#wtfevolution

Some people bake for the holidays. Evolution makes hundreds of perfectly round, pointy-eared, ridiculous-nosed bats. Bring some to your family gathering this year! 

“Good lord, evolution, what is that?”

“It’s a flannel moth caterpillar I just finished. Funny little guy, huh?”

“It’s sort of… terrifying.”

“What? Nah. Look, it’s mostly hair. Pretty irritating, maybe, but there’s not much room for brains under there. It can’t actually do anything.”

“Okay, if you say so. But then where are you going to put it? Like, what is its ecological niche going to be?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Do I have to think of everything? I mean, I guess it could run for president of the United States.”

Chin up, sea toad. Evolution may have given you a grumpy face, a potato-sack body, and what looks like a permanent case of chin rash, but at least you got legs, right? How many fish get legs? Legs are probably good for something underwater, right? They probably are. I mean, they certainly don’t look useless dangling from your weird little abdomen like that while you swim. Not useless at all. You really are a lucky fish.

“Oh, that’s a cute one, evolution! What is that?”

“It's a hyrax! It pees in holes.”

"Huh."

“Guess what it's most closely related to.”

“I don't know, what?”

“No, guess.”

“I mean… rodents, right? It's a rodent?”

“Nope. Teeth are different.”

“Oh. Um, is it some kind of tiny fat dog?"

“What? No.”

“Oh! Is it like that weird miniature deer you did?”

“Ha, no. That was a good one, though.”

“Okay, fine. I give up. What is the hyrax most closely related to?”

“Elephants and manatees.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“Nothing in between?”

“Not really, no.”

“I just... how? Why?”

“Dunno. I like messing with you, mostly.”

“Hey, look! If I have this Taonius squid float around with its arms above its head, it kind of looks like a funny bird.”

“More like an uncannily murderous bird, evolution.”

“Potayto, potahto.”