while Aaron was shaking his head and rubbing his hands over his face. âWe couldâve had a Broerrrs romance,â he said. âWild.â
âNot even,â Robbe said defiantly. âNothing was ever going to happen there. Obviously. The only boy Iâve ever been in love with â the only one Iâll ever be in love with â is Sander.â He looked desperately at Sander, searching for any sign that he was offended by the turn this conversation had taken. Sander eyeâs were bright, sparkling at him.
âAwww,â Jana and Zoe squealed to each other. âThatâs precious.â
âWatch out, Sander,â Jens teased, âI might come back to steal yoâ mans. You know he had the hots for me.â
âSander,â Robbe pleaded, ignoring Jens. âYou know that there was nothing between Jens and I, right?â He reached for Sanderâs hand, who squeezed it back reassuringly.Â
âYouâre about to get real drunk, baby,â Sander said then, smirking. ââCause itâs my turn.â
Robbe swallowed, blushing a deeper shade of pink, downing the punishment his last revealing âhave I ever.â
âNever have I everâŚâ Sander began, still not taking his eyes off Robbe. â...begged for cyber sex five nights in row.â
âDaaaaaaaamn,â Moyo said, looking away and play-fanning himself with his hand. âIt just got hot in here.â
âSander!â Robbe hush-squealed at him, the second time that evening. âWe are not going to talk about our sex life in front of everyone!â
âDrink up, IJzermans,â Sander said, wiggling his eyebrows. Robbe poured into his shot glass from the big bottle in the middle of the floor, then drank it quickly, still flushed. Sander licked his lips, watching him intently.
âUm, do we need to leave the room?â Amber said, embarrassed.Â
âWell,â Moyo smirked. âApparently Robbe likes the virtual stuff, soâŚâ
Robbe blushed again, looking down. âNo, weâre going to behave ourselves now,â he said, quietly. âRight, Sander?â
âSpeak for yourself,â Sander said grinning, while Robbe groaned.Â
âOh-kay,â Zoe said, clapping her hands. Robbe mouthed a thank you at her from across the circle, grateful for the distraction. âMy turn!â She rolled her glass between her hands, thinking. âNever have I ever...made a vlog.â She smirked at the broerrrs, lifting her glass, urging them to drink.Â
âOh câmon,â Aaron said, wincing as he swallowed down his shot. âYou wish you could be as cool as us.â
Zoe scoffed. âYou know, I really donât.â
Robbe was already starting to feel warm and light, a combination of the alcohol â which he was disproportionately drinking in comparison to everyone else â and the baring of the dirty details of his relationship. He was not going to survive this game. Thinking this, he turned to look at Sander, who was gazing at him, licking his lips.
Oh boy, Robbe thought. Now he was even more woozy. Everyone elseâs conversation and laughter around him was blurring and bubbling and Sanderâs gaze was hot on him. He tugged at the collar of his shirt, aching for the relief of fresh air. Â
â....that rapping video?â He heard Jana say. âThat was...wow. That was something else.â She busted up into a fit of laughter, Zoe and Amber joining in.Â
âWhat?!â Jens shouted. âThat was one of our best!â More laughter erupted from the girls.
âOkay, okay, thatâs enough,â Moyo said, quieting everyone. âIâll remember this conversation when weâre famous.â
Jana scoffed and Amber shook her head.Â
âWhoâs next?â Moyo asked, looking around, settling with a smirk on Sander. âJack Frost? Got anything else you want to share about our boy?â
âNooooo,â Robbe objected, slurring slightly. âNo more from you, you hear me?â He shook his empty shot glass at Sander.
âOh, like what?â Sander said, shrugging innocently. âI mean, youâd be surprised what Robbe has doneâŚ.but then weâd be here all night and Robbe would be even more drunk than he already is.Â
More oooohs filled the room, and Robbe couldnât take it. Loopy and overheated, he launched at Sander, tackling him to the ground and pressing a finger to his lips. âQuiet, you!âÂ
Sander eyes widened, and he leaned up to kiss Robbe, his finger caught between their kiss.
Ooohs turned to ewwwws quickly as Sander started pulling Robbe closer, ignoring their friends around them as he connected their lips and refused to let go.
âAaaaaand that,â Jens said, shifting to stand, âis our cue to exit.â
Everyone scrambled to escape the PDA, Jana doubling back with a hand shielding her eyes to grab the bottle of alcohol and run back to catch up with the exiting crew.Â
âDo you think I was going to let you just sit there looking so hot and suffer through talk about your crush on Jens?â Sander leaned up to whisper in Robbeâs ear, nipping it softly. âI needed to get everyone out of here. Fast.â
Robbe just pulled back, looking at him with heavy breath. Before he leaned down to give Sander a passionate kiss, he heard Jens yell from the doorway.
i forgot to add âEastwood libertyâ by @fockinglevendcliche in my bookmarks so for a second i went full on panic mode that work has been deleted. Good news itâs not! And ig itâs the time for the ones who havenât read this masterpiece go and give it a read < 3
DY notice? The POV chapters each begin with the same line. Thatâs ~soulmate~ energy
Catch up: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3
..............
Chapter 4: Robbe
Robbe was buzzing with a kind of nervous energy.Â
Heâd finally agreed to meet up with the boys at the park â somewhat reluctantly, somewhat anxiously â for reasons he didnât completely understand. He closed the group chat, his fingers thumbing back to the boyâs â Sanderâs â profile before he could stop himself.Â
His stomach was doing little flips he did not appreciate as he carefully scrolled through each of his photos. It was obnoxious how good-looking he was. How confident he appeared. Robbe wished he had some of it. He tried to keep his fingers still, stopping himself from automatically double-tapping (oh my god, the nightmare that would be, he thought to himself) any of the aesthetically-pleasing photos he saw.Â
God, he was attractive. And talented. And hot. Did he mention hot? But even if Robbe wasnât up-to-date with the happening on social media, or in-the-know with the whos-whos of popular figures in his town, he knew these kinds of boys. Good-looking, but knew it. Too cool for anyone. Untouchable. So there was literally no point in torturing himself with images of this supermodel boy and his tan skin and his perfect life. There was no point in torturing himself with the idea that this boy was wondering about him. It meant nothing.Â
Yet, he was still thinking about it as he skated to the park, music blasting from his earbuds. Why had Sander even bothered asking that photographer about him? There was nothing even remotely captivating about him, even in a photo with nice composition or cool colors. It was just a comment, he told himself. Those social media types were all about engagement, right?Â
But despite this script that he kept repeating to himself all the way to the park, his stomach was in knots. Nervous tumbles that wouldnât let up, especially when he thought back to this morning, when he had been scrolling Sanderâs feed. Heâd returned to the top and refreshed out of habit. As he did, he jumped slightly as a new photo popped up, recently posted. A selfie. A shirtless selfie. Robbeâs mouth was suddenly dry and he felt himself turning red as he remembered the image. Morning light drifting over Sanderâs lightly-browned skin, illuminating muscles and ridges...
Then, suddenly, he was flung backward. Heâd hit a bump coming into the park and had landed hard on the ground, his skateboard rolling out from under him. Except, it wasnât a bump. Heâd run smack into someone, who was already talking, apologizing.Â
âGeez, Iâm sorry, I wasnâtââ but he stopped.Â
âOh. My God.â Robbe said, and while heâd meant his tone to be apologetic â it was him who hadnât been paying attention â it was those damn ridges, after all⌠his strained voice came out more...shocked. Because standing over him, already reaching down to pull him up, was a tall boy, with a shock of bleached-blonde hair and a camera slung over his shoulder. The boy. Sander.
Robbe tried to speak again, but his mouth was desert dry and his face felt like it was on fire. Plus, everything in his brain was reduced to punctuation: ? and !.Â
âOh, uhm. I. Sorry,â Robbe finally managed, voice rasping.
Sander was still holding out his hand, but it looked like he considered drawing it back. A dark blush was creeping up his neck and cheeks.Â
âNo, itâs...uh, itâs my fault. I...I wasnât looking where I was going.â He seemed to regain some composure, leaning down again to offer his hand to Robbe, seeming confident now. How did he manage that?
Robbeâs stomach flipped as he grabbed Sanderâs hand, letting him be pulled upright. He tried not to think about the warmth, the softness of Sanderâs palm, the length of his fingers curling around Robbeâs. Was his stomach going to just be an endless tangle of knots? His thoughts an endless !!!! ?
âAre you okay?â Sander asked, sounding genuinely worried.
Robbe nodded and brushed himself off, focusing on gathering his things carefully, as if that would distract his blush away. Sander walked over, picking up his skateboard from where it had landed near a bench and handed it back to him. Before Robbe could stop himself, he heard himself speak.
âYouâre...Sander Driesen?â
Sanderâs face fell a little, looking sheepish now.Â
âOh, you...you know me?â
If Robbe had been confident enough, he wouldâve said, âAnd you know me.â But he didnât. He just looked at Sander, face still bearing the blushing results of this entire exchange.
âWell, yeah,â Robbe said, trying to clear his throat. He definitely wasnât about to mention the many, many minutes heâd spent staring at Sanderâs abs. Or that heâd been led to his profile in the first place because his friends had basically Nancy Drewâd his comment from a random photo of him. Or that he knew that Sander knew who he was.Â
âFrom..you know...Instagram?â Robbe said, smiling slightly. âAll the kids at my school wonât shut up about you.â
Sander laughed. âOh! Well, I guess...Iâm sorry about that. Iâm...definitely not worth talking about.â
âWell,â Robbe said, shrugging. âI think your 500,000 followers would disagree.â
At this, Sander lifted an eyebrow. âOh, so you really keep tabs on me, then?â
Robbe was sure his face was on fire. In fact, his whole body was probably igniting into flames this very moment. Goodbye, world.
âRight,â he said, looking anywhere but at the very attractive boy lifting very attractive eyebrows at him. âI guess I betterââ Robbe was gripping his board and starting to walk away, but Sander spoke again.
âLook, Iâm sorry again, âŚ.â he paused, waiting for him to offer up his name.
âOh. Robbe. Iâm Robbe.â
Sander smiled, a deep smile that seemed to reach to his eyes. It made Robbe a little woozy. Was he breathing?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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He hated his stupid leather jacket and his black boots, both of which announced his presence with annoyingly-omnipresent sound.
He hated the several-inch height he had over Robbe, always towering over him in self-assumed superiority. He hated how cool he thought he looked, in his Bowie t-shirts and box-bleached hair, girls trailing after him like groupies.
It made him sick.
Despite his disregard for Sander, the two had practically grown up together, sharing the same hallways at school, occupying the same classes, mixing in similar social circles. But really, they couldnât have been more different. While Sander was loud, overly-confident, and snarky, Robbe was small, quiet, and didnât thrive on being the center of attention. In fact, when heâd come out a few months before, he kept to himself even more, trying to distance himself from unwanted scrutiny. And for that and many other reasons, he avoided Sander Driesen any chance he got.
That is, until one biology class in October when heâd gotten in trouble for talking too loudly with Zoe. The two always sat together in their shared classes, having grown close when Robbe moved into the flatshare with Zoe, Senne, and Milan. They were in the midst of excitedly debriefing Milanâs date the night before, sharing details theyâd gathered from their conversations with him. The teacher had been handing out assignments for a big, upcoming project to the seated pairs when she called out the two for their disruptive discussion.
âLoockx, IJermans, split up, please,â sheâd finally announced, exasperated. âZoe, please go work with Britt, and Sander, come up and pair up with Robbe. Maybe then youâll actually get some work done.â
Annoyed, Zoe slumped her shoulders and started gathering up her books. âYeah, I sincerely doubt it,â she said under her breath to Robbe, who smiled briefly before wishing her luck. âI bet Sander will have fun,â she offered quickly, resigning herself to the back row.
Robbe scoffed at her lame tease, but Robbe couldnât escape the dread that was filling his stomach as he glanced back at Sander. With a cigarette tucked behind his ear, partially hidden in white locks, he gathered his bag while winking at Britt, who blushed.
Robbe groaned. Seriously? How could this be happening?
He turned back toward the desk, bracing himself for what was surely going to be a tortuous affair. Glancing over the pages of the assignment the teacher had distributed, his stomach dropped even more. It was a long project, surely demanding lots of time and effort, even more now that heâd probably have to do the whole assignment himself.
âHey, Robin,â Sander said, finally appearing at his side. Slamming down his books on the desk and sitting backwards in the chair next to Robbe, he straddled it with the obnoxious confidence of someone who lived a middle-finger-to-the-world lifestyle.
Robbe rolled his eyes and kept flipping through his own textbook, determined to get a jump on the assignment, with or without Sanderâs help.
âSo, yeah. This is going to be a lot of work, so we better get started,â Robbe began, not looking at Sander. âWe can just divide it up and do our own halves separately so thatââ
âWe could do that,â Sander said, interrupting him with a pointed smirk. âOr, we could work on it together. That is, if you trust me not to mess it up.â He was smiling, making Robbe roll his eyes again.
âWell, since you mention it, youâre right,â Robbe said, looking at him full-on now. âI donât trust you.â
Sanderâs smile faded, and he swallowed. He looked into Robbeâs eyes silently for a moment before speaking. âMaybe you donât know me well enough to trust me, Robbe.â
Robbe furrowed his brow, not dissuaded by Sanderâs genuine and suddenly out-of-character tone.
âI know you, Sander,â Robbe stated. âIâve known you pretty much my whole life and I feel like Iâve got a pretty good read on who you are. So forgive me for not having the capability to trust you.â
With heat rising to his cheeks, Robbe slammed his book shut and started shoving books and papers into his bag. Then, the bell rang. Robbe didnât waste any time leaving Sander behind.
This was going to be the longest four weeks of Robbeâs life.
........
All Robbe wanted to do was go home, climb under his covers, and sleep for days. Just a few weeks into the school year, and he was already drowning in work, stress, and insomnia. Plus, now the situation with his mother was creating additional worry that kept him up late into the night, rubbing dark circles into his eyes and straining aches into his shoulders.
But he couldnât go home, not yet. He knew that once he walked through the door, Zoe would force him to eat a sensible dinner, Senne would assault him with questions about the dark circles under his eyes, and Milan would sit on the counter, talking endlessly about why he was so happy to be done with high school. He loved his flatmates, but for now, he had a mountain of work to do, and needed a quiet space to make a dent in it.Â
So after classes ended, he collected all of his books and headed to the library, settling into a carrel near the back. It wasnât like the library was crowded or anything. It was Thursday, and most of his friends and fellow students felt the weekend close enough that they gladly relaxed their grip on schoolwork stress and started going out. But still, Robbe felt more comfortable tucked away in the back of the library, so he could focus fully on his work.
Pulling out his books and pen, he took a deep inhale and started working.
âŚâŚ.
After two and a half hours, Robbeâs eyes were starting to glaze over, and he felt himself re-reading the same sentence in his textbook over and over again.
He needed to stretch his legs, get his blood moving again. Plus, there was a reference book he needed, so he allowed himself a quick break to get up and search the stacks. Wandering through the various genres of books, he stopped at a chemistry section, searching the call numbers for the title he needed. He was brushing his hands over the spines, getting closer when he heard muffled voices from a few stacks away. He was surprised anyone was still there. Some librarians, maybe, re-stacking leftover books or wiping down tables. But as he listened, he couldâve sworn he recognized one of the voices. Rounding the corner, he knew why.Â
It was Sander. Robbe jumped back behind the shelf, making sure he couldnât be seen. He could not deal with another âHey, Robin!â encounter right now. Of all people, Robbe thought, it had to Sander. Sander was sitting with a boy a few grades younger. The boy had a textbook open in front of him, and Sander was leaning over gently, pointing out something on the pages to the boy, who was nodding. Robbe could only make out a few words of what Sander was saying, but he heard enough to gather something that made his mouth drop open slightly. It was biology. Sander was tutoring the boy in biology.Â
For a few moments, Robbe could only stand motionless, trying to understand what he was seeing â and hearing. Absent was Sanderâs usual bravado. Instead, he was smiling sincerely, talking quietly, and clearly, obviously teaching something well. Seemingly right in front of Robbeâs eyes, Sanderâs usual cooler-than-you edges were worn down to reveal something much more real. Handsome, even.
That thought jolted Robbe back to his senses. Handsome? What was he talking about? Clearly, he had been studying too long. He was tired. He needed food. But as he headed back to his table and started to pack up his things, his thoughts were swirling. It didnât make sense to Robbe, what heâd just witnessed. All this time, he had come to know Sander to be obnoxious, loud, and self-centered. The kind to skip school to smoke cigarettesâŚ.not help tutor other students. Sander was the one who would have meaningless hookups at parties, blast Bowie from his car driving out of the school parking lot, tease Robbe endlessly. But what he just sawâŚ.that was a different Sander.Â
Maybe Robbe didnât really know him at all.Â
âŚâŚ
When Robbe got to biology the next day, Sander was already there, sitting in his seat next to Robbeâs, doodling something on the corner of his paper, lost in focus. He briefly looked up with Robbe sat down, shifting his books slightly to cover the drawing.Â
âRobin,â he threw Robbeâs way, his mouth lifting in a small smirk.Â
Their teacher entered the classroom, shuffling to her desk and immediately calling out to them to spend the period working on their projects.Â
âUse your time wisely!â she admonished.Â
Robbe swallowed and turned toward Sander.
âSander, look Iââ
âDonât worry, Robin,â Sander interrupted. âI already started working on my half.â Sander took a handful of papers out of his bag, waving them in front of Robbe. Robbe was momentarily silent as he glanced at the papers, covered top to bottom with Sanderâs handwriting, a neat scrawl that again surprised Robbe.
âOh, wow,â Robbe finally said. âI didnât think that youââ
âThat Iâd actually do anything?â Sander smirked again. âLike I said before, maybe you donât know me quite as well as you think you do, Robbe.â Robbe met Sanderâs gaze, his green eyes vibrant, piercing. Robbe just stared into them, trying to find his breath again.Â
But before he could, Sander spoke again. âIâll make sure to get all of my half done before the due date. Donât worry about it.â At that, Sander turned back to his paper, resuming his drawing.Â
Robbe just sat there, trying to hide his shock and growing humiliation. He glanced back at Zoe, desperately wishing for her help. But she didnât meet his gaze. She sat, elbow on the desk, chin in her palm, looking bored as Britt told a story, her hands gesturing widely.Â
Sander and Robbe spent the rest of the period in silence.Â
âŚâŚ
Robbe felt like crap.
Sander had openly called him out on being judgmental, and okay. He had been. But before these last few interactions, Robbe wouldnât have thought twice about what heâd said. Heâd known Sander all his life, hadnât he? Heâd seen what he was like. The two had essentially been rivals for the majority of their lives. But now, Robbe felt like everything was off. Sander wasnât pestering him with comments about his small size, or the long hair heâd had several years before. It seemed like...Sander was trying to be civil.Â
Sure, Sander probably just wanted to stay on good terms for the duration of the assignment, not making things more difficult for either of them with endlessly unproductive back-and-forth banter about how much they disliked each other. Clearly, from what heâd seen yesterday at the library, Sander was smart. He must care about the assignment, and in general, his grades. But some small part of Robbe felt like...maybe...maybe Sander did want some sort of friendship with him. Okay, maybe not friendship. That was going too far. A mutual respect, maybe? How could Robbe cling to his stupidly stubborn pride when Sander was (albeit unconsciously) offering his own version of a tiny olive branch? Yeah, he knew what heâd seen of Sander. But deep inside, he knew it wasnât all of him.
âŚ..Â
Robbe hadnât gotten to talk to Zoe the whole period, so he waited after class for Britt to leave so he could detail his weird interactions with Sander. But to his surprise, it was Sander who approached Zoe first, giving Britt a small kiss on the cheek before telling her heâd see her around. She left the room looking a little deflated.Â
The room was empty, and Robbe didnât want to wait around, so obviously eavesdropping, so he went outside, pausing to wait at Zoeâs locker. Robbe waited, those few minutes annoyingly long. What could they even be talking about?Â
Then suddenly, Sander exited the classroom with Zoe, the two laughing about something. Great, they have inside jokes now, Robbe thought. Thatâs just super.
âIâll text you later, then.â Sander said, and Zoe nodded. Then he turned and started walking down the hall, those damn boots echoing through the hallway.
As Zoe approached Robbe, she started to speak quickly, seeing Robbeâs frustrated expression, and arms folded tight across his chest.
âRobbe, itâs notââ Â
âWhat the hell, Zoe?! Did Sander seriously just try to ask you out?â Robbe spit out, his voice rising. âEveryone knows youâre with Senne! The nerve of that guyââ
Zoe took another step toward Robbe, reaching out to put her hands gently on his shoulders, smiling slightly.
âNo, Robbe,â she said calmly. âHe wasnât asking me out. Relax. He asked for my help with something.â
âAre you serious?â Robbe asked. âWhat?â
She smiled again before answering. âHe asked if I could help him bleach his hair.â
âŚâŚ
It was Saturday, and Zoe had been in the bathroom with Sander for over an hour. Sander had come over early, while everyone was eating breakfast, greeting the roommates with croissants before waving a paper bag full of boxed hair dyes at Zoe.Â
âYou ready for this?â Heâd asked, smiling.
Robbe rolled his eyes, hiding his frown behind his coffee cup, pulling down his boxers to cover more of his exposed body. He could not believe Zoe had let Sander come to their flat, knowing how much he tortured Robbe.Â
âI promise you it will be way easier than mine!â laughed Zoe, turning one of the boxes over in her hands, looking over the instructions briefly. âYou have way less hair than I do.âÂ
She took another sip of her coffee, gave Senne a quick kiss on the cheek, and motioned for Sander to follow her to the bathroom. Sander glanced over at Robbe before he followed, smiling at Robbeâs tousled bed head and giving him a quick wink, eyes glowing fiercely green. Robbe just blinked, feeling so out of place with Sander in their apartment. When the two blondes were gone, Milan gasped.Â
âWho was that?â he asked excitedly. âHeâs hot!â Senne laughed.
Robbe rolled his eyes again, groaning. âDonât even start with that, please. Heâs this obnoxious kid from school and he should not be here.â
âI didnât mean hot for me, Robbe.â Milan stated. âI obviously meant hot for you.â
Robbe nearly choked on his coffee. âWhat are you talking about, Milan?âÂ
âUhm, that obviously you two are going to be making out in ten minutes,â Milan said, as if it were the most decidedly obvious matter.
âMilan!â Robbe hissed, his face started to burn with humiliation. âCould you talk any louder?!âÂ
âSorry,â Milan said casually, shrugging his shoulders. âBut itâs true. The tension between you two is insane.â
âYou are ridiculous, Milan,â Robbe said with a huff. âI hate Sander and he hates me, so. Thatâs that.â Robbe put his cup to his lips again, trying to calm his hands.Â
Milan turned to him, looking confused. âHates you? No. No, not a chance,â he said decidedly, picking up a croissant.Â
âWhy do you say that?â Robbe asked, bewilderment â and slight curiosity â now pricking at him.Â
âUhm, because we all saw the way he just looked at you,â he said, motioning around the room, as if a crowd had gathered. He took a bite of croissant. âThat was clearly the look of someone who is into you...and just doesnât know how to show it. Which makes sense. You are a bit...prickly, sometimes.â
Robbe could not believe what he was hearing. Milan was delusional. He needed to go back to bed. Grabbing his mug and what was left of his toast, he shook his head and got up to go back to his room. As he exited the doorway of the kitchen, Milan called out after him, âI will require a plus one on my wedding invite, Robbe!âÂ
Robbe gasped, sprinting back to hurl his toast at Milan, who ducked, laughing loudly.
Robbe groaned again, shaking his head as he finally made it to his room. Opening the door, he immediately jumped back, coffee sloshing out onto his t-shirt. Sander was in his room, and he was half naked.Â
âUhm, what the hell?â Robbe called out, and Sander spun around, quickly pulling a towel towards his chest.Â
âSorry, Robbe,â he said sheepishly. âI shouldâve asked you. Zoe just told me to get undressed in here so I wouldnât get bleach on my clothes. I didnât mean toââ
âWell, thatâs obvious,â Sander smiled, motioning to the coffee stains spreading across his shirt. He grabbed his own Bowie shirt heâd left on the bed, handing it over to Robbe. âHere. Use mine.â He hesitated briefly. âBut, then again, it isnât a size small. You might drown in my clothes.â He was actually grinning now.
Robbe felt warm all of the sudden. He didnât know if it was hot coffee seeping onto his body through his shirt, the sight of Sanderâs tan skin, or the thought of wearing his clothes that was making him flushed. He was so infuriating.
âI donât need your clothes, obviously,â Robbe shot back. âThis is my room, remember? I have clothes here. Which I wouldnât even need if you hadnât gotten naked in my bedroom and shocked me into dousing myself with coffee.â Robbe was flustered, and Sander just smiled at him, his grin widening. He was taking a step towards Robbe, when Zoe called out from the hallway.Â
âSander? You coming? I have everything ready.â
âBe right there,â Sander answered back, eyes still locked with Robbeâs. For a second, Robbe thought he was going to say something, but while Robbe stood there, waiting, Sander exhaled and walked past Robbe into the hallway, brushing his arm with Robbeâs as he went by.Â
âŚâŚ
Robbe could not fall asleep that night.Â
Maybe it was the fumes from the bleach that were keeping him up. Zoe had cracked the windows in the bathroom while dying Sanderâs hair, but still. The smell permeated.Â
He just laid there, tossing and turning, trying to quiet his head and get the images from the day to clear from his mind. Well...just the one image. The image of Sander, shirtless, in his bedroom. He flopped on his back in frustration, internally writhing with shame that his mind was somehow hitching back repeatedly on these overpowering visions. Sander was always wearing that stupid jacket, the stupid boots, the stupid band t-shirts. It was his persona, his identity. But seeing Sander like that, unmasked, uncovered, and just...bare...it was too much for Robbe. He couldnât stop thinking about the taut muscles of his biceps, his abs, the golden skin that contrasted with his white hair. Hair that now, when Robbe thought about itâŚ.didnât look that bad at all.Â
When Sander had left his room, heâd shut the door tight, avoiding Sander the rest of the morning. He couldnât bear to face him again, likely saying or doing something stupid heâd regret. He just put on his headphones and tried to block out the sounds of conversation from the bathroom. Heâd fallen asleep before Sander left. And now, sleep fled from him. He wanted so badly to close his eyes and get lost in meaningless dreams, letting the ridiculous thoughts about Sander slip into nothingness. He wanted to forget about it all.Â
He and Sander were enemies. They were supposed to avoid each other at all costs, and when they did cross paths, they were to simply call out their usual insults to each other and move on, carrying on with their own separate lives.
But here they were, getting thrown together again and again in the space of a week, and Robbe wasnât sure he could bear it. He wanted things to go back to normal. Robbe IJzermans and Sander Driesen, rivals.Â
Just as this thought crossed his mind, Robbeâs phone buzzed from his bedside table, briefly lighting up his room in a blue neon glow. He reached out, opening the new message that pinged on the screen. It was a number he didnât know.
Hey, Robin. Itâs Sander. Zoe gave me your number. I just wanted to say sorry, again, for today. I shouldnât have gotten into your personal space.Â
Robbeâs stomach lept. Him. Again.
His fingers hovered over the keys. Should he answer? His mind swirled with competing thoughts. Finally, a thought settled on him. Maybe in order to get through the next few weeks with Sander unscathed, he just had to play nice. Avoiding him didnât seem to be working, obviously. Maybe, he thoughtâŚ.maybe he should just lean in. Be civil, do the work, move on. Thatâs it.Â
He typed back a reply before he could stop himself, then quickly turned off his phone and rolled back over in the bed. He tried to squash down the anxious feeling budding inside him.Â
Itâs okay, Sander.Â
Also, I was thinking. I think we should work on the biology project together. Letâs talk tomorrow at school?
âŚâŚ..
Robbeâs palms were embarrassingly clammy as he knocked on the door to Sanderâs flat. He wiped them on his jeans, berating himself for acting so ridiculous. Heâd told Sander he wanted to meet up, after all.Â
When heâd turned on his phone the next morning, he saw that Sander had replied immediately to his last message, shooting back Good idea. See you Monday.Â
Sander had greeted him with a sheepish smile in class the next week, immediately jumping in to explain what research heâd done for the assignment so far. Theyâd settled quickly into easy conversation, exchanging ideas and letting the class hour pass rapidly. As the bell rang and they started to gather up their things, Sander had turned again to Robbe.Â
âSo, do you want to work on this more after school one day this week?â He paused briefly before continuing, looking at Robbe for confirmation. âWe could...work on it at my house? Friday? My parents are going out and wonât be there to bug us.â He laughed.
Robbe smiled, but felt anxiety creeping up on him.Â
âUhm, yeah. We could do that.â
âOkay, great.â Sander said, pulling his bag up on his shoulder. âIâll text you my address.â He smiled once more at Robbe before turning to leave.Â
While Robbe finished packing up, Zoe appeared at his side.
âSo, what exactly happened in your bedroom yesterday?â she asked,Â
Robbe dropped his book on the desk, a loud smack echoing in the room.Â
âWhat?â he said, startled.
Zoe laughed. âSander told me that you walked in on him naked, and today...you guys seem chummy. Whatâs that all about? Was Milan right? Did you two make out?!â Her voice was getting louder, squealing at even the briefest thought of scandal.Â
âOh my gosh, Zoe. No!â Robbe shot back, trying to keep his voice level, while heat flooded his cheeks. âI kicked him out of my room and took a nap. Thatâs all.âÂ
Zoeâs shoulder slumped. âDang,â she said with a huff. âI was hoping you two would finally do it and get it over with so you could stop torturing us.â
Robbe turned toward Zoe straight on.Â
âWhat are you talking about?!â Robbe said, nearly yelling now. âDid Milan talk to you? Iâm not sure why you two are so hell-bent all of the sudden on insisting thereâs some sort of love connection between the two of us, but I can assure you, there is not.â
Zoe looked at Robbe skeptically, nodding with a Right. Sure. look as he spoke.
âPlus,â Robbe continued, arguing his stance. âHeâs hooking up with Britt anyway. Heâs not even into guys!â
âYouâre not serious, right?â Zoe asked. âEveryone, literally everyone knows that those two arenât hooking up. Even if Britt wanted that.â Zoe confirmed. âBelieve me, all she talks about is boys. Iâve gotten the complete story on all the guys in her life the past few days. Sure, she and Sander have flirted, but itâs never been anything serious. I think sheâs into some college guyâŚ.â Zoe trailed off, trying to remember specifics. âPlus,â she said, returning to the conversation again. âSander is pansexual. Everyone knows that.â
Was he? And why was Robbe stomach suddenly leaping at this?
âI donât believe you,â Robbe countered, brushing his dangerously wandering thoughts aside. âIn fact, I donât believe any of this. You and Milan are crazy.â
âAw, youâre cute when youâre in denial,â Zoe cooed before turning on her heel and leading Robbe out into the hallway.
Now, days later, Robbe was standing in front of Sanderâs door, his classroom conversation with Zoe tangling in his thoughts as he tried to level his shallow breathing. Then, the door opened, and Sander was standing there, in a Queen t-shirt and jeans that hugged his legs and made Robbeâs breath hitch in his throat. Stop staring, he commanded himself. Sander smiled and opened the door wider, motioning for Robbe to come in. He took off his shoes, placing them next to Sanderâs boots that were parked by the door. Those damn boots.
âSo I figured we could just start by comparing notes and then flesh out an outline for our paper?â Sander offered, leading Robbe into the flat. Robbe nodded in agreement, but didnât speak, taking in the layout of Sanderâs house.Â
For all the things that Sander knew â or thought he knew â about Sander Driesen, he couldnât have expected this. The flat was warm, cozy, and well-designed. There were soft couches and artsy interiors to his right, and an open kitchen to his left. Pictures torn out of sketchbooks â images surely done by Sander â lined the walls in frames. Â
Catching Robbe staring at them, Sander laughed.Â
âMy parents are annoyingly proud,â he said. âI promise, I didnât ask them to put these up.â He smiled, watching Robbe slowly walk down the hallway, looking at each one. Sander put his hands in his pockets, seeming sheepish now.
The slightest of blushes crept to Sanderâs cheeks, but he looked down quickly and cleared his throat. âDo you want anything to drink? Water? Soda?â
While Sander filled a glass in the kitchen, Robbe sat down on the living room couch, shrugging out of his jacket and taking out his books. Sander came into the room, leaning down to hand Robbe the glass. When Robbe grabbed it, Sander gasped.
âMy hand?â Robbe asked, confused. He put the glass down on the coffee table next to the couch, lifting his hand to his face, confused.
Sander laughed. âSorry, I just meant...hereââ Suddenly, Sander grabbed his hand, his skin warm and soft against Robbeâs. Pulling it gently towards him, Sander turned his hand over and began tracing the lines on his palm. Lightly brushing a finger over a line near his wrist, Sander spoke.Â
âYour fate line, this one here,â he said quietly. âItâs a little curved, just like mine. Iâve never...Iâve never seen anyone elseâs look like that.â
Robbe didnât know if he was breathing. He swallowed, trying to push out the words hanging on his tongue. Sander was still holding his hand with his.
âMy fate line?â he finally asked, a little weakly.
Sander smiled. âYeah, have you ever read about that? Palm reading?â
âNo, I havenât.â Robbe replied, trying to ignore the warmth spreading from Sanderâs skin to the rest of his body.
âYeah, I guess itâs kind of silly,â Sander said, brushing his finger again along the other lines on Robbeâs palm. âMy mom was into it for a while. The lines and folds on your hands are supposed to form narratives about who you are and predict your future.â He smiled again, continuing with the lightest of touches.Â
âThereâs your fate line, head line, life line, sun lineâŚ.and heart line,â at this last one, he traced the top line, closest to Robbeâs fingers. He looked up and Robbe felt his gaze on him. Meeting his own eyes with Sanderâs, his stomach flipped.
 Their brief silence settled there, almost crackling between them with electricity. Robbe watched Sanderâs eye slowly roam his face, flicking down almost imperceptibly to his lips. Before Robbe knew what was happening, he yanked his hand from Sanderâs grasp, turning back towards his books.Â
âSo, anyway, we should probably get to work,â Robbe said in a firm tone.Â
Sander was still for a moment before clearing his throat.Â
âRobbe, Iâm sorry, I didnât mean toââ
âYou know what, Sander?â Robbe said, rising to stand. âThis was probably a bad idea. I should...I should go.â
âWhat?â Sander stood, stepping towards Robbe. âRobbe, Iââ
But Robbe stepped away again, hastily stuffing his books into his bag and zipping it forcefully.Â
âIâll see you at school tomorrow, Sander.âÂ
Before he reached the door, Sander called out behind him.Â
âRobbe, wait.âÂ
Robbe was turning the handle.Â
âRobbe, stop.â Sanderâs voice was firm, deep. Robbe didnât turn, but paused with his hand on the knob. He waited for Sander to speak again.
But it wasnât his voice that reached Robbe. It was his hands, grabbing Robbeâs waist and flipping him around. Suddenly, all at once, his lips were on Robbeâs, hands reaching up to tangle in his hair, gripping a handful of locks tightly.Â
Robbeâs surprise only lasted for a second, as he, without a second thought, opened his lips to Sanderâs and wrapped his hands around his back. Feeling his touch, Sander pushed him hard against the door, bringing them even closer. Limbs tangled feverishly, fueled by a heavy need that surprised them both. Sanderâs lips enveloped Robbeâs, explored them, held them, like he never wanted to let go.Â
Robbeâs insides were like fireworks. Electricity coursed through him, bringing to life his every nerve, every muscle, every feeling. He couldnât think. He couldnât breathe. Sander slid down the side of Robbeâs face, kissing deeply into his cheek, his jaw, then his neck. Robbe let a small hum of pleasure escape his mouth, making Sander pause. His face still tucked into Robbeâs neck, he let himself catch his breath.
âRobbe,â he whined, whispering gently against his ear, his cheek pressed to Robbeâs. âAre you always going to hate me?â
Robbe pulled back slowly, letting Sanderâs question hang in the air between them as he looked back at him. He tried to take deep breaths, form coherent words in his mind. When he faced Sander head-on, Sanderâs face bore an ache, the ache of vulnerable, pleading, longing.
âLook, I am sorry for always teasing you, Robbe,â Sander said gently, stroking Robbeâs jaw with his thumb. âFor joking about your size, for calling you Robin,â Sander smiled at this. âI donât know why I did that for so long. I justâŚâÂ
Robbe waited, breathless. He couldnât believe what was happening. He looked again into Sanderâs face again. How had he never noticed that freckle on Sanderâs cheek? Or how his eyes were more forest green than heâd thought? Like moss, soft, yet vibrant. He couldnât believe heâd never really seen Sander before. Not like this.
âThe desire just made me crazy,â he said, exhaling, trying to get the words right. âThe tension between us just made me want you even more. But Iâm not someone whoâs good at just saying when they want something,â Sander continued. âAnd I want you. Iâve wanted you for a long time.â
With one last glance into his eyes, and with a new need that he couldnât even understand, Robbe grabbed a fistful of Sanderâs shirt and pulled him back against him.Â
âŚ..
After a while, the messages were getting hard to ignore.Â
When his phone sounded a near endless buzz, Robbe had to finally get up off the bed and make sure there wasnât an emergency. But not being in the tangle of blankets didnât last long, as Sander quickly tugged on his shirt, pulled him back down into the bed against him. Wrapping his arms around him again, Sander sighed contentedly.Â
Robbe smiled, turning to meet Sanderâs lips for one quick, deep kiss before turning back to scan his messages. There were a handful from Milan, Zoe, and Senne, all checking in on his whereabouts.Â
Zoe: r u coming home soon? I made dinner
Zoe: hello?Â
Zoe: hey! r u ok?Â
Senne: hey man, u ok?
Milan: stop studying and come home to rescue me. Zoeâs trying to feed us all salad SOS
Zoe: Robbe! Let me know ur ok please!
Senne: can you text Zoe please? Sheâs freaking out
Milan: uhm, hello?
Sander glanced over, laughing.Â
âThey care about you, a lot.âÂ
Robbe smiled back. âYeah, theyâre pretty much my family now.â
He pulled away only briefly to fire off a rapid group text to Zoe, Milan, and Senne: Iâm ok. Iâm at Sanderâs...Be home tomorrow.
Silencing his phone and tossing it across the room and out of sight, he let Sander tackle him back down into the mattress, hovering lightly on top of him.
âWell, I hope they donât mind sharing,â he purred, leaning into Robbeâs ear. âI donât think Iâm going to let you go anytime soon.â
Robbe melted underneath Sander, allowing him to match the rapid flutters in his stomach with a trail of kisses to his collarbone, his neck, his jawline, and finally, his lips.Â
âŚâŚ
It was late the next day when Robbe finally got back to his apartment, with flushed cheeks and donning one of Sanderâs t-shirts. He hadnât wanted to leave Sanderâs. In fact, Sander had begged him to stay, attempting to persuade him with soft, fleeting caresses along his thighs, lustful nips at his neck, and gentle tugs on the waistband of his underwear. It was driving Robbe crazy, and he almost couldnât resist.Â
After talking for hours on end, Sander laughing about their decade-long stand-off and the sexual tension he swore was there between them from the beginning, he admitted easily that he thought Robbeâs long hair was sexy, and he loved that he was small enough to be picked up and carried to the bed.Â
This made Robbe laugh, a bright blush creeping up into his cheeks. He told Sander how much he loved his drawings, and that he knew how smart he was. He sheepishly admitted that he hadnât stopped thinking about Sanderâs abs since that moment in his bedroom. He wasnât, however, relinquishing his hate for his boots, though. That was non negotiable. Joking about throwing them out the window, Sander shoved Robbe playfully, pushing him down to the mattress, pinning his wrists above his head in submission.Â
Eventually, their talking had turned into kissing, then slowly into touching, and they spent that whole night, and nearly the whole next day exploring each other, learning and re-learning their real selves in relation to the other. It felt like magic.
But as the sun set on Saturday night, Robbe finally pulled himself out of Sanderâs grasp, promising with a nearly never-ending series of kisses that heâd be back.Â
As soon as he entered his apartment and shut the door, his three roommates bolted from the kitchen, crashing into each other as they collided in the hallway. When they saw Robbe, they started screeching, yelling and talking over each other.
âOh. My. God. Robbe!â Zoe squealed, running up to him.
Milan leaned against the wall, clearly pleased with himself. âI told you. I so told you. Okay, so it was more than ten minutes. But still. I am always right about these things.â Senne stood next to Milan, smiling widely.Â
âOkay, okay, calm down!â Robbe shouted, shushing them with a wave of his hands. âCalm down. Itâs not a big deal. Itâsââ
Zoe squealed again, bringing her hands to her face. âOh my god. You are so in love with him, arenât you?â
Everyone quieted, listening for his answer. Robbe could only blush.  Â
With more loud talking and excited chatter, Robbe let his roommates pull him into the kitchen, eagerly awaiting a full minute-by-minute detail of the last two days.Â
âWhat happened?! You have to tell us everything,â Milan pleaded. âSeriously. Everything.âÂ
Before he dove in, he checked his phone. A message from Sander was waiting for him:
Our next study session is in my room, tomorrow. Donât be late, Robin.
Robbe fired back.Â
I think weâre going to get an A on this assignment.Â
.................
OMG you guys I am so nervous to post this, I desperately hope it doesnât disappoint. But plz let me know what you think â I need the feedback! And send me more of your prompts!! <3
Robbe was lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He hadnât slept well last night, and his head was aching at the barrage of anxiety and stress that was coursing through him in a near constant storm.Â
Heâd had so much shit to deal with the last few months, and his body was feeling the effects of disturbed sleep, anxious thoughts, and loss of appetite. It was hard to even get out of bed at all, much less carry on with school and his social life. Which, as it turns out, was basically imploding.Â
Since heâd come out, his relationships with his friends had undergone some serious strain. Of course there was the whole mess with Noor, who he genuinely tried to make things worth withâŚ.but it just hadnât. Jens had taken it well, if not a little frustrated that Robbe had taken so long to tell him. Robbe also suspected he was a little humiliated by the thought that Robbe had once harbored feelings for him. So they moved on and didnât bring it up again, keeping their conversations safely nestled between school and skating. Aaron and Moyo, on the other hand, had responded in disgust and confusion, leaving Robbe feeling withdrawn and ostracized. So much for the âbroerrrs.â
To make matters more complicated, he wasnât even living at home anymore. Recently, his momâs health had taken a turn for the worse and she was undergoing treatment at a nearby mental hospital. He missed her, and missed the familiarity of home â his room and his routine. Heâd been able to rent a room in a flat of a girl at school, Zoe, and while he liked Zoe, her boyfriend Senne, and the flat owner Milan, he still felt out of place. He was lonely and hating how confusing and complicated his life had become. He just wanted to feel like himself...and to be loved.
His phone buzzed, jolting him back to his surroundings: deep morning light that was reminding him that time was passing and he couldnât remain in bed all day, and the clink of dishware that meant his roommates were cooking. He could smell near-burning odors wafting underneath his door. He signed and grabbed his phone, unlocking it to check the handful of messages that had entered his group text with the broerrrs.Â
Jens: meet @ the park today? Iâve got weed
Aaron: in that case, you know Iâm there
Moyo: canât we go somewhere with more chicks???
Jens: You couldnât get them anyway, man
Jens: Robbe, u in?
Robbe blew out a heavy breath. His fingers hovered over keys, hesitant.Â
Robbe: I should probably do some schoolwork today
Someone was typing back instantly, making Robbeâs palms sweat. God, he was pathetic.Â
Moyo: screw that man, itâs Saturday
Moyo: plus, maybe weâll get papped again?
Aaron: papped?
Moyo: You know, that art hipster who was taking photos for his school project?
Robbe: Someone was taking photos of us?? What the hell?
Jens: Dude, you didnât know? Yeah, some alternative dude in hipster glasses asked if he could take some photos of us skating for a school thing
Aaron: makes sense, weâre so good looking
Jens: He was trying to get some artsy shots by that graffiti near the ramp. He gave me his handle so we could look at them, let me try to find it
Aaron: yeah better make sure he got my good side
Moyo: wasnât aware you had one of those
Aaron: đ
Jens sent a photo.
Robbe stared at the screen, feeling suddenly flushed.Â
Aaron: Duuuuude, Robbe youâre famous!!!
Moyo: hot stuff đÂ
Jens: Are you seeing the comment, though???
Moyo: who the hell is earthlingoddity?
Jens: Just LOOK at his page
The chat was silent for a few moments as everyone pulled up the account on their screen. Robbe stared at the artsy black and white photos and selfies on the account, not exactly sure what he was looking at. Or who.
Aaron: seriously?? SANDER DRIESEN? What the hell!!
Jens: I know, right?!Â
Robbe went back to the account, trying to puzzle the pieces together. After a few moments, he gave up and retreated back to the chat.Â
Robbe: So...who is Sander Driesen?
Moyo: dude, you have obviously not spent enough time around girls
Robbe: âŚ.well, yeah. The reason for that is fairly obvious
Moyo: Sander is that influencer from here that all the girls are obsessed withÂ
Influencer? Robbe thought. He pulled Sanderâs page back up, startled suddenly when he saw that the boy had more than 500,000 followers. What? How was that possible? All he posted, from what Robbe could tell, were half-naked selfies and...okay, so maybe Robbe had just focused on those. Like, he wasnât bad lookingâŚ
Jens: Yeah, I cannot get Jana to stop talking about him đ
Robbe: Better watch out, heâll be coming for your girl
Jens: HA doubt it
Aaron: Sander is gay, I think? Or not gay, but the kind that likes girls, too?
Robbe groaned. His friends were idiots.Â
Robbe: Bisexual?
Aaron: Yeah, that one
Moyo: well, clearly heâs more YOUR speed, Robbe. Plus, based on the comment, heâs clearly interested
Moyo: you gotta respondÂ
Robbe: are you kidding?Â
Robbe: no way
Jens: Câmon Robbe! He was asking about you!
Robbe laughed loudly to himself in disbelief.
Robbe: ...to his friend? And that would literally be the creepiest thing ever. Besides, he wasnât even really asking about me specifically?Â
Robbe: it was more like the photo in general
Jens: rightâŚ.
Moyo: if you wonât respond, I will and Iâll tag you
Robbe: donât u dare
Moyo: âŚ
Robbe: I WILL KILL U
Aaron: so we meeting up today or what
Robbe never thought heâd be so grateful for Aaronâs off-topic interjection. But thankfully, with that the Sander conversation that was making Robbeâs skin prickle and palms sweat was over. He kicked the bed cover off of him, trying to cool the humiliated blush that had crept over his body. Now that the group chat was onto other things, like what skatepark and what time, he had a moment to return to the photo of himself.Â
He hadnât even known it was being taken. Apparently all his friends had. He had been pretty distracted, not with the skating, but with everything that was going on in his head. He seemed to do everything in a fog these days. In that shot, he looked so...intent, so focused, and he felt weirdly vulnerable that someone had captured him like this. But more vulnerable that someone had noticed him, and commented.Â
And Sander Driesen? Heâd never heard of him before, but then again, he was sort of out of the loop with popular stuff, unless it was video games or action movies. He returned to Sanderâs page and scrolled through it, staring shamelessly at the boy, who really was handsome. He had bleached blonde hair that was a little tousled on top, with dark roots underneath. He had tan skin and a boyish shape, but...it definitely wasnât unattractive, Robbe thought.Â
He posted often about his art, which truthfully, took Robbeâs breath away. It was serious and skilled, but at the same time...it had an air of freedom in it, like it was the way the boy could finally let go of everything. He scrolled through the feed until he nearly reached the bottom, finding pictures of Sander that were more than several years old, when the boy was young.Â
Okay, Iâve to stop this?? Robbe thought.
He took one last glance at the photo of himself before he noticed something. In the last few minutes, the photographer had responded to Sanderâs comment.
Robbe sat up in bed like he had been electrocuted. He brought the screen closer to his face as he inhaled sharply and read the reply.
Earthlingoddity: Hey man, cool pic. Whoâs the kid?Â
verfdoordecijfers: thanks, man. Was some kid I met at the skatepark by the restaurant with the French food. He and his friends let me snap some photos for our composition assignment.Â
Prompt for you! Younger Sander and Robbe and the guys play hide and seek, then they had a kiss. They only remember this in a few years. Please, Jealous!Sander.Â
Here she is, @mysteriousforests! Thank you for the prompt! I hope you like it. <3
.................Â
It was how they spent most of their weekends during summer break from school â swimming at the local pool to fend off the heat during the day, then tagging along with their parents to the Driesenâs house in the evenings, where the adults gathered to gab and let the kids play. The group was pretty much the same then as it was now â minus Aaron and Zoe, who hadnât moved to town until the group was in high school. Back then, Robbeâs hair was longer, Jens and Jana werenât together yet, and Sander was still a brunette.Â
Now that theyâd finished dinner, their parents were talking in the living room over glasses of wine, and the group knew it would be a while before theyâd be dragged home to their own houses, so they invented games to fill the time. Their favorite was hide-and-seek, and in Sanderâs big house, there were plenty of good hiding places.Â
That night, Jens was counting, covering his eyes with both hands as he recited numbers up to 100 while the rest of them hid. Robbe took off, scouring the rooms for the tucked-away crevices of the house to hide in.Â
Behind the curtains? No, too obvious. The kitchen cabinet? Someone was probably already there. He tiptoed quietly but quickly, trying to put distance between himself and Jenâs voice. As he passed doors in the hallway, he heard Amberâs hushed giggling as she positioned herself underneath a bed, and Moyo and Jana fighting over a hiding spot behind a potted plant. Robbe smiled at them, continuing on towards the end of the hall. He knew Jens was likely close to coming after them, so he needed to find a space, fast.
Then, he was being pulled sideways, a soft hand clutching his elbow to rein him in. Suddenly, he was in the upstairs coat closet, bundles of jackets settling on top of his head as he ducked and stumbled into the space next to another someone.
âShhh,â motioning a finger to his lips, Sander was crouched there, so close that Robbe could smell him.Â
âThis is the best hiding spot in the house,â Sander whispered, his breath tickling Robbeâs cheeks. âI didnât want you to get caught.âÂ
Robbe was trying to catch his breath, calm his racing heart at the unexpected touch and sudden closeness. For a moment, Sander still held his arm in his grasp. It was a soft, warm touch that made Robbeâs breath shallow.
Even though theyâd been friends since their infancy, being with Sander had always made Robbe feel a little unnerved, for reasons he didnât fully understand. Sander was two years older, vastly cooler and funnier than Robbe ever could be. Confident. Creative. Handsome.
Robbe would never admit it, but heâd always tried to tame his own messy tresses into submission when he got ready in the morning, an attempt to look at least a little like the cool, older boy. He often caught himself staring at the Sander when he wasnât looking. But he couldnât let himself think about Sander. It wasnât what he was supposed to do. Just as Moyo and Jens were already starting to notice girls at their school, Robbe was supposed to, too.Â
Crouching closely together, Robbe listened to Sanderâs steady breathing, forcing down the wave of nervous flutters in his stomach. He was sure Sander could hear how loudly his heart was beating. But luckily, that was muffled by the sound of Jenâs heavy footsteps, reaching the stop of the stairs.Â
âHere I come!â He yelled out. âI am going to find you all so fast!â
Sander scooted backwards, farther into the closet, pulling Robbe with him. He chuckled softly, the sound barely audible as he tangled himself further behind a layer of coats and scarves on hangers. He gently pulled one aside, uncovering his face as he turned his head slightly to look over at Robbe.Â
Robbe smiled, barely noticing Jenâs voice calling out down the hall, muffled by the fabric in front of him. He bit his lip, not wanting to be found, to have a few more stolen moments here, hidden with Sander.
A slight blush crept to Robbeâs cheeks as Sander continued to stare at him, his gaze unwavering. Only a small filter of light trickled in underneath the door, but Robbe could still seen the bright green of Sanderâs eyes, nearly staring through him. He watched Sanderâs eyes flick almost imperceptibly across his face, stopping for only a half-second on his lips.Â
Then, almost in slow motion, Sander was leaning in, his breath mixing with Robbeâs as he gently placed his lips on Robbeâs. Robbe felt Sanderâs hand gently lift to grasp onto Robbeâs wrist before sliding down to his hand, two fingers tangling with his as he held them softly. Robbeâs heart stopped, his brain unable to form a coherent thought.Â
For a second, they remained there, lips touching. Then, there were loud footsteps outside the door, dangerously close, and Sander pulled away suddenly. Robbe was frozen, trying to process. He felt unable to breath.
Then suddenly, flooded flooded their faces as they blinked back the brightness.
âAha!â Jens yelled, whipping the door open. âFound you two!
âŚâŚâŚâŚ
Five years had passed, and the group dynamics had changed.
Jens and Jana had just begun dating, a natural extension of the relationship of the group. They just worked together. Robbe had finally cut his hair, a âbirthday presentâ for Jens. Sander they hadnât seen regularly for a year or so. Heâd transferred to an art school and showed up off-and-on at their group gatherings, most recently appearing at Moyoâs house party with a head of bleached blonde hair and a leather jacket. The boys had playfully teased him, mocking his new artsy persona, but Robbe knew it was because they were all secretly jealous. He was attracting girls left and right.Â
But now, they saw him less and less, as he naturally fell in with the social circles from his new school. It made Robbe weirdly disappointed, and not just because their group had changed over the years. He missed seeing Sander. He missed his silly jokes, his Bowie shirts, the croques he made for the two of them at midnight, those nights they slept over at Jens and everyone else was asleep before them. His missed sitting on the counter, watching Sander flip the sandwiches, deep in a passioned conversation about the street art he loved around Antwerp. Robbe loved hearing him talk. He swore he could listen to him forever.
Occasionally, Sander would call Robbe out of the blue, asking how he was, catching up on the missed time between them. Robbe waited for these calls desperately, eager to hear his voice, his laugh, to hear him insist that Robbe was in fact, not yet ready for the Advanced Bowie playlist.Â
But those calls were infrequent now and it left a humiliating ache inside of Robbe that he tried to ignore. He carried on with Jens and Moyo, the self-proclaimed Broerrs.Â
Near the end of that summer, the group had gathered, surprising Robbe with a birthday party at the beach house. A frequent haunt for the group of friends, they spent the days playing paintball among the dunes and deepening their tans. At night, they had bonfires and talked long into the night about their futures. They never wanted those nights to end.Â
Now, older, they returned to the beach, celebrating their last days before the new school year. A bonfire swelled on the sand and Jens and Jana sat close, feeding each other marshmallows. Robbe and Moyo talked, laughing about their earlier soccer game. Suddenly, Jens called out, mumbling with a mouth still full of marshmallow.
âThere you are, man! I wasnât sure you were coming!â
Robbe turned and saw Sander, illuminated by the light of the fire, coming towards them with a smile.
âSorry Iâm late,â Sander replied. âThere was a holdup at home. But I wasnât going to miss Robbeâs big celebration!â
Reaching him, Sander slapped a hand on Robbeâs shoulder, making warmth flood to his cheeks. Learning down, he whispered with featherlight breath in Robbeâs ear.Â
 âItâs good to see you, Robbe.â
Robbe nodded and smiled back at him, quickly lifting the bottle of his drink to his lips to distract himself from being exposed by a further blush. Seeing Sander again after all this time made his stomach twist, an electricity flooding his every nerve. He hated how the blonde boy held such power over him.
Sander joined them, claiming the chair next to Robbe. He lifted his hands to the fire, turning them slightly to warm them. It had been months since heâd seen Sander in person, and within that short time, he could notice visible changes in Sander. He was taller somehow, his height extending the lean, taut stretch of muscle along his arms and legs. A deeper summer tan blanketed his skin. Dark color played at his roots, and the messy tresses of his hair glowed white in the fire. It was at this moment that Sander looked up at Robbe, as if he could read his thoughts. Swallowing in embarrassment, Robbe looked down immediately, busying himself again with his bottle.Â
âHowâs your fancy art school, Sander?â Moyo asked, talking across Robbe.
Sander laughed. âItâs all good, man. You should consider it. You know what they say about art chicks.âÂ
âAhhh, yeah,â Moyo said, nodding. âI like those alternative chicks, man. Does your school have a take-your-friend-to-school day?â Â
Sander laughed again, but Robbe just felt sick. Thinking of Sander together with an equally good-looking girl at his school made him physically ill.Â
âThatâs bold of you, Moyo,â Jens spoke across the bonfire, taking another bite from the marshmallow in Janaâs outstretched hand. âTo even think one of those girls would be into you.â
âShut up, man,â Moyo said, waving him off. âIâve been getting girls since middle school. Way before you. No offense, Jana.â
Jana just laughed, nodding. âHeâs not wrong,â she said to Jens, teasingly. âYouâre lucky you even got me.â
Jens nipped at her cheek, then her neck, sending her into a fit of giggles.
âLetâs be honest, though,â Jens said. âSander was the only one of us who had game in middle school.âÂ
âOh, stop,â Sander said, waving off embers from the air around him. âI was scared of girls. I still am!â He laughed. âPlus, you guys know I only hung out with you in those days. I always looked forward to those weekends at my place.âÂ
âDude, yes!â Moyo said, slapping a knee. âThose were the days. Playing games way past our bedtimes, sneaking sweets from your ginormous kitchen, watching our parents get so drunk that by the end of the night they were singing karaoke.â
Robbe laughed at this, memories suddenly coming back to him. He really had missed those moments, nights when things were so much easier, so much less complicated than now.Â
âIâll never ever forget my momâs rendition of âJij Bent Van Mij,ââ Jana said, groaning. She shook her head, as if trying to mentally erase the memory.Â
âDude!â Jens said, sitting up now. âDo you remember those epic games of hide and seek we used to play? â
âOh, yeah!â Sander said, nodding as his mouth widened in a smile. âI forgot about that!â
âIf I remember correctly, I was the best at finding you losers,â Jens said cockily.Â
âOh, please,â Sander said, rolling his eyes. âRobbe and I always found the best hiding spot and kept you guys looking for hours.â
The memories that had faded by time were now coloring in Robbeâs mind, forming concrete edges and fully-fleshed sequences.
Hiding with Sander, a small space. Jens heavy footsteps in the hallway. Surrounded by fabric. Coats. Then...in a warm, heart-stopping flash, it came back to him.Â
The kiss.
That one night, Robbe and Sander had kissed.
Trying to level his now labored breath, Robbe strained to remember. They had kissed. They had been young. And so close, close enough that Sander in a breath could lean over and touch his lips to Robbeâs. It had lasted only a second, half a second. But the memory burned into him like it had just happened. How had Robbe forgotten?
Or had Robbe manufactured that memory in his mind?Â
âWell, Iâm calling it a night,â Moyo said, suddenly standing beside them. âI have to grab the double bed before Jens and Jana try to claim it and keep us up all night.â He laughed as Jens glared at him, hastily picking Jana up off his lap and grabbing her hand to sprint after Moyo. With laughter and yells, they were gone.
Now, deep waves of nerve were swelling within Robbe as he sat alone with Sander, the crackling of the bonfire filling the silence.Â
Robbe twisted the bottle in his hands, trying to grasp at a word, any words to say to Sander, who was smiling to himself.Â
Then, he turned to Robbe, pulling himself closer so that his knee was touching Robbeâs. Robbe looked up at him, watching Sanderâs green eyes meet his.
âYouâre not going to bed yet, right?â he asked with a smile. âI still need to give you your birthday present.â
Robbe could only shake his head, his throat dry. Sander stared back at the fire, still smiling.Â
âWant to take a walk?â he said, leaning in closer now. âI heard sea air prevents hangovers,â he laughed as he cocked a head at Robbeâs now-empty bottle.Â
Robbe laughed, nodding. âYeah, I could use some non-smoky air.â Leaving his bottle on the ground next to his chair, he stood and followed Sander as he headed toward the sound of the waves.
âŚ
Hearing Sander ramble on again was like water to Robbeâs thirsty soul. He never wanted him to stop.Â
But at the same time, he had to speak. If he didnât ask, he thought he would explode. So when Sander paused, taking in the waves, he cleared his throat.
âSo, uh,â Robbe said, trying to keep his voice nonchalant. âRemember when we were talking with the other guys about those nights at your house?â
âYeah,â Sander said, turning back to him and nodding. âWhat about it?â
âWell, about hide-and-seek...do you remember actually playing? With everyone?â
Sander smiled, but his voice was serious. âYeah. I always looked forward to it. You guys were my first real friends in Antwerp.â
âThose were some of my favorite nights,â Robbe admitted, remembering. âAnd I guess...I just wanted to ask you something.â
âOkay,â Sander said. âWhat?âÂ
Robbe already regretted mentioning anything. This conversation could only end in humiliation, and Sander would likely never talk to him again.Â
But Sander was looking at him, waiting with a clear sense of eagerness, almost appearing to read Robbeâs mind.Â
âI justâŚâ Robbe hesitated. He felt so stupid.
Sander stopped now, grabbing Robbeâs arm. âWhat, Robbe? You can ask me anythingâ
Robbe took a deep breath, trying to meet Sanderâs gaze. He felt his hands shaking slightly.
âWell, I was just wondering if you remember...us hiding together. In that coat closet in your upstairs hall?â
Sander looked down, his mouth widening in a shy smile.
âA coat closet,â he said quietly. âYeah, yeah, I think I do remember that. Why?â
âDid you...did weâŚâ Robbe struggled, trying to speak with a level voice.
âKiss?â Sander said suddenly, looking up at Robbe. He was biting his lip, hiding a smile.
âYeah,â said Robbe, exhaling in relief now that it was spoken out loud, settling in the space between them. âWhen we were talking, I had this suddenly clear memory of that moment...and I was just wondering...if I had imagined it.â
âFor so long after that moment I thought it was a dream,â Sander said, laughing. âEspecially since I was too much of a scaredy-cat to bring it up to you again. I donât even know how I had the guts to do it in the first place.â
âWhat do you mean?â Robbe asked.
âSeriously, Robbe?â Sander said, eyes widening as he laughed. âYou had to know that I had the biggest crush on you back then?â
Robbeâs stomach dropped, attempting to configure Sanderâs words in his mind in a way that made sense.
âWell, clearly by the look on your face,â Sander said, smiling again, âyou had no idea. Which is actually hilarious because I was not subtle about it.â
âYouâre joking, SanderâŚâ Robbe said, finally able to speak.
Sander turned his whole body to Robbe, face serious now. In a gentleness that didnât match his firm stare, he spoke.Â
âI always liked you Robbe,â Sander said. âIt wasnât long after we came out of that closet that I...came out of the closet.â He smiled briefly at his joke before continuing.Â
Robbe could barely keep his jaw from dropping. Even if he hadnât imagined their adolescent kiss, he was sure he had to be imagining this now.
âYeah, I was obviously scared you didnât reciprocate my feelings, so I didnât dare to bring it up. Even when I thought you mightâŚ.like me backâŚ.you were so close with Jens that it made me insanely jealous. I knew he was your best friend and I figured before long you two would realize your feelings for each other. I couldnât stand it.â Sander smiled weakly to himself, kicking some sand at his feet. Robbe couldâve sworn there was a light blush creeping up on his cheeks. âIâve always wanted you, Robbe.â
Robbe couldnât speak and it was a moment before Sander spoke up again, suddenly grabbing his arm.
âBut hey, look,â he said, firmly now. âPlease donât think you have to say anything. Honestly, we have to bring this up again. Youâll always be my friend no matter what. And I hate...that we havenât been able to spend time together lately. âŚ.Hopefully now you still want to!â He laughed, but there was a strain in his voice. A nervousness. Vulnerability.Â
Robbe just looked at him.
âRobbe,â Sander said again. âDamnit, Iâm so sorry. I shouldnât have said anything. Iâm so stupid. Please just forget it.â
He turned to start walking back up the beach, but Robbe grabbed his arm before he could escape the closeness.
âI donât want to forget it, Sander,â he said, his voice only capable of a near-whisper.Â
âWhat?â Sander said, turning back to him and closing the distance. âWhat did you say?â
âI said,â Robbe said, louder now, âthat I donât want to forget it. Our kiss...or this conversation.â
Taking a deep breath, he pulled Sander closer, intertwining their fingers together. Sanderâs eyebrows rose, but only for a second before he squeezed his palm to Robbeâs.Â
âDo you know how long Iâve liked you Sander?â Robbe said, hoping he could finsh before his nerves gave out. âIâll tell you it was long before that closet.â
Sander laughed, his eyes looking wide and misty as Robbe stared deep into them. âAre you messing me, Robin?â
âOh,â Robbe groaned, extracting his hands from Sanderâs to cover his face in embarrassment. âOnly you call me that and I wish you wouldnât.âÂ
He felt Sanderâs breath against his hands as Sander gently pulled his hands away and replaced the touch with his palms cupped against his cheeks.Â
âYouâre my Robin,â Sander whispered, ever closer now. âShould we go find another closet, orâŚ?âÂ
âIâm not going back into the closet,â Robbe said, laughing. âBut I will take that kiss, if youâre offering. You know, as a second birthday gift. I mean, I havenât forgotten that you still owe me a real one.â
âOh, Iâm definitely offering a kiss,â Sander said, laughing. âIâm offering on your birthday. And the day after your birthday, and the day after that.â Then, Sander was kissing him.Â
And even if that first kiss had been a dream, Robbe couldnât have dreamt a kiss as good as this one. Lips and breath fitting together, Sander pulled Robbe closer, tangling his hands into his hair, losing himself completely in him.
âAaaaand the day after that,â Sander said, following his words with another kiss before pulling away.Â
âAnd the day after that.â Robbeâs eyes fluttered, whining at Sanderâs teasing. âThat okay with you, Robin?â
âThatâs okay with me.â He smiled into Sanderâs next kiss.Â