#wsjournal

New Illustration for the Wall Street Journal Tech section on cloud computing’s god, bad and ugly. Trying to make it personal, safe and accountable became a buterfly chase where the net (or web) turned into the ultimate capturing devise for that fleeing dream. And pixelating the photo of a cloud (probably taken during some beach vacation of old) visually translated everything we fell about the cloud. Distant, miraculous, mysterious, or x-rated.

The last 3 months I’ve taken on the challenge of learning about myself and the spiritual world at a deeper and more intimate level.  During this time my spiritual awareness has been opened to levels that I’d thought I wouldn’t reach until I was older.  Creating a blog like this was always something that I had thought about but I kept putting it off until “later”. You know “later” the place where procrastination and self- reigns and marvelous ideas go to die.

Some of my previous apprehension was from fear. For instance I didn’t think that I was ready for tarot cards. I was nervous that I wouldn’t be able to handle them. However, after I got them using them came naturally for me. I had the same experience with making my personal alter.

The last aspect of the experience that I truly enjoyed was the unexpected connections that I made with other. First, I found unexpected support from the sheer number of women of color and specifically black women that were into holistic living. Spirituality does transcend race, gender and sexuality. However, it’s something about the shared experience that adds the extra impact that I needed.

I was also able to connect with people that I already knew on a deeper level. This process allowed me to be vulnerable enough to share my spiritual journey. In turn I learned that many people around hold the same universal world view that I do.

After reading Naomi Wolf’s Vagina I found myself interested in rituals focused on the vagina. I’ve faintly heard about a few of them. From one woman made that claim that those with vaginas should try and let the vagina more sun to a video promoting the use of vaginal weights. The most prominent that I’ve found is the use of yoni eggs.

Yoni eggs are gems in the shape of eggs that can be inserted in the vagina. The purpose of the yoni egg is to strengthen the vagina – similar to kegel exercises. Using yoni eggs can allow for increased bladder strength and even sexual pleasure. The added benefit comes from the use of gems. The gems themselves have added healing properties. For instance black obsidian is used for protection, grounding and cleansing. A yoni egg made from black obsidian could be used to cleanse the vagina of negative energy.  Yoni eggs come in a variety of different gems and gem sizes.

A great website to check out to learn more about and purchase yoni eggs is ashleysnatural.com  Ashley’s Natural has a multitude of yoni eggs (and other goodies). In addition the website is ran by a black women that is dedicated to holistic living.  

In my previous post I discuss Naomi Wolf’s book Vagina. A main concept that I found particularly interesting was Wolf’s Goddess Theory. The theory centers on the idea of harnessing energy and power from the vagina and specifically sexuality.  When I first read Wolf’s Goddess theory I was honestly confused. I didn’t understand how the two concepts connected. I had to set on the theory for few days to truly to be able to conceptualize it.

The Goddess Theory re-arrived in my consciousness one morning when I was getting dressed for class. I had gotten up a little bit earlier than usual and thought “I should get cute today.”  The process of “getting cute” isn’t just putting eyeliner on for me. I put on my playlist specifically titled “Baelist”- these were a grouping of songs by my favorite male artists that focused on their love of women. First got in the shower and took a particularly long time bathing myself. This morning I was sure to use my almond and honey body scrub to make my body extra smooth. I took time on myself – I doted on myself.  Once I got out of the shower I stayed unclothed longer than usually would. Instead of putting on lotion and rubbed my body in cocoa butter oil knowing that it would leave my skin glistening and glowing. After I oiled up I looked at myself in the mirror. I appreciated every curve, stretch mark, and roll. Mentally, I told myself “damn I look good”.  Finally I got dressed and put on a bit of makeup and started my day.

I’ve done this before – usually when I am going out for the night or if I was going to have my friend with benefits over.  What made this process in particular special was a feeling of power. The energy generated is usually sexual in nature however not sexual in the classical sense – sexuality for the purpose of having sex. It’s hard to exactly describe what the feeling is.  Later that night it finally clicked that feeling of sexual power was what Wolf was discussing. Sexuality performed without the preoccupation of it being consumed by someone else.

“For women, then, poetry is not a luxury. It is a vital necessity of our experience.”

Poetry according to Lorde is more than art – it is survival. Poetry allows for women to pull from our dark places (similar to the darkness bell hooks referred to in Writing from the Darkness) to manifest power and creativity. When reading this essay I saw Lorde as saying that women should manifest the pain, the past experiences, the hurt and put it all into a creative outlet.  

My interpretation of Lorde’s essay felt that Lorde was identifying poetry as a cathartic process.  Using poetry as a way to handle the emotion bubbling within that is normally repressed. In my poem “A Poem on a Forced Lorde Assignment” I talk about my feelings of fear in writing a poem. When looking deeper I was not actually scared of writing a poem; I feared what would be released from my spirit. I feared exploring that place of power within me. At the end of the poem I say that I had not stopped writing since I finished that poem in class. That was not in the literal sense but I was expressing that how after writing that poem I’ve been able to use that inner power. I was finally able to see the power in writing and expressing myself in general. The experience felt similar to my experience after reading Writing from the Darkness.  Both times I felt validated in my experiences and empowered to continue to explore them without fear.

Recently I read a bell hooks essay entitled Writing from Darkness in preparation for my own writings. The first time I read the article I skimmed through like I would do with any article – a habit developed after 3 years in academic life. I had gotten the gist of the essay and I thought I was prepared to write. An entire month had gone past and I hadn’t written a word in my flowery composition book. Every time I would try to write my mind went blank. My pen would gently tap the paper waiting for words to develop on the page. A hour would pass and I would give up on writing for that day.

Concurrently I had frequent found myself angry and feeling repressed. It was as if I had a belly full of fire that I was barely able to keep extinguished. The fire would sometime seep out and cause mini fires in my life. Finally enough I realized that it wasn’t possible for me to simply put out the fire. I had to manifest the energy and direct it. I then found my way back to Hooks again.

I reread Writing from the Darkness. Instead of skimming along I ventured along with bell hooks to her past of pain and hurt.  As I read I felt every word she wrote - from hiding her diaries from her sisters to using writing as her own self recovery.  I allowed myself to feel what she was feeling in those instances. By the end of the essay I found myself crying. I felt her words deeply and authentically. As I read about her darkness my own shadows began to appear.  I sat my bed and allowed myself to cry fully and deeply.