Can You Keep Me Close? (Can You Love Me Most?) | Ona Batlle
warnings: smut, skip the first part of the fic if you’re uncomfortable with that
summary: all you want is for someone to stay, keep you close and love you most. will ona be able to do so for you again?
chosen song: someone to stay by vancouver sleep clinic
a/n: chapter 5/6 of you were bigger than the whole sky (you were more than just a short time), includes this request
Ona gasps into your mouth, her hands reaching for your waist.
This kiss isn’t at all like your first kiss.
It’s desperate, full of emotion and messy. You can taste the salt of Ona’s tears and you’re sure she can taste yours.
‘What does this mean?’ Ona breathes, putting her hands on your chest to stop you from connecting your lips a second time.
Her chocolate brown eyes are shining, breathing uneven as she trembles slightly.
You use your thumb to carefully brush away a tear that escapes from her eye.
‘We can talk more later but right now will you show me that you want me? Please Ona.’ You whisper, the weight of your request hanging in the tiny space between the both of you.
‘I can do that.’ Ona murmurs, nodding her head slightly.
The Spanish woman kisses you carefully, slowly walking you backwards towards your bed, where she sits you down.
Her hands slip under your hoodie, the gentle touch of her fingers on your skin making goosebumps form.
Ona feels them and smiles, heart clenching as she realises the effect she still has on you.
‘You’re so beautiful.’ She hums, tilting your head so that she can place a kiss onto the sensitive spot you have there.
The combined effect of her demonstrating that she still knew your body and her lips on that particular place makes you shiver.
‘Ona...’ You moan when she begins sucking gently.
Ona moans herself, your moan of her name sounding like heaven to her ears. She didn’t think she’d ever hear it again.
She keeps up her suction for a few more seconds before pulling away and seeking your permission to tug your hoodie off.
You shrug the material off immediately and Ona is quick to begin mapping your skin with her lips.
‘Y-you can leave marks if you like.’ You stammer shakily.
Ona groans at that, finding your collarbone and eagerly getting to work.
The first hickey sixteen year old Ona gives you is a complete accident. Making out with you had felt so good that she had gotten carried away.
She’s nervous and apologetic about it, completely freaked out by the bruise she’d marred your skin with.
Unlike her, you’re quite calm about her hickey, simply admiring it in the mirror (you loved how it looked on you).
Ona’s still flustered by the time you turn around to look back at her and that makes you laugh.
‘Don’t worry about it Oni. I think it looks great.’
‘Mhm. I do however, think it’s only fair that I’m allowed to give you one too.’
Your girlfriend becomes even more flustered by your response (her red cheeks are adorable you think).
Eventually she settles on a shy, ‘Only if you want to.’
Grinning, you’re fast to carefully tilt her neck to get better access. A gentle suction is started moments after you press a few kisses there.
Ona’s knees nearly buckle and her blush darkens.
As you continue with your rather enjoyable task, she lets out a moan and a strained, ‘Te amo.’
She leaves a red mark on your collarbone that you know will darken in a matter of hours.
The same treatment is given to your other collarbone before Ona moves on to trace what she can see of your breasts with her forefinger.
‘Off?’ You question and Ona nods (very eagerly you might add).
You acquiesce, lifting your arms so that Ona can take off your bra.
Her eyes immediately drop down, staring at your boobs in a way that would have made you self conscious if you hadn’t already known that she would do that (the first time Ona saw them you thought she was going to combust).
‘C-can I touch them-you?’ Ona stutters, unable to look away.
‘Amor, I change in front of you all the time. You’ve seen me in my underwear.’ You tease but Ona flushes and whines, ‘It’s not the same.’
You laugh and decide to put her out of her misery.
Your sixteen year old girlfriend doesn’t need to be told twice.
Ona moans, as she cups your breasts. Her fingers brush over your nipples, making them stiffen almost immediately.
The fullback rolls them between her thumb and forefinger, alternating between that particular movement and gentle pinching.
‘Ona por favor.’ You plead, needing more.
You’re squeezing your thighs together, wanting Ona to give you something, anything to relieve that ache.
‘What do you need? Talk to me baby.’
‘Please. I need more.’ (‘i need you’ is left unsaid).
Ona kisses you passionately, pressing you onto your back as she straddles you.
The Spanish woman leaves a trail of kisses as she moves down your body, only stopping when she reaches the waistband of your shorts.
She slips a hand underneath them, fingers seeking the wet spot on your underwear.
Ona finds it easily, pressing down and making your hips buck.
‘You’re so wet.’ Ona breathes.
‘You still get so wet for me.’
‘Always Ona.’ You admit, raising yourself on your elbows so that you can see her better.
Her eyes are wide and slightly teary so she hides that by removing your shorts and underwear.
Ona presses a kiss onto your pussy, splaying her hand onto your stomach to keep you still.
It’s much needed when she sucks your clit into her mouth, tongue swirling around it.
You cry out and Ona begins in earnest, trying to give you as much pleasure as she can.
‘You taste amazing amor.’
She pushes your legs further apart, spreading your folds and making you moan incoherently as she licks.
Your hand reaches down to tangle in Ona’s hair, tugging on it and making her hum against your soaking core.
The vibrations make your hip jerk uncontrollably and Ona laughs.
‘Sensitive Ona! Too sensitive.’
‘Lo siento.’ She whispers, giving you a little kiss on your swollen clit in apology, even as she smiles.
Ona’s touch is both reassuring and generous, intrinsically attuned to drawing out your pleasure.
And she does, making you let out a sharp cry of her name as you come onto her tongue.
The Spaniard grins, loving how still responded so beautifully to her affections.
She gives you a minute to recover, taking your hand in hers and kissing you on your fingers as you try and get your breathing to even out.
You pant, trying to sit up so that you can kiss Ona.
She makes the task easier for you, pulling you up in one swift motion.
Covering your hand in hers, you kiss her, pouring all your emotions into it.
How much you missed her, your longing for her, these past few years.
Ona responds in like, surging forward and kissing you back.
The kiss is as intimate as it is deep. It’s soft and steady, the gentle pressure of Ona’s lips on yours building a warm feeling in your middle.
‘Ona. Amor.’ (it just slips out, you don’t notice it but she does).
You lean your forehead against hers with closed eyes and she exhales weakly.
‘Oni.’ You mumble, tugging on her shirt.
She gets the hint, leaning back and pulling it off.
You put your hands on her waist, squeezing lightly as you pepper her chest with kisses.
She has new freckles from her time back in Barcelona and you want to explore all of them.
‘Baby.’ Ona’s moan is high pitched and she hurriedly reaches around to unlatch her bra.
Giggling at her enthusiasm, you knead one of her breasts in your palm.
Covering her other nipple with your mouth, you bite it very lightly, remembering how much it used to turn her on.
Your initiative is rewarded with a loud gasp from the fullback.
‘I-If you keep that up I’m going to come.’ Her voice is tight, her body practically shaking as she focuses on withholding her orgasm.
‘It’s okay. You can come whenever you need to.’ You reassure her but she shakes her head, tucking her face into your neck.
‘Don’t want this to end. I’m not ready.’ She softly admits.
‘Onita, please just let me help you come and then we’ll talk okay?’
‘Okay.’ Her voice is small but she stops hiding her face and kisses your cheek.
‘Fingers or tongue Oni?’
‘Whichever you want.’
‘Onita please.’ You murmur, intentionally using the nicknames to show your affection to her.
It works and Ona concedes, ‘Fingers…’
‘I miss the way you feel inside me.’ She shyly admits a half second later.
‘I missed it too.’ You admit, making the brunette smile and kick off her underwear and leggings.
Repositioning so that both you and Ona are more comfortable, you carefully stroke her arousal swollen bud.
‘You’re so gorgeous. Hermosa, you’ve always made me weak in my knees.’
Ona blushes furiously at your sentiment and you laugh, using your fingers to spread her open.
She cherishes it, willing herself to commit the sound to her memory because there had been long nights when she’d feared she’d never get to hear your laugh again.
She shivers in anticipation but as you begin to push your finger in, she grabs your wrist.
‘I haven’t done this in years. You’re the only one I’ve ever had sex with.’
Her brown eyes are tear filled, exposing how vulnerable she’s feeling.
You decide that if you want things to work out between the both of you, you need to be honest as well.
‘It’s the same for me Ona. I’ll go slow I promise.’
The first time you and Ona give yourselves to each other at eighteen, is beautiful.
It’s not the best sex you’ve ever had (the two of you improve much more over the years) but it’s the most special.
It’s slow, cautious and messy (curious as well), the both of you learning about and exploring each other’s bodies.
You didn’t think you would have another moment quite like it but the moment you and Ona find yourselves again, nearly ten years later tops it.
It’s familiar, having sex with each other but it’s made so much more intimate by the way the both of you were intent on relearning each other’s bodies.
She’s tense as you slide your index finger into her.
With how wet she is, you know you can easily add another but you gently thrust that one finger in and out of her until she gives you the okay to add a second.
Her eyes slip close, breathing growing stuttered as you alternate between smooth, deep strokes and rougher, shallower ones.
‘Bebé.’ She moans as her walls flutter around your fingers.
Ona makes a desperate grab for your free hand, squeezing it tightly and whimpering.
You start to curl your fingers with every thrust and Ona’s back arches with pleasure.
She doesn’t stop herself from letting you hear and see the effect you have on her, her moans of your name increasing in frequency and volume.
You don’t think she can stop herself and even if she did, you would know how much you aroused her from the copious amounts of her juices between her thighs.
When Ona finally allows herself to reach her high and spill her release, she muffles her moans with her arm.
The tears the both of you had been withholding break free and you find yourself clinging to Ona for comfort.
She doesn’t turn you away as you’d half feared she would, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close instead.
‘I’m here amor. I promise I’m always going to be here from now on.’
You soak in as much time as you can in Ona’s arms before you break the silence regretfully.
Lying with your head resting on Ona’s bare chest, listening to her heartbeat as her fingers comb through your hair, you hated to end the moment.
‘Ona, we should talk now.’ You whisper and she nods, extricating herself from behind you and passing you your hoodie before wearing her own.
She resettles herself opposite you, eyeing you with more than some trepidation.
‘You wrote me letters on my birthday. You didn’t forget about me?’
Ona lets out a mirthless laugh, ‘How could I? You are my world. Just because I made an awful decision doesn’t mean that that changed. You are always going to be my world, even when we’re apart.’
Inhaling and exhaling as you fiddle with a loose thread on your shirt, you look back up at her and softly say, ‘I never forgot about you either. Do you want to know what I did on your birthdays?’
‘Yeah.’ Ona breathes, the revelation that you had thought about her too making her heart skip a beat.
All your United teammates knew not to disturb you on Ona’s birthday.
The first year Millie was the one the rest of the team sent to try and comfort you (they had all wanted to come but you had a tendency to be overwhelmed). The English woman had tried but you had shut yourself off and refused to open your door.
You had stayed inside, with the chocolate cupcake you bought from yours and Ona’s favourite cafe.
Chocolate was Ona’s favourite flavour.
Sitting on your bed, you would blow out a little candle on the cupcake at midnight, whispering a tiny broken, ‘Feliz cumpleanõs Ona.’
It became your tradition, every year your teammates would leave you alone (it wasn’t like they weren’t there for you, each and every one of them would text you a short message, just to check in. but they knew you preferred it this way. you needed to grieve and this was your way of doing it) and every year you would buy a chocolate cupcake and a candle to celebrate Ona’s birthday on your own.
‘You did that? Every year?’ Ona’s voice is shaky, tears forming in her eyes as she takes in this new piece of information.
Ona buries her face in her hands and sobs quietly.
‘Lo siento. Lo siento mucho.’ She mumbles.
‘I know you are. But is that enough Ona? You didn’t come back for me for years. I stayed here all this time because some little part of me always thought you would come back. I had plans…I had plans for us. You made me feel important and then you tried to erase us. Years of loving you and even after you broke my heart, it showed! When I got my ribs fractured last year, I asked for you. In the hospital, Millie told me that the first words I said after coming out of sedation were your name and how I wanted you.’
Ona’s breath hitches and to your surprise, she nods.
‘I know. And I came.’
The fullback inclines her head slightly.
‘I did. Ivana called and told me what Millie had told her. Even though I was supposed to play that day, I was on a plane out immediately. I came to your hospital room.’
Shaking your head in confusion you tell her, ‘I don’t remember. I’m sure I didn’t see you Ona.’
‘I know. It was late and you were sleeping. I could not stop myself from holding your hand. You looked so small, so fragile in that bed. I stayed with you that night, never once letting go of your hand. In that awful plastic chair, I sat with you the whole night. I couldn’t sleep, I just sat and watched your chest rise and fall with every breath.’
‘Why didn’t you stay? Why didn’t you wake me at least?’ You desperately ask.
‘You needed your rest and I could lie and say I was scared of breaking you further while you were already broken but really I wasn’t brave enough.’
Ona swallows hard, eyes dropping to the duvet.
‘I left when the sun started to rise. I kissed you on your forehead, told you I loved you and promised I’d be back before catching the first flight back to Barcelona.’
‘Those flowers…it was you.’
You remember now, the bouquet of daisies that had no name and no card. Daisies are your favourite and you didn’t think anyone else knew it (nobody knew other than Ona and that should have really clued you in, an entire year ago).
You don’t know what to say, simply staring at the brunette.
‘I’m sorry. I know it’s a lot for you to process.’ Ona picks at her fingernails, refusing to meet your eyes.
You know that she knows you’re not asking about the last time she was in Manchester but rather the time before that.
Ona looks up with a tiny melancholic smile, ‘I was terrified. I’d wake up in the night just to make sure you were still in bed with me. When I slept on the couch, I would come back in to sit on the edge of the bed and watch you sleep. It was the night you were crying as you slept that I couldn’t-I just knew that I had gone too far. I was hurting you even in your sleep.’
‘I-I didn’t know. Was that the night before you left?’
You blink back tears, eyes darting all around the room in an effort to just not look at her.
Ona sighs and reaches for your hands.
‘Our love, my love for you was so big and that scared me. What scares me even more is that that love has only become bigger. It’s bigger than the whole sky.’
The tears that you had tried so hard to hold back fall then (you were getting really tired of crying).
‘But you didn’t tell me what you were feeling, what you were going through. That hurts even more than you rejecting my proposal.’
Exhaling slowly, you continue, ‘I thought that was something we had worked towards. We had discussed it multiple times over the years and we agreed that marriage was something that we both wanted. I thought we were at that point in our relationship that we were ready for the next step. Finding out that you didn’t trust me enough to talk about your issues is heartbreaking. Ona I thought we trusted each other, I don’t know when that changed for you.’
‘That’s exactly it, nothing changed. I trusted you, I trust you still. I just thought that they were my issues and I had to solve them alone.’ She admits defeatedly.
‘Ona…’ You soften and reach out for her hand.
She lets you squeeze it, sucking in a deep steadying breath.
‘I would have been happy for you to share what you were going through. I would have helped you. You have never been a burden to me Onita.’
‘I know. I really am sorry amor. I have caused you so much pain and that’s why I don’t understand why you’re treating me so well.’
‘Is that why you got so angry at me today? Because you didn’t understand?
The fullback looks ashamed of herself as she nods.
‘I saw that you took away all our photos. Every photo that I was in, you took down. I understand why you did, it showed how angry and hurt you were after the break up. You were in agony amor and yet you’re still more than nice to me.’
‘You don’t owe me an explanation.’
You sigh, moving and adjusting yourself so that you’re in her arms.
The brunette absentmindedly drops a kiss onto your head and you sigh again.
It’s so comforting being back with Ona, breathing in her unique scent and listening to her steady heartbeat that you begin to find your eyes slipping close.
The former Manchester United player must think you’re asleep after a while because she brushes feather light kisses onto the expanse of whatever exposed skin she can reach.
‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.’ She whispers as she does so.
‘Please believe me when I say I’m sorry. And that I love you.’
You press yourself closer to her (her body still fit perfectly against yours).
‘I believe you. And I love you too.’
Ona gasps softly, kissing your forehead adoringly.
In that moment, she makes a silent vow that she’s going to do whatever she can to be good enough for you.
A sleepy smile forms on your face as Ona rubs soothing circles onto your back.
That’s how you fall asleep, resting in the arms of someone who loved you, someone who wanted you enough to come back for you.
feliz cumpleaños - happy birthday
lo siento mucho - i’m so sorry
