#wtfdad

If pressed, neither party would be able to accurately guess the others age. Although to his credit, he knows the day of my birth. Not so for my only brother and his first born son.

Dad showed up with flowers and a card. As I didn’t even trouble myself with a gas station effort, I bought the meal.

He said earlier in the week that he wanted Sushi, which is unusual. My dads a creature of habit—we get pizza, steak or Detroit Greek food—so I expected some bad news. Turns out he’s not dying, he just got sushi confused with Hibachi.

My dad is the most unintentionally funny person I’ve ever met. He makes things weird in surprising ways.

Last summer we went to see John Wick 2. During the previews there was a trailer for a new Alien movie with a scene where two people were taking a sexy shower together. An alien tentical phallically went up the women’s legs. This scene is uncomfortable enough to view with ones father, but no, Dad makes it even worse by leaning over and whispering, “I have a welding job for you.”

Wtf, Dad.

1.) during a movie is not the time to discuss business opportunities.

2.) As he only has 10% hearing in one ear, he doesn’t have the ability to whisper. It’s like, an uncontrolled whisper-yell.

3.) Again, a sex scene is not the time to whisper-yell things to me. Nothing was learned from The Thomas Crown Affair.

4.) He never told me about the welding job anyway.

Back at the birthday lunch Dad cuts me off and suddenly says, “Oh! I have a question for you.” I reply, “Sure,” bracing myself for the weirdness to come.

Dad asks, “Can I borrow your cat?”

My dad has a cat.

“No, I don’t think she’d like that.” I’m not going to deny that my curiosity was piqued. “What do you need a second cat for?”

“I want to see how Max gets along with other cats.”

Surprised by the normality of the situation I still say no because Mikey would not like that.

“Its okay,” my dad concedes “I could probably just rent one.”

Annnnnnd, there it is. That’s the weirdness.