#wrong perceptions

In response to “Daily Prompts”: Unlocking the Path to Progress with Two Foundational Pillars at Its Core! “To propel modern society towards true progress, we must dismantle “wrong perceptions” and embrace accurate understanding through critical thinking and open-mindedness.” “Creating a brighter future for all hinges on fostering a culture that values inclusivity, empathy, and open dialogue –…

I have grown up in the faith of Seventh-Day adventist but I wasn't brought up to treat people in such a way I just described. Nor have I been taught to automatically make people feel they are less than due to their background. Yet I have found some "highly religious" people to be some of the most closed minded individuals I have ever met. My aunt being one of them. Example: about 5 or 4 years ago I went to an AYS program at the church my family and I grew up in with my aunt and cousin. As we were getting seated my cousin introduced me to her classmates/friends and they just stared at me. Didn't say a word or even motion a wave of their hand. I automatically felt uncomfortable and thought right then and there that something was wrong with me. Or even worse I thought I had done something wrong. I smiled and said hi but it still didn't do anything. It was as if I made things worse.

Now years later I understood why but at the same time I will NEVER understand. "Worldly" people are not something that certain "highly religious" people are comfortable with. To me that's disrespectful!! The sad part about this is I grew up in that church. Just because those individuals didn't know or didn't know me still doesn't call for disrespect. At the same time I am not saying all SDA and/or any other religion are like this. Not true by a long shot. I've met some phenomenal people from the SDA world. Yet I would be lying if I said it didn't change something in me, that it didn't change my perception of "highly religious" people and even my perspective on SDA as a whole. Even though I'm talking about this specific situation that took place there have been other situations. Which once again isn't any better. 

            She was going to die. That’s all there was to it. She had fought as hard as she could but to no avail. Ben was still choking her as if his life was on the line and not hers. After years of him telling her to kill herself, he was taking it into his own hands. And succeeding.

            She could slowly feel her consciousness slipping.

            “Kaila!”

            Someone was shouting her name but as the pressure on her chest became stronger and stronger, she slipped faster and faster.

            Suddenly, after an especially hard thump on her stomach, she could breathe again. She could finally focus her eyes and see what she perceived what was really going on around her.

            “Kaila?” Mike’s voice made her start and his familiar profile came into her view. His brown eyes were filled with worry. “Are you okay?”

            She bit her lip. She didn’t know whether or not to tell Mike that Ben had tried to kill her. After the last time that she had mentioned Ben, her parents had left her at a hospital for a few years. She had gotten out of that hellhole a couple months ago when she turned 24.

            Ben’s voice broke her inner argument. “Kaila, please tell us if you’re alright.”

            She could only stare at him. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish but she could not say a thing. Ultimately, she nodded her head.

            “What happened?” she asked in a voice that was too raspy to sound like her own.

            “I found you choking I tried to help but I don’t think it was working all that well. Then you just started breathing,” Mike said.

            When Ben gazed back at her, she swore she saw something in his eyes. It was dark and unnatural. It scared her.

            “Thank you, Mike,” she walked towards her front door and opened it. “But I don’t think I’m in the mood for a movie anymore. Sorry.”

            Ben nodded and walked out. Mike, however, stayed longer than was necessary. “Are you sure you’re okay, Kaila?”

            She looked past Mike to see if Ben had left. “Ben tried to kill me,” she said when she was sure Ben couldn’t hear.

            Mike looked at her for a second then burst out laughing. “Ben? Of course he did,” When she didn’t answer or even crack a smile, he stopped chuckling. “Kaila, no one was her when I got here. The door was wide open and you were dying. Is Ben seriously back?”

            She looked away. Mike didn’t see what she saw. He never had. Even when they were children, she saw all the dark things that no one could.

When Ben first showed up in his dark sweatshirt, her parents believed that he was her imaginary friend. It wasn’t until after she cut herself for the first time, that her parents thought she was imagining things that weren’t there. She had finally listened to Ben so that he would leave her alone. She told her parents that and they immediately took her to the doctor.

The doctor had said that she was a schizophrenic and was promptly sent to a hospital. Her parents didn’t want the embarrassment of a crazy person in the family so she was brushed off like errant dirt. She went to the first hospital when she was 18. Ben was waiting for her when she got out.

“Ben was trying to kill me, I swear. I’m not making things up,” she answered when the memories faded. She didn’t think she was crazy.

“Kaila, no one was here.”

“I’m your sister. You’re supposed to believe me,” she could feel the tears building again. It was just like when they were children. Mike chose their parents over her and no one believed the things she saw.

Ben shook his head and closed the door as he walked further into her apartment. “Fine. What do you think happened?”         Finally! Mike was finally starting to believe her. “I was going into the living room because I heard a noise when Ben came up behind me. He scared me so the water I was drinking went down the wrong way.         “Then Ben put his hands around my neck and started choking me. I tried to fight back but he was too strong. When I hit him in the jaw, he slapped me across the face,” she touched her cheek where she still felt the sting. “I fell to the floor and then he started to kneel on my chest so I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t fight him at all either because he held my hands by my face.         “Then I heard you call my name. After that I felt a little pressure on my stomach and I could breathe again,” she smiled, knowing that she had left nothing out.

Mike’s eyes made her smile disappear completely. It didn’t matter that they were related by blood. They were twins, with identical plain brown hair, brown eyes, and pale skin. But it didn’t matter. Mike didn’t believe her. He never would. He would always believe what Ben would want him to believe.

She turned away. “Never mind. I’m going to bed so if you would let yourself out…”

Mike gently grabbed her arm. “Are you hearing voices again?”

She forced the tears back again and shook her head. She wouldn’t tell him that she had stopped taking her meds. It had nothing to do with what happened. She wasn’t sick.

“Did you stop taking your meds?” Mike asked her. “You can’t stop taking them or you’ll get sick again.”

“I’m fine!” she snatched her arm back out of his suddenly forceful grasp. “This has nothing to do with what happened earlier. Now leave!”

Mike’s eyes sparked fire and she backed up several steps. Was Mike trying to kill her too?

“I’m not leaving until you answer me, Kaila,” Mike’s voice became gravelly and rough. “Are you still taking your meds?”

She slowly shook her head and cleared her throat. “But that doesn’t have to do with anything. I’m fine and I’m telling the truth. Ben was trying to kill me.”

Mike started pulling out his phone halfway through what she was saying. He held up a finger to tell her that he needed a minute and went out her front door.

She tried to eavesdrop and listen to what he was saying but he noticed. Mike closed the door a moment after she heard him softly say, "Hospital."

Oh no. She never liked those places. The people there gave her meds that made her numb and the food tasted disgusting. The doctors freaked her out and made her talk about what she saw.

She got to leave when she learned to not talk about what she saw anymore.

She was not going back.

She quickly went to her bathroom. Her reflection in the mirror didn’t look like her; it had pale, sunken features and dead eyes. Had someone broken into her apartment to play tricks on her? Maybe it was Ben.

As if on cue, Ben appeared behind her with his usual self-assured smirk. “Are you finally going to kill yourself?” he laughed as if such a thing were impossible. “You don’t have the guts to.”

She took out her razor. She wanted Ben to leave her alone. If she died, she’d never hear from him again.

She barely felt the razor bite into her flesh. She barely felt the blood as it pooled at her feet from her wrists. She barely felt the floor as she fell because she couldn’t hold herself up anymore.

The only thing she could feel was the sense of freedom. Freedom from Ben. “I told you I could get away,” she told Ben.

He sneered down at her. “Your brother was right. You are crazy,” he chuckled at some private joke. “I was just a figment of your imagination.”

Then Ben disappeared before her eyes. For the first time in her life, she felt like everything the doctors and her parents told her were true.

She heard footsteps approaching towards the door. Mike’s worried eyes were the last thing she saw before she slipped away for the last time.